It’s been two months since Javier’s treatment ended and I know from reading his chart that the scan a month ago showed no regrowth. He’s officially in remission. I also know that he’s in a mental hole. He refuses to go back to the Saturday dinners with his family and he’s working again but his employees, who happen to be family or friends, say he’s distant. I’ve tried to stop by a couple of times, even tried to call, but he won’t answer and won’t call back. I thought we’d made some progress when I was there after his final treatment, but his family says he’s worse than before. The few hours I slept in his arms that last night now feel like a dream and I’d do almost anything to get that back. I spoke to his doctor and found out he suggested antidepressants to help Javier get back to normal, but Javier refused.

The sad part for me is that after almost a year and a half, I’ve finally rejoined life fully. My job is going well. I never would’ve thought the day I stepped off that plane here in Colorado Springs that I’d be content in my new life. I’m volunteering at VCT and I’ve joined a dance group that meets once a week to learn or perfect ballroom dances. Victor is my partner for the class and we have dinner on occasion before we go. Neither of us is dating anyone, but we’re learning to live again and that’s what counts. We’ve begun to lean on each other as friends and I wouldn’t change our friendship for anything.

Ron and Sheila have split up. Ron found an apartment and Sheila sold the place she shared with him so she could move in with Herschel. My house is on the market, but it hasn’t sold yet. Thea is settled and twice a month when she’s with her dad on the weekends I go out with my girlfriends, usually to Dante’s for drinks and sometimes dancing.

Today is Thea’s birthday and when I asked her what she wanted to do she said she wanted to bring a couple of friends to her horseback riding lesson and have a picnic at the ranch. I wasn’t sure how Judson and Quinn would feel about it, but when I asked, they told me to make it a real party and start planning.

In the end, we have four girls, including Thea, two boys from her class that she likes to hang out with, Carlo, Ron, whom I didn’t want to invite but Thea wanted him there, Dex, Marina, their twins and Belinda, the new baby, Victor, and Ron’s brother Frank and his wife, Angela. Mike and Summer are flying in to surprise her and will meet us at the ranch. At the last minute Judson added Eddie, the boy I met through Javier at VCT, so he and his mom Nancy will be there too. Judson has been helping take up Javier’s slack at VCT, but Eddie misses Javier. So over 20 people are going to be there today. We have cake and ice cream, Carlo and Judson will be taking the kids on a trail ride, and then we’ll eat.

I haven’t seen Thea this excited in forever. I can’t decide if it’s because we’re having an actual birthday party or if it’s because her friends finally get to meet Carlo—who I know she’s been talking about nonstop.

* * *

We’re about two hours into the party and the group of kids is gone on the trail ride with Carlo and Judson, but should be back any time. The rest of us are relaxing in lawn chairs when Ron arrives with Frank and Angela. I was hoping Thea would be here when he showed, but of course it’s not that easy. I stand and greet them as cordially as I possibly can and offer them seats. When awkward conversation stops a few minutes later, Quinn offers to take them on a tour of the ranch and all three jump to it, so they’re gone when Victor shows up with Mike and Summer.

As soon as I see Victor arrive in an extended-cab truck he borrowed from someone else, I leap out of my chair and run for the truck. Mike gets out just in time to catch me as I leap for him.

“Oh, my God! You’re really here!” I squeal, squeezing the life out of him.

“Yeah, Jellybean, I’m here.”

“Thea’s gonna freak out!” I squeeze him hard one last time and kiss his cheek before I let go and dive for my best friend. “I can’t believe you’re here! I’m so happy to see you guys!”

“Me too! Where’s our girl?” Summer asks.

“On a trail ride with Judson and Carlo and the other kids.”

“The Carlo?” she asks knowingly.

“Yes. Wait till you see the way she looks at him. You can almost see the rainbows and unicorns in her head that go along with the vision of him.”

“If I didn’t think it was normal I’d probably lock her in her closet and never let her out again,” my brother remarks.

“It’s normal. He’s older than her by a couple of years so he has no interest, but he’s nice to her. He’s a safe first crush to have and if I’m being honest, I’m so glad to be here to see the stuff as it’s happening rather than hearing about it later secondhand.”

I grab both of their hands and pull, “Come on, you need to meet everyone.”

