Pandora’s Box

 

 

BRANDT STAYED OUTSIDE the front door until my parents came home, and Tessa stayed with Grady. I didn't leave the door until I heard my parents' voices talking to Brandt and then I dragged myself up and headed to my bedroom and straight into the shower. I was emotionally exhausted, and my wedding was two weeks away to a man I felt like I barely knew. I knew him with me, but I didn't know the Brandt before me, and it scared the crap out of me.

I threw on my pajamas and slid into bed just as I heard a light tapping on my door. "Come in." I wiped away the tears that were still flowing. My dad came in and sat on the edge of the bed. He put my purse down on the nightstand next to me.

"A fight?"

"I guess you could say that."

"Want to talk about it?"

I sat up and twirled my hair methodically.

"Just like your mom." He smiled.

He was staring at my nervous gesture. "Yeah."

"Brandt wanted me to tell you he was sorry."

"Thanks." I picked at the blankets nervously. "How did you know Mom was the one? I mean, how did you really know? Did you know who she was before you married her?"

He sighed deeply. "I knew the moment I saw her that she was the other half to my heart. There was this connection that's hard to describe. We let it sweep us up for quite a while before we actually got to know each other. I didn't learn everything about her nor her me before we got married, but that's what made our years that much more exciting. We were still discovering new things about our pasts and each other every day. Don't get me wrong. They weren't always good things, but they are what made us who we are and how we were with each other. You take the good with the bad, and you let your heart tell you what feels right and wrong. You trust in yourself."

My dad understood how to talk me down and what I needed without me having to explain. "Thanks, Dad."

"Anytime, kiddo." He got up. "I don't know what happened with you two tonight, but Brandt loves you, Bay. He's your heart's other half. I can see it."

"Me, too, Dad."

"Goodnight, honey. Every day is a new day, and tomorrow is no different."

After he left, my phone buzzed. "Hello. Wait, calm down. Okay. Where are you? I'm on my way. Don't move."

This was the first time Tessa had called me to pick her up, so I knew she had broken up with Grady. Today was going down in history as the worst day in the Stone family. I didn't even bother putting on clothes. I just threw my rain jacket over my pajamas, slid on my rain boots, and headed to the front door.

"Where you going, sweetie?" my mom inquired.

"Tessa needs a ride. Grady drank a little too much."

"I can go get her, if you want. You're already in your pajamas."

"No, it's fine. I don't mind."

"Okay, honey. Drive safely."

"I will." I pulled into the open spot in front of Brandt and Grady’s apartment, but Tessa wasn't sitting outside, so I texted her and waited for a minute with no response. Before I could get out to get her, my door opened, and Brandt slid into my car.

"Hey." His eyes begged for forgiveness.

"Hey, is my sister ready to go?"

"I have a confession."

My stomach tightened, and my heart screamed, 'No'.

"Your sister is fine. I asked her to call you. She said you wouldn't come unless she acted upset, but that part was her idea."

"What?" I was both relieved and dumbfounded at the same time.

"Are you mad?"

"I was in bed, so yeah, I'm a little annoyed." But really, after I talked to my dad, I wasn't mad anymore. In fact, I felt guilty as hell for reacting the way I did. I should have been more understanding.

"I'm sorry, Bay. I should have told you everything."

"No, Brandt, I’m sorry. You lost your best friend and she was hurting. I know you blame yourself for what happened to him, so you don’t talk about it, but I don’t want you to ever apologize for it. I was being a jerk.”

He jumped out of the car and opened my door. "Come on."

I took his hand, expecting him to lead me into his apartment, but instead, he guided me in the opposite direction. "Are you serious? I'm in my pajamas, and it's pouring!" I yelled as we ran across the parking lot to an open field to our oak tree. He took my finger and traced it over our carved initials.

“You and me, B.” He smiled and reached for my cheek, rubbing it lightly, and without another word, he kissed me like he had never kissed me before, as if all he needed was to tell someone about Chris so he could forgive himself and move on. It was the best kiss of our unmarried life.

"Every moment has to mean something with you. Only you, Bay. You are my epic love story." He touched the engraving and then his heart with a goofy smile plastered across his face that made me laugh. I added it to my list of why I loved this man so much. He could do cheesy without flinching a muscle.

We ran back to his apartment. It was warm and quiet inside. "Where are they?" Just then I heard a giggle come from Grady's bedroom. "Got it." I shook my head.

"Let's get you dry," Brandt said.

We went into his bedroom, and he tossed me a T-shirt.

"Do you want to stay the night?"

"Yeah, actually, I do."

He smiled and grabbed a pair of sweatpants for himself and went into the bathroom.

I threw off my wet pajamas and put on the shirt. It was from his alma mater, Berkeley University, where he received his degree in economics. Aside from soccer, he had always wanted to own his own company, and since he and Grady were avid surfers, they built a business around it. Brandt was the brains behind the company, while Grady was the face of it.

I climbed into his bed and inhaled a deep breath of his scent. We all had a signature scent, and I loved Brandt's. Being in his bed, in his shirt, and in his room overwhelmed my senses with it and made me feel at home. He climbed into bed quietly and faced me. He brushed the side of my face absently as we soaked each other in.

