There are times in your life you know without a doubt you’re doing everything wrong. That tiny little spec you call your conscience? It’s still loud enough to assure you you’re making mistake after mistake. It’s loud enough to call you out on bein’ a sinner and selfish and a little bit twisted and sick. And there’s not a question left in your mind all those mistakes are hurting the people you care about most.

Yet you’re just that selfish to keep right on making those mistakes without a whole lot of contemplation of stopping.

That’s why I’d chosen a long damned time ago not to care.

To keep everyone out except for the few who’d already secured a spot inside the brittle, hostile place that made up my heart.

I’d told her as much.

Warned her.

I didn’t do it often.

Care.

But when I did? It seemed I did it in a way that instead of doing something good, it just turned around and threw me back into the sickening depths of that selfishness again. It was a goddamned vicious cycle. Take, take, take until there’s nothing left but what you’ve destroyed.

And when you did have the guts to stop? It was you who was left destroyed.

It was a no-win.

Yet here I was, desperate to piece those broken bits of her back together. To patch it all up with her strength, beauty, and bold, blinding colors. To mix up every hue of red and every shade of blue. To somehow help her paint a picture that made her whole.

Even though the truth of the matter was I already saw her that way.

All the while, I was doing my best to shut her out. Every day, I was fumbling, trying to protect this flimsy understanding we were teetering on and wanting more of it, all at the same damned time.

Fuck.

I wanted more. She was a complex riddle I wanted to keep sheltered in the palm of my hand.

Tamar had shared secrets with me I knew she’d never told anyone before. I also felt confident we’d barely made a scratch. But I also got the unsettled feeling if I discovered all of what she had buried, I might not be able to handle it. It was a little disturbing, the rage that slammed me every time those bright blue eyes dimmed, when they went dark and haunted, and my insides felt like they were being squeezed and ripped apart.

I would thirst for vengeance and blood, while at the same time I quietly promised her she was brave and strong and everything was going to be okay.

The girl brought out the best and worst in me.

Ash was right.

I liked her.

I fucking liked her and it was every shade of wrong. A glaring mark against the most important promise I’d ever made. But for now? I couldn’t seem to put on the brakes or take a turn.

And God knew it was too damned late to throw it in reverse.

Like I said.

Selfish.

But I had two months. That was all the time I’d been given. Two months to put that look on her face. Two months to touch and tease and erase. Two months to pretend I had the right to be doing it.

I knew it was going to run out. Faster than I wanted it to. This good thing gone. Two weeks had already been eaten up, and I was getting greedy. Antsy. Selfish. I wanted all her minutes and days and most of all her nights.

I was determined to make the most of them.

Because she was the first real thing I’d felt in years. The first person to chip away at all that hate. The first to make me want to do more.

Be more.

It wouldn’t last.

But for now, I needed it just as damned bad as I knew she needed to break free from her past. For someone to believe in her. To see her the way I did.

Strong and sweet and with everything to offer this world.

So much more to give than slinging drinks behind a bar.

So much more to gain than sleeping alone night after night.

Sitting in the oversized plush chair in Ash’s living room that I’d somehow claimed as my own, I tried to pretend I wasn’t affected. Tried to pretend I didn’t like it so damned much that she was sitting on the floor to the right of my legs with her back propped on the chair while she hung with my friends.

Like she’d always been there and she was always gonna be.

But maybe she could feel that same connection I swore was there every time she walked in the room, because she swiveled a fraction and looked back up to where I sat, red hair aflame, lips painted the same lust-inducing color. She shot me one of those sexy-ass grins.

That single look was enough to get my dick hard.

And I hadn’t even gotten inside my little red pin-up yet.

Crazy, because she was hands down the best non-sex I’d ever had.

But I could feel it building. The two of us were getting ready to go boom. Without a doubt, this girl was going to blow my mind.

One of her legs was tugged up to her chest and she sipped at a beer, laughing easily at the stupid story Ash just couldn’t keep to himself.

I tried not to stare at her, but that was a damned near impossible feat.

Yeah, she was beautiful.

But it was more than that. I felt this compulsion to look at her. To look at her closer than I’d looked at anyone before. Because there was more to her than just that surface beauty. Something bold and intriguing and begging to be made whole.

She made me want to explore the forbidden.

Dive into my own debauchery.

Swim in sin.

