Grace
With our shared kiss still fresh in my mind, my lips break into a smile as soon as the morning light wakes me. Reaching for my rosary, I begin my morning prayers with an overflowing heart. I open my bedroom door, eager to see him. The aroma of coffee in the air adds a high spring in my steps.
“Coffee is ready for you.”
I return Nix’s smile while I stay glued to where I stand.
“Come here.” He sticks his index finger up and curls it, motioning for me to come closer. “I’ve waited all night long for my morning hug.”
“Hug?” I parrot in equal parts relief and disappointment. I want so badly to run to him and pepper him with kisses, but my own inhibitions stop me.
“Get out of your head, Grace. You’re overthinking things.” He crosses his arms with his brow raised. “Do you want me?”
I continue to stare at the man who I know in my heart I want more than anything. As his grin spreads bigger, my yearning for him grows deeper. The urge to run to him grows stronger. And my inhibitions are much easier to ignore.
“I do,” I answer too quickly. Almost breathless.
“Then, move those feet, and come here already.”
The first step is definitely the hardest, but the next one and the one after that feels so much easier that my gait becomes faster. When I’m within reach, he pulls me into his arms. As natural as breathing, I wrap my arms around him with just a few drops of whatever is left of my self-consciousness.
“Finally.” The contentment in his voice wraps around me like a warm blanket. He breathes me in, burying his face in my neck. But his warm breath only heats up my feverish skin. Nix takes another deep breath and then slowly releases his hold on me. “I’m good now. I really want to kiss you to make my morning, but one kiss isn’t enough. How about breakfast instead?”
I don’t know what comes over me, but I drop a kiss on his cheek. My single act of bravery earns a mighty grin from Nix and a steaming hot coffee with a bagel and cream cheese on the side.
He sits next to me, contently sipping his coffee, while I gingerly eat my bagel.
While chewing the last morsel in my mouth, a question suddenly formulates in my head.
I casually place my cup next to his. “Can I ask you about the plan? And I want the honest truth because I can only handle the truth.”
He stands abruptly, making the barstool squeak angrily. Tension fills the air with each step he takes toward the sink. I let the silence hang over us while intently watching him. His muscles strain in resistance as he grips the edge of the sink.
“Go on.”
“Tell me everything about it,” I say confidently.
“You’ll be with Tyler. He’ll do all the talking. You just…follow his lead, all right? He’s an ex-Seal, so he knows what he’s doing. I trust him, so you should, too.” He bows his head, still gripping the edge of the sink. “I will neutralize the threat with Nate. Once that’s done, the FBI agents will come in hot, arrest Nero’s ass, and throw every charge in the book at his family. By then, we’ll be on our way back to The Fort.”
“So, what? I just stand there?”
“Basically, but Tyler knows what to do. Like I said…just follow his lead.”
“Why Tyler and not you?”
“The greatest threat to you is not Takahashi, but the men he has instructed to kill you. They won’t be on the ground, but on a rooftop for a better vantage point. That’s where I’ll be. Nero will place a few men on the ground with him for cover, but the FBI will handle that area. I can best protect you up top.” He sighs audibly. “Yes, you’ll be exposed, but my eyes will be on you the whole time.” Finally, he turns, meeting my eyes. His face is void of the playfulness from earlier. “Do you understand?”
“I…” I pause, weighing what is right for my heart and what is right for his.
“Look, I want to be with you when this is all over. Truthfully, I want to be with you for a very long time. To achieve that, we need to be apart for just a little while. I am not going to put your life in someone else’s hands, okay? It has to be me. I need to pull the damn trigger, Grace. I need to end it.”
I cringe at the thought, and his eyes soften. But the mar of tension on his face deepens.
“Are you okay with that? Because I need you to be.”
“I’m not okay with it, but I’ll try to be. But why are you?” I whisper softly, cowardly.
He approaches me and then cradles my face with his hands. “How can I best put this?” He looks over my head in deep thought. A few seconds later, his confident browns find my greens. “You know when God sent his son to die? Do you think the father wanted to be separated from the son? And vice versa? I don’t think so. But that separation was vital to achieve something greater, right? That’s where we’re at, Grace. It might sound stupid, but that’s the best analogy I could come up with. Something that you could relate to.” Nix’s eyes move frantically against mine, as if he is seeking my approval. “In the end, it’ll be okay. Trust me.”
I nod in understanding, willing the world of good and evil to stop from colliding. I hope that good will not fail me this time. As faith blossoms in my heart, my defenses shatter. Insecurities that have plagued my mind disappear, like the Ghost of Christmas Past. My own fear of losing the chance to show him how I feel overtakes me. I lean in, owning what has been mine all along. The moment our lips touch, my awkward shyness ebbs with each tender swipe of his lips against mine. Slowly, an innocent kiss morphs into hungry pecks. He releases my well-kissed lips and tenderly kisses my jaw. Panting heavily, I clutch his head tighter, needing him closer.
“Grace…” he whispers.
Hearing the longing in his voice only flares my desire. But guilt slowly creeps its way back in my head. Ten years of pious living are hard to forget. However, Nix calling out my name again and again only pushes it back.
“Grace…we…have…to stop.”
His warning feels like cold water on my burning skin. Hesitantly, I pull back, resting my forehead against his, missing his lips against mine already.
“I need you. I need you to be okay. I need us to be okay.” My cry is more than a physical ache. It’s more than a carnal want. It’s a cry of the desires of my soul.
“We will, Grace. We will.”