Chapter Sixteen

 

Ella

I wake up sometime around noon still wrapped up in Damien. He doesn’t look peaceful in his sleep like he usually does. That makes me frown when I look at him. There are worry lines all over his face. I’m running my hand down his cheek when he wakes up.

“Morning baby,” he grumbles with his eyes still closed.

“Morning,” I tell him softly.

When he still doesn’t open his eyes, I kiss him softly on the lips. Once, twice, three times. He kisses me back, and by the third time, he puts more effort into it making the kiss deeper than I was expecting. It’s a welcome surprise.

We kiss for a long time before we break apart. We are both breathing heavily. I look into his lust filled eyes, and smile softly at him. He returns my smile. I love the way he looks at me, especially in the morning. He makes me feel like there is no one else that he would rather wake up to than me, and that he’s glad I’m here in the bed with him. How can someone make you feel so much with just one look?

I feel like I can see the want, need, desire, happiness and, dare I say, love in his eyes when he looks at me. It’s crazy to think that he loves me, so I shake that thought from my head as soon as it enters. The question is, do I love him? Is that even possible to love someone so soon? I didn’t intend to meet someone so soon, or to feel the way that I feel when I’m with or thinking about Damien. I thought that maybe a couple years down the line maybe I would put myself out there, but not eight months after I lost my husband. The guilt I feel from moving on so fast hits me hard, and I feel my eyes well up with tears. I try to blink them away before Damien can see them, but I know he already did with his next words.

“Hey, baby. What’s wrong? You were all just so happy and then something happened, and now you look like you want to cry?” I know that I should tell him the truth. One of the things that Damien likes most about me is my honesty. He had told me one time that it was what drew him to me right away. No matter what he asked me, I was honest with him. He said that he doesn’t have to worry about me lying or playing games with him.

I blow out a breath, and when I try to look anywhere but him, he grabs my chin so that I have no choice but to look at him in the eyes.

“You can tell me anything, baby,” he says with worry in his eyes.

I nod my head. I might as well just tell him. There’s no way I can leave this room without him trying to get me to tell him.

“Well, the thing is…shit… I feel guilty, okay?” I tell him, and I already feel my eyes welling up with more tears.

He has a big frown on his face. “Okay, guilty about what?”

“Well, you!” I tell him more loudly than I intended.

“Me? What do you mean, baby. I’m not following,” he says in confusion.

Great, I’m going to have to lay it all out there, and be completely vulnerable with this man.

“The way you make me feel makes me feel guilty. I started thinking about how much you mean to me, and I started feeling bad. It has only been eight months since Jeff died. How can I move on so fast? I mean he’s still in my heart, but you seem to have wedged yourself in there and made me feel something that I didn’t think I would feel again for a long time. I didn’t expect for you to come into my life and make me feel this way. I loved Jeff so much and it still hurts to think about him, but I also think about you and how much you and this club have helped me to heal.  I would probably still be in bed mourning my loss if I hadn’t met you or the rest of the club. What would Jeff think if he knew that I was feeling for you the way that I already do? Would he be angry with me for moving on so fast and not mourning him properly, or for not waiting a long time before I started to feel this way?” I tell him, and then take a deep breath. I don’t notice that I’m crying until he wipes away my tears. He looks at me with the softest expression I have ever seen on him.

“Baby, you can’t help what happened. We didn’t expect to have the mix up with the clinic, or to find each other. I didn’t expect to find you or feel this way about you either. I had never thought about settling down or starting a family when I got that call. I don’t think that you should feel guilty. We can’t help who we fall for, or when. Love isn’t something that is planned or timed. It happens when we least expect it. I don’t think that Jeff would be mad. I know that I don’t know him, and I never did, but from what you have told me about him, I know that he wouldn’t want you to be lonely, especially while you are having a baby. If you are happy and loved then I would like to think that he would want that for you because, baby, if that were me looking down on you, I would know that I would hate to see you alone and broken knowing that I couldn’t do anything about it. Love is about wanting the other person to be happy even if that person isn’t you, and I know that Jeff was the kind of man who would want that for you. He would know that you didn’t go out looking for love, that it just happened, and there isn’t anything we can do about it. I do love you, and I have for a long time. I don’t expect you to say anything back because it might be too soon for you, but I want you to know that I love you and I will always love you. There is no way that I could ever let you go,” he tells me, and lightly kisses me on the lips. He gives me a small smile in response to the shocked expression that is on my face. All I can manage is a head nod, which he chuckles at.

