Chapter Twelve – Kyle

Roxanne Hughes is the worst kind of headfuck. And she doesn’t even know it.

She knows the effect she has on guys. Of course she does – she has enough of them falling at her feet – but she has no idea what she does to us. She has no idea that one smile and blink of her eyes grasps our attention. One touch steals it to the point of no return. And I’m done for.

I’m not naïve. I know exactly what she and everyone else does. Her shit attitude is her way of coping with Cam’s death. Hell, she’ll tell that to anyone who will listen¸ but I’m the only one who knows how to tear that crap apart and make her really grieve for him. I’m the only one who knows what’s really hiding behind those beautiful blue eyes.

And, hell. I need to tear apart that shitty little attitude and put her on her ass long enough to make her realize she doesn’t need those jackasses she insists on seducing however many times a week. I need to make her see what she needs is right in front of her. She needs a nice guy who can make her love herself the way he loves her.

I could come to love her so, so easily. Maybe I already do in a tiny corner of my brain. Maybe there’s a part of my body that calls out for her I haven’t listened to yet.

‘Cause, god fucking dammit, the guy she needs is me.

She’s needed me her whole life and I’m not about to let that change now. I couldn’t give a flying crap if she needed me in a different way then. She needs me now more than ever, and I should have been here six months ago when her whole world fell apart.

She’ll never forgive me for that, but y’know what? That’s okay. I won’t forgive my sorry ass for it either. I should have been here to hold together what was left of her shattered heart.

Now though, now I’m home. Now I’m here and I have just over two months to find all those shattered pieces and put them back together in a way only I know how.

I need to make her see she needs me.

Because I know I need her.

“She doesn’t seem to care about anyone other than herself. Well, you’ve seen that.” Myra rubs her hand down her face.

“I think she does care,” I say carefully. “She just doesn’t know how to deal with it. I think she just misses him so much she has to fill that void somehow.”

“She ain’t ever gonna fill that void. No amount of rebellion will fill the gap left by Cam.” Ray sighs. “And she won’t listen. We let it get too far before we stepped in and now we’re paying for it. We should have lassoed her butt and grounded her to make her stop.”

Iz snorts. “She would have found a way to get out. Okay, so she was once quiet and cute, but she’s always been determined. We all know Roxy has always found a way to get what she wants when she wants it, everyone else be damned.”

“You’re right, Iz,” Myra agrees. “What was once of her best traits is now her worst enemy. I just…” She pauses and closes her eyes. Ray reaches over and takes her hand in his, and I feel the stab in my chest at seeing her in so much pain. She’s like a mom to me and this is breaking my damn heart.

Iz reaches over and takes Myra’s hand, too.

“I just wonder if we’d paid more attention to her pain if she’d have done this.” Myra opens her eyes and they’re brimming with tears. “No parent should have to bury their child. The day we lost Cam, half of my soul was brutally ripped out. Of all the people, my boy was taken. My beautiful, bright boy. My world was destroyed. I asked so many times why it was him. I didn’t understand why he had to go. He was so young, so ready for what life had to throw at him, and none of us realized what it was throwing was a curveball. And one hell of a curveball. I was so caught up in my own pain I forgot she was hurting too.”

“Myra—”

“No. For so long I’ve tried to keep it inside to keep strong for her, but it hasn’t worked.” She shakes her head, tears pouring down her cheeks. “She saw the crash and she was the one there when he died. She had that moment and her alone. If he had to spend that with anyone, I’m glad it was her. He loved her more than I’ve ever known someone to love another person. But we all forgot that. We hurt so much we forgot she was the one who watched him die. Our last memory of him alive is a happy one, but hers is watching that life drain from him. Roxy has suffered so much.”

“Myra Hughes, you listen to me right now!” Iz slaps the table. “That god awful day you all lost him. Not just you, not just Roxy. You all lost him, okay? You all had – and still do have – a right to grieve for him in whichever way you feel necessary. Sophia Loren once said that having a child was letting a piece of your heart walk around outside your body, or something like that anyway, and if shutting yourself off was the way of dealing with losing that part of your heart forever, then damn.

“You deserve that. And that’s okay. You’re allowed to cry and you’re allowed to think of no one but yourself. If I even feel half the pain you do, then again, damn! You are allowed to hurt and you don’t ever feel guilty for that.

