Chapter 4
As much as she wanted to push him away, to tell him to get the hell away from her, she found herself leaning against him, comforted and drawn in by his strength.
“What are you doing?” She whispered, her back still pressed up against him as he held onto her.
He stayed silent, only pulling away when she extracted herself from his grasp.
“Let’s sit down, Mia.” He spoke softly but his voice was full of authority. She turned to look at him, nodding slightly whilst noticing the unspoken anguish, which was alive and glowing in his eyes.
For the second time, she made her way to the sofa, taking her seat opposite him.
“Tell me what’s going on, Gino.” She forced herself to ask the question, which could break her. “Is it true? Are you really getting married?”
His grey eyes became flat as he considered her question.
“It’s complicated, Mia.”
“Complicated? It’s always complicated with you, Gino. I’m sick of your excuses.” His eyes widened at her outburst. “Tell me the truth!” She heard the bitterness spill over into her voice, but didn’t care as she glared at him.
“Yes. It’s true.” His voice was filled with misery and he ran a hand through his short hair. Mia gasped out loud, the finality of the statement hitting her hard. She felt her eyes fill up with fresh tears and she quickly looked away. “But it’s for all the wrong reasons, Mia, I swear to you.”
She clenched her hand until her nails dug into her palm. Mixed feelings surged through her and her mind reeled in confusion at his statement. “I don’t understand.”
“I know. Let me explain properly. Please, I need you to understand. You of all people.” He pleaded with her and sank to his knees by her feet. She nodded in answer.
“If you recall, I wanted to speak with you the night of your mother’s birthday, three months ago.”
“Yes, but I was so caught up with the guests…”
“I know, that’s fine. I was going to tell you that night that I couldn’t bear to be without you for a moment longer. God knows, I’ve tried to protect you and stay away but…I just couldn’t live any longer without you by my side.”
Mia snapped her gaze to him. “What do you mean by protect?” She used air quotes.
He sighed deeply and sat back on his feet. “Mia, you know the rumours about my father? I just couldn’t bear to bring the one person I care about more than anything in the world, into our family.”
“But, Gino, why? I mean, yes, I’ve heard the stories, but why do you think he’d do anything to me?”
“It’s not that he would, Mia. I guess I didn’t want to tarnish you with my family name. I’ve tried to stay away from you for so long, but each year, I’ve watched you blossom and become more beautiful. I was hoping to speak with you that night to see if you would consider dating me.”
His eyes became misty and he looked away, his face clouding over with a frown. Mia sat back on the sofa, shocked at his confession. Thrilled that he did want her after all, angry that it was now too late.
“It still doesn’t make sense, Gino! So, why are you marrying someone else then if you say you care about me?” Her spirits sank even lower as the hurt and longing lay naked in her eyes.
“After that night, I went to see my father to tell him of my intentions towards you.” He looked away, picturing the scene. “The house was empty, but I could hear voices coming from his study and I ended up eavesdropping on his conversation.” His face hardened. “Let’s just say that he was in the middle of another dirty deal.”
Mia’s mouth opened in dismay. “What did you do?”
“I walked away, Mia. The next day, I flew back to London.”
“Yes, I remember because I tried to call you at home and your maid said that you had returned to London.”
“I had to get away, Mia. Also, I was still embroiled in my last project, which had kind of taken over my life. Then I started second guessing myself.” His eyes darkened in pain. “I could see how well you were doing and I wasn’t sure you would want to be associated with the Rossi name.”
“Gino, that would have been my choice.” She closed her eyes, her heart aching.
“I know, Mia. That’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life.”
She opened her eyed. “So what else?”
“A couple of months ago, we had a staff night out. I wasn’t in the mood to go, as all I could think about was you.” He paused briefly. “In the end I decided to go and drown my sorrows in a few drinks.” Mia felt her throat tighten and she picked up her glass of water to swallow the despair in her throat.
“There was this woman there. I knew she was coming onto me and I was getting more and more drunk by the hour. By the end of the evening, everywhere I looked, all I could see was your face. And this woman? She wouldn’t give up.” He looked down and his face was twisted with regret. Mia felt her breath quicken and the blood began to pound in her temples.
“What happened, Gino?”
“I slept with her, Mia. I didn’t even recall it or even her name. I just wanted someone to fill the void that you had left me with.” He paused again. “A few weeks ago, she got in contact with me. She told me she’s pregnant.”
“What?” She felt ice spreading through her body as she backed away from him, into the sofa. A raw and primitive grief overwhelmed her. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, Mia. I may have been really drunk, but I always make sure to use protection. She told me the condom had split.”
Mia’s head snapped back as her mouth opened in a silent scream. She felt sick.
“And you’re marrying her?” Her voice cracked. She couldn’t bear to look him in the eye.
“I have to, Mia. When she’s further along. I won’t have a bastard child brought into this world.”
Mia nodded silently. She forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat and quickly stood up.
