Chapter 9
A thin layer of ice crunched under Jain’s heavy boots. She walked with Sera, Bretton, and Varad toward the weretiger ship. A huge number of Kesuk’s guards accompanied them. He seemed to have emptied out the entire Den for their escort. After her last jaunt outside, she wasn’t complaining, but it seemed overkill to send this many to protect them. Her steps dragged. They’d been walking for hours, but it seemed the shortest journey of her life. Everything inside of her wanted to turn around and run back, but instead she pressed forward.
“I have some theories.”
Jain sucked her cheeks in to stifle a laugh. How many times had she heard that phrase when Sera was working with her brother? Her heart squeezed at the bittersweet memory of her emotionally distant brother. It hurt so much that even the possibility of growing closer had died with him.
Jain gave Sera a sad smile. “Theories about what?”
“About why we never made it to Aquatilis, of course.” Sera rolled her eyes as though she couldn’t believe Jain wasn’t keeping up with her line of thought.
“Tell me.” Jain wasn’t sure she’d understand half of what Sera said, but she’d listen. Anything to help her not think of Kesuk.
“I would like to hear this as well.” Bretton walked a few paces behind them, his hands clasped behind his back.
Sera blushed and swallowed hard. “Um…well, it’s simple really…we, um, we…it’s possible the hyperdrive failed when we were down-jumping, and my postulation is that we came out of lightspeed too quickly and actually ended up in the neighboring solar system, still traveling toward our destination, but slowly. Then we were caught in the orbit of Alysius for centuries, those on board sustained by the life-support systems in our individual cryogenic pods.”
“Why wasn’t the crew alert to the problem?” Varad matched stride with Jain on the right.
“Our ship was strictly a supply berth. Jain and I were the only passengers. On supply ships, it was procedure for the crew to enter cryogenic freeze shortly after the jump to lightspeed, and the system would automatically wake them at the end of the standard jump. Ours was not standard, so the crew never woke up. However, it is possible—”
“So, why did we crash? Why didn’t we remain in orbit forever?” Jain interrupted Sera’s academic rambling.
A frown puckered the other woman’s face. “Well…I don’t know exactly.”
“You’re here now. That’s all that matters.” Bretton smiled at Sera.
Jain actually thought the good doctor might swoon. She fought her fifth eye roll of the day. Her gaze met Varad’s, and he coughed into his palm to hide his laugh.
“What’s Aquatilis like?” Sera grinned back at the ambassador.
“It’s wonderful, much better than this. Atlantis is a beacon of lights you can see for miles. We have acres of botanical gardens inside the city proper with dozens of shops to choose from. Saltwater silk would look phenomenal with your lovely hair, Doctor.” Bretton’s nose wrinkled at the thick fur cape Sera wore now. Jain’s cape.
Jain’s hands balled into fists as she tried to rein in her anger. Bretton had been here only a few weeks. He didn’t know anything about these people. She brushed aside the fact that she’d been on Alysius only a few days longer than he had. It had been, what? Three weeks? That was all? It felt like forever. And yet, it had passed far too quickly.
Sera smiled. “I can’t wait. I hate it here. It’s like something out of a backward caveman holostory.”
“Not everyone here is like the Browns.” Jain bit her tongue. Damn, she should learn to keep her mouth shut.
Their guards grunted in agreement.
“Look at this place.” Bretton waved his elegant hand to indicate their uninhabited surroundings.
“It’s beautiful. Just because it’s not like your planet doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with it. You’re awfully rude for someone who’s supposed to be a representative of your people, Ambassador Hahn.” Jain didn’t bother hiding her disdain.
Bretton flushed, whether from anger or embarrassment, Jain didn’t know or care. The snob could go sleep with a predator for all she cared. They’d be the perfect match, and she didn’t give a damn that she was being unfair to the Aquatilian.
“If you like it here so much, why are you leaving?” Varad’s casual question knocked the wind out of her anger.
“Kesuk…doesn’t want me.” Jain’s voice sounded stilted, even to her own ears.
God, it hurt to even say it, let alone feel it. He didn’t want her.
Varad folded his hands behind his back. “Huh…that’s funny.”
“I’m not amused.” She shot him a dirty look. Had she thought Varad was the polite one? Well, chalk that one up to another wrong assessment of a male.