“Roxy didn’t pick the right way to grieve. And she isn’t even grieving. She’s fighting against it – she’s sending herself into oblivion god knows how many times a week because she doesn’t want to remember. Not because of anything you and Ray did or didn’t do. She picked this path. She picked forgetting over grieving and it isn’t a long term solution. I’d imagine it works great for a while, but now it must be getting tedious, even for her.”

“I just don’t know what we’re supposed to do.” Myra breaks down now. She snatches her hands back and leans onto the table, burying her face in her arms. Her shoulders shakes, and for a moment, the only sound is the echo of her sobbing around the café.

I stand, walk around the table, and wrap my arms around her neck from behind her. I hug her. I don’t know what else to do. This woman who treated me like her own for my whole life, the one who was there when I couldn’t talk to my own mom about girl stuff, she’s heartbroken. She’s lost one child and in her mind, she’s losing another.

“We’re back now,” I reassure her. “You know we’ll help.”

“Kyle’s already dragged her away from what – two parties?” Iz looks at me.

I release Myra, grin, and nod. “Boy did she kick off. So fun.”

My cell buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out. Roxy.

“Hey,” I answer.

“Kyle.” She giggles. “I need a flavor. No. That’s not right. I need a… A…”

“A favor?”

“Yes!” She giggles again. “I’m, um, kind of stuck in Portland. And I kind of am a little dunk.”

“You mean drunk.”

“That’s it! See. You always know what I mean.” Another giggle.

Iz, Myra and Ray all look at me.

“So you want me to drive to Portland and haul your ass back here?”

“No hauling needed. I’m coming willingly this time. Coming. Hah!” Another giggle. Jesus… She must be really drunk.

“Where are you?” I sigh.

“I am… I’m at McDonalds. Mmm, burger.”

“Is Selena with you?”

“No, silly. She’s at home. Boring boring booooring!”

“Okay. Are you alone?”

“No. I have this little Transformers guy from my Happy Meal.”

I don’t know if I should laugh or not.

“It’s Bumbleybee. He’s cuh-rap.”

“Okay, Roxy. Stay wherever you are and I’ll come find you.”

“Stay here? Right here?”

“Yep. Right where you are.”

“What if I need to pee?”

Is she for real? “You can go anywhere as long as you don’t leave the restaurant.”

“Okay.” She hangs up as abruptly as she called.

I stare at my phone and look at Myra. “Looks like I’m going to give your wayward daughter a ride home from Portland.”

~

“What took you so long?”

Roxy’s sitting in a booth in the back corner, her back to the window and her feet up on the seat. She’s holding a tiny toy I’m guessing is Bumblebee, and her eyes are focused on it.

“Hour long drive, remember?” I pick her feet up, sit next to her, and rest her legs over my lap.

“And you drove it just to get me.”

“Looks that way, doesn’t it?”

She spins the small doll. “Because it’s what Cam would have wanted.”

I ignore the bitterness in the statement and focus on the sadness she thinks she’s hidden from me.

“No,” I reply. “I came because you asked me to.”

Blue eyes meet mine. “Why?”

“Roxy, you have to know by now I’ll always do whatever you ask me to.” I put my finger open her open mouth to stop her replying. “Because it’s what I want to do. Not for Cam. For me. Okay?”

She nods, closing her mouth, and I drop my hand.

“Bumblebee was his favorite,” she whispers. “I ordered the stupid meal because I wanted him, but it’s not right. Cam should be sitting across from me and he should have stolen the damn toy before I had a chance to get it out of the plastic packet.”

“Like you used to do until you got all the Furbys that time.”

“Exactly like that.” Roxy’s lips twitch despite the sniff she gives. “I bought it, thinking if I got Bumblebee I could give him to Cam. Then I sat down and remembered. I remembered he won’t ever be around to take him.”

“Roxy,” I whisper, sliding up the seat and wrapping my arms around her. She curls into me as tears begin to fall from her eyes.

“How could I forget, Kyle? How could I forget he’s dead? Fucking dead!”

I sink my hand into her hair and hold her tighter. She shakes, and her tears soak through my shirt. I have no answer for her.

“Let’s go.” She sits up and mascara streaks her cheeks. “I want to go home.”