“I think you need to leave, Gino.” She spoke softly, the reality of the situation crashing down all over her fractured heart. She would never have her chance with him now. It was over.
He stood up to his full height and reached out a hand to her, slowly moving forward. “I’m so sorry, Mia.” Tears had formed in his eyes and he rapidly blinked them away. “I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to us.”
Mia spun around, anger taking the place of her grief. “Us?” she shouted. “There never was an us, Gino. Because you were too damn scared. And now there’ll never be an us!”
He winced at her words, harsh with anger and emotion.
“Mia— “
“Get out, Gino.” She walked to the door and flung it open, refusing any eye contact.
Gino stood still for a moment, but then slowly picked up his jacket. He paused right next to her, but she kept her eyes lowered. “I fucked up, Mia. Really, badly. This is a mistake I’m going to have to live with for the rest of my life. Please, don’t hate me.” He slowly walked past her. “Besides, you couldn’t hate me more than I hate myself.”
Mia sucked in a quick breath, her hand frozen on the door. She had no more words as she watched him walk away.
* * *
The next couple of days flew by in a blur. Mia went through the motions at her studio, fully in control of her work and designs, but operating at a robotic level. She barely slept, images flooding her mind of what could have been if only Gino hadn’t been so protective of her. She cried herself to sleep each night, pain wrenching through her at the thought of another woman carrying his child.
She promised Amber she would visit her, so on Wednesday night, she went to her flat in Clapham, immediately following work.
She plastered on a bright smile when she saw Amber standing at the door.
“Ciao, Amber!” They greeted each other with a quick hug.
“Come in, Mia.” Amber looked at Mia’s gaunt face with concern.
“Hi Beth.” Mia walked in and greeted Beth as she took a seat, sinking back into the sofa and momentarily closing her eyes. She tucked her hair behind her ears, sighing deeply. “What a week so far.”
Beth scooted closer to Mia. “Mia, are you okay?” She lightly squeezed her hand. “You don’t look so good, hun.”
Mia opened her eyes and looked at the two pairs of concerned eyes looking at her intently. She wanted to pretend that she was okay, but knew that they wouldn’t buy it. Plus, she agreed with Beth; she didn’t look or feel good.
“I don’t know what to say.” She shrugged her shoulders, glancing at her nails. The deep red polish she had on had started to chip. One of her pet peeves. She smiled, turning her attention to the ceiling. “The guy I’ve been in love with for the past ten years, perhaps more, is getting married to someone else. Someone he barely knows because of one crappy mistake.” She shook her head and, spying the wine glass Amber had set before her, she picked it up and took a large gulp. “Thanks, Amber. I needed this.” Setting the glass down carefully on the table, she continued. “You know the worst part? Turns out he’s supposedly been in love with me all this time too.” She laughed miserably as Beth and Amber glanced at each other. Amber spoke first.
“He said that?”
“Yep. Sorry, I know I didn’t go into much detail on my text, but I was trying to understand and get to grips with all this myself.”
“Don’t be silly, no need to apologise. So you said that he’s marrying this woman now?”
“Apparently so, but he said not until she is much further along.”
“That’s so shitty. Why does he have to marry her, for God’s sake?” Beth shook her head, annoyed.
“Beth, it’s the way of our Italian men.” She sighed. “Family first and all that. He said he didn’t want a bastard child.”
“Don’t I know,” Amber muttered beneath her breath. Nico had already twice proposed, but she was still relenting.
“It’s different with you and Nico, Amber. I know you guys genuinely love each other. I’ve never seen my brother happier in his life.” Amber flushed, a smile playing on her lips. “With Gino, it just sucks because he’s marrying her out of obligation.”
“I’m so sorry, Mia. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I don’t know why, but it just doesn’t sit right with me.” Beth shook her head. “You said he was drunk, right? And the condom split?”
“That’s what he said.”
“Hmmm. Well. I don’t know. My gut tells me that something’s off.”
“You’re very sweet, Beth,” Mia smiled at her friend, “and I really appreciate your support, but I just have to face facts. We’ll never be together.” Her eyes filled with tears and she quickly brushed them away. “I need to get my shit together and move on from Gino Rossi once and for all.”
The girls were silent for a few moments until Amber sat up, smiling.
“Okay, you may not want to do this straight away, but when you’re ready, I have the perfect distraction for you.” She grinned, excited at the plan forming in her head. “So, there’s this single guy at work, he’s total eye candy and really charming as well — I just know you two would hit it off. Let me set you two up on a date. If nothing else, you’ll have a great laugh. What do you think? Will you agree?”
Mia laughed at Amber’s excitement. She thought for a moment. “You know what, Amber? Ordinarily, I’d never agree to a blind date, but you only live once. Right? So, what the hell! You’re right. I haven’t dated in months and I could really do with the distraction.”
Amber’s face split into a wide grin and she high-fived Beth. “Atta girl! Let me see what I can do.”