Because being with her? It wasn’t anything less than that.

Sin.

Ash waved his hands in the air like the madman he was, his voice lifted as he fed everyone what I was sure were a few exaggerated lines.

“You guys had to be there. Literally, I was running for dear life. Like, I thought I’d seen my last day and was gettin’ ready to see the light when I was trying to get away from this crazy-ass chick. She just wasn’t going to give up or take no for an answer. She kept ripping at my shirt and informing me she was a VIP. Like that actually meant something. And somewhere in her jacked-up mind, she actually thought that meant I was hers. Free rein. I mean, she was hot and all, but that shit was scary.”

A mild chuckle rolled from me. I learned a long time ago the guy couldn’t be blamed. He couldn’t help himself. He was a fucking clown I’d give my damned life for.

All of them.

Sebastian and Zee and Ash.

Laughing, Sebastian pointed the neck of his beer bottle toward Ash, taunting him. “What, you can’t protect yourself from a girl?”

“Girl? This chick was some kind of bodybuilder or some shit. You should have seen the muscles on this thing. It just wasn’t natural.” He shuddered.

“That’s because chicks kick ass, right, Tamar?” Shea piped in, grinning in Tamar’s direction.

When I looked down at Tamar, my chest prodded somewhere deep, this sort of fucked-up pride that didn’t belong. But I liked that she was enjoying herself, that she felt comfortable and safe while being in my space. The mood was light and easy, and Ash’s old house only added to the relaxed atmosphere.

But maybe that was just the issue I had, always watching for Blue underneath all the Red. Worried something would trigger her and she’d go spiraling down to that desolate place where I couldn’t stand for her to be.

Didn’t know why I had this crazy visceral reaction to protect her from going to that place. Like somehow it’d become my responsibility. My duty.

Right now, though, she was all Red, and she glanced at me quickly and cracked one of those smirks that damned near drove me out of my mind, before she turned back to Ash.

“I’m sure you have this all twisted around, Ash,” she teased with a cock of her head. “She was probably protecting herself from the likes of you. I have seen you in action, you know.”

Ash slammed his hand over his heart. “Oh, Tam Tam. Do you really have that little faith in me?”

Tonight we were actually supposed to be practicing, and surprise, surprise, it’d turned into the Ash Evans Show.

Sebastian and Shea had gotten back from their two-week honeymoon a couple days ago. Considering we only had six weeks until we had to head back to L.A. to finish up the tracks, we decided we’d better keep ourselves up to par before we let the easy, slacker life take us over.

We weren’t getting a whole lot done.

I knew Shea would be coming along since the song she and Sebastian had written would be showcased on the next album. That and the fact he pretty much wouldn’t let her out of his sight.

Honestly, there had been no hesitation on my part when Sebastian had suggested we consider the song for the album. Shea had a voice unlike any I’d ever heard. It’d be the last track. One to round out our expected thrashing songs, this one soft and sweet and slow, just like Sebastian’s girl.

Tamar had been in tow.

Should I have been pissed? Resistant to her unconsciously weaving her way into my tight-knit group?

Maybe.

But the truth of it was, I wanted her there.

And I just sat here and pretended it didn’t mean anything.

From where he was sitting on the couch across from me with Shea curled up on his lap, Sebastian lifted his chin, and I turned to catch him watching me watching Tamar. His eyes narrowed in question. In curiosity.

I gave him a short, quick shake of my head.

Don’t even.

Not a chance in hell was I about to let him go there. Not any more than I was going to let Ash or Zee, for that matter. Yeah, so what if this was the first time any of them had seen me with a girl. In fucking years. Not since when I didn’t want to remember.

And I wasn’t talking about the ones that came and went faster than I could catch their names.

I was talking about one being at my side while I stood at hers.

But six weeks from now? This would all be over. In the end, would she be just another nameless, faceless body?

A swelling of emotion locked up my throat.

No.

This girl.

This girl was unforgettable.

“So anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted,” Ash tossed out at Tamar, his blue eyes glaring wide, “this crazy bitch was suddenly on the dirty, grimy floor. I don’t know if she tripped or launched herself at me, or what, but there she was, wrapped around my leg while I’m trying to shake her off like a bad dream. I fucking panicked. Like panicked. Started hauling her ass across the floor while she’s hanging on.”

He shook his leg to demonstrate.

