Chapter Fifteen – Roxy

Everything. Everything has been a great big lie to him and now I don’t know who my heart hurts more for. Cam or Kyle. I don’t know whether it hurts more for the love lost or the one never had. I don’t know which it’s supposed to hurt more for.

My mouth is dry and my head is banging. I went straight to Layla’s after leaving Kyle’s yesterday and a part of me regrets it when I think of him. Until I remember he cares only because he’s obligated to. Because he promised he would.

But it felt so real. Every touch and every kiss from him felt as real as the ones I gave. There was that twinkle in our eyes with every smile we shared. Maybe I should have told him the reason I haven’t been with anyone since he got home isn’t because he stopped me, rather because the only person I want to be with is him. Maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference.

Maybe it would have.

“Please smile.” Iz hands me a dress. “Between you and my brother I think I’m getting depressed.”

I smile sadly and hang the red dress back up. “I’m fine.”

“Right. And I’m the president. You’re not gonna tell me what happened are you? I bugged him all day yesterday and he’s refusing.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Roxy.”

“Iz, please. I just…”

She looks at a dress and shakes her head. “It’s none of my business. I know that. But you two are my favorite people in the world. Kyle pisses me off something chronic sometimes, but he’s still my brother. I don’t need my major to know you care about each other. Hell, I don’t need my major to know you’ve cared about him for a lot longer than anyone realizes.”

I open my mouth and close it again.

“I also don’t need it to see something big happened. I just want you to be happy. Both of you. And all this to-ing and fro-ing is giving me a headache.”

“Okay.” I grab a pair of light skinny jeans from the rail and put them over my arm. “Can we forget about it now? It’s your birthday.”

“As long as you promise to talk to him tonight.”

Great. I grit my teeth together. “Fine. I’ll talk to him later.”

“Thank you.” She smiles. Her eyes travel to the jeans over my arm. “Jeans?”

I finger the hem of them. “I just don’t feel like dressing up too much tonight.”

“Smile, Rox. He’s an ass sometimes, but he’s a loveable ass.”

“That’s the problem,” I whisper to myself when Iz heads into the dressing room.

~

I wriggle my toes in my heeled shoe boots and put the final clip in my hair. Selena has spent the last thirty minutes curling it, and there’s about twenty slides holding it to one side. If it wasn’t for the face of make-up and fancy hair, no one would guess I was going to a party. For the first time in ages, I’m dressed like the Roxy I used to be.

“You’re the only person I know that can pull off double denim,” Selena announces when I stand.

“It’s because the pants are white,” I reply and adjust the jacket. “You have to look twice to tell they’re denim.”

“Still. I’d look like an eighties reject if I tried it.”

I look at her head of curly hair and grin.

“Already do, darling,” Iz sings from the corner of the room. She stands and smooths out the crinkled pale pink material of her strapless dress.

“Holy shit. If my cousin doesn’t drag you into a corner tonight I’m booking him for an eye test,” Selena bursts. I giggle into my hand, more so when Iz blushes.

“If your cousin tries to drag me into a corner I’ll—”

“Willingly follow him there for him to have his wicked way!” I finish with a dramatic flair.

“Shut up!” Iz throws her pillow at me, and I catch it.

“I don’t hear you denying it. Did you, Leney?”

My blonde bombshell shakes her head. “No denial heard here, Roxy.”

“We have you all worked out, Ms. Daniels.”

“You two.” Iz points her finger at us threateningly before throwing her arms in the air. “You’re incorrigible.”

I tilt my head to the side with a sassy smile on my face. “It’s why you love us.”

“Right.” She rolls her eyes, but she knows it’s true. Despite her being two years older than us, the three of us have been through thick and thin together. “At least you’ve cheered up.”

“She hasn’t seen Kyle yet.” Selena catches the lip gloss I throw at her. “Hey, thanks.”

“She’s right. Who knows what kind of mood I’ll be in then?”

I’ll probably be reminded of the sting in my chest.

“We should move and find out,” Iz replies. “The sooner you two kiss and make up, the sooner we can all be happy and get drunk.”

“I’m not getting drunk,” I reply automatically. They both look at me, Selena more shocked than Iz. “What? I don’t want my parents on my butt about my drinking. My dad will have his eye on me tonight, and I don’t feel like having yet another argument about my supposed “bad girl” behavior.”

“You’ve always been pretty badass, if I’m honest.” Selena opens the door.

“Yeah, I mean, no one expected quiet little Roxanne Hughes to be such a hot cookie before.” Iz shrugs.

I roll my eyes. “Puh-lease. I was never quiet – I just had a lot of shit I kept inside. Now I’m letting all that noise out.”