"I just want to watch you all night long." His adoring eyes smiled.

"Okay," I said.

And he did for a long time, but the events of the evening had left a Pandora's box wide open, and so eventually we talked. We talked about how Grady and his mom came to live with them the summer before sixth grade. Grady’s mom married Brandt’s dad after Brandt’s mom left them and Grady’s father died in a hunting accident. Grady was going into kindergarten. Brandt had six years on Grady, so he acted more like a father figure. They were always really close. Most of this I already knew, but I liked hearing his history. Each time there was a little more detail or an added story of them growing up together. Grady and Brandt were lucky to have each other just like Tessa and me.

 

 

WE WENT OUT to breakfast on the coast the next morning. It was a bit of a drive, but it was a nice change. Grady and Tessa came with us, but their mood was off from last night. I wondered if she told Grady about moving out with a friend rather than him. The thought made me sad. He was such a good person and so in love with her. He could have had anyone in high school, even freshman year. He came in with his brother's legacy, good looks, and confidence. He started on the varsity soccer team and dominated from day one. Girls threw themselves at him, but not Tessa. She was focused and determined to get straight A's and become a world-renowned environmentalist, but her weakness was soccer. She always loved it. I did, too. My dad grew up playing and so we sat around and watched every Galaxy game we could find broadcasted and we went to every high school soccer game. I took Tessa before she even went to high school. I actually saw Brandt play once because I had a few older friends. He was magical on the field. I didn't really know who he was then, but as soon as we met, I remembered.

It took Grady many attempts to get Tessa to go out with him, and once she finally conceded, they were inseparable. I could always tell he loved her more deeply than she loved him, and it wasn't for any other reason than Tessa was a free spirit, and tying her down was like telling a little girl she couldn't dream because dreams weren't real. It would break who she was. I knew it was inevitable she would break Grady's heart, but I still had hope she would see him as a part of her future rather than someone who was holding her back. I was selfish. I wanted us all to be a family. Their breakup would surely create a rift and tension that would keep us all apart.

"Why are you guys so quiet?" Brandt asked Grady and Tessa, cutting the tension like a punch to the gut. I shot him a pointed glare. "What?" he mouthed.

When I looked back, Tessa and Grady were mirror reflections of each other, both looking out opposite windows, off in another world. I inched down in my seat in discomfort. Something definitely went down between them, but Tessa didn't leave, and they were coming to breakfast, so, hopefully, it was just a little fight. My heart ached for both of them.

Breakfast was super awkward, but Brandt and I were doing our best to keep up the conversation, only receiving one word responses from both of them. We ate quickly and then dropped Tessa at home. She ran in without saying so much as bye to any of us.

"I have to work today," Brandt said.

"Okay. Hey, Grady. What are you up to today?" I could tell he needed someone to talk to.

"Huh?" He had become complacent after breakfast.

"Are you working with Brandt today?" I pressed.

"Oh, umm, no."

"I don't have anything to do today. Want to hang for a bit?"

"I think I'm just going to go surfing," he responded flatly.

I looked at Brandt who just shrugged. Typical. "Do you care if I go? There's this book I've been wanting to finish."

"Sure, whatever," Grady mumbled in the back seat.

"I'll be back in a sec," I said as I jumped out of the car. I ran into the house and yelled for Tessa. I found her lying on her bed. "So, what's the deal?"

"I told him about the miscarriage," she confessed point-blank.

"Oh. He isn't taking it very well."

"No, he's not."

"But you guys are still together?"

"For now. I probably should've broken it off, but he was so crushed already I couldn't do it, and then he started talking about trying again after we got married. He was so comforting, and all I could think about was how excited I was to leave. That's messed up, right? Am I horrible person?"

I scooted next to her. "No, Tess. It makes you human. You're not even twenty-one yet. You shouldn't be thinking about babies and marriage. You are off to your dream college and just beginning to figure out who you are and what you really want. That doesn't make you horrible, but you need to talk to him, and soon. Stringing him along isn't right."

"I know. I will."

I got up to leave. "Are you cool with me hanging with him today? He looks like he could use a friend."

"Yeah. Actually, I think that's a good idea. Thanks, Bay."

"Sure." I hated that everything was so negative lately. I just wanted everything back to normal. I ran into my room, grabbed a jacket, a blanket, and my book.

 

 

IT WAS A nice day at the beach. We went to Surfer's Strand off Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu. The beach was quiet with just a few girlfriends strewn about while their boyfriends tried to catch waves. Unfortunately for them, the water was calm, but Grady stayed out there all the same. I tried to read my book, but I couldn't stop thinking about everything that had happened over the last few days and all the changes to come in just a little over a week.

I wasn't a stranger to this beach. In fact, I had bought real estate, metaphorically speaking, where my butt was currently planted, because I had sat here so many times. I loved watching the boys surf, even if it was early in the morning. Tessa was not a morning person, so she rarely got to see the serenity the sunrises had to offer over the ocean, but she came for the later surfing sessions. Her absence today was a pretty strong message, so I knew letting Grady go alone was not even an option.