Victor’s inside getting a beer for everyone when Javier’s truck pulls up. Judson must have invited him because I didn’t get the chance to. He never would call me back. I’d love to be mad at him, but more than anything I’m hurt. I thought we were friends.

Javier climbs out of the truck looking a little perplexed. I walk over to greet him and instead of saying hello or asking how I’m doing, he blurts, “Why’s everyone here? I thought only Eddie was going to be here.”

Great, he’s being a dick today.

“Eddie was invited to Thea’s birthday party. I was going to invite you too but you don’t call back.”

“I’ve been busy.”

My temper rises and I fight to push it back down. I don’t need to be pissy on my daughter’s birthday.

“Yeah, I figured,” I say and turn away, walking back to my seat. I’m not going to stand there trying to make small talk with a jerk. Victor comes out of the house and hands me a Diet Coke, my brother and Summer each get a beer. Marina and Dex are inside trying to get their kids down for a nap. Javier must have approached behind me because Nancy, Eddie’s mom, stands and moves around me to hug him.

“So good to see you,” she says with a sweet smile. Nancy’s beautiful. Tiny, perfectly proportioned, blond-haired and blue-eyed, and I’ve been jealous of her interaction with Javier since I found out who she was. Seeing Javier’s friendly reaction to her pisses me off, especially after the cold asshole attitude I just got.

“Hey, Nancy, how’s my buddy Eddie?” he asks, all smiles and niceness.

I look to Victor whose eyes are wide on mine. He knows how often I’ve tried to reach out to Javier and how often I’ve been snubbed. I feel the knot form my throat and I try to swallow past it, praying it doesn’t surface and bring tears with it. I’d love to say I don’t care about Javier, but I do. I have since sometime in the beginning of our friendship, despite all the warnings to run the other way. Victor figured it out a while ago and has become my confidant with all things Javier.

Nancy pulls him by the arm in front of the lawn chairs and asks, “Have you met everyone?” I’m a little surprised with how familiar she’s treating him. I understand that he’s worked with little Eddie for a while, but she’s acting like this is a date. Jealousy simmers in my gut and I hate myself for it.

Javier looks around and says, “No, hey, I’m Javier Suarez,” and sticks his hand out to shake with my brother first.

“I’m Mike, Valerie’s brother, and this is her best friend, Summer, from back home,” he replies as he shakes. I must not be as good at hiding my reactions as I thought I was because Victor walks over and stands a little behind me and leans in. “You okay?” he whispers.

I nod a little, not wanting to draw any attention to me or the jealousy and hurt I’m certain are plain to see. When I glance at Javier, his eyes are narrowed on Victor who’s still closer than is normally polite. Whatever. I can’t deal with his crazy shifting moods today or his possible new girlfriend.

The air in the group has grown a little awkward because everyone knows just enough about me and Javier for it to be uncomfortable. To make things that much more uncomfortable, Quinn leads the tour back to the front porch where we’re all congregated.

Ron opens his stupid mouth first. “What the hell is he doing here?” He flaps his hand at Victor. Big mistake considering my brother hates Ron and didn’t need to be reminded that he’s a dick.

“He brought me,” Mike chimes in and rises from the seat he was.

Oh shit, this is about to get ugly.

“Of course, Mike likes him,” Ron spits.

“That might have something to do with the fact that he didn’t cheat on her for a year before he served her with divorce papers,” Summer joins in. My eyes bug out of my head. Is this little showdown really happening at Thea’s birthday party?

Not good. Frank chimes in for Ron this time. “You don’t know the whole story and this isn’t the place.” Angela tugs on Frank’s arm, pleading with him to shut up; she must know Ron’s side is bullshit.

Mike steps up to tower over both of them with Victor at his back. “Really? What part of the story don’t I know?”

“Well—”

“Well, nothing.” My brother cuts him off. “Fact number one, Ron saw Sheila at their high school reunion and slept with her that night while my sister was deployed, and then he lied about it. Fact two, he carried on a year-long affair with Sheila but never said a word to my sister about being unhappy, even when she came home to help with a situation with Thea. Fact three, he moved them back to Colorado to be near Sheila in preparation to leave Val but continued to spend the paychecks she earned. Fact four, the day she arrived in Colorado Springs, he told her he was leaving and taking their daughter away from her. Fact five, he fought her tooth and nail for both full custody and alimony until the private investigator found out that Sheila was cheating on him.”

Angela gasps, wide-eyed at this obviously new information.

