First Kiss

THE OCEAN VIEW beckoned from the back of the restaurant, luring me into the foyer where a friendly smile attached to a tall, exotic brunette stood, ready to greet us.

"Hello again, Grady. Your brother is already seated at your table."

"Thank you, Natasha."

I could tell she was smitten with Grady, but that didn't keep her from sharing a warm smile with me as she observed my arm interlocked with his. I returned a friendly smile as Grady pulled me into the bustling crowd. The ambience was a strange mixture of chic casual, and the lights were dim to accentuate the stars beginning to show their nightly beauty. The music had an alternative sound and was loud enough to drown out the conversations at the tables as we passed. The bar was packed with casually dressed patrons, and their laughter filled the room.

Grady talked over the crowd, leaning over so I could hear him. "We are in the back."

He pointed to a far corner booth that was easily the best seat in the house. There were no walls obstructing the view to the outside, and it was the furthest from the bar, kitchen, and bathrooms. Brandt stood up as we approached.

"I was starting to think Grady swept you away." He winked.

"I tried, but for some reason, unbeknownst to me, she is under your spell already."

Brandt held his hand out to usher me into the booth. Our touch sizzled as he leaned in and whispered, "He's always been a bit jealous of me." His breath warmed my bare shoulder, sending noticeable goose bumps down my arms.

I rubbed my shoulders.

"Are you cold?" he inquired. “I can have them turn down the air.”

"No." I smiled shyly as I tucked my head and scooted into the booth, taking care that my dress didn’t pull up again. The boys sat on either side of me, making this a perfect love triangle.

A beautiful female server approached. “The usual, boys?” She looked over to me. “And maybe a glass of wine for your guest?”

I did want a glass of wine. In fact, I wanted more than one, but I didn't know what kind I liked, so I just stared blankly at her for too many uncomfortable seconds. Brandt jumped in and ordered a bottle of Pinot Noir, saving me again. I stared at my fingers, hiding my mild shame.

"Pinot Noir is popular," he said as the server walked away.

"Sounds good," I replied. It had dampened the mood a bit. Everything was a constant reminder that I had lost so much. I rubbed at my fingers as my body tightened with anxiety. A light touch of Brandt's hand on my exposed knee brought me back to the conversation.

"We can go, if you want. If this is too much too soon," he said.

"Yeah, we can do this at the office tomorrow," Grady agreed.

"No, I'm fine. Really. I was just trying to remember if I liked wine. It doesn't matter.” They both gave me a not-so-convinced look. "I'm serious. I get to experience everything again for the first time. It's a new adventure every day for me, and I don't even have to go to some exotic place for it." I smiled, trying to reassure them, but I didn't even believe what I was saying. I sighed in defeat when their doubts remained unchanged.

The server came back with the bottle of wine and three glasses. We sat quietly as she opened and poured it.

"That's enough for me." Brandt cut her off before his glass was half full. "I'm the designated driver." He smiled.

"Are you ready to order?" she asked, practically salivating over Grady.

"Could you give us a few minutes, Nichole?" Grady answered politely.

I looked at him curiously. This was definitely their favorite spot. They were on a first name basis with all the staff.

"Man, she never quits, does she?" Brandt burst out as soon as she was out of range.

Grady brushed it off, and Brandt returned his attention to me. "They have a great menu. It's all organic and natural. The restaurant is eco-friendly, which is why we invested in it when it almost went out of business last year."

"Oh, wow. You guys are quite the entrepreneurs."

"It keeps us busy," Grady said in that distant voice Brandt and he shared from time to time. The voice that took them to a dark corner of a hidden past. One I wasn't sure I was ready to be privy to.

I flipped through the menu while the boys discussed business. Looking at all the options was overwhelming. I just needed to breathe through it. I needed to trust my gut. I couldn't let picking my dinner be what ruined the night, but the anxiety was rising in me with every page. Everything looked good, but what if I had allergies? What if I didn't eat meat? I closed my eyes and squeezed my hands together tightly, trying to settle my mind.

