Grace
I am in my room, saying my nightly prayers, when loud yelling erupts from somewhere down the hall. Pushing myself up from my kneeling position, I place my rosary on the heart-shaped glass container Mama Ada gave me the other day. I don’t have to walk outside my room to hear who is doing most of the shouting and to understand whom his anger is directed to. With my room one door down from Joe’s study, I am too close to the eye of the storm.
“What part of her being here that puts you and Mama Ada in the cross fire don’t you get, Pops?”
“Nix”—I move closer to the door—“I suggest you bring it down a notch.” Joe’s even tone doesn’t do anything to calm my nerves.
“How can you not see how fu—idiotic this situation is? I’m not talking out of my ass here.”
“I know, son. But—”
“There are no buts! None! She should be with Rachel and Nate, like we agreed.”
Suddenly, my door opens, and Mama Ada comes in with an apologetic expression etched on her face.
“Grace, I don’t even know where to begin to apologize for Nix’s insensitivity and rude behavior. I swear, he didn’t grow up in a barn.”
“It’s okay. I understand his concern. I should’ve thought about the danger I’d be putting you guys in. He makes perfect sense actually.”
“Let’s go to Joe’s office.” She links her arm with mine. “I’m sure Joe would want you there. After all, they are talking about you.”
Walking down the narrow hallway feels like walking into the fiery pits of hell. I am afraid to engage in an argument with anyone, especially Nix. But he needs to learn to listen to others without chopping their heads off.
“Come in, Grace.” Joe stretches his arm, welcoming me.
Nix’s broad shoulders, large frame, and sinewy muscles are intimidating yet magnificently striking. My eyes are immediately drawn to him, which makes for a stupid move since his fierce glare is aimed at me.
He doesn’t waste a single second before starting his barrage of words. “Do you know the shit storm you’re putting them in? Isn’t it enough that I got you here in one piece? You didn’t learn from what happened the other day?” He points at me and sneers in anger. “Let me tell you something; two of the beating hearts in this room are mine to protect.”
My eyes volley from Joe to Mama Ada, both wearing somber faces.
“You’d better pack your bags before shit hits the fan and more people end up dead because of you!”
“Phoenix Matthew Hayes!” Mama Ada bellows.
His words hurt. They cut deep.
But aren’t they the truth? Mother Gertrude and the rest of the nuns were lucky to survive the past ten years.
We both ignore Mama Ada as our eyes duel in a stare-down standoff.
“I am sorry for upsetting you; it wasn’t my intention. Mama Ada wants company. We go to church together. I give in to her whims to somehow repay her and your family for protecting me—a nobody in your book. If it puts them at risk, I will leave. I am sorry, truly sorry, for not thinking about the danger.”
I turn to face Joe, my tears blur my vision. “I’m sorry for causing a rift between you and your family.”
Turning to face Nix again, I say, “Give me a few minutes to get my stuff, and I’ll go wherever you want me to.”
“You could have been killed! Rachel could’ve been killed! How could you be so irresponsible?”
My lips itch to confess the truth. But throwing Rachel under the bus is not an option. “If they get lucky enough to kill me, then so be it. No one can save me forever, Nix. Not even you. I don’t care anymore.”
“Well, I fucking care! I put my life on the line for people like you!” He jabs his finger in my direction. “I put Mama Ada through hell and back each time I go on a mission.” He points his finger at her. “So, please…do not cheapen what I do by saying stupid shit!”
“I’m not cheapening anything. I’m just tired of running. I don’t know why you can’t at least understand that.”
Before I can say another word, Joe’s voice booms in the air. “Enough! Take a seat, both of you.”
Quickly, I sit my butt down but not after stealing a glance at Joe. His jaw twitches, and the mask of power he holds as the patriarch of his family locks in place.
His apologetic eyes capture mine. “I knew from the moment I saw him”—he points at Nix, who is sitting stiff as a board next to me—“he would be a force to be reckoned with. He’s hot under the collar, but his heart is big—bigger than mine. But so is his pride, which could very well be his downfall.” He gives Nix a stern look and promptly shifts back to me. “Like me, there’s nothing he treasures more than our family. Believe it or not, his own death doesn’t scare him, but losing any one of us does. He knew that, once you set foot out of the convent and into our lives, there would be targets on our backs. That is why he has been against my plan from the get-go—”
“Pops,” Nix chimes in.
But it only earns him another pointed glare, which makes him fold.
Now, I finally know who can make Nix heel.
“You want to nip this in the bud, Nix? Then, you have to be honest.” He sighs and continues, “I’ve honored your father’s decision to keep you off the grid. It might have been a few years too late, but when I decided to take you out of hiding, Nix thought it’d be best not to change the status quo. Anyone would jump on that bandwagon because it makes perfect sense. But not for me. Not when preserving our safety means caging you like a bird. Not when appeasing my sister means changing your path in life. Your life, just like my boys’ and Rachel’s, is important. You’ve already lost a good ten years, and it is selfish of me to ask for more. Nix will always choose to protect us at all cost. But trust me when I tell you that he will protect yours even with his own.”
He gives Nix a knowing look and then smiles before he begins, “Grace never asked for this life, Nix. The choice was stolen from her. Imagine that for a second. Imagine someone robbing you of a life you wanted to lead, in whatever direction you wanted to take it. How horrible would that be? She has lost ten years of her life. Are you willing to lose ten of yours? Of Mama Ada’s? Drake’s? Maybe Nate’s? Or mine? Rachel’s?” He shakes his head but doesn’t break eye contact. “I know the answer is no. No, because you love them…you love me. So, how is it a yes for her? Is it because she’s alone in this world? Disposable? Or is it because you don’t give a damn?”
His eyes soften, but they are still full of determination. “Don’t punish her for our safety, Nix. You’re called to do what’s right. Often, it comes with a price, son. If it’s my life, so be it. Whether she’s here with me or with Rachel, she’s a target. I am a target. You are. We all are. Now, I want to give her the freedom she deserves. Therefore, consider this my last hurrah to free someone. Accept that this is just how it plays out.”
Tears are streaming down my face as the weight of his sacrifice hits me like the lance that speared the side of my savior. The rawest and purest of love in his eyes is like a shining beacon in a place bathed in utter blackness. How could someone sacrifice so much for me?
“I get what you’re saying, Pops. Trust me, I do. That is why she’s moving in with me.”