 

Damien

I can’t believe that I just told Ella all of that. It makes you feel so vulnerable, and so fucking exposed. She put her heart on the line even if she didn’t realize it, so I knew that I should do the same. I saw the nervousness and hesitation she had from wondering if I was feeling the same things that she felt.

I can honestly say that I have never felt this way about someone who I haven’t slept with. It’s been eight months since I fucked anyone. I don’t think I have gone that long since I lost my virginity. It’s shocking as fuck, but I also have a feeling that Ella is going to be worth the wait. I will just have to stick to extra long showers every morning until I know that she’s ready. I can tell right now that she isn’t because it took a lot for her to tell me how she felt. I know that she loves me. She was walking around the word, afraid to say it. That’s okay though. I know that one day she is going to be ready to say it, and I want it to be her choice and her decision. On that day, she will realize that she shouldn’t feel guilty about finding love. Like I had told her, it’s not like she went out looking for love, it came to find her. We both were caught unaware.

We lay in silence for a little while, and eventually I get up to have a shower. All this thinking about Ella and holding her in my arms is doing nothing to help me from wanting to take her right there and now. I get out of bed before I end up pushing her for more than she’s ready for.

After I am done in the shower, Ella hops right in. I wait until she is done getting ready before we head out to get something to eat. I know that she has to be starving, but her thoughts are running so wild that she probably doesn’t realize it right now. I know that once she smells food, she will realize it.

As I expected, Cook is at the grill outside with burgers and hot dogs. It’s simple to make. The old ladies have taken it upon themselves to make the salads. Ella offers to help, but no one will let her. She’s so close to her due date, she should know that no one will want her to do anything.

The four ladies that we rescued last night are all sitting at a bench together observing us. I know that they haven’t seen how a real club works. It’s not what those sick fucks do.

Torch makes Ella a plate piling it high. We all know that she isn’t going to eat all that, but it doesn’t stop everyone from making her mountains of food like she will actually eat all of it.

She just chuckles softly shaking her head at him. Kid comes running out with a big glass of apple juice. Fuck, she really has everyone wrapped around her finger.

I see the four women watching how everyone is interacting with Ella. Prez sits with her, and puts an arm around her shoulder. He says something to make her laugh. Fuck, I love her laugh. It’s so natural and free.

I hear one of the women mumble. “Wow, does that happen a lot?” I look back at them, and when they see me look at them their eyes widen. Fuck, I don’t want them to be scared.

Carefully I walk up to them trying my best to give an easy smile. I take a seat at their table. “Yes, that happens a lot. Ella is the club princess. Her dad is the President, and I’m the Vice President. She’s carrying my baby. She gets treated with respect, and everyone loves the fuck out of her. We treat our women differently than the other club that you were at does. Know that not all clubs are the same. The women here are all here by choice. Even the club whores here. They are all here of their own free will. We don’t force anyone to stay here, or do anything that they aren’t willing to do. Not all clubs run that way. It seems like it’s only something those sick fucks are into, so you don’t have to worry about us. If you see anyone wearing a Vicious Snakes cut then you know you are protected. You ladies are now under our protection for as long as you want to be. You have no need to fear us. We won’t hurt you. We don’t take kindly to anyone who makes a woman, or a child, do anything they don’t want to do, you understand?” I ask them. I know some brothers stopped to listen to what I said, and I don’t mind. The women’s eyes all fill up with tears. They all give me small smiles and nod. They look like they have more hope than they did last night. Good.

When I get to the table that Ella and Prez are sitting at with my own plate, they look at me with smiles.

“Very good, VP, very good,” Prez nods his head at me in appreciation. Ella grabs my hand kissing the back of it lightly, and then gives me a smile.

We set up the apartment right across from us for the women. We own the building, and a lot of the brothers end up living there if they are single. We have a three-bedroom apartment that the girls say they don’t mind sharing. They feel safer knowing that we are so close in case anything happens. The master bedroom is big enough for two beds, so we pick up furniture for them. Four beds, a couch, a table, chairs, and some pots and pans. We also stock the fridge full of food. We make sure that they know they can come over for anything. The fridge will be stocked whenever they need it. There is no rush for them to find jobs. They will need a bit of time to heal; not just physically, but emotionally as well.

We don’t hear anything about the Devil’s Souls MC except on the news that their clubhouse was burned down. It was well known that it was theirs. We made sure that it burned fast, so that they couldn’t count how many people we killed. It doesn’t seem like anyone cares if any were harmed, or if there was anyone in the building. It is very well known around this area what kind of club it was. They were very good at covering their tracks, however, so that no one questioned them. We just have five of the worst fuckers to find, and then we can get on with our life. The thing is, will we find them in time for Ella to have her baby?