Nix
“I don’t care to know how many girls you’ve done whatever with or what horrors you’ve seen. What I care about is how I can help you heal this…” Grace pokes at my chest—“so this”—another love poke from her, and this time, it’s on my forehead—“can look past the pain.”
I move closer. “I don’t see myself like you see me. I don’t even understand why you see me any differently than how I see myself.”
“I see your heart and its capacity to love; that’s all I really need to know.”
Realization of how Grace has continually challenged my heart from day one hits me like an uppercut to the chin. Her heartfelt words, somber eyes, warm voice, and loving touch are like manna from heaven. I stand motionless with my heart beating erratically as acceptance of who she is to me settles within.
“I am a flawed man, Grace.”
“But there’s always something good in anyone, even someone as flawed as you.” She cradles my face, warming my skin. “Open your eyes to the goodness of your heart. You’re worth more than you think. With what you’ve done for me, you’re worthy.”
I take another step closer. Her eyes pulling me in. “Maybe I can’t see the goodness of my heart. Maybe someone needs to explain to me how someone like you understands someone as tainted as me. But I know…”
“You know what?” Her eyes drop, focusing on my lips.
Gently, I hold her chin, tilting it so that her eyes are back on mine. “I know this.”
With her breath hitting my fevered skin and the way her eyes surrender to mine, I take what I know I shouldn’t. I kiss the only woman who understands my darkest secrets.
When her intoxicating breath mixes with my own, the sweetness of everything that is Grace somehow brings healing to my tired soul. I feel revived. Alive. Reborn.
This will go down in my book as the most innocent kiss I’ve shared with a woman. There’s no amount of tongue-twisting or lips-smacking that could ever compare to the purity of this innocent yet potent kiss.
I begin to crave the only woman I don’t deserve. As the heat of arousal seeps into my veins, the tips of my fingers itch to touch her, and my dick hardens to own her. I take a step back as my desperation burns through whatever is left of my self-control.
The hardship of taking that one simple step almost brings me to my knees. The irony of it all is that I am damn proud for refusing to kneel and give in to my own desires. And I need her now. I need that satisfaction to burst out of me and into her.
While my spirit soars with pride, she opens her eyes, staring blankly at me. Her shaky fingers graze along her kissed lips. Her shoulders slump in embarrassment as a deep crease of disappointment appears on her forehead.
It feels as if my heart thuds to a stop when her discomfort and crestfallen face flash before me like damn neon lights. I’ve managed to make Grace feel like the rest of the girls I’ve used and fucked.
Is this the universe’s way of telling me that good and evil should never mix? That my tarnished soul is no match to her pure heart?
Before I can even formulate a believable explanation, fate changes everything.
In an instant.
“Nix! Baby, I’ve been trying to call you all day.”
Why did I give Tanya the code to the private elevator in the first place?
Tanya’s heels against the wooden floor are like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. Grace turns into a statue right before my very eyes while I give her an apologetic look. From the corner of my eye, I see Tanya strutting across the floor, ignoring Grace. Confidently and without warning, she kisses me on the lips and grabs my hand, placing it flat against her naked pussy. My eyes snap downward, following my now hidden hand underneath Tanya’s coat.
Tanya pushes my hand, forcing my middle finger to dip inside her wetness. Her deliberate action earns a moan of arousal from her, causing my eyes to snap up, only to land on Grace’s retreating figure.
“Can you feel how wet I am for you?” She leans in, widening her stance, and then whispers, “Stick it inside me, Nix. Fuck me with your finger.”
I can’t fucking believe this is happening. While my fingers are itching to plunge deep inside Tanya’s slick heat, my heart yells at my head to chase after Grace. But the devil isn’t done with me yet.
Not yet.
Tanya ramps up the temptation and hooks her leg around my hip, opening her more to me. “Oh, Nix…I need more…”
Her hot breath against my skin plus her enticing words only send me deeper into the abyss of darkness. Of that place, I crave the most.
“Make me feel good, and I promise it’ll be worth…”
The word snaps me out of my sexually induced fall from grace, and I push Tanya away from me. I take a few staggered steps, lost in my own guilt, while Tanya’s eyes are bathe in confusion. I begin to justify what just happened as the silence around us grows thick.
My chest is tight, my breathing shallow. I point at the door without looking at the temptress before me. “Leave. I need you to leave now.”
“What?” Tanya shrieks. Her high-pitched voice cuts through the silence.
“You heard me,” I say through clenched teeth. Glaring at her, I yell out, “Now!”
The moment I hear the door slam, my fingers clamp on to the back of the armless chair for support. The very chair Grace occupied moments ago. I take a few steps and another until I’m standing right in front of her room. I am tempted to bust in to ask for absolution, but I don’t. I am too afraid.
For the first time in my life, I fear for my own heart.
That fear detonates in my chest like a bomb. It creates a crater so big, I find myself sliding down the wall in defeat. Unwilling to move or make a stand. Instead, I ignore the pull coming from the only woman who has seen the worth of my soul.
And the worst of it.