I didn’t know where else to go.
I’ve been driving around for hours thinking about what the actual fuck happened tonight. Everything seemed to come out of left field with Whitney. I had no idea she’s been feeling like that, let alone wanting to take a break, to fucking separate. Fuck, my heart clenches at the thought.
The porch light flicks on after I stand knocking for what feels like forever. Concern is fixed on Steve’s face when he finally pulls the door open. “Heath?” He looks over my shoulder, I’m sure looking for Whitney. “What’s wrong? It’s one o’clock in the morning.”
“I know,” I say as I step past him, heading straight for the kitchen.
“What’s going on?” His voice follows me, but I don’t answer. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around everything that transpired tonight. I’ve half expected to get a phone call already from my wife apologizing, but it hasn’t come.
I yank the refrigerator open. “Do you have any beer?” I ask over my shoulder, but come up with a better plan. I jerk open the cabinet over the stove where I know they keep the liquor. I need something stronger than beer. Slamming the wooden door, I open the one next to it to grab a glass, but I think better of it. I’ll drink straight from the bottle. I slam that cabinet closed before turning towards my friend.
“Heath, what the hell man? What’s gotten into you?”
I twist off the cap to the tequila. I haven’t taken this straight in years, but the burn is calling me. I bring the bottle to my lips, tipping my head back as I open my throat and let the liquor do its job. I need to feel numb because, in a matter of minutes, my life no longer makes sense.
“Fuck me,” I choke and sputter as the taste radiates through my body, causing chills to roll through.
“What the hell is going on in here?” Ruby comes into the room, wrapping a robe around her body. “Heath?”
Trying to catch my breath after downing what was probably a good three shot gulp, I land my gaze on Ruby because I’m more than certain she knows the reason why I’m here. “Whitney wants a separation.” At the same time, I hear Steve ask ‘what the hell’ while Ruby mumbles ‘can’t believe she did it.’
“You knew about this?” I ask her.
“I didn’t know that she was going to go through with it. What did she say? Are you sure that’s what she meant?”
“I’m pretty sure I know what she meant, especially when she started to bring up her moving out.”
Ruby pads over to me, placing her hand on my back, rubbing in small circular motions. “I’m sorry about this, Heath.”
“You’re sorry?” I bite back, shrugging off her touch. “I don’t need your apologies, Ruby. I need to know what the hell is going on with my wife because, evidently, I’m fucking clueless when it comes to the state of my marriage.”
Steve takes a step towards me, “Heath, man, you need to calm down. I’m sure Ruby isn’t the one you should be talking to about this.”
I wrap my fingers around the bottle, bringing it to my lips to take another drink. My jaw clenches at the taste. “You don’t think?” I rasp. “Because at this point I’m certain your wife knows more about my wife than I do.”
“It shouldn’t be that way, should it?” Ruby questions. “I’m her best friend, but you’ve been her world for far longer. You’ve been the center of her universe from the moment I met you both, and that hasn’t changed on her end. Sure, the universe has gotten bigger over the years, the kids, both of your careers, her writing. But, Heath, she has always made sure you’ve always been at the center, even when you didn’t want it.”
“What does that supposed to mean? I’ve wanted nothing but Whitney and the life that we’ve shared.”
“And right there is the conundrum because she doesn’t see it that way. Listen, Heath, when I first met you both, you were in awe of her. The love, and passion you had for each other… If I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes, I’d never think two people could love as hard as you two did. I don’t see that anymore, and she doesn’t feel it.”
Steve steps up to Ruby. “I have to say I can agree with her to a point. I’ve definitely seen a change between the two of you over the past five or so years. You guys aren’t connected like you used to be.”
“That’s because life has made it hard to be connected.”
“I’d agree with you if the kids were still small, but you see that connection, that love you two shared was even stronger when the kids were young. Do you know how many nights Steve had to comfort me because I was so envious of what you and Whitney had? The love, the family, everything that Steve and I wanted but could never have. So you can’t use the fact that life has gotten in the way, Heath. It doesn’t work.”
She’s right. I hate that she’s right. I hate that a person, outside of my marriage, can see the things that are wrong so much clearer than I can. I can’t blame the kids, our careers, life. I know those are all excuses. The only person that I can lay blame on is me. I’m her husband.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do, I didn’t see any of this coming,” I confess. “I’m trying to run a business, be responsible for an entire company full of employees who are counting on me to make the money that will feed their families.” I shake my head. “I didn’t think I neglected my marriage to the point where she’d want to separate.”
“So you admit that you’ve neglected things?” Ruby asks.
I nod. “One of the reasons why I was glad she found writing. I thought her focus on that would allow me to do the things that I needed to do.” I run my hand down my face in frustration.
“She thinks you don’t see her anymore. That she’s an afterthought.”
I hang my head, my shoulders slumped in defeat. “For so long she was my only thought.”
“Yeah, well now, you have two choices. You fight for what you’ve spent your life building, or you allow her to walk away so she can be someone’s world.”
“You know damn well what I’m going to do, Ruby.”
“So does that mean you’re going to fight?”
“Hell yes I’m going to fight.”