“I meant, Lady Jain, that your Lord Kesuk—”
“He’s not mine.” She clamped her eyes closed, determined not to cry. Not now, not in front of all these people. Striving for her old calm, she opened eyes that were still misty with tears. Damn Kesuk for making her feel and then throwing her away.
“As I was saying, Lord Kesuk did not act like a man who didn’t want you.”
“That is funny because he’s the one making me leave. So what did he act like, hmm?” Her voice was so sweet it was acidic.
“Like a man doing his duty and cutting his heart out in the process. Like a good man with the misfortune to be in love.” Varad’s mouth kicked up in a memory only he could see.
“You speak like someone with experience.” Jain’s mind raced. Could it be true? Kesuk was making her leave as a duty? He loved her?
“I am mated.”
She blinked, paying only half a mind to the conversation. Her heart fluttered wildly in her chest. Kesuk loved her. Stupid man. Stupid, wonderful man with his stupid, ridiculous honor. She smiled at Varad, a huge blinding smile.
Varad blinked, looked away, and muttered again, “I am mated.”
The spaceship came into view, a huge monolithic silver blemish on the pristine forest landscape. Seeing it, Jain made an immediate decision, no thinking, no planning.
“I’m staying.”
“Excuse me?” Bretton looked stunned.
“You can’t be serious,” Sera exclaimed.
Jain took a deep breath, and the heavy weight that had been crushing her chest lifted. “I’m staying. I hope you all have a nice trip.”
Varad threw back his head and laughed, the rich sound bouncing off the surrounding mountains. He caught her hands in his. “Oh, my lady. Remember the look on his face when he first sees you. You must describe it for me in detail when I come back next Turn.”
“Only if you bring your mate with you so I can meet her.”
“Done.” Varad kissed each of her hands.
“My lord would not appreciate your actions,” Imnek growled. Surprised, Jain glanced at the guard who’d stayed within three steps of her the whole journey.
At first she thought Imnek meant encouraging her to stay, but he didn’t even look at her. Instead he stared pointedly at Jain’s hands tucked in Varad’s grip. Varad stepped away from her, bowing to Imnek. “I trust you will see her safely back to Sea Den.”
“Her protection is my duty.” He glared at the weretiger.
Jain didn’t even want to figure out what kind of manly undercurrents were going on here. She was just glad no one was going to make her get on the ship.
“You should come with me. You’ll be living in the Dark Ages here.” Sera frowned at Jain from the bottom of the pallet loaded with all the trade goods. As the men started loading supplies onto the Vesperi ship, Jain crawled on top and pilfered through the bags until she found hers.
Jain hefted her pack, stepping down into the slushy Thaw snow. The men were growing impatient, watching them work it out. “I love him.”
“You could love someone on Aquatilis. That’s where we were supposed to go in the first place. And even Varad says it’s not as backward as here.”
She arched a brow. “That doesn’t sound like Varad.”
“Not in so many words, but that’s basically what he said.” Sera folded her arms and jutted her jaw.
Jain sighed. “Things have changed.”
“No kidding.”
“I meant things have changed with me. Maybe you can walk away from love and find something else that will make you happy. Maybe all you need is your work and your machines, but I need Kesuk and I’m staying.”
Sera’s eyebrows rose until they almost met her hairline. “You are different.”
“I just said that.”
“Yes, but you would never have said anything like that before. Or told off Bretton. It was always yes, Dad, yes, Brother, yes, Husband.”
“Yes, Sera.”
Sera snorted, then sobered. “You’re sure you’ll be okay?”
“As sure as I can be.”
“Good luck.” Sera leaned in and offered a tentative hug, awkward with affection.
Jain squeezed her tight, popping a kiss on her cheek. “You, too.”
“We’ll see each other again,” Sera whispered in her ear. Then she bolted up the ramp and into the ship.
Waving until the door sealed closed, Jain turned to Imnek, grinning. “Ready?”
“Lord Kesuk is going to kill me.”
She looped her hand through his arm. “Well, he wanted you to make more executive decisions. Congratulations, you’ve succeeded.”
Imnek just groaned in response.
It was for the best. It was for her own good. Kesuk stalked to her room, flung the door open, and stomped inside. His gaze swept the room. He could still smell her. Smell the lingering scent of their sex. He dragged in a deep breath, knowing he’d need to remember every detail in the future, when the pain had subsided. It had been that way with Maruska. Someday, he would cherish his time with Jain. Someday the pain would fade. Now he felt as though a dull blade had ripped his heart out.