“Then she turns tactic and starts pleading with me that she’d seen a psychic and I’m her soul mate and I just don’t know it yet, but we were gonna have three boys named Kurt, Kaleb, and Kyle, and we were going to live on a farm in Missouri. At that point, I literally had to pry this girl’s fingers from my legs because I’d had enough psycho for the night.”

Somehow he both shivered and grinned. “I mean, I know I’m irresistible and all, but come on, a farm in Missouri? And three boys? Pssh. This girl obviously didn’t know me at all. She had to be lyin’.”

I busted out laughing. “You think she was lying, huh? What clued you in? And since when are you so selective?”

“Since this one could probably break me in half.”

Ash took a swig of his beer, forehead bent up like he was deep in thought. “In all honesty, I totally get it and I don’t blame the girl.” He stretched his arms out wide, smiling like the cocky bastard he was. “Girls can’t resist grabbing on and going for a ride.”

“Seriously, Ash!” Tamar shook her head, stirring me up with the throaty lilt of her laugh. “Did you ever hear of this little thing called humility?”

He frowned. “What’s that? It sounds like a terrible disease. I pray I don’t catch it.”

“You’re such an asshole,” she teased with a smile as she took another sip. That mouth wrapped around the lip of the bottle, and I squirmed in my seat.

Damn.

With her arms draped around Baz’s neck, Shea grinned at him. “Come on, Ash, don’t act like we can’t see your hand. Your poker face isn’t all that great and Tamar and I are totally onto your game. Look at this big old house begging to be filled up with a bunch of babies. Before you know it, you’re going to have a herd of baby Ashes running up and down the stairs.”

Her eyes bounced around to everyone. “Y’all just wait. I’m putting down bets. A hundred bucks.”

Zee hopped up and clapped his hands together. “I’ll take that bet and raise you a hundred, because there isn’t a girl in her right mind who’s going to stick around here long enough to put up with his ass.”

Ash smirked at Zee. “All except for you.”

“Dude…so not cool. Not cool at all,” Zee said with a slow, offended shake of his head.

Ash swiveled and pointed at Shea’s belly, and his voice slanted in artificial sincerity. “And in case you all hadn’t noticed, Baz Boy up and went and stole my girl…my dearest, Beautiful Shea. I had to bear the crushing news that baby’s not mine. All my chances have been shot to hell. Heart broken. Happiness gone.”

He feigned a gasp and a heart stab with a slow, agonizing death as he dropped to his knees.

On all things holy, it had to be Ash who was the nut job and not the girl.

Giggling, Shea ran her hand over her belly that seemed to have doubled in size since the wedding. Baz set his hand protectively over hers.

Tamar had her attention on Shea, focused on the two-intertwined hands on her belly. She smiled their way. It was soft, sweet Blue that shined through in her expression while I was doing my best to look away.

It wasn’t like I didn’t like kids. I fucking loved Kallie, that sweet little girl who tagged around at our heels like we were the coolest things in the world.

She was always telling me wild stories about butterflies and fairies and all things unattainable, her tales always chasing after that absurd happily ever after. The kind she hadn’t been around long enough to know not a whole lot of people ever found. Funny thing, I didn’t mind listening. Maybe it was because she reminded me of my little niece.

But there was something about Shea’s protruding belly that left me feeling cagey. Itchy and agitated whenever she was around. Still, I’d gone and gotten stupid and gave her that damned bear like doing it could possibly be a good idea.

But this was Baz’s baby we were talking about.

And Baz deserved it.

He deserved it all.

I attempted to shake off the thoughts. That was one rabbit hole I didn’t need to fall down, even though lately Blue had seemed intent to drag me into it.

Instead, I tried to relax and stretched my legs out on either side of her. She wound her arm around my leg and pressed her head to the inside of my thigh. She shifted her head back and looked at me upside down.

Those big, blue angel eyes were wide and playful, and she whispered so only I could hear. “For the record, your friends are crazy.” She pointed at Ash. “That one…bat-shit.”

With the way she was looking at me? Everything inside went haywire. All abuzz and alive and excited.

Fuck.

I liked her.

“But you love them,” I countered, one corner of my mouth lifting.

Everything about her softened. “Yeah. I do.”

I touched her face and she sighed a breathy sigh, and my dick twitched again. Fuck, maybe it was me who was twisted. Because I wanted this girl in a way that just wasn’t right.