“What? Is that true?” Frank turns to Ron and asks.

Ron looks at the ground but doesn’t answer.

“You did all that and then wanted alimony?” Frank asks.

Now Javier shares. “Yeah, it’s all true. I’m the investigator that gathered all the information. I can show you if you’d like.”

“Who does that to their wife and kid?” Frank asks, not really expecting an answer, I don’t think. “You always were a selfish prick, Ronald. I always thought your stay-at-home-dad routine was bullshit once Thea went to school, but I kept my mouth shut. I should’ve said something.” He turns and stomps back toward the barn with Angela on his heels.

Now it’s just Ron standing in front of Mike, Vic and Javier, all of whom look like they could eat him for dinner. Summer moves in next to me and holds my hand. My chest is heaving with the adrenaline that spiked when I realized Ron might get his ass kicked right here at the birthday party.

“Fuck this, I’m outta here,” Ron says and storms past us like he’s going to drive off and leave his brother and sister-in-law here, ditching his daughter’s party.

“Hell no, you’re not going anywhere!” I surprise him and everyone else by yelling. “You’ve already screwed up this entire last year for her with your selfish behavior. You’re going to suck it up and hang out here until your daughter is ready to go home. You’ll sing her happy birthday, eat her damn cake, and watch her open presents with a goddamn smile on your face. If you try to set foot near that car I’ll kick your ass myself in front of everyone here!”

“You want me to stay and listen to their shit?” He waves his hand at the group of adults.

“Yes. You have no one to blame for any of this except yourself. Nothing they said was a lie. Man the fuck up and stay at your daughter’s birthday party.”

“Sounds like you’re looking for a fight,” he mutters.

“Nope. I’m looking for you to grow the hell up. Everything isn’t always about you. Now, sit down, shut up and wait for your kid.”

I shrug off Summer and stomp away down the dirt road. I need a few minutes to calm down before Thea gets back. I’d go to the barn, but Frank hasn’t come back from there and I don’t want to see him either. I make it all the way to the pond where it’s quiet, and do my best to soak up the peacefulness that surrounds me. I sit on the end of the dock that Judson put in and dangle my toes in the cool water.

It’s Victor who finds me a few minutes later. He’s such a great friend. “You okay?”

I nod.

“Bet it felt good to tell him off in front of everyone.”

Even as frustrated as I am, I grin a little. “Yeah, it did actually.”

“Come on, let’s go back. You don’t want to be here when Thea gets back. She’ll be ready for cake and presents.”

I allow him to lead me back to the group with his arm tight around my shoulders, and when we join the others again I notice Javier shooting daggers at Victor. Why does he care if Vic’s arm is around me? He never wanted his there so it shouldn’t matter. Hell, the guy can’t even return a phone call.

The once relaxed atmosphere is now tense when Judson leads the riders around the corner to the barn. All the kids are full of smiles and laughter so I step away from the group of adults pissing me off and hold the reins of the horses as Judson helps the kids down.

Carlo hollers across the yard. “Quinn, can we eat? We’re starved!”

She laughs. “Yeah, I’ll bring it all out.” Summer follows her inside, and Frank and Angela resurface. I look to them, “Can you go inside and help Quinn bring food out to the tables, please?”

Frank looks like he’s about to say something, but I turn away, not wanting to have a conversation with him here about any of this.

After lunch we serve birthday cake and let Thea open presents. When we’re cleaning up, I notice that Victor and Javier are off to the side having an obvious argument. Thea approaches them and I can see her facial expression change and I know she’s pissed. I start to make my way to her when she steps in front of Javier and points a finger at him. Then her voice rises loud enough for more than just me to hear.

“They’re not dating, you idiot!”

“Thea!” I snap, mortified that my kid talked to an adult like that.

“No, Mom. He doesn’t get to act like this. He’s mad because he thinks you and Victor are dating. Everyone but him knows you’re not. And everyone but him knows why. God! I’m 12 and I get it.” She turns back to Javier and asks, “Why don’t you?”

He’s staring at her like she has three heads, but he hasn’t said a word in response. Victor grabs her gently by the shoulders and says, “Thea, go on back to your party. Don’t worry about this, let us handle it.”

