chapter TWENTY-SEVEN

Nix

The grotto. My future wife’s favorite place.

For the past ten minutes, I’ve been staring at it from the small window in the room Nate and I are in. It looks inviting. Peaceful. There are two pathways that lead to the entrance. One from the west and the other from the east. Along the narrow path are rose bushes in different colors. Right in the middle of the grotto is Grace’s old wooden desk. A six-by-twelve three-wick white pillar candle sits at the center.

“This room is too small.” Nate’s loud groan catches my attention.

For once, I agree with him. The room is way too small for the likes of us. Add the fact that Nate’s personality is the size of Texas, and even the air is fighting for space.

“I can’t breathe,” I mutter to myself, adjusting my tie.

“That makes two of us.” Nate huffs beside me. “Do I have to be in this damn monkey suit?”

Out of nowhere, a tsking sound comes from outside the room. Sister Bertha’s beady eyes make Nate and me jump.

“I’m sorry. Ten Hail Marys coming right up!” Nate exclaims before Sister Bertha nods and walks away. “Dude, this place is giving me the creeps. Nuns appear out of nowhere! It’s like they levitate or walk through walls and shit!”

I chuckle. “Will you be serious? I’m getting married, all right?”

“Pssh, who gets married at night anyway?” Nate questions while examining ourselves through an old, tiny-ass mirror. Well, for our size anyway.

I blow out a breath, eager to see my future wife. Hopefully, it’s soon before I pass out.

“I don’t know, Nate. I just go with the flow.”

Suddenly, Drake’s face comes into view behind us.

“Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and the three kings! Do you know how to knock?” Nate bellows.

“Shut up! The door is wide open.” Drake silences him. “Are you ready?”

“Ready? He’s hyperventilating.” Nate snickers.

“Why? Are you having second thoughts?” Drake asks.

“No! His dick is having dirty thoughts!” Nate chuckles. “What do you expect, Drake? He hasn’t felt heaven in forever! But tonight will be the night, right, bro?”

“Thank fuck,” I mutter.

“Exactly, and his dick is feeling the full effect of fasting.”

“Who’s fasting?” Once again, a nun gets the better of us.

In slow motion, we turn and face her.

“Pussy fasting,” Nate whispers. Then, he gives Sister Mary Ellen his full attention. “Well, Sister Mary Ellen, where did you come from? Through the walls? From under the ground?” Nate asks.

She laughs heartily and cups Nate’s face. “You’re such a happy soul with a wicked tongue. Can you please refrain from saying bad words while you’re here?”

Nate’s eyes narrow. “And how do you know I’ve said a bad word, huh, Sister Mary Ellen? Were you spying on us?”

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out,” she answers smoothly. “Now, get ready because we’re about to start.” Her motherly eyes land on me. “Remember, you make a left once you get to the end of the hallway. Walk slowly, Phoenix. Take this moment to think of what your life was before meeting our Grace. And make sure to leave all the hurt, all the pain, all your doubts and fears along the way. So, when you see her, your heart is ready, okay?” She takes a couple of steps before turning around. “Love her like you should, Phoenix Hayes, because we did. We still do.” Her eyes sparkle with unshed tears.

We follow Sister Mary Ellen down the narrow hallway until she makes a right turn. The silence that surrounds us makes the longing for our parents even stronger, but somehow, my brothers’ presence fills the void of their absence. Once we turn left, my heartbeat picks up pace out of sheer excitement.

Before stepping out into the cool air of Washington’s night sky, Drake pulls me back. “Nix, I just want to say I’m proud of you. Dad and Mom are, too. You’re about to take that path of longing and pain again. I know that remembering Dad and Mom still hurts. Remembering the people you’ve lost still takes a toll on you, but look past all that because you’re about to step into a life with Grace. She’s your life now,” he whispers. “So, all your pain, all your regrets, every single part of your past ends today.”

He nods, catching my eyes. I sigh, fighting back tears.

Nate clears his throat. His eyes are clear. Happy. Serious. “Enjoy this moment because you deserve it. You deserve her. Do you understand? You. Deserve. Her.”

My eyes water. My throat closes. I have never seen my brothers get so emotional. Never.

“Let’s do this.” I force a smile to lighten the mood.

Drake nods and hands me a white candle. The end of it is wrapped in white satin with a monogram of our first initials—P and G—and the number thirteen. The date both our parents died. I turn the candle this way and that, thinking about that moment in time when we suffered our first heartbreak.

“How about that? PG-thirteen. Here’s to hoping tonight won’t be!”

I glance at Nate. The teasing sheen in his rich browns is back in full force.

“Now, can I get”—he looks from side to side, front and back, and up toward the heavens—“an amen up in this bitch?”

My brothers and I let out a howl so loud, I can almost imagine Sister Bertha clicking her tongue nonstop.

After Drake lights my candle, I take my first step without hesitation. I welcome the fear and pain that comes with remembering the past. I’ll cross an ocean of hurt and longing if, at the end of it all, Grace is my reward.

Following a narrow path has been the story of my life since our parents’ deaths. With each step, memories of happy moments with them spill out of my heart. Every single phone call I made to my fallen soldiers’ families rings in my ears. But all of it stops when I come to the bend of the path where my eyes finally find hers. Then, nothing else exists in my world but her. It’s her peace that surrounds me, not the silence of the night. It’s her love that shines against the darkness, not the glow of the million twinkling candles around us.

As I match her step for step, listening to the song playing in the background makes my gait stronger and full of confidence. I stand tall and proud, knowing my arms, my heart, my entire being will be her safe place from now until I take my last breath.