“I’ll match that, Zee,” Shea said, still messing with my crew. “Two hundred bucks says Ash is going to be painting all the upstairs bedrooms pink and blue.”

“You’re on,” Zee shot back.

Tamar’s smile was soft and hinting at things I didn’t want to see. At things I couldn’t give, and again I was wondering just what the fuck I’d gotten myself into and how the hell I was going to get out of it.

Still, I got stuck there, in that warmth of those wells of blue, trapped by the body of a red-headed enchantress.

Temptation.

I felt it in my gut and trembling around my blackened heart.

I looked away, to the ground.

Loyalty.

That was the one thing I had. The one thing I got to count as good. I had to cling to that.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. Three times in quick succession.

Blowing out a breath, I dug it out and swiped across the screen. I tried to hide the irritation I felt flash across my face.

Motherfucker.

I told this asshole not to bother me again. Appeared he didn’t get the message.

I scrolled through his texts.

What the hell? This guy had to have been a used car salesman in a former life.

And it didn’t matter what he had to say. What he threatened Baz might do. Still, I felt it in the knots that suddenly tied my insides, this thick band of defensiveness for my crew all mixed up with a dangling thread of dread.

With a dry chuckle, I tapped out an answer.

That was about as clear as I could be.

“Care to let us in on the joke?” Ash asked.

Probably should have before. In private with just the guys. But I guess now was as good a time as any.

“Joke is, this bastard Banik…the manager of Tokens of Time?” I said it like a question, talking while I looked down at my phone and pressed send. “He somehow thinks I’m gonna up and leave Sunder and pick up for their piece-of-shit lead who left the rest of the band high and dry.”

Funny they were basically asking me to do the same.

Silence fell over the entire living room. Tension whipped through and filled up the old walls, a dense cloud of it sagging from the ceiling, making it hard to breathe.

Guess I really should have said something earlier. Their shock was palpable.

Stagnant.

As if any of them could think for even a second I could walk away.

Confusion and anger pulled tight across Ash’s face. “And why the fuck does he think you’d go and do something like that?”

Warily, I looked around the room, gauging how much to say. Sebastian was on the couch, still as stone, like he was preparing himself for what I was getting ready to say.

I gestured to him with my chin. “Banik seems to think Baz isn’t going to stick around all that long, and I might as well cut my losses before Sunder goes south.”

And maybe it was fucked up, because I was staring Baz down while I said it, searching for his reaction, just waiting for which way this was going to play out. Wondering how I was going to feel.

Because I was willing to let him go.

I wouldn’t even put up a fight.

Maybe it was more of that selfishness. The need to pay off a little part of my debt. Or maybe it was because I cared enough that I actually wanted him happy. Part of me wanted him to make a break for it because I’d been feeling him needing to cut ties for a long damned time.

Why wouldn’t he when he had something so damned good?

Baz shook his head. “Asshole has not a clue what he’s talking about.” His gaze bounced between Zee and Ash and me. “Any of you really think I’d up and leave without warning? Without talking this through? We’ve been through too much shit together for that to ever happen. Banik is full of shit. Anything he’s trying to lure Lyrik away with is nothin’ but assumption.”

My eyes flicked between him and Shea and her belly, and the words were tumbling out before I could stop them. “Baz, man, you know we’ve got your back. Whatever you decide. None of us are going to blame you for leaving, because songs aren’t ever going to be as important as family. We owe you that.”

Five years ago, I’d promised him I’d be there while he was in jail. I’d promised I’d take care of the band in his place. Watch over his brother. Make sure everything didn’t fall apart when he’d sacrificed and gave me the one moment I wasn’t ever supposed to have.

I’d do it again. And I’d keep doing it.

Still, admitting it out loud felt like I was stabbing myself in my own damned back.

I shouldn’t have been offering it right then, anyway. Not with an audience. Not with Shea. Least of all with Blue.

She’d shifted, facing me more. I felt pinned beneath her stare. Beneath all the questions and concern and outright confusion pouring from her. I felt trapped with the way it felt like she were digging her fingers into my skin, sinking in and going deeper.

Invading.

Intruding.

Penetrating.

Fuck.

The entire room jumped when a beer bottle slammed against the wall. It shattered the silence. Shards of glass rained down and pinged across the hardwood floor. My attention flew to Ash who glared down at me from the middle of the room.

