I hear a knock on my bedroom door. “Mom?” Jenna’s voice comes from the other side before she sticks her head in the room.
“Yeah, sweetie.” I look up from my Kindle, watch her close the door behind her, and then crawl on my bed. She snuggles up next to me, resting her head on my chest.
“Can I ask you a question?” Her voice sounds shaky.
“Sure,” I say as I run my hand down her silky hair.
“Do you still love Dad?”
“Absolutely.”
“Why isn’t that enough then?”
“Most of the time love is enough, but it’s not everything. I think people make that mistake often. People stay in relationships because they love the other person and that should be enough.”
“And it’s not?”
“I don’t think so. Healthy relationships are built on more than love.”
She lifts her head and scrunches her nose. “So your marriage to Dad isn’t healthy?”
“Your father and I have been together for most of our lives, and I know I love him. I know that although we aren’t living together, it’s hard for me to see myself without him in my life in some capacity. My leaving isn’t about me not loving him. It’s hard to explain because love is complicated. Your father and I have been a part of each other’s lives for as long as I can remember, and I think I’ve loved him just as long. There was nothing like being loved by your father, and I know there still isn’t. But sometimes couples grow apart. Sometimes they continue to grow apart until the distance is so great, it’s unfixable. Other times couples make it through the rough patches. Love is the foundation of any good marriage, but there are more levels to make it great. Communication and respect are just a few.”
“So just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should stay with them?”
“Exactly. Loving someone and staying compared to loving someone and walking away are two of the toughest decisions people make. It takes a strong person to make that move to leave, and it also takes a strong person to admit there are problems. Not everyone is willing to work on the problems because it’s always easier to walk away. That’s a lot less work.”
“And you’re still not walking away?”
My heart sinks at the thought she would feel the need to ask that. “No, sweetie.”
“I know I haven’t told you this yet, but I want you to be happy. I want both of you to be happy, and I do think it’s with each other and not anyone else.”
“That’s good because there isn’t anyone else.”
She looks up at me, her chin resting on my chest. Her eyes search mine, but I’m not sure what she’s looking for. “Can I do your makeup?”
I chuckle. “Yeah, why not.”
“Sweet!” She jumps up and scoots off my bed. “Then you can do mine,” she says as she leaves my room.
“You’re supposed to blot, Mom, not rub,” Jenna says as I apply the foundation on her face.
“You know, when I was your age, we didn’t use sponges, or beauty blenders. We just applied the foundation,” I say as I, without much patience, continue to rub the makeup all over her face.
“The rubbing and smearing of the foundation causes premature wrinkles and lines. Haven’t you read any beauty magazines?”
“I don’t have the time, Jenna. And when I was your age, I had better things to do that watch makeup videos.”
“Me watching YouTube isn’t any different from you sitting in front of your television playing the latest version of Zelda, or whatever video game that you loved.”
She has me there.
“Be still,” I tell her as I continue to dab on her makeup. “Why is makeup so important to you?”
She opens her eyes and looks right at me. “Because I want to be beautiful.”
The fact that she doesn’t believe that she’s beautiful guts me. I try to think back to when I was thirteen. I hadn’t been too caught up in the latest fads. I had the designer brands because my sister worked at a clothing store, so I got a discount, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it is today. I distinctly remember wearing a Little Mermaid puffy paint shirt in school in the seventh grade, and that was just a year ago for Jenna. This obsession with clothes, hair, and makeup has been going on two years now, and I’m afraid it’s only going to get worse.
“You are one of the most beautiful girls around, Jenna. You have to know that,” I say as I put down the sponge.
She opens her eyes. “Then why do all my friends have boyfriends and not one boy has ever asked me out?”
I’m very familiar with what she’s feeling. I still remember how it felt in school to be the only one without a boyfriend. Heath was my first serious relationship, the first and only boy who looked at me as if I meant something. Was I with Heath for so long because he was the only one who had ever really noticed me?
“Does it matter if they haven’t? You have your entire life ahead of you.”
She drops her head. “I want to hold a boy’s hand.”
Her confession breaks my heart, and I want to smack every boy that has never given her the time of day because my girl is beautiful, inside and out. “You can hold Trev’s hand,” I say as I wiggle my eyebrows.
She throws her head back, groaning, “That’s so gross, Mom.” Nevertheless, she’s laughing, and I know that I did my job.
Score one for me.