She glances back at Victor and nods once, but before she steps away from them she looks back at Javier and says, “She loves you, you big dummy! You obviously feel the same. Quit acting like some dumb guy in a movie and ask her out!” She stomps away and we all watch as she goes, stunned by her words. I didn’t realize she knew how I felt about Javier. I turn to look and see who is paying attention and find pretty much everyone watching this play out. Great. That’s all I need, to have everyone here witness another one of my embarrassing heartbreaks.

Javier runs both hands across the dark fuzz growing back on his head, drops his hands to his hips and looks to the ground.

Then, surprising me, Victor says, “Get your shit together, Javie. Thea’s right. It’s you she wants.” Then he walks away. As he’s moving past me, he stops and kisses my hair, whispering, “You deserve better.”

I can’t move. Does all of this mean that Javier actually wants to take me out? Hope blooms inside and I force myself to breathe so I don’t turn blue waiting for him to finally ask me out. It’s probably only been a minute, but it feels like a million, and I don’t know what to do. Should I walk over all the way? Should I stay where I am? Should I go back to the party?

Just when I’m ready to go to him, he looks up at me, his expression unreadable, shakes his head and walks off to his truck. I still haven’t moved by the time he’s backed up and turned around to leave. Did he really just walk away from me in front of all these people? That completes my humiliation for this lifetime.

Mike approaches, looking like he could kill someone, with Summer on his heels.

“Don’t,” I tell them. “I’m fine. Let’s help clean up this mess and get out of their hair. We have a slumber party to live through. I’m sending you two with Vic to take the boys home, and the girls will ride with me. Afterwards we’ll all meet at my house where I can have a glass of wine.”

Summer starts to speak, “Honey, if—”

“Nope. Not going there right now. It’s Thea’s birthday and that’s all that matters. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.”

I push past them to begin cleaning up. Everyone joins me without a word. The kids all stand over by the fence. Some on their phones and some listening as Carlo tells a story about who knows what. That helps to bring a little smile to my face. At least I was able to give my daughter a party she enjoyed and will remember.

* * *

At the end of the night the girls are spread out across my living room floor watching a scary movie and I’m out on the back porch finally having the glass of wine with my brother and Summer.

“So, you gonna tell us what happened today?” my brother asks, and for the first time since they arrived I notice he’s holding her fingers lightly as they hang off the arm of the Adirondack chair. I’ve suspected something was going on with them for a while but no one has offered up the information. This is the perfect opportunity to find out what’s going on. My best friend and my brother. What could be more perfect? They’ve been friends since we were kids and I’ve always thought they would make a great couple, but neither ever seemed interested or so I thought.

“Before we get to me, maybe you need to tell me about you…” I say as I smile and wave a finger between the two of them.

They look at each other with the cheesy grins only people in love can carry off without looking stupid. “We started seeing each other around the time of the stalker incident,” Summer says with a grin.

“Why am I just now finding out?” I ask, trying to act pissed but not able to pull it off.

His hand fully engulfs hers and she says, “We weren’t sure if you’d be upset and we didn’t want things to be weird. You’ve had enough going on.”

“Come on, you guys! You’re two of my favorite people on the planet. This is perfect. I’m happy for you. Do Mom and Dad know? Thomas?”

“Yes, they figured it out right after it started.” Mike replies. “I felt we should tell you in person and besides, we’ve been dealing with conflicting schedules since she got the newest movie roll. She’s been offered a few other parts and will be gone a lot. We weren’t really sure how it was going to pan out for us and we didn’t want to make it weird for you if it didn’t work.”

“I’m so happy for you guys, and for your success too, Summer.” I turn my attention to Mike. “How’s the security team job?”

“It’s good. I like the people I work for. Job is easy for me. For now, it’s good. We’ll see what this year brings. Now quit stalling and tell me what’s going on with Victor and Javier. Only you could go all those years married to a douchebag and come out of that only to end up in a love triangle.”

“I’m not in a love triangle. Quit being an ass.”

“Looked like a love triangle to me. Victor didn’t say anything the whole time in the car after we dropped off the boys. He’s a broody motherfucker when he wants to be.”

I spend the next 15 minutes explaining the backstory with Javier and Victor. At the end Summer asks, “So you don’t think Victor has a thing for you? Y’all are awfully close.”

“No, we decided after our first date we were better as friends. I don’t think he’s quite ready to really date. He still goes to his wife’s grave twice a week. He doesn’t think I know, but I do.”