“That’s what she tells her one-nighters,” Selena stage-whispers to Iz.

Despite my annoyance at that comment, I smile and elbow her. “Bitch.”

“True though.”

“I never told them much of anything.” I link my arm through hers and we turn in the direction of the village hall. “Does anyone feel like we’re ten again? I mean, wasn’t that the last time we had a party in the village hall?”

Iz shrieks a laugh. “Wasn’t that my twelfth birthday? I seem to remember us all using those fake tattoos you put on with water. Cam walked in on us putting them on our asses and insisted on telling everyone.”

“We all had our asses viewed that night,” Selena muses.

“What – are you putting those on your bums?” Cam had laughed like a crazy child.

“Oh my God!” Iz yelled. We all scrambled to put our pants back up as he ran away. We could hear him yelling to anyone who would listen we were tattooing our bums, and all three of us went back out with red faces.

“You put a tattoo on your butt?” Kyle looked at us all. “Really?”

“They did. Furby ones.” Cam cackled.

“Go away!” I shouted. “Stop being so mean.”

“We’re not being mean,” Kyle protested. “I’m only asking, Roxy.”

“Well don’t, ratface,” Iz shoved him.

We turned to walk away. All we heard was the count to three and our pants were pulled down. Our butts were on show to everyone in the hall, and all Cam and Kyle did was laugh at us.

My lips twitch. “He was such a shit. Him and Kyle – they were the worst. And before you went to high school, Iz, they paid some kid who’d just moved from Utah to set off the fire bell.”

“That was them?!” Iz stops.

I nod. “I was there when they did it and I was given detention every night until I told Principal Gough who it was.”

“Did you?”

“Yep. He kept me after school every day for two weeks and I told him as I walked out the door on the last day.”

“Man,” Selena whistles. “I bet he was pissed.”

“Not as pissed as Kyle and Cam were.” I push against the village hall door. “They thought they’d got away with it. Man, that was a sweet moment.” I grin and we walk into the hall.

We’re the last to arrive – like anyone is surprised – and we stop when we see the place. It’s only Iz’s twentieth, but this could rival her sweet sixteenth, and will need some topping for next year. Silver and pink ribbons hang from the ceiling. A DJ is set up in one corner, and in another is tables laden with all kinds of food. In the center of the food table is a four tier, pale pink cake with silver butterflies and dark pink flowers. Her parents have transformed the dreary old hall into something fan-fucking-tastic.

“Wow,” the three of us say in unison.

Selena and I stand by as everyone in Verity Point comes and wishes Iz a happy birthday. I play with the ends of my hair and smile as I watch one of my best friends surrounded by people that love her.

There’s so much love and joy in this room it’s almost bursting. It feels corny, like it should be in a movie, but it’s true. We all suffered a tragedy months ago, my family the most, but we all suffered. We all loved Cam and we all had our hearts broken when he died, but now… Now I’m reminded of what Verity Point is.

It’s a community. A place where there’s always someone with a kind word, a joke to put a smile on your face, a hand to hold. When times get tough we stick together. We get out the superglue, glue our hands, and link our fingers. We laugh together, we smile together, we cry together.

So many times I’ve berated living in a tiny village just off the Columbia Gorge. So many times I’ve cursed the lack of amenities here. So many times I’ve bitched and moaned about our tiny, woods surrounded community.

But watching my best friend of a lifetime swamped in love, I realize how much I love this place.

Two familiar hands settle on my waist, and my heart skips a beat involuntarily.

“What are you doing?” I hiss at Kyle as he tugs me away from everyone.

“I want to talk to you,” he says in my ear. He takes my hand and pulls me outside.

“You’ve already made yourself clear.”

His strong hands spin me into him. My fingers rest against his chest and I look up at him.

“No. I haven’t. Not by a long fucking shot, Roxy.”

I step back from him. “Kyle, this is your sister’s birthday. Do we really have to argue here?”

“The only person arguing is you.”

I cover my eyes with my hand. My heart has gotten over its stuttering and is thudding dangerously loud in my chest. If I don’t get away from him, the tears threatening in the back of my eyes might just spill over.

“I’m not arguing with you. Not tonight. Can we just pretend to get along for your sister’s sake?”

He sighs, his features illuminated by the waning sun. “After all these years, you think we need to pretend? After the last week, you think we need to?”

I don’t answer that.

“Exactly. This isn’t a game, okay?”

“I never said it was.”

“Good, because you’d be wrong. You know you’re good at being wrong don’t you? Even when you think you’re right.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “What the fuck does that mean?”

