Chapter 9
“Where is she?” Nadir watched Tarkesh pace in a tight circle around the room.
Nadir breathed deep, trying to scent her. Nothing. She wasn’t there. She hadn’t been there in many hours, not since that morning. His and Tarkesh’s scents overlaid hers, so she hadn’t come back after the confrontation at the council meeting. His gut twisted. Where would she have gone? She had no close friends he knew of. Adriana had remained with them, argued in their favor, helped them secure the ambassadorial position.
“Where might she have gone?” Tarkesh echoed his thoughts. “I don’t think she was in the state of mind to make rational decisions when she left. She was upset. We upset her.”
“It was necessary for her to apologize in order to get what we wanted.”
“Do you ever stop to think that perhaps the ends don’t justify the means? You make decisions and sacrifice whatever it takes to make them happen. Perhaps some things should not be sacrificed.”
“You agreed that we should—”
“I know what I agreed to. I did not agree to her humiliating herself before the matriarchal council.” Tarkesh’s jaw flexed.
Nadir’s shoulders drew into a rigid line at the implication that he had forced Tarkesh. “We would not have gotten the ambassadorship without it, not even if she had gone back and apologized later. It had to be done then, and she was in no mood to listen to our scheme to get her away from her family—especially Yola.”
“We took that choice away from her by not telling her.”
“You are simply still upset that she was angry the last time you kept something from her. This is not the same thing. You had days to tell her that she was mating to both of us, but we had no time to tell her anything before she started an argument with Curind.”
“She wouldn’t see it that way.”
Nadir drew a deep breath through his nose, trying to calm his temper. How had this conversation gotten so out of his control? “It. Is. Not. The. Same. Tarkesh.”
“She was not in a rational frame of mind, and I doubt she is now. You’re thinking rationally, and that’s not likely to convince her of anything.”
“What would you suggest?”
Tarkesh crossed his arms in front of him, anguish mixed with anger on his face. “I would suggest that you consider the sacrifices you expect of us—the people you love the most—before you make decisions for us. Katryn is not one to sacrifice her pride and honor without a moment’s thought.”
“I didn’t force her.” The blood rushed out of Nadir’s face, and his hands fisted at his sides.
“You pushed her into it.” Tarkesh jabbed a finger at him.
He stared at his mate for a long moment before he spoke. “How long have you felt this way? This isn’t solely about Katryn, is it? It’s about you and me. Is this what you meant when you were afraid things would change—that she would come between us?”
The silver dragon’s eyes widened. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?”
“I love you.”
“But do you like me right now?”
A long moment of silence stretched between them. “No. Not very much, anyway.”
“I thought not. Before you become too angry about this and blame me for what happened, remember no matter what, that she would have had to apologize anyway. If it had waited, she would have been humiliated with no reward. And you knew my nature before you mated with me. Remember that when you claim to be displeased with what your decisions have left you.” Nadir whipped around, stalking toward the door. His fingers clenched and unclenched, and his shoulders drew into a taut line.
“Where are you going?” A thread of panic wound through Tarkesh’s tone.
“Away. I need to go away.”
“Wh—when will you return? What about Katryn? We still don’t know where she is.”
“You claim to know her needs better than I do. I am certain you will have no difficulty finding her by yourself.”
“Nadir—”
“Leave it be, Tark. Just…leave me be.” Nadir turned back for a moment before he walked out the door. “Do you honestly think you’re the only one who loves her, Tark? I would never do anything I thought would hurt her. The worst part about all this is you don’t trust me with her. Or with yourself, obviously.”
Anger pumped through Nadir’s system as he thrust through the door that led out to the street. Hadn’t he given his mates everything they needed? Wasn’t he willing to give up everything he had ever known to ensure their happiness? What more could he do? What more could he offer? And yet neither was pleased right now. Perhaps he had gone over the line this time, but it was never with the intent to hurt them. Pain sliced through him at even the thought that he had injured his mates. Goddess. Were they right about him? Did his very nature make his mates unhappy? Doubts rolled through him. Everything had become so confused in a matter of hours. Hadn’t they lain sated together just that morning? Hadn’t he and Tarkesh agreed that taking Katryn away was the right thing to do?