“Jellybean, no dude spends that much time with a woman unless he’s interested in being more than friends, unless he’s gay, then it might really be just friends.”

“I’m telling you he’s not over his wife.”

They seem to let that go so I move on. “What I don’t get is Javier.”

“He’s got more going on in his head than just being interested in you. He’s trying to decide if he wants to put you through another bout of cancer, one where he possibly loses the fight.” Mike replies like he knows this for sure.

“You don’t even know him.”

“Don’t have to. If you love someone, you want to spare them any heartache. You’d rather risk the pain of losing them forever than put them in a situation where you know they’ll be hurt. I saw the look on his face. You’ve got a battle on your hands if you want him. Is he worth it?”

I look my brother straight in the eyes and answer, “Yes, he absolutely is, but I’m not sure he thinks I am.”

* * *

Two weeks go by and I don’t hear a word from Javier. He’s a coward and I’m super pissed about it. I thought he’d get his head out of his butt and approach me, but he hasn’t.

My friendship with Victor has remained the same and I’m so thankful for that. I was afraid after the party he’d back away. His ties to Javier are deeper than they are with me, but when I asked him he said, “There is no reason to choose. You and I are only friends and if he’s jealous, too damn bad. He needs to grow up and grow a pair.” Thank God. Victor’s part of the reason I made it through this last year and I enjoy his company.

Tonight we’re at Dante’s with Rebecca, Quinn and Marina. Marina hasn’t had a night out since baby Belinda, their third child, was born a couple of months ago and although she still can’t drink because she’s breast feeding, she agreed to be the designated driver. Dex practically threw her out of the house to join us and get a break, so we’re going to enjoy her company for as long as we get it. Victor came along because he has nothing else to do and he loves to dance.

When a slow song plays, Rebecca pulls Victor up to dance and I stir the cocktail in front of me with the little umbrella it came with. When I look up to search the dance floor for Victor and Rebecca, I see Javier and his ex-fiancée, Rena, dancing close, like only lovers do, whispering and smiling. It’s then that the bottom drops out from under me. The emotional pain is fast, fierce and crippling.

You’ve got to be kidding me. I thought he didn’t want to date me because he was afraid the cancer would return. I didn’t realize that he went back to Rena and might still be in love with her. I never even thought twice about her. His mom never took down the pictures of them all over the house and maybe this is why. Maybe she always knew they’d get back together.

I must not be hiding my feelings very well because Quinn looks at me and follows my line of sight. “Damn it!” she growls. “Who the hell is that?”

I shake my head, unable to say anything. I glance back to Javier and take in the man fully. His shoulders are still broad, his body still sturdy, but some of his muscle mass is gone. His now short dark hair is peppered with gray and although his beard’s gone he has a short salt-and-pepper goatee that’s hotter than I would’ve imagined. His smile hasn’t changed, it’s still light-up-the-room gorgeous and my stomach clenches with understanding. His bone to pick with Victor wasn’t ever really about me; it was about something different, obviously something I don’t understand.

I swallow hard and force down the bile-laced hurt that’s crept up my throat. After everything I’ve been through I refuse to allow him to hurt me further, and I definitely won’t allow him to know he hurt me. I’m a tough chick and I’ll go on being that, at least on the surface. I turn away and find something else to look at, which happens to be the bartender that Rebecca used to date, staring daggers at her and Victor. Maybe someone else is a little jealous too.

I take a quick trip to the ladies’ room to gather my composure and have a quick pep talk with myself. While I’m there I freshen up my makeup and make the decision to have a good time even if it kills me. Returning to the table, I find Victor waiting with a concerned look on his face and I ignore it, smiling at him.

Rebecca is now seated, eyes locked on the bartender, who’s flirting as openly as possible with the young girl in front of him. God, why don’t these two just talk about whatever the issue is and work it out? They both obviously want to be together.

Victor leans in and asks, “You okay?”

I plaster on my fake smile and turn to him. “Yeah, I’m great.” He searches my face, looking for the crack in my armor, but obviously doesn’t see it so he says, “Okay, want to dance? I know you love to salsa.” The song is indeed a fun salsa number so I nod and follow him to the floor. We dance so well together that eventually the others on the floor spread out and make a circle around us, cheering for each new move we break out. My earlier bad mood is forgotten as I get all the way into it and enjoy moving with him in perfect unison. Why can’t I be attracted to him? Why can’t I want more with him? He’s perfect. Good looking, great job, amazing dancer, loves hard, protects those he cares about, and he’s such a gentleman.