He takes a step toward me and takes a lock of my hair between his finger and thumb. “Rox… When you left the other day, you said I didn’t care. You said everything lately was a lie. You were wrong, okay? I do care – and not because of your parents or Cam. I care because I care.” He reaches up and moves a curl from my face. I flick my eyes from the floor to his gaze. “I care because it’s you.”

“Okay,” I say quietly. I step back from him and walk into the hall. There’s a lump in my throat as I swallow. He cares because it’s me. Cam’s sister. That’s all. I wish it wasn’t true, but is. I can’t kid myself anymore.

My eyes scour the hall. My parents aren’t here yet – Mom will be closing the café still. Thank God. I find Selena by the drinks table.

“No,” she says as I approach.

“One,” I beg. “Come on, Leney. I’m behaving tonight.”

Her eyes flit across my face for a mere moment before she gives in. “Fine. But I’m pouring.”

“Fine.” I cross my arms and watch as she puts a smidge of vodka in a glass. “You’re taking the piss, Leney.”

“Give her a little more,” Iz insists as she wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Don’t be boooooooring, Leney.”

I grin smugly.

Selena puts a little more alcohol in my glass and tops it up with coke. There we go. I’ve suddenly changed my mind on my no drinking policy for the night. The more I can drink before my parents arrive, the better. There’s not enough vodka for it to burn my throat as it goes down, but a few Selena-Measures and I’ll be good.

The party goes on around me. The twins seem to have coerced their fancy-man from the weekend to hang around, and even old Mr. Yeo is chilling in a corner. Iz is flirting with Si in another corner, Selena is dancing with Ben, and everyone is wrapped up in their own thing. And I’m sitting in the corner, watching people come and go, watching people take drink after drink.

Watching Kyle lean against the wall, his feet crossed at the ankles, his arms folded across his chest, and his eyes focused on me.

Shivers snake through my body. His gaze is hot, and I’m pretty sure it’s the cause of my shivers. The party is still going but, after three sneaky drinks, all I can see is him. All I can feel is him. For the hundred people between us, there may as well just be us.

The effect he has on me is incredible. A tiny part of me has always belonged to him, but now it feels like all of me does. He’s branded into every part of me body, his stare searing into my skin and spreading heat through my body. For so long I laughed at the girls that said they had The One. For so long I’ve imagined it was bullshit, imagined Kyle as a girlish crush, almost. And I was wrong.

I was so wrong. Every single fucking time.

I’m the first to admit I can be naïve. I can be stupid and impulsive and thoughtless. But I’ve never been so right about anything in my life.

Kyle Daniels is my One. He is The One. Capital fucking letters and all.

I slam my empty glass down on the table next to me. The need to get away from this place, from his penetrating gaze, is more than I can take. I can’t fight it the thread pulling me to him anymore, so I leave the hall and I step into the night. Home. My heels click against the sidewalk as I head toward my house.

“What is it about you?” His voice drifts to me through the night. “What is it about you that keeps me coming back no matter how many times I try to walk away?”

I stop. “My brother.” I call the words over my shoulder.

“No. Not Cam. In fact, I think he’d kill me if he knew what I was thinking right now.”

My feet come to a standstill. Walk, you motherfuckers!

“I’ve tried to work it out since I got back. Every day I’ve sat and tried to figure out what it is, the reason I can’t stay away from you, and you know what? I can’t. I don’t have a goddamn fucking clue, Rox. Except you. Whatever it is, you keep me coming back over and over again.”

Breathe. “Go back inside, Kyle.”

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. He stops behind me. “I’ve tried. Fuck, Rox! Don’t you think I’ve tried to walk away from you? Don’t you think I’ve tried to stop this crazy shit in my head? I’ve succeeded, so many times, but not this time. This time I don’t wanna stop it.”

I take a deep breath, not wanting to hear this. I can’t hear this. “You’re lying.”

His hand settles on my waist. “Am I? Am I lying about the times I’ve thought about holding you in my arms until you’re begging for more? Am I lying about the times I’ve held your body to mine and wished there were no clothes between us? Am I lying about needing to make love to you so bad I’m going fucking crazy with need?”

Heart. No beating. Lungs. No breathing. Mind. No thinking.

“Kyle.”

Lips ghost my neck. “I’ve tried, Rox. I’ve tried so fucking hard, but it’s you. I can’t fight this shit anymore. All of it is true. Every goddamn word.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Am I lying about falling for you? About your eyes being the ones I look in and your lips being the ones I kiss every day? Am I lying about your body being the one I hold, one, two, three, fucking ten times a day? Am I hell!” His voice echoes through the empty woods. “Do you know what it did to me to see you crying and knowing I’d put those tears there? I know, babe. I know you feel the same, so why don’t you just admit it and put us both out of our misery?”