He stopped and looked around, becoming aware of his surroundings. How long had he been walking the streets of the city? He stood in the capital square, the Goddess’s temple before him. Sighing, he scrubbed a tired hand down his face. Reaching for the massive double doors, he pulled one open and slipped inside. Opposite him were the matching doors that led to the temple courtyard. Had it been only two weeks since he had walked through them to bond with both his mates? It felt like Turns.
Inside, the temple was cool and damp, a direct contrast to the outside world of Harena. He shuddered in the cold. The temple hummed with an otherworldly reverence. Stepping forward to the halfway point between the doors, he turned up the long aisle that led to the Goddess’s fountain. Pools of fire danced around the edge of the sacred water. Mist so thick it looked like smoke curled over the ground and up the aisle. Dragon’s breath, it was called. He dragged in a deep lungful of moist air, struggling to calm the thoughts that plagued him.
A familiar scent filled his nostrils. Katryn. Narrowing his eyes to scan through the smoke, he caught sight of her slim figure kneeling in silence before the fountain. Her head was bowed. He sighed, steeling himself for her disappointment, her anger. He knew the reasons for what he had done, and he regretted that she had suffered for it, but it had been for her. Would she understand? Uncertainty fisted in his gut.
He approached the front of the temple on silent feet to kneel beside her. “Blossom.”
“Nadir.” She didn’t stir, didn’t look at him.
He drew a breath. “I have my reasons for what I did today.”
“I know. Adriana found me. She and Baleel went to find you and Tarkesh.”
“Why?”
“I did not ask.”
“I never meant to hurt you, Katryn.”
He heard her soft sigh, and he tensed, waiting for her reply. Her reaction now would dictate much of how their harim bond would be in the future.
“You push too hard sometimes, Nadir.”
“Only with your best interests in mind. If I hadn’t pushed you to apologize today—”
“We wouldn’t be the new ambassadors to Vesperi. Yes, I know. I understand that painful choices have to be made for politics, for duty. No one would understand that better than I.”
“But?”
She shifted and met his eyes. “Sometimes you push so hard you risk pushing us away. Let us make the choices that are best for us. Talk to us before you push us to the breaking point. It’s only because we love you that we let you push us at all.”
“I know.” A small, tight smile curved his lips. “Tark says you think I am ruthless.”
“You are. That will serve you well when dealing with tigers. Consult with us before you unleash that ruthless core on the politics of other planets. Adriana said you used my experience with the tigers as an argument to get this new position. Will you ask my opinion before you make decisions on trade matters?”
“Yes.”
“Truly?”
“I can change, blossom. For you and Tarkesh. But if you’re looking for a man who consults you about everything, then we may have a larger problem than politics. I’m not that man, and I never will be. I can change, but I cannot become someone else. I wouldn’t ask that of you, which is why Tark and I decided to leave Harena in the first place.”
Her small hand slipped into his. “I love you as you are, Nadir. As does Tarkesh. Never doubt that, no matter how much we may want to kick you for being a Gila beast’s fouler cousin.”
He chuckled and raised her fingers to his lips. “I love you.”
“I know.”
“Do you? What you said…before you left…”
“I do know. I was angry and hurt, Nadir. I said things I wish I hadn’t. You aren’t the only one with regrets, my love.”
He closed his eyes, relief rushing through him. Something essential loosened within his chest. “So, then, you can forgive me someday?”
“No.”
“Katryn—”
“I forgive you now. I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. I know you and Tarkesh won’t join forces against me. We are a harim. Together. Always. I know that.”
“Good. No one could replace you, Katryn. We need you. You belong to us. I think…we were incomplete without you, and neither of us knew it. You balance us.”