Anger.

Disappointment.

Sympathy.

I sucked in a steeling breath.

It was the last I hated most.

I’d dug my own fucking grave.

“What the fuck, man?” he accused, head cocking to the side in contention. “You get to make that decision for the whole band? You made it before, remember? You just fucking walked away and look where that got you.”

I was on my feet before I processed the action. Anger rippled through me on roaring waves, and I was fucking shaking, trying to hold myself back. Bitterness fell sharp from my tongue. “I came back, and look where that got me. It wasn’t the leaving that was the issue.”

Furiously, he blinked, and he dragged both hands down his face in frustration. “Seriously, man…you think that was because you came back? It was because we were fucked up. All of us. We fucked up and a whole ton went to shit. And I know you bore the brunt of it. Lost the most. But five years are gone, man, and you’re still making us pay for it.”

“Ash,” Sebastian uttered a low warning as he untangled himself from Shea and climbed to his feet.

Ash pointed at him. “This needs to be said, Baz. Out loud. Too much time has been spent tiptoeing around this shit. Pretending it doesn’t follow us everywhere we go. Pretending Lyrik isn’t still stuck back in that day.”

He swung his attention back to me. His voice dropped lower and strained with the plea. “It’s time to let it go.”

My entire face pinched. Pain sheered through my chest like that day was yesterday.

Because he was right.

I was still living in that day. I woke up every morning just to die over and over again.

“Let it go?” The words grew louder, my cool evaporating like sizzling mist. “Let it go?” I demanded as I took an incredulous step forward. “I lost everything. Everything. And I’m going to be paying for it for the rest of my life.”

Because there were some things you weren’t ever going to make amends for.

Ash knew better than pulling this shit. Throwing it in my face. Especially with outsiders looking in.

“But that’s what you don’t get,” he said. “You don’t have to keep paying for what you can’t change. And I can’t sit around watching you suffer for one more day. Not when being free of it is right there. Right in front of your face, and you refuse to see it.”

He made no secret of the fact he was referring to Tamar. Like I could ever actually have her. Like I could ever be with her the way she deserved.

Anger and hurt rolled over me like a heavy, roiling storm. Closing in. I could feel myself coming unhinged. Fiber by fiber. Memory by memory. It was a loss so intense it almost knocked me to my knees.

Fuck.

I wanted to scream. To beat something or someone.

I shouldered passed Ash before I did something stupid like launch myself at him.

The fucked-up thing was he was the same guy part of me couldn’t help but blame, even though I knew none of it was his fault.

All of it was on me.

“Lyrik, man, come on…don’t fucking do that,” Ash called behind me. “For once, stop being a fucking hothead and listen. All of us…we just care about you.”

Care.

Nice.

Glad he was doing such a bang-up job of caring in front of those who had no business in any of it. Bringing it out into the open for them to see. Shedding light on what was written on me like the blackest stain.

“Lyrik,” he shouted.

I ignored him because I was finished with his bullshit. I shoved through the old-fashioned double doors that led to the massive kitchen and stormed into the renovated space that was larger than the apartment I was renting.

Inside, it was dark. Except for the moonlight streaming in from the big windows overlooking the sprawling backyard, the milky rays striking against the silver flecks in the white and gray granite countertops.

Pressing my palms to the island that took up the center, I dropped my head between my shoulders and tried to catch my breath. To purge the memories from my mind. To stop the barrage of images from slaying me. Cutting me in two. To stop the assault of their faces that struck me again and again.

Thunderbolt after thunderbolt.

The loss.

The loss.

The loss.

The swinging door creaked and let in a flood of light as it opened, before it swung closed.

I was no longer alone.

The air grew thick. A charged intensity shimmered through the room. It only added to my agitation.

The girl was doing her best to completely destroy me.

“Go,” I gritted out.

I squeezed my eyes closed.

Shuttin’ the world out.

It was for the fucking best. And I sure as hell didn’t need her to see me this way.

Pissed and vulnerable and hurting. But it seemed ever since she made her way into my life, all of it was there, just simmering below the surface.

High heels clicked on the wooden floor. Blood pulsed through my veins, harsh and hard. Beating faster and faster with every step of her slow, guarded approach.

My lungs squeezed.