Grady and I had developed a unique bond over the past four years. I still wouldn't claim to know Grady well because he was extremely guarded, but I was hoping that would change now that we were going to be family. I was already like a sister he never had. Whenever he and Tessa fought, he would talk it out with me. He and Brandt were close, but when it came to his emotions, Grady usually picked me over his brother. I'm sure it helped that I was the closest thing to Tessa. He loved the hell out of that girl, and I knew he would lay his life down for her, so it was hard for me to see Tessa give that up. Nevertheless, your heart wants what it wants, and it can't be forced, and my sister was never one to conform or compromise.

I saw Grady paddling in, finally. He had been out there for at least an hour. He was probably dying for water. As he walked up the beach with his surfboard under his arm, I threw him his water bottle.

"Thanks, B." He guzzled down half the bottle.

"Crap day, huh?"

"Yep." He shoved his board into the sand so it stood up and then he plopped down next to me. "How's your book?"

It was lying upside down, open to the only page I had been reading for pretty much the whole hour he was out there. "Good," I lied. We watched the water for a minute in silence.

"Did you know?" He played with the blanket.

I picked at the blanket uncomfortably. "I just found out last night."

"Man, I just can't believe she didn't tell me. That's the hardest part, you know? That she didn't trust me."

"First of all, I don't think it had anything to do with trust. She didn't tell me, either. I had no idea she was pregnant or anything. I just don't think she wanted to deal with it, and telling people makes it that much more real."

"So, what if she didn't have a miscarriage? We would have noticed eventually." He was having a hard time masking his anger.

I couldn't respond because I hated lying to him and I knew she wouldn’t have kept the baby. He read my silence.

"She wasn't going to keep the baby, was she, B?"

He finally made eye contact with me. His eyes were filling with tears.

"No," I whispered, trying to hold back my own tears.

"What the hell? She was just going to kill our baby and never tell me?" He cursed as he stood up.

"Grady, calm down, please. Let me try to tell you her side. Please, that's only fair."

"She's a big girl, Bay. She can tell me her own side."

I sat up on my knees and grabbed his arm and pulled hard to get him to sit down, but he was too strong.

"Grady, you need to sit down. Now!" I demanded.

He shoved his free hand into his hair, a gesture I saw him do frequently when he was upset and trying to regain his composure.

"Please," I begged.

He stared at me, contemplating his options, and then kneeled next to me. He hid his head in my knees and broke down. I petted his head, giving him the only comfort I could. He had no idea the worst was yet to come. Tessa was leaving him, and there was nothing he could do about it. When he calmed down, he sat back up.

"I feel like I'm losing her, Bay. She's become so distant since she got her acceptance letter. No matter how hard I try to hold on, she just keeps pushing me away. I can't live without her. She's my life. I love her."

"I know, and I know she loves you, too, but we both know what a free spirit she is. The tighter you hold, the more she'll flee. This pregnancy scared the crap out of her. She needs time. You need to give her space to deal with it."

"Space is the death sentence for relationships, Baylor, and you know it." He raised his voice.

"What are you going to do then? Chain her to the bed? You can't keep her if she wants to go."

"Are you saying she wants to leave me?"

The panic that bore into me was too much. "I'm not saying anything. I'm just giving you advice like I always do. It's not like this is the first time she's gotten all weird on you. It's just a lot bigger this time because of the circumstances. You have to give her space or you will lose her, Grady."

He let everything sink in. "Why do you have to be a spitting image of her? Everything. If we ever broke up, it would be so hard to be around you."

"I really hope that doesn't happen for any of us because I love you, too, Grady. Aside from Tessa, you're my best friend. So, please, promise me you won't leave me. Ever." When he didn't respond, I added, "I'll go ninja on you if you try to leave."

He cracked a smile. "Oh, no, not the ninja. I wouldn't want that. Your high kick is deadly."

I was a track and field runner, so my legs were impressively strong, and I had the pleasure of high kicking Grady once when he was a little too drunk for his own good. Wearing his beer goggles, he mistook me for my sister and kissed me. It was before Brandt, or else it would have been Brandt laying him out. We had a good laugh about it after, but Tessa was less than thrilled he had kissed me.

"Look, I don't know what's going to happen with you guys. I don't have a crystal ball, but you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, and if you do separate, fate will bring you back together if it's meant to be."

"Yeah, I guess."

"I think we need a drink."

"Sounds good to me, but then Brandt will say, 'you're enabling the underage,'" he mocked.

"Whatever. This calls for a few."

We packed up and headed back to his place, on the way stopping by the store to pick up the contraband. We also picked up some pasta for dinner since we both had skipped lunch and were now ravenous.

"I see we are eating and drinking our feelings tonight," Brandt joked as he helped take out the food from the takeout bags.

I poured both boys straight vodka while I mixed mine with the vanilla soda. As we sat around laughing and joking, I couldn't help but take inventory of the memory. I loved this. With or without my sister, we could be happy. We could be a family. Of course, it would be better with her, but she had her own life to live. This was my life, and I wouldn't change anything about it. It was perfect.