The end of the song is coming and I know he’s going for the big move; it’s one we’ve practiced at least 20 times in class. We’ve considered competing in an amateur competition near Christmas and using this move at the end. He does a double spin move and dips me using his arm. When he snaps me back up our faces are a quarter inch apart and the crowd is going nuts. His smile is wicked right before he kisses me hard and long. It’s a seriously hot kiss so I participate, but it’s not who I really want and that makes me a bitch for not pushing him away. But damn, it’s a great kiss. It ends suddenly when Victor is yanked away.

“Get the fuck off of her!” Javier yells in his friend’s face.

Oddly, Victor stands there with an irritating smirk on his face. Is he crazy? Doesn’t he see how pissed Javier is?

He pushes Javier in the chest with both hands, provoking a fight. “Why should I get off her, Javie? You obviously don’t want her. You’re here with Rena. You had your chance and walked away. My turn.” Victor winks at Javier, baiting him, and it’s like watching a Tasmanian devil explode. Javier goes after him faster than I thought he could move and punches him in the jaw, making Victor stumble back. I gasp, horrified that he hit his friend. Before it can go any further than that, security guards are pulling them apart and dragging them outside. I run back to our table to grab my purse and follow them out the door. Rena’s right beside me, both of us looking stunned. The bouncers stop and hold both men while we stand a few steps away.

“I don’t understand,” Rena says to Javier.

It’s Victor who responds though. “You wouldn’t because none of us do. He wants Valerie, but he won’t go for it. Then he shows up here with you to rub it in her face and has no idea what to do when I rub back.”

“You need to keep your hands off of her!” Javie shouts, still pissed off, and the bouncer tightens his hold.

“Javier. Look at me,” Rena quietly commands. He looks to her and his face softens in an instant. “Why? You know I love you. You know I want more. Why would you use me to make her jealous?”

“That’s not what happened. I missed you and I wanted to take you out. I don’t want to get back together, but I miss the friendship. I thought I was clear with you about that.”

“If you missed me and wanted to spend time with me then why are we out here with them instead of inside on the dance floor?” The anguish on her face is almost too much for me to watch and I want to do anything to soothe that. Javier wasn’t kidding when he said she wasn’t strong. She’s the kind of woman everyone wants to protect, including other women.

“We’re only friends,” I tell her. “If we’re even that anymore.”

“Valerie,” Javier says and it’s almost a plea.

“Valerie, as in the surgeon, Valerie?” Rena asks.

“Yes,” I respond, missing something major.

“She’s the one,” she says cryptically. Javier stops struggling. They stand staring at each other for a full minute. I’m not sure what’s passing between them but it looks painful.

“I knew it. Don’t call me again, Javier. I’m done. No more.” She walks over to the valet area and speaks to Angel who’s been watching closely but not moving. He picks up his phone and calls someone. Within a minute a taxi pulls up and with one last glance back at Javier, Rena climbs in and rides away.

Victor turns to the guy holding him and says, “You can let me go. I think we’re done.”

The guy looks back and forth between them long and hard before he finally lets him go and nods to the other bouncer, who does the same. “You aren’t going back in there tonight, guys.”

“You don’t have to worry, I don’t want to.” Victor adjusts his shirt and reaches his hand out for me. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

I glance over at Javier, who still hasn’t even said hello to me, hoping he’ll say something. I stare but still he says nothing. My heart sinks again and I grasp Victor’s hand and let him lead me to his car. The drive to my house is silent except for the Maroon 5 album he has playing quietly in the background. When we arrive at my house he walks me to the door.

“Don’t be upset with me. I was trying help. I knew if I kissed you he couldn’t stand there and watch anymore. I have no idea why he brought Rena there tonight, but I know it’s you he wants; he just won’t let himself hope or wish for a future. It was time to make him take action. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it, because I did. Lady, you can kiss, but I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable. Tonight brought something to light for me too. It’s time for me to let Carol go and move on. I think I’ve been hiding behind you. If I had you to do things with I had no need to face the prospect of dating. You’ve been a safe haven for me and it’s time I moved on.”

“Victor…” I don’t know what to say.