Trust.

Breathe.

"My favorite is the four cheese tortellini with white truffles," Brandt said as he placed his hand over mine.

I locked eyes with him, holding back the tears that were threatening to consume me. The determination with which his eyes reciprocated balanced me. Why someone like him would give so much to someone he just met was beyond me. I had torn paper wings, and he was slowly taping them back together. I wondered if I could do the same for him and Grady.

"Tortellini sounds good," I whispered through a fractured smile as I collected myself.

He took the back of his hand and softly brushed my cheek, instantly heating it and stirring my body alive again.

"I'll be right back," Grady said as he stood up and left us alone.

Nothing was breaking the hold Brandt had on me. He placed his hand under my chin and moved in slowly to my lips. "Is this okay?" he asked softly. I couldn't speak. My chest was aching from the anticipation. It was all I could do to just nod. "Good, because I don't think I could take no for an answer."

He brushed his lips lightly over mine, sending a blazing fire through my veins. I released a quiet breath, taking in the warmth generating in the space between us. He gently pressed his lips on mine and then released. Then kissed me again with the same careful touch, as if he applied any pressure I would shatter in his arms. He repeated this several times, accelerating the desire in me. I could barely breathe through the intensity. Hours could have passed, and I wouldn't have cared. I just wanted to be here in this moment for a lifetime.

His hand slid behind my neck, and he grabbed a lock of my hair in his fist as his breath became as uneven as mine. He gripped hard like that was the only leverage he had from losing control. He stopped his rhythmic kissing and rested his forehead on mine.

"I need you," he whispered painfully.

This was more than desire. This was deeper than a first kiss. This was something else. Something I wanted, but something I knew I couldn't have. Not now. Not yet. As hard as it was for me to pull away from him, I forced myself to. "I can't," was all I could manage to say.

He dropped his hand from my neck supportively. "Then we won't," he said evenly as he brushed his thumb across my cheek.

Grady returned. "I gave Nichole our order."

"Thanks," I said as I took my first sip of wine. I liked it. Brandt was watching me and smiled with recognition as he took a sip of his—the only sip he took the entire night while Grady happily helped me polish off the bottle. It was nice hearing them talk about their business. I liked being here without being the focus. It was comfortable, especially after denying Brandt, but I couldn't shake what I saw when Brandt kissed me. It kept flashing through my head, and I had been trying to push it aside since so I could just enjoy the evening, but the memory was getting more intense and I needed to get away to catch my breath. "I'll be right back."

Brandt got out of the booth, letting me slip by, and I rushed in the direction of the bar where I saw the restroom sign on our way in. I was feeling a little tipsy from the wine already, and the panic setting in wasn't helping matters. I had to grab onto the end of the bar to get my balance.

"Are you okay?"

I looked up at Nichole, our server. Without another word, she put her arm in mine and led me to the bathroom that you would see in a five-star hotel lobby. She escorted me over to a red ottoman and I bent over my knees and tried to breathe through the attack. She still hadn't said anything. Instead, she locked the door and wet a paper towel and placed it onto the back of my neck as I leaned over, hiding my face between my legs. She remained quiet as I replayed the image of a man kissing me passionately, a face I couldn't see, and someone only my memories recognized.

"Thank you," I managed to mutter.

"I have a little sister who gets panic attacks. I recognized the look on your face."

Her voice was less than motherly, but her actions were, and I was glad she was here, even though I didn't know her. But then again, I didn't know anyone.

"I gotta get back. Are you good?" she asked.

"Yeah, thanks."

I locked the door after her to give myself another moment to recuperate. I dried the back of my neck and raked my fingers through my hair. The flash gave me hope that there was someone out there looking for me, but it also made me apprehensive of pursuing anything further with Brandt. I was confused and more than tipsy. Everything was happening too fast. My attraction to Brandt. My fondness for Grady. I needed things to slow down, including the spinning in my head.

I miraculously made it back to the table, and after we ate and Grady and I shared another bottle of wine, Brandt helped me out of the restaurant.