I can’t do this. I can’t stand here and listen to him. I should run. I know. But I don’t.

“Why?” I turn and yell at him although he’s right in front of me. My voice seems to echo in the empty village. “Why, Kyle? I’m nothing special. I’m nothing to scream from the rooftops about!”

“You are to me.” He sinks his fingers into my curled hair. “I told you you were everything to me. I wasn’t lying about that either. Rox, babe, believe me, for the love of God.”

I press my lips to his. It could be the small amount of alcohol or it could be his words. I don’t know and I don’t care. I just know I want him. I need him. Four years of a crush and I can’t give up now. I don’t give a shit about our past or the pain we share. I just care about the guy I’m holding onto like he’s all I have left in this world.

“Get on my back.” He smiles slowly.

“You’re kidding.”

“Get on before I put you on.” Kyle grins like a little kid and I stand behind him. My hands on his shoulders and his on my thighs help boost me up. I laugh. Hard.

“I feel like a six year old again.” I wrap my arms round his neck.

He laughs and jogs through the woods. I cling to his back, stifling my giggles the whole way, and wonder how I can go from not wanting to be near him one minute to needing him the next. It doesn’t seem right how quickly my feelings change – how quickly my mood changes around him.

His hand dips into my pocket, and he produces my house keys. The key flits into the slot of my front door and we step inside. Kyle puts it in the other side and locks it.

“Tell me now,” he whispers into the silence of my house. “If I’m wrong about how you feel and you’d rather a jackass than me, tell me now.”

I sink my fingers into his hair, gripping onto it. “You’re the only jackass I want,” I mutter against his lips.

I sweep my mouth against his and run up the stairs, sliding my jacket from my arms. Thundering steps tell me he’s following me, and I can’t help the laugh that leaves me when I throw my jacket to the side and run into my room. I’m not used to being chased. Every step, every pound against the wood, it sends a thrill through my body I can’t explain.

Kyle catches me just inside the door. His lips are hot and forceful against mine, teasing and pulling at every part of me. I walk backward with him attached to me, and we fall onto my bed, smiling against each other’s lips. Every part of my body is on fire where he’s touching me and I need more. Always more. I’ll never get enough where he’s concerned – I’ve wanted him for years, and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop wanting him.

My breasts are exposed as he pulls my shirt over my head. His lips leave a blazing trail across my skin, and I pull his mouth to mine again. The need to feel his skin against mine overcomes me and I slip his shirt up his back. This is hot. It’s passionate. It’s filled with that burning need escaping me, the one I’m sure will never be satisfied.

His shirt lands on my floor at the same time my fingertips creep below the waist of his jeans. His lips push into my neck, making every part of my skin tingle, leaving every kiss and every touch to shoot downward. My core aches, desperately, frantically, insatiably. He’s doing this to me and I have to wonder if he knows. If he knows just how my body craves him.

I undo the button on his jeans and push them over his bum. There isn’t a part of my body not crying out for him right now.

One of his hands slips beneath my bra when the other slips beneath the lace covering my core. His thumbs tease both my nipple and my clit, flicking and rolling until I’m so wet he’d slip inside me with ease.

And he does. Before I can curl my fingers around him, our jeans are on my floor and he’s wrapping my legs around him. I take him, long and hard, clenching as he pushes ever deeper. Yet it’s not enough. I need every part of him.

My hands pull his head into mine and our mouths crash together. I flick my tongue across his lips until his lips meet mine and his tongue dives into me as deeply as his dick is into me. I need to feel every inch of him. I need to feel like he’s owning me completely and utterly.

I need everything he has to give to me.

And he gives me it. He gives me every bit of himself. Every stroke of his tongue, every probe of his fingers, every pound of him inside me. He gives me all of him until I can’t take anymore.

My body clenches around him, clinging him to me, and I cry out. I let go of all the feelings building me and I shout into his shoulder. One, two, three, four, he pounds into me until he groans into my shoulder. Our bodies slump together, our fingers pressing to the other’s skin, and we hold each other.

He was right. There is a difference between fucking and making love. And the way he slides to the side, pulling me against him like he can’t bear to let me go, lets me know that was making love.

I snuggle into his chest, happiness taking hold and forming my lips into a smile. Kyle holds me tight, his chest rising and falling against mine and his heart pounding beneath my cheek, our legs twined together.

And that, the physical love we just made, wasn’t the only one that happened tonight. The crush I’ve been convincing myself of for the last few weeks is so much more.