She hesitated, her presence full and soothing and probably one of the damned most frightening things I’d ever felt.

I couldn’t do this. I needed to fucking stop before I fucked this up more than I already had. Before my guilt grew greater and I had nothing left to stand on.

She wrapped her arms around me from behind.

I stuttered out a breath.

God, she felt so good.

She pressed her face to the middle of my back.

“It goes both ways, you know.” Her voice swam through the room, honey and warmth. My body processed it like a song.

“I was so alone. Not just lonely, Lyrik. But alone. Hollow. Without anyone who understood. And then there was you…this beautiful, terrifying man who was pushing his way into my life. Demanding I let him see me for who I really was and not what everyone else saw. Now I’m standing here begging him to invite me into his. To let me see.”

I gripped her hands that held tight to my stomach. “You can’t go there, Blue.”

Over my shirt, she scattered a bunch of light kisses across my back. Still, they singed and scorched and seared.

Scarring as she silently begged.

“Blue.” I took her by one wrist and pulled her in front of me. “You walk into the room…”

I swallowed over the lump in my throat when I saw the complete understanding on her face. Lifting her, I set her on the edge of the island and forced my way between her legs that were eager to accept me.

I cupped her face. “You walk in the room and I don’t recognize myself. I forget who I am. Forget who I’m supposed to be.”

Blue eyes searched my face and she flattened her palm across my racing heart. “Maybe you’re finally beginning to see who you really are.” Her voice softened. “The man I see when I look at you.”

My mouth came down hard on hers to stop her from talking.

I drove my fingers into all that silky red.

I kissed her mad.

Just like she was driving me.

Tongue and teeth and desperation.

Fuck.

This was stupid.

Needing her this way.

But I felt like if I moved back even a fraction, I wouldn’t be able to breathe. That if I let any space come between us, it would be the end. That without this I couldn’t take one more step.

Which was why I should walk the fuck away.

Instead I slid my hands down her sides and wrapped her legs around my waist. She sighed a greedy sigh and crossed her ankles at my lower back.

Then the girl rubbed herself on my straining dick.

Torment roared like the howl of a wildfire in my ears.

Deafening, consuming flames.

But this fire?

It felt so fucking good, I couldn’t let it go. Not when I had it for these moments that were fleeting fast.

I lifted her from the island and carried her toward the narrow second set of stairs leading from the kitchen.

She clutched my shoulders and held on tighter. “Where are we going?”

“Upstairs,” I mumbled at her mouth, refusing to come up for air because I might lose this. I might lose the feeling that I had something real for the first time in what seemed forever.

Fingertips dug into the base of my neck. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“I think it’s a very fucking good idea,” I grunted at her mouth. My cock begging at the seam of her jeans seemed proof enough.

I pressed her harder against me, loving that was all it took to make her moan.

I needed her. Needed her touch and her smile and her panted breaths.

“I want to make you come.”

She whimpered a sound that shouted yes, while her words poured out their reluctance. “That’s not going to erase whatever just happened back there. Talk to me. Please.”

I kept kissing her as I took the stairs. Erase. That’s what I was going to do. And I was going to write myself over that bastard’s blemish. Over the anguish and damage and ruin.

For once…for once I wanted to have something good to offer.

I wanted to offer it to her.

Every remnant of what I had left to give.

Her fingers dug deeper and her nails sank into my skin.

And I knew…I knew she wanted to give it, too. But the difference between us was I didn’t ever want to forget.

I hit the landing of the stairs at the back of the hall and fumbled with the knob of the door at the end. It knocked open and I was quick to kick it shut. The drapes on the windows facing out back were drawn open wide.

I laid her in the center of the bed and stood at the side.

“Whose room is this?” she whispered into the quiet.

“Mine.”

That was the thing about Ash. We fought. We fought like brothers. Because that’s exactly what we were. Not by blood. But by every single thing that counted. He’d had me pick out one of the rooms and told me no matter where I went, I’d always have a home.

Blue eyes flickered with some kind of hope.

Stay. Stay. Stay.

Every rational part of me knew I needed to stamp it out. Tell her no. Warn her we had six weeks to go.

That was it.

The end.

But I couldn’t make the words form on my tongue. Instead, I pulled off one of those sexy-ass heels and kissed the inside arch of her foot, then turned and did the same to the other.

Shivers rolled through her body and lust curled in my gut.

