“What the fuck are we doing here?” Pops asks, the need to be with his daughter evident.

Letting out a breath, I do everything to try and calm the demon walking into this place brings out in me.

“There’s something I need to show you,” I say as we make our way into an all-white sterile room.

Realization dawns on his face as he inhales the smell of bleach and he realizes what this room is.

This place has been my sanctuary… just like the one I had in Texas, this is where I go to when I can’t handle the voices any longer... when the need for blood is all I see.

Showing it to anyone feels like I am taking away the only lifeline I have.

But I have to do it… I have to let it the fuck go.

“You don’t need to worry about Marx,” I start. “I know it’s been on your mind since finding out about Marshall.” Squeezing my eyes shut I have to breathe at his name.

Clarity causes his eyes to widen and his nose to flare. Suddenly he turns into a man I recognize… a man craving revenge. With blood lust in his stare he asks, “Where?”

“In there,” I say lifting my chin to the solid concrete door.

“Why?” he growls.

That’s the fucking question, isn’t it…

“Because, I need to let it the fuck go,” I answer even though it’s the last thing I want to do. “I’m telling you because she is your daughter. Kodah and JB…they have every right to want a chance at revenge. But they don’t need any more blood on their hands when it comes to him.” Pulling the key from my pocket, I toss it to him and he catches it midair. “I could end it and be done with it. I came here after that night to do just that, but I couldn’t fucking do it.” Taking a deep breath I let the memories of a scared nine year old girl play in my head as I continue. “I kept thinking about the first time I saw Emmalyn, and all I kept telling myself was that if life had been different and it was my little girl that got taken from me.” I shake my head at the thought. “The only way you are going to sleep better at night is by ending the lives of the people who caused this.”

“Lives?”

Nodding again I indicate for him to open the door.

Hardening his features, he turns and unlocks it. Pushing it open, he is forced a few steps back, the smell of death almost too much to handle.

Walking through, I follow him to the door and watch as his whole body freezes at the sight.

Hanging from chains and no longer recognizable are Marx and Mo Nixon.

“You have had them this whole time?” he asks more to himself.

Both completely naked, Marx and Mo hang limp, their bodies just skin and bones. Not an ounce of the people they were in sight.

Jagged scars mar their entire bodies, the result of me taking them to the brink of death just to pull them back.

I have made them suffer. Yet it will still never be enough.

Walking up to Mo, he grips what is left of her hair and pulls her head up.

Letting out a soft cry her crusted eyes peel partly open, then widen at the sight of Pops.

He lets go of her hair and she struggles to keep her head up.

“What do I do?” he asks, obviously not prepared for how he would feel coming face to face with the ones who caused so much pain… so much death.

“Whatever you want.”

Looking over to the metal table that sits in the middle of the room, he glances over the various weapons.

I watch as he takes in each one, I watch torture plan out in his mind. I see hours of endless screams in his stare…. but then… It all vanishes.

“I just want this to end,” he whispers.

Reaching for the lone gun to the side, he holds it as if he has never held one before. As if he is really understanding the power he holds.

“Then end it,” I growl, the monster inside me going wild with the knowledge that this about to be over... begging me to stop it.

With no hesitation and with no remorse, Pops lifts his arm and turns. With just one single breath he lets out two shots.

Done.

Looking to the lifeless bodies that I have made it my mission to keep alive and to torture for the last five years, the same bodies who forced me to torture for much longer, I almost fall to my knees.

My body shakes and I lean against the door.

Placing the gun back down Pops doesn’t even spare a second glance as he walks past me and out of the room.

Closing the door behind me I feel like I am closing a part of myself that I have tried for so long to keep open.

It’s over…

* * *

Walking into the fresh air Pops lights a cigarette and I lean against the building.

“What now?” he asks on a drag.

Watching the sunset, my body itches to go and never look back. “We move on,” I say, my voice gruff.

“What do I tell Kodah?” he asks and I almost grin at the thought of the little shit.

“You tell him it’s over. He can finally live the life he always wanted with her.”

“You leaving is going to hurt her.” Meeting his eyes I don’t see anger, I just see the truth.

“Not as much as if I stay.” The thought of Emmy is what is driving me forward. She has been my light for so long. She is the reason for everything good I have ever felt. I have to do this for her. I have to find myself so that everything we have all gone through becomes worth it.

Pulling the necklace from my pocket, I stare at it like it’s keeping me alive.

“Thank you for what you did for my little girl”

Snapping my attention to him I bare my teeth “Don’t fucking thank me.”

Shaking his head Pops pushes off the wall, throwing his cigarette to the ground and stomps it out with his boot. “I’ll have my boys come get rid of the bodies,” he says, walking to his bike. Hopping on, he looks back at me. “Those demons you got brother. They aren’t ever going to go away. You can run from them your entire life, but they will always be there.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you need to find it in you to let it the fuck go. Embrace your past and party with your demons. Come out on top because if you ain’t on top you’re on the fucking bottom. There’s no middle when it comes to life and death. You either live to die or you live to be free.”

Watching him leave, his words echo in my head. Maybe I can’t out run my demons… but until I find a reason to face them, I will try.