He’d been so careful. Not to need her. Not to get attached to her. Not to love her. He wasn’t strong enough to lose two women he loved in one lifetime. Nothing had ever hit him as hard as Jain had. Feelings had developed gradually with his mate. But with Jain? His world had tilted on its axis when she crashed into it. Going back to the cold man he had been before her wasn’t appealing. Duty was a poor substitute, he knew that now. He’d had Jain to point it out. Passion he could handle, control. But love? He sighed, laid a hand on the untidy furs, imagining he could still feel the warmth of her body on them. The warmth of her smile, her touch.
“Papa?”
He straightened, turning toward the small voice. Miki and Nukilik stood in the doorway, tears streaking their faces. “Yes?”
He waved them forward and they ran in to hug his legs. “Where did Jain go?”
“She left for Aquatilis. Did she not say farewell?” Surely Jain would never have done such a thing. She adored his cubs, of that he had no doubt.
“She said she had to leave. When will she be back? Next Turn with Amir Varad?” Nukilik’s steady eyes gazed up at him, waiting for him to say the right thing. He wished he knew the answers for them.
“That’s a very long time to wait, Papa. We’ll be so much older then. What if she doesn’t recognize us?”
“She’s not coming back.”
“Not coming back? Why not?” Nukilik’s forehead furrowed.
Miki dug her fingers into the top of Kesuk’s boot. “She’ll miss us very much. She loves us. She said so before she left. She said we weren’t to forget.”
“Then you’re not to forget.” He stroked back Miki’s soft hair. He took a deep breath, sat on the edge of Jain’s bed, and pulled a child onto each leg. “Jain was supposed to go to Aquatilis. She needs to be there.”
“She didn’t like Ambassador Hahn. I could tell. She likes us, so she should have stayed here.” Nukilik nodded at that logic. Simple. Reasonable. Fair. The boy would grow into an excellent clan leader someday.
“She has to come back. We love her and she loves us,” Miki sobbed, her fingers clenching in the laces on his shirt. He hugged her close, knowing nothing but time would ease her grief.
The distant roar of the weretigers’ spaceship flying over Sea Den shook the ground under his feet. The dull ache in his chest intensified to a sharp, blinding pain. He closed his eyes, swallowing. Jain was gone. It was well and truly over now. He felt…empty.
Jain found Kesuk lying in her bed, the covers still mussed from their lovemaking, his arms folded behind his head, staring at the curved ceiling.
“I couldn’t do it.”
Jerking upright, he twisted to stare at her. He blinked, his expression blank for a moment. “You’re supposed to be on the ship.”
“I couldn’t leave. I was there, ready to board and do what you wanted, what you thought was best. Hell, what was logical, but I just…couldn’t do it.” Spreading her hands, she shrugged.
“I told you I didn’t want you here.”
“You lied.”
He blinked. “What?”
“You lied. I understand—you were trying to do the right thing. I really do get it.”
He rolled to the edge of the bed, his booted feet landing on the fur rug. “You won’t be able to leave for another Turn.”
“Yes, that ship has sailed.” She grinned, starting to enjoy his confusion. It was about damn time she had the upper hand in something.
“Jain…” He trailed off, at an obvious loss for words.
“I’m staying. I already decided and there’s nothing you can do about it. Be angry if you want, but I’m still here. You won’t stay mad long, though. You want to know why?”
“Why?”
“Because you love me.”
He choked.
“That’s right, you love me. It took me a while to figure it out, but now it all makes sense. You try to make me happier with myself, more comfortable in my own skin. You worry about me all the time. You sent a whole legion of soldiers to guard me today. Did you really think we needed that many? You saved me from the snow, treat me with respect even when you’re being a bossy jerk, and you get angry when people try to hurt me.”
“I would do the same for anyone under my protection.”
“Maybe, but you didn’t have to bring me under your protection in the first place. The Blacks wanted to buy me, so you could have gotten rid of me if you wanted to. You didn’t want to. You wanted to keep me.”
“Blacks are scavengers. I wouldn’t—”
“We can argue about this all night long if you want, because I’m here for another year, so we have plenty of time. Or we can occupy ourselves with something more entertaining.” She smiled at him and unbuttoned her heavy fur-lined jacket. Her tunic quickly followed, and his gaze locked on her bare breasts. She bounced on her toes a little to make them jiggle for him, their tips peaking tight.
He sucked in a hissing breath. “Jain—”
“Touch me.” She leaned forward so he could do what she wanted.