I wanted to fuck her more than I wanted air.

To experience all she had to give.

To taste her courage.

To swallow her insecurities.

“Lyrik.” It was a breath. A question.

“You’re so damned pretty.” Part of me wished she wasn’t. Truth was, it was getting harder to look at her. Because I just kept wanting more and more. Asking for trouble. For heartache and pain.

I knew better.

I’d learned a long time ago to shuck the worry and the bullshit chains. Life was so much easier to glide through with nothing weighing you down.

I already carried more than I could bear.

Still, my heart picked up a beat when I leaned over and flicked the button of her jeans. The ripping sound of her zipper echoed against the walls. She whimpered and lifted her ass from the bed, making it easy for me to drag her jeans and underwear down her legs.

I didn’t even try to hide my moan. The girl was so insanely hot. A promise of heaven and a temptation sent directly from hell.

Right where I belonged.

Setting a knee on the bed, I leaned over to the side so I could trace that serpent tat on the outside of her thigh. My tongue ran along the lines while I slipped my hands beneath her shirt and dragged it up. My tongue followed the path as I lifted it over her head.

My entire body shook with quickly unraveling need. Control disintegrating.

Red was in nothing but a lacy black bra, which had to be illegal in all fifty states. Cruel and unjust punishment, because I just might die if I didn’t get to touch.

Those tits spilled out over the top while the distorted heart tattoo wept in the middle.

Ante omnia cor tuum custodi.

Urges hit me. Ones to kiss it until it was perfect and whole.

Shit.

I was losing my head. My foundation.

Consuming need twisted through me when I licked over the aching red, and I stole one hand under her back to undo the clasp. I moved back far enough to pull it free.

Her pulse ran wild and her chest heaved.

Quick to dive back in, I took a pink, pert nipple in my mouth. I sucked it deep, flicked at it with my tongue.

She wound her hands in my hair. “Shit…Lyrik…that feels so good.” She released a confused groan. “Why do you feel so good?”

I grinned against her skin. That’s exactly what I wanted to hear. That she felt good, that I was the only one making her feel that way.

My mouth trailed down the side of her breast. I lingered at one spot, drawing the silky flesh deep into my mouth. Maybe a little harder than necessary, but I was making sure to leave a mark. Because that’s what I promised her I would do.

Both my hands cupped the fullness of her tits, squeezing and lifting so I could tease and torture and make her squirm as I turned to the opposite nipple.

“I need you,” she said as she clawed at my shirt. Cool air hit my back as she tore it off, and those fingers sank right back into my skin. Begging as they burned and scraped and pleaded for more.

This was the more I could give her.

She deserved more, but I’d give all I could. For her.

I wanted her to trust me in a way she hadn’t trusted anyone since that bastard had broken her. For her to know she was beautiful, and what he’d done didn’t have the power to define her.

Didn’t have the power to destroy her.

I wanted her to know I saw something beautiful.

Something good.

A precious gift given to this world.

My head spun and my heart hammered a warning in my ribs. It caught time with the beat of hers, wild and erratic and violent, her breaths just as harsh.

Frantic, she dragged my mouth back to hers.

Tingles rolled across my flesh, and this achy feeling compelled me I was doing something wrong. Violating a promise. But I did nothing but kiss her back.

Because I couldn’t fucking stop.

Her tongue slipped past my lips in a delicious tease, tangling around mine. Eager and demanding.

Every inch of me lit.

A hazardous frenzy thundered through my veins, and I pressed up onto my palms. My head dipped down as I kissed her wild. My jean-covered cock pressed into her bare pussy. Underserved need squeezed every cell, filling my breaths and my lungs and my head.

No.

I squeezed my eyes closed and she kissed me more. Fevered hands searched my skin like she might find a weak spot. A way in. Access to what was buried inside.

“Lyrik,” she breathed as her hands trailed down over my shoulders. Her touch sent shock waves burning across my skin. Fingernails scraped down my chest before they were working at my fly.

And I felt fear slipping over me. Something haunting and dark. While everything else came alive.

A tortured contradiction.

But that’s what I craved.

The push and the pull.

I wanted. I wanted it all. Wanted to know every inch.

Her body. Her heart. Her mind.

Easing back an inch, I glanced up at her face, then I looked right back down, gaze intent on where I palmed her sex, watching as I pushed two fingers inside.

