Chapter 21: Zach

Two Weeks Later

The light falling through undrawn curtains pierced my skull when I opened my eyes. I rolled over, burying my head in the pillows, and swore. My head throbbed violently and the room spun all around me. I felt like I’d been put through a blender.

What had I done last night? I remembered a club and women and a lot of alcohol. God, a lot of alcohol.

I pushed myself up. Goosebumps broke out on my skin and I shivered. It felt like a fever. I had drunk myself sick.

When I looked at the bed next to me, it was empty. Thank God. I didn’t want anything to do with women. Not after Hailey. Not after that stupid magazine article. The last part of last night was a blur though. For a moment, I’d been terrified I might have brought someone home again.

Hailey wouldn’t return my calls and she’d left the position with my father’s firm. She was out of my life, and chasing after her only made me feel like a fucking stalker. I’d give it some time and then go after her. She had my baby inside of her for shit’s sake.

And if I were being completely honest… I still loved her. She haunted me, day and night.

I stumbled out of bed, made my way to the bathroom, and turned on the shower. Cold was the best remedy, but I wasn’t in the mood for a rude awakening. Instead, I made the water scalding hot. I stripped off last night’s jeans and t-shirt and stepped under the spray. The water hit me like pins and needles and I groaned.

It was the only thing that reminded me I was still alive.

I hadn’t been to the office since I found out about Hailey and the baby. The last conversation I had with my father was where he told me he would get rid of me if it meant saving the company.

The last two weeks were a blur. There had been a hell of a lot of alcohol and way too much partying. Women too, but none that I was interested in. None of them were like Hailey and all of them wanted a piece of me I couldn’t give them because it didn’t exist. The mask I’d been wearing for so many years had worn too thin.

It was just me, now.

My father tried to phone me a total of three times. He tried to come see me once, before work, but I’d just come back from a bender, one that had lasted all night, and the only thing I could remember was the disappointment on his face.

I stood under the water, letting it run over my face and down my body. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I’d been working so hard to fight the system and be who I chose to be that the result wasn’t the person I really was. And then, with Hailey, I had fought hard to be the person the company needed me to be, which hadn’t been accurate either.

Now? Now I had no idea what was left. Everyone wanted something from me I couldn’t give them. Underneath it all, I was just the same lost teenager who lost his mother. And I couldn’t show it to anyone because I was supposed to be an adult who took responsibility. I was supposed to be okay with it all and work hard to save what she left behind.

Why couldn’t I just be me? Now that all the pressure to be someone else was gone, I just didn’t know who that was anymore. It’s hard to be someone you don’t know. It’s even harder to love yourself.

I stayed in the shower until the water ran cold. When I got out, I wrapped a towel around my hips. I walked to the kitchen to find something to eat – hopefully starch would soak up the alcohol a little bit.

I pulled out the toaster and put in four slices of bread. I wasn’t in the mood to make anything else. My head bothered me. I clawed at my temples and rubbed my face. Every time I felt like this, I swore to myself I would never drink again. That didn’t make a difference – by five o’clock I was back on the bottle again.

The living room was dark, the curtains still drawn. I had managed to draw those, but not the curtains in my room. Go figure. I sat down on the couch, waiting for the toaster to pop.

I was exhausted. I was running out of steam. I couldn’t do it all, all the time. Everyone wanted something from me. If it wasn’t my money and my reputation, it was what I could do for the business. There was nothing about me as a person that counted anymore.

And I was tired.

Maybe it was time to leave, to build a new life. Maybe I could go somewhere no one knew me – I could start over with a new business and new people in my life. If I could escape, then I could become someone else. I could live a different life.

It felt like a weight lifting from my shoulders. Leaving my life, my image, and my responsibilities behind was the best thing I could imagine. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine myself somewhere else, in a different life where I was happy.

And the only place I could see, was in Aspen. The mountains, the luxurious hotels and amazing restaurants. Fresh air, a life away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

The valley.

Aspen was the one place where I had felt like myself. It was away from all the pressures and responsibilities, where the possibilities were endless, where real life couldn’t catch up with me. Aspen was the dream.

If I went there now… it wouldn’t be the same at all, because it wasn’t the place. Aspen wasn’t magic. It was Hailey. She was the one who brought everything together and put life into perspective for me. She was the one to bring it to life and Hailey was the one to set me free from the confines of my own life. She gave me the freedom to truly be myself.

Hailey was the kind of woman my mom had been – sincere, pure, beautiful inside and out. I was attracted to the life inside of her, not just her body. I remembered my mother being the same. Nora Nettles had been the kind of woman to make you feel like you wanted to pick yourself up and try again. It was why so many women managed to conquer their fear and escape their abuse. It was why my mom started the company. Because she understood that all life was worth something, even when others couldn’t see that.

Hailey was like that, seeing the same thing in me. When everything else fell apart in my life, even my relationship with my father, Hailey had looked at me and seen something she could salvage. More than that, she saw something worth loving.

I sat up. I knew what I needed to do. I knew where I wanted to be. Living my life to the fullest and being the person I could accept didn’t mean leaving Denver and never looking back. It meant going back to it all and trying again.