His hand lifted to stroke down the slope of her breast, fingers plucking at her nipples. Using his other palm to cup her ass, he pulled her forward and buried his face between her breasts. He breathed deeply, nudged her soft flesh with his nose, and slid his tongue up to swirl around the crest before sucking it deep into his mouth, pulling back to worry the very tip of her hard nipple between his teeth.
She caught her breath, rising on tiptoe to get closer to that wicked mouth. She moaned deeply, fisting her hands in his hair. She loved the silky feel of it.
He sucked a deep breath, let go of her nipple, and rested his chin on her chest. “I did the right thing.”
“You did. So did I.” She stroked his hair, tears gathering in her eyes.
“Kiss me.”
A wicked grin played over her lips, and she dropped to her knees between his spread thighs. She slid a fingernail up the seam of his pants toward his cock. It strained against the leather as she traced the lacings to the top and tugged the strings open. “As you wish. You didn’t get to have me as your slave very long. Maybe I should make it up to you?”
“Ah, little bear. I do love how your mind works.”
His heavy dick slipped free, and she wrapped her fingers tight around the base and stroked to the tip. Rotating her hand around the head of his cock, she licked a bead of pre-cum from the tip. She sucked the whole head in, her lips slipping down to the shaft as her hands worked his flesh up and down, slow at first, then faster and faster.
He groaned, his fingers slipping into her short hair, using his grip to pump her mouth as if it were a pussy. His cock touched the back of her throat. “Hmmm,” she hummed around his dick, looking into his eyes so she knew he saw her envelope his cock in her mouth.
“Jain!” Panting hard, his hands slid under her arms, lifting her off the floor and away from his cock. He rolled them onto the bed and jerked at the lacings on her pants, which tangled tight.
She laughed. “Hey, I wasn’t finished yet.”
“I very nearly was.”
“That was kind of the point.”
He growled in frustration, ripping her pants open, the tough leather snapping under his strength. “Lift your ass.”
She obeyed, leveraging her hips up to help him slide her pants down, trusting him to take her where she needed to go. He had her naked in a few seconds and rolled her to her hands and knees. He slid his fingers between her pussy lips, stroking her clit. She moaned, pushing back into his hand. He pressed down on the small of her back, arching her ass up.
The head of his cock pushed at her opening and then slid hard and deep into her pussy. She dropped down, pressing her face to the covers, gasping at his deep penetration. His hand reached around to stroke her clit in time with his slapping thrusts.
“I can’t—”
“You can.” He rotated his hips, grinding her in a different rhythm.
“Kesuk…”
“Straighten up,” he ordered. His hands pulled up on her ribcage until her back pressed to his chest.
One of his hands resumed stroking her clit. The other fondled her breasts.
She reached back to tug on his hair, twisting her head around to pull his mouth to hers. His lips captured hers, stroking his tongue into her mouth. Their tongues rubbed, stroked, dueled as their bodies moved together in hard, pounding rhythm.
Blood sang through her veins, pumping her heart fast. She rubbed her ass against his pelvis, bouncing on his hard cock. He broke from her mouth, his teeth moving to her shoulder and biting down.
“Kesuk.” She clawed his strong thighs, which flexed to pump his cock into her hot pussy.
He pressed down on her clit, rode her on it with his thrusts, pinching her nipple hard.
“I’m coming! Kesuk, I’m coming!” She twisted under the lash of pleasure, her pussy spasming hard. Her heart pounded so hard she could feel the beats just under her skin, her whole body flushing. Oh, God.
“Yes.” He pounded with short, jerky strokes, his breath harsh against her neck. Stiffening, he froze, shuddering his orgasm.
Gasping hard, they collapsed onto their sides. He wrapped his arms around her, cradling her back against his chest, burying his nose in her hair, breathing deeply.
She rubbed her hand over his forearms in lazy circles. “I was right. That was definitely more fun than arguing.”
He grunted, his arms tightening. “You had your chance to go. I let you. Now you’re mine.”
“And you’re mine. Forever.” She sighed, snuggling back against him, content.
“Forever.”
“I love you, Kesuk.”
“I know.”
“I know? That’s all I get?” She clawed his arm in retaliation.
He chuckled. “I love you, too. Now kiss me.”
His cock rose between the cleft of her ass, and she gasped in surprise, pushing her hips against his hardening flesh.
“Again?”
“Forever.”