Tears welled in her wide, dark eyes. “Nadir—”
“What? What did I say now?” How had he failed her? Panic gripped his gut. He cupped both of his hands around her smaller one. “Katryn? Tell me, and I will fix it, I swear.”
A watery laugh rippled from her. She sniffled and wiped a single tear from her cheek. “You already did.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Do you know how long I’ve needed that? To belong? My whole life, I’ve been looking for that. I knew it was a fundamental part of me that was missing. I just didn’t know how to get it. And with my family here…I’ve been so miserable. I’ll never belong here.”
“Your home is with us. You belong to us. It matters not what planet we are on.”
A brilliant smile crossed her face, and her beautiful eyes shone bright with unshed tears. “I know. Isn’t it wonderful?”
“Yes, my desert blossom.” He lifted his fingers to stroke along the skin of her silken jaw. “You are exactly what we needed. We will do anything to make sure you’re happy. Anything.”
“I love you.”
“Both of us?” Nadir turned to see Tarkesh approaching from the entrance. His mate’s dark eyes were stormy and troubled. His gaze flicked between Nadir and Katryn.
They stood and turned to face him. He curved his arm around Katryn’s waist, pulling her soft curves against his side. She laid her cheek on his chest, and they waited for Tarkesh to reach them.
Tarkesh stopped just before them and met his gaze. “Nadir. I was wrong to—”
Nadir snapped a hand out to catch the back of his neck and haul his mate forward. Dipping down, he settled his mouth over the other man’s and thrust his tongue between his lips. Tarkesh’s arm banded around his waist. Do not apologize, my mate. I was just as much in the wrong. We will do better in the future.
I can handle any change but losing the two of you. Don’t ever walk away from me again, Nadir. Ever. Tarkesh’s words echoed fiercely in Nadir’s mind while his fingers bit into his back, hauling both Katryn and him closer.
Katryn’s hand slipped inside the waist of Nadir’s pants to cup his sex. He groaned into Tarkesh’s mouth, their tongues twining together. His hips jerked when she wrapped her slim fingers around his cock and stroked up the shaft. Her thumb rubbed over the head of his dick. Tarkesh ran a nail down the scales that bisected Nadir’s chest. He shuddered under the hot flash of pleasure that exploded within him. Katryn turned her head and sank her dragon fangs into the scales on his shoulder. He threw back his head and roared, his own fangs extending.
I love you, both of them said. He closed his eyes tight, dragging them to him. He wanted to savor this moment with them. Perfect. A band of hot emotion wrapped around his chest. “I love you, too,” he whispered.
“Ahem.”
Katryn slid her hand out of Nadir’s pants, and he groaned at the loss of contact. His eyes snapped open. She rose on tiptoes to kiss his throat before turning to Baleel with a small smile. He saw Adriana follow Baleel inside the room. Nadir fought a growl and the urge to order them out of the temple so he and his mates could finish what they’d started. Both wore secretive, slightly smug grins, and he narrowed his eyes at them.
Katryn lifted her eyebrows. “Yes?”
“I’m going with you to take you to the ship,” Adriana burst out, her smile nearly eclipsing her pretty face.
Baleel cocked an eyebrow at her. “You should stay here and let me take them.”
Adriana folded her slim arms. “You need a fifth person to take all their things, too. And you can’t stop me. I’m going, too. I want to meet the mermaid ambassador and the weretiger monarchs before they leave.”
“Be it on your head, then, when Yola finds out.” Baleel rolled his eyes and turned back to them. “I’ve arranged to take dune-racers to get to the ship before it takes off. Have you very many things?”
“All of it is still packed from the move into the matriarchy. I wasn’t ready to call it home yet, so…” Katryn shrugged. “We are ready.”
Adriana smiled at her. “You’re going home, cousin.”
Katryn looked up at Nadir and then at Tarkesh. Her face softened, and she leaned deeper into Nadir’s embrace. Contentment wound through his chest. This was exactly how it should be. The three of them, for the rest of their days. Together. He knew it to his very bones. Then Katryn spoke the words that summed it up for all three of them.
“I’m already home.”