The smell of toast brought me back to reality. I got up and walked to my room. My head still ached, but I had a mission. I ignored the pain, the horrible feeling of a hangover, and got into my best suit – the suit I wore to take Hailey out to dinner in Aspen. It looked good on me. In it, I felt invincible.

I looked in the mirror. There were dark circles beneath my eyes and my skin looked pasty. But my eyes were bright.

The drive to the office was a short one. I rode the elevator to our floor and knocked on my father’s door. The time that passed between my knock and his answer felt like forever, even though it couldn’t have been more than a split second. My stomach turned to stone and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

When I pushed open the door my father looked up. His face closed, a stern look dressing his features.

I took a deep breath and stood in front of him like he was the school principal. I folded my hands in front of me.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

My father frowned. “What?”

“For everything,” I added. “Not just the magazine. Or the drinking. Or the women. I’m sorry for everything.”

My father blinked slowly, opening his mouth like he wanted to speak. Nothing came out, though, so I pushed through. I had something I wanted to get out.

“I’ve been fighting this company and the image you were pushing onto me all my life. I felt like you were punishing me for not being like mom. But I was wrong. I should have understood how important this company is to you. I should have showed you that it’s important to me, too.”

“What’s happened to you?” my father finally asked.

I shook my head and looked behind me for the chair before sitting down.

“It took me a long time to figure this out, but I finally realized what’s important to me. Mom and her legacy are important to me. I want to keep working with you. I want to make this company something she would be proud of.” I breathed out in a shudder and added, “I miss her.”

My dad’s face softened, his eyes watery.

“I miss her too,” he said.

“If you’ll still have me by your side in this company, I would like to try again. I want to make it work.”

My father was quiet for a long time. My chest felt tight. He could still say no. It could all be too late.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” he said. “The company took a big dip after that article in the magazine.”

I hadn’t even read it, but I could imagine. I nodded.

“I know. I’d like to fix it, though. Even if I have to make a public announcement.”

“And without Hailey…” My dad’s sentence tapered off. My stomach turned when he said her name, but he was right. She had done wonders for this company and for our family. She had managed to work miracles with me.

“I’ll fix it,” I said. “I want her back. I love her.”

My father frowned. “What? You love her?”

“I know,” I said before he could say anything. “Don’t judge me, okay? I love her. God, I feel for her what I think you might have felt for mom. I understand it now.”

My father looked into my eyes, boring deep into my soul. He must have liked what he saw because for the first time in what felt like years, he smiled at me.

“That’s my boy,” he said.

I blinked at him. “What?”

He looked down at his table. “I can’t think of anyone better for you. Hailey is cut from a different type of fabric.”

“The sturdy type,” I said.

My father laughed. The sound was almost foreign, but it warmed me immediately. “When it’s you, she has to be.”

I looked at my wristwatch. It was almost noon. I hadn’t checked the time until now.

“I have one more thing to do,” I said and got up.

“Go get her,” my father said when I ran out of the office.

The offices where she worked weren’t nearly as luxurious or as big as ours, but it felt a lot homier when I walked through the doors. We were all about business, they were all about people. It made sense that someone like her would come from a place like this.

“I’m here to see Hailey Woods,” I said to the receptionist. She nodded and phoned up. A moment later she shook her head at me.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Nettles,” she knew who I was, “she’s not in today.”

“Is she sick?” I asked.

The secretary shrugged.

“Please, I just need to speak to Hailey.”

“Zach Nettles?” a woman asked behind me. It was one I didn’t know. Thank God. “Are you looking for Hailey?”

I nodded. “I need to speak to her.”

The woman looked confused. “Why?”

I sighed. “Please, it’s urgent.”

She nodded her head in the direction of the door. “Walk with me.”

I turned and walked with her despite her command. I didn’t like being told what to do, but this was about Hailey.

“I’m Jess,” she said when we were outside, walking down the street. “Hailey’s friend. We all saw the magazine. I don’t think you should contact her.”

“I’m not looking for trouble,” I said.

Jess shook her head. “I don’t think you understand. Hailey has been through a lot…”

“And it’s my fault. I know that. I need to make it right with her.”

Jess shook her head. “She can’t handle more heartbreak.”

I turned and grabbed Jess by the elbows. She looked shocked.

“Look, I love her, okay? I want her to know. I can’t let her go without trying one more time.”

Jess narrowed her eyes at me. “You love her?”

I nodded. I wasn’t shy about saying it anymore.

Jess hesitated just a second before she nodded.

“Okay, but you’re not going to find her here. She went home.”

“Home?”

“To Creede.”

I had no idea where Creede was. Hailey never mentioned the exact town where she came from and I had never asked. It proved how much I cared about myself. I would find her, though.

Jess took out her business card and scribbled something on the back before handing it to me.

“A forwarding address she gave me for her work mail,” she said. I read it, turned and hurried away.

“Thank you!” I called over my shoulder, my heart on fire for the woman I knew belonged to me.

Now to convince her of that.