So fucking wet and warm and perfect.

Her walls clamped down and she arched off the bed. Her mouth parted on a silent moan.

Gorgeous.

Ripples of anxiety surged. I wasn’t ever going to get enough.

I rushed back to take more of that mouth.

That sweet, sweet mouth.

I kissed her and kissed her while I struggled to pump her slowly. To keep control when all I wanted was to let go. I wanted everything. Everywhere. All at once.

To consume and devour and lay all her fears and reservations to waste.

To take and take and take.

To give and give and give.

Delirium.

I let my hand go trailing back.

Fingers slick.

I pushed two into her tight, perfect ass.

I wanted there, too.

She jerked and I did the same, jumping back just in time to catch the fear in her expression. Those blue eyes had gone dark, the girl getting sucked back into that depraved place.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

What the fuck had I been thinking? Getting reckless with this girl? I should have known. And that tiny spec that was my conscious screamed I was making mistake after mistake. It screamed I was a sinner and selfish. That I was twisted and sick. And I knew right then I didn’t have the guts to let her go. Not yet. Not when she was this close. This close to being free.

Tears slipped free from the corners of her eyes, wet streams streaking down and disappearing into her hair, while my heart went frantic with regret and hate and the need to slaughter whoever had hurt her this way.

I wrapped her in my arms.

“Don’t leave me,” I murmured harshly, clutching her tighter. “I’m right here. It’s me, Blue. It’s me. Baby, you just have to tell me no. I’m not ever going to hurt you.”

But the way her eyes flicked all over my face? I already knew. I already fucking knew I was hurting her because I wanted to take everything and I couldn’t offer her the same in return.

She bucked up. The head of my dick poking out from the waist of my unclasped jeans rubbed against her. Still crying, she burrowed her fingers into my shoulders, as if she were transferring some of her pain over to me.

“Please…just…fuck me,” she begged.

That sick part of me? He wanted to. The part that wanted her so fucking bad I’d take everything and anything I could get. But instead I was kissing her again, murmuring “slow” at those red lips. Thanking God she was with me. That I hadn’t messed up so bad she was a curled up ball in the middle of the bed.

But this was what I did.

I found the little bits of good hidden behind a mask, sought them out, and brought them into the light.

Then I destroyed them with one crushing blow.

“I trust you,” she said, holding me tighter and rubbing her bare center against me.

Trust.

Motherfucker. I wanted to weep. I felt it. Emotion gripping my chest like I was being strangled. A noose around my neck.

Frantic, I pushed my jeans down to around my thighs, because I was just greedy enough to take a little more.

“Slow,” I struggled to say.

Slow. Slow. Slow.

I kept chanting it in my head. Even though she was begging for it, I knew Blue wasn’t ready for sex.

I was starting to wonder if I was. If I could handle her. Even though I was dying to sink into her.

I slid my bare cock against her, gathering all the slick desire coating her center, and clutched her shoulders while I rocked against her.

A small gasp escaped her. Confusion and desire.

I did it again, getting her closer because I couldn’t seem to get her close enough.

No. I never moved enough to fuck her, even though with one slip, I’d be home.

I just moved against her like some twisted fuck who needed to get off.

I made sure to drag back far enough so the ridge of my throbbing head flicked across her clit.

Our faces were a breath apart, our lips just touching, eyes wild and open and vulnerable.

And I rocked and rocked and rocked. Using up this girl who was supposed to be using me.

I was beginning to wonder who of us needed who.

“Lyrik.” She gripped me harder, pressing her tits to my chest as she tried to get closer.

“Let it go,” I whispered at her ear.

She shuddered below me when she did, nails breaking skin, the little pricks of pain the perfect conflict up against the pleasure that had my body wound up tight. Tighter and tighter.

So warm.

So wet.

Too much.

Fuck. Me.

Burning, agonizing bliss.

I came all over her belly with a groan.

My head dropped and I buried my face in her neck, sucking in any air I could find.

All of it was her.

Every breath Blue.

Reluctantly, I shifted and gazed down at her. I brushed the back of my fingers down her cheek. Those blue eyes swam as they stared up at me, tears still streaming over her temples and into her hair.

Blue.

Sweet, soft, trusting Blue.

“I’m so sorry,” I said quietly.

She blinked and swallowed hard, voice sincere. “I’m not.”