“Hang on.” I stroke my thumbs under her eyes. Seeing her cry breaks me. Her eyes are wide as I try to get rid of the black streaks. They’re wide and wet, shining under the harsh lights of the restaurant. Another tear drops out and I catch it with my thumb, swiping it away. I bring my lips to her forehead and touch them to her skin, leaving a gentle kiss there, before getting up and sliding her along the seat.

“Come on,” I say. “Let’s get you home, Roxanne Jane Hughes.”

She scowls but lets me pull her up. “Fine, Kyle Michael Daniels.”

I grin. I quite like the way my full name rolls off her tongue. I also like the way my tongue rolls off hers…

We climb into my car and she fiddles with the radio as I pull away from the parking lot. And she fiddles with the radio. And again. And again. I grit my teeth at the constant buzzing and searching as she twiddles the dial for forty-five minutes. I have no idea how I’ve put up with it for so long.

“Roxy. What are you doing?”

She drops her hand like the radio is burning her and looks at her hands in her lap. “Um. I don’t want to go home,” she whispers.

“But you said—”

“I want to go home to Verity Point, but not to my house.”

“Your mom is worried sick about you, you know.”

“When isn’t she?” she snaps. “I don’t want to go home.”

Fucking hell. I thought the girls at college were firecrackers, but Roxy would give them a run for their money. Her temper fires up quicker than a bush fire in the outback.

“Want me to pull over then? Sure you’d be comfy on the side of the road.”

“I take back what I said before. You’re not always a jackass, but when you are you’re a prize one.”

“Great. I’m right up your street, then.”

“What happened to “I’ll do whatever you ask?””

“I take back what I said before,” I throw her words back at her. “I’ll do whatever you ask when I feel like it.”

“You just climbed another rung on the jackass ladder.”

“Awesome.” I pull up outside my house and turn to her. “Does that mean I’ll get to fuck you one day?”

She opens her mouth to reply but no words come out. Instead she stares at me, her whole body frozen with shock. Good. That’s the response I was hoping for.

I get out of the car, slam the door, and walk around to her side. I yank her door open. “Are you getting out or you sitting in my car all night?”

“I can’t believe you just said that.”

“I’m sorry – is that right reserved for fully trained jackasses?”

Roxy climbs out of the car with fire in her eyes and jabs a finger in my chest. “You’re a real prick sometimes, you know that?”

“Yep.” I grin slowly. “And you love it.”

“I don’t. I fucking hate it.” She storms past me.

“Only because I’m the only person that can shut you up.”

She pauses on my doorstep. “I’ve been shut up many ways, Kyle. Many ways.”

She’s fucking with me again. She knows it and I know it. I don’t know what it is but she just can’t help herself. No matter what happens we always end up back here, both of us fighting. The problem is, I love pissing her off. If she’s pissed off she’s not hiding from me.

My long strides swallow up my front yard and I stop behind her. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her back into me. Her back slams into my chest, and I reach up and pull her hair to the side. My lips move close to her exposed ear, and she shivers.

“I’ve told you before. Don’t fuck with me, Roxy. Don’t even try it. Stop playing your little games with me, because you won’t win.”

She swallows and takes a deep breath, her back heaving against me.

“Oh – and I can shut you up. And you know I can do it fucking good. Keep giving me your shit and I just might have to remind you of that.”

She really does take a deep breath this time, and her whole body goes tight. My fingers are splayed over her taut stomach, and she turns her face into mine. Her eyes are bright in the darkness when they meet mine, and her voice is breathy.

“Is that a threat?”

“No. It’s a promise.” I release her stomach and push my front door open. “Get in.”

“You’re not taking me home?”

“Roxy, you asked me not to so I’m not going to. You can stay here tonight. And quite frankly, I’m reaching the point where I don’t care if you stay in my sister’s room or mine, so get your ass in and go and find her before I make your fucking mind up for you.”

Her staying in my room would be disastrous since I have kissing her on the brain and a growing hard on inside my pants.

She scoots inside and I follow her up the stairs, knocking on Iz’s door at the top.

“What do you want?” my sister calls through.

“Present for you.”

“If it’s another stink bomb you can suck it.”

I glance at Roxy and smirk. “No, but she’s definitely a ticking bomb with her temper.”

She smacks me. I grin.

Iz opens the door and looks at Roxy. “I guess we’re having a sleepover. Good job I raided Kyle’s stash of candy.”

“Bitch,” I mutter, turning to my room before I change my mind about Roxy’s sleeping arrangements.