Chapter Thirteen – Roxy

“Mothereff,” I mutter, looking at the mug of coffee attached to the end of Iz’s arm. “My head hurts.”

“That’s because you were hammered last night,” Kyle wanders into her room.

“Dude, we could have been naked in here!” Iz cries at him.

He smirks and points to me. “Take it.” Then at her. “Leave it.”

“Go fuck yourself,” I mutter. Yep, I’m still sore from yet another fight between us last night.

“Still giving me shit, Rox?” His eyes twinkle.

“I’ll give you shit until you realize you can’t shut me up for longer than five minutes.” I chuck the covers off, sit up, and take the mug from Iz.

Kyle’s eyes flick to my legs and travel up my body. “There are alternatives to shutting you up, now I think about it.”

“Can you just control it for five minutes?” Iz shoves him toward her door. “Take your sexually active mind and go and get yourself off or something.”

He laughs as she slams the door behind him and shakes her head at me.

“How do you put up with that?” she asks me.

“I play him at his own game. It works for a while.” I shrug and sip the hot coffee.

It works until he touches me and whispers something in my ear. Then he unravels me, tearing me apart until it takes everything I have to step away from him. Last night was particularly testing. I cried, we fought, then he turned on the sexy. And fuck, can he turn on the sexy.

There’s nothing more dangerous than a guy who knows how to turn you on with his words alone.

Kyle knows exactly what to say and when to say it. Hell, he knows how to say it, from the speed he talks to the inflections he puts on words.

He’s such a bastard.

“He’s such a horny teenage boy it scares me,” Iz mutters. “Anyway. Finish that coffee, get dressed, and let’s get out of this house.”

I glare at her, and she grins.

Yes, boss.

~

“You’ve got hearts in your eyes.” Selena smirks.

“You need to lay off the cartoons, idiot.” I throw a fry at her.

“She’s right,” Iz agrees. “You have a crush on my brother.”

I turn to her. “Says the one who’s had her eyes glued to Si’s butt for the last half an hour.”

“He has a nice ass. What can I say?”

“Dude. That’s my cousin!” Selena makes a gagging noise.

“I have to listen to my brother and Roxy bitching at each other ten times a day. I never thought I’d say this.” Iz looks at me. “But I almost wish you’d just go away and get it over with.”

“So many things are wrong with that statement,” I reply. “Mostly you telling me I need to sleep with your brother. Which, by the way, isn’t going to happen.”

Selena grins and glances at Kyle. “Oh yes,” she says dryly. “Because that would be absolutely fucking horrific to sleep with him. Who in their right mind would be attracted to that body and those eyes?”

I narrow my own eyes. “I never said I wasn’t attracted to him.”

“No need to be pissed off because she’s pointing what most other girls in this town think,” Iz whispers in my ear.

“I am not pissed off!”

She grins.

“Come on, Rox,” Selena says with amusement. “Just go over there, run him down, and slap your lips on his. I bet he has a killer kiss.”

My cheeks flush, and I know it’s given me away when her eyes widen.

“Clearly I missed something! You kissed him?”

“He kissed me,” I correct her. “So I told him to, but whatever. I was drunk.”

“And that was it? Just once?”

“Just once.”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire!” Iz sings immaturely. “You’re lying!”

“I am not!” I protest. “Once.”

“Then why are your eyes flicking to the right? And why are you touching your nose?”

“I thought eyes went to the left.” Selena frowns.

“Depends what hand you write with,” Iz tells her. “Left is for lefties, right for righties. Don’t ask me why. Point is, you, Roxy Hughes, are a big fat liar!”

“Twice!” I lie again, sitting on my hands. “Twice, okay?”

“Your mouth is twitching.”

“Three times!” I throw my arms in the air. “I can’t believe you’re interrogating me about kissing your brother.”

And now I’m looking at him and thinking about him kissing him again. His body against mine, his lips against my ear, his breath across my skin, and I’m wondering what skin on skin would feel like. I’m wondering what it would be like to have sex with someone I actually care about and who cares about me.

I’m wondering what it would be like to have sex with someone because I actually want to. Because it’s an all-consuming, demanding need to do it. Because if I don’t feel them, if I don’t give in to the screaming inside my body whenever he’s around, I’ll go crazy.

Kyle will break my jackass rule. No doubt about it.

“Hey…” Iz says slowly.

“Hm?”

“Wanna do something crazy?”

Selena and I look at each other. “Like what?” Selena asks.

Iz pulls her keys from her pocket. “Let’s run off to Portland and get a tattoo.”

“That’s your crazy idea? I have two.”

“So get a third.” I shrug. My eyes flick to the guys playing football. Okay. Kyle. “Let’s go.”

~

I hide my hand in the sleeve of my lightweight cardigan as we join Kyle, Ben and Si for dinner. The bandage covering Selena’s star on her foot is exposed by her sandals, and Iz’s bandage on her thigh is poking out from the bottom of her shorts.

“Where did you go?” Si looks at us.

“Nowhere,” Selena replies.

“Nice try.” His eyes flick to her foot and Iz’s leg. “Another one?”

“Three. I have three, Si. I’m not exactly a walking coloring book.”

Kyle’s lips curve up. “You got tattoos?”

“One each.” I touch my hand.

“What did you get?”

I smile and shake my head.

“Good luck,” Iz mutters and grabs a menu. “I couldn’t even get it out of her. She wouldn’t let us see.”

“Why not?” Kyle tilts his head to one side, and I shrug.

“I just don’t want to share it yet.”

He gets up and walks around the table.

“What are you doing?”

“I want to see it.” His eyes are twinkling playfully.

“No.” I get up and walk backward around the table. “It’s mine.”

“Show me.”

“No!” I half-shriek it as I just escape his grasp and run across the café. I yank the door open and round the side of the café, laughing. My stomach is clenching with how hard I’m laughing at him, so hard I almost miss him stopping in front of me.

Almost. There’s no way I could miss his lips taking mine again.

He holds my face to his. “Back there. You smiled like you haven’t in a long time. I haven’t heard you laugh like that either.”

“So?” I open my eyes to his.

“So I liked it,” he mumbles, curving his hand round my head. “I like this Roxy. Always have.”

Warmth spreads through my body. I reach up on tiptoes and kiss him – the first time I’ve kissed him. He always comes to me, but this is my moment. His words have reminded me I’m worth more than I think.

I grasp onto his collar with my bandaged hand and press our bodies together. His fingers splay out on my back and I revel in his touch. He reminds me I didn’t die that night. A part of me, a big part, is still living.

“Birds,” I whisper. “Five birds.”

“Can I see?”

Slowly, I peel the bandage from my left wrist and hand. There, on the side of my hand and wrist, is five tiny birds in flight. Each one with their own meaning, each as important as the other.

“Any reason for the birds?”

I look at the red rimmed tattoo. “They all mean something to me. One for grief, one for moving on, one for acceptance, one for freedom, and one for… love.”

Kyle takes my hand in his and rubs the pad of his thumb across the skin above the tattoo. His eyes raise from my hand to mine, and his gaze holds me.

He whispers, “It’s perfect.”

“Yep.”

He’s silent for a moment, just stroking my hand, and then he pulls me to him. I wrap my arms around his waist as his go around mine, and I breathe in his distinctive scent. Calvin Klein is suddenly my new favorite smell.

“Let’s go,” he says into my hair.

“We’re having dinner.”

“So? We haven’t ordered. Let’s go.”

“Where?”

“Who cares?”