“I still want to be friends, but I think I need a little space to figure out how to do that. If you need me though I’ll be here, just call.”

He kisses me softly and quickly on the lips, then turns and strides to the car. The engine in his little sports car revs and takes off down the road at a speed fast enough to make me cringe. What a messed-up night.

I go inside and slip into an emerald green satin nightgown that feels good against my skin and hangs to about mid-thigh. Then I remove my makeup, grab my book and relax on the couch. I need to think about anything except the last couple of hours.

I’m only about four paragraphs in when there’s a light knock on the door. Who the heck is here this late? I hurry to my room and grab the matching robe and pull it on, then I look through the peephole. Javier is standing with his hands on his hips, looking irritated and impatient. His shirt is open several buttons down and the little bit of hair on top of his head is sticking straight up like he was running his hands through it and forgot to smooth it back down. What the hell does he want?

I open the door a crack since I’m not dressed for visitors.

“It’s late, Javie.”

“I know. Can I come in?”

“Maybe you should come back tomorrow.”

“I’m not coming back tomorrow. I’ll sit here until you let me in.”

Great, a stubborn pain in the butt.

“Fine.” I let him in and stay behind the door until it’s closed again. I clutch the robe closed, wishing I would’ve picked sweatpants or something different to wear tonight. His eyes travel the length of me, starting at my toes and ending at my eyes. My core heats at his obvious perusal but I ignore it because I’m pissed that he’s blown me off and hurt that I could so easily be cast aside.

“What do you want, Javier?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Your silence has said everything.”

“No, it hasn’t, I want to apologize.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little late for that? There’s only so much someone can put up with before it’s too much.”

“I deserve that. I know I do, but I really want to do this. Please let me apologize.”

“For?” I cross my arms over my chest.

“Everything. The way I treated you, the mixed signals, not being appreciative of all you’ve done for me and my family.”

“You’ve said it, I accept. You can go now.” I’m not hiding my irritation. I wish I could accept and everything could go right back to normal, but I’ll have to see an improvement this time.

“I’m not done.” He runs his hand over his goatee and drops it to hang limp at his side, almost as if he’s trying to understand what it will take for me to believe him.

“What?” I ask, exasperated. What else could there be? He looks so damn good, and him standing in front of me like this makes it harder. I want him so bad, but I don’t want another quickie against the wall that he can walk away from. I want it all with him.

“I’m sorry for not being honest,” he says.

“About what?” I don’t remember honesty being an issue for him. What could he have lied about?

He steps in closer so I’m forced to look up at him, and dear Lord, help me, but I think he’s hotter now with the salt-and-pepper, short-haired look than he was with the head full of black hair. He looks sexy and distinguished.

“About this.” He cups my face as he kisses me. I thought Victor’s kiss was hot. It had nothing on this. He starts it slow, his mouth opening, his tongue coaxing mine out to play. His fingers slip into the hair at the side of my head and hold me still while he makes magic with my mouth. He backs me up until I’m flush with the wall, never breaking the kiss. When his lips finally leave mine, they trail across my cheek and down my neck, causing goose bumps to spread down my neck and arms. The warmth of his breath slides down over my breasts and my nipples peak, poking into the fabric of my nightgown. I’m like putty in his hands. He could mold me any way he wants to and I would probably conform at this point. He took me from stiff and grumpy to soft and sweet. It all feels so good.

“Valerie,” he whispers by my ear. “Ask me to stay.” When he pulls back I know I’ve got that dreamy look on my face that young girls have after their first kiss and I remember why this is a bad idea. My conscience steps to the forefront, attempting to clear the fog of lust clouding my rational mind.

“Why? You’ll just break my heart.” Sadly, I think facing a broken heart at his hands will be much worse than it was with Ron and I don’t know if I want to take that risk.

“No, not this time. I plan to give you my heart and a whole lot more. I’m scared, but I’m willing. Come on, cariño, take the leap with me.” Darling is even sexier in Spanish.

His thumb brushes across the satin covering my nipple and I close my eyes. This is a horrible idea, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to say no.

“Javier…” I stall, trying to think straight.

“Give me the chance, please.”

My brain, heart and body go to battle with each other. Heart and body are on one side, ready to take my brain down. He’s standing close enough that we’re exchanging breath when I relent. “Okay, stay.”

He reaches over and locks the door, then scoops me up and carries me to my bedroom and lays me on the bed.