"I guess it's been a while." I giggled. Grady grabbed my other arm as I tipped away from Brandt’s hold. "And I guess not for you," I said to Grady as I tapped his nose playfully. Brandt gave Grady a disapproving glare.

“Drinking again?” Brandt pressed Grady accusingly.

“Lay off,” Grady growled.

"Oops," I said. "Shhh, I guess that's a secret." I was giggling uncontrollably now.

"Are you okay to drive?" Brandt addressed Grady.

"Do you even have to ask?" He let go of my arm, stretched out his arms, and held up a leg, balancing perfectly.

"Good, because I think you should take her home," Brandt advised.

Grady nodded as he put down his arms and leg.

"Boo on you," I said to Brandt as I removed my arm from his grip.

He quickly kissed me on the cheek. "Sweet dreams," he whispered into my ear and then disappeared into the darkness of the parking lot.

"Well, I guess it's just you and me, Freckles," Grady said.

"I guess so." My stomach started churning, and my forehead beaded with sweat. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Of course, you are," he said sarcastically as he ushered me quickly to the side of the restaurant and held my hair back as I bent over a planter and puked. After a few extremely mortifying moments, I finally felt like I could move again. My body had weakened so much that Grady had to pick me up and carry me to his car. I rested my head on his chest, giving him one hundred percent of my trust. Who else did I have, anyway? He was good to me. He would make sure I survived another night.

He buckled me in the passenger seat and reclined the seat as far back as it would go, allowing me to drift off to the purring of the engine.

A blinding light and a loud horn startled me awake and filled my head with deafening screams. My thoughts were muddled and my vision was foggy, and the only thing I could see was a bright light. My heart felt like it was going to give out any second as my body convulsed uncontrollably, tears soaking my cheeks. I covered my ears and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to quiet the horn that was still blaring in my head.

I rocked myself, chanting quietly, “Please make it stop, please.”

"Freckles, it's okay. I'm here."

Why won't it stop? I thought.

A cold breeze sent shivers across my body, and then warm arms wrapped around me, scooping me up. I dared a peek and realized I had slid off the seat and was curled tightly into the floor of the car. Grady lifted me out and held me tightly in his arms.

"I'm here. Shhh…It's okay. You're safe," he whispered.

I couldn't respond, but the screams and honking had finally ceased, my heart was settling, my stomach relaxed, and I could breathe again. Grady carried me into the house, passing the source of the bright light coming from the floodlight above the garage.

It was just a bad dream.

He shifted me in his arms as he unlocked the door.

"I can walk," I said, barely audible.

"I got you.”

He kicked the door shut and brought me through the dark house to the bedroom and laid me down. I stared up at him, taking careful inventory of his features. He seemed so familiar, yet a complete stranger at the same time. "Why are you helping me?"

He brushed my hair out of my face and then kneeled by my side. "Because I can," he replied simply.

"I know you can, but why? I'm clearly a mess." I was sobering a bit, and I was feeling the weight of the alcohol on my limbs as they melted into the sheets.

"When I saw you sitting on the bench outside the hospital, completely void of emotion, it broke me. After getting to know you, I couldn't just leave you there without anywhere to go."

"Do you know what happened to me?"

"Technically, I shouldn't, because it's confidential, but I sneaked a peek at your chart one day."

"Mr. Grady, you bad little boy." I was too weak to put much effort into my teasing. "What did it say?"

"Do you really want to know?"

The way he asked me was disconcerting. "Why would you ask me that? Yes, I want to know."

"I'm sorry. I just assumed you discussed this with the doctor before you left."

"Not specifics. I'm supposed to go back tomorrow for a scan and to discuss more details. She said she didn't want to overwhelm me all at once. Yet, they were okay just throwing me out onto the street. I mean, who the hell does that? 'We're sorry, ma'am, but we can't confirm an insurance policy, and now that you are better, you can't stay here.' Seriously. I know the doctor felt bad for me, but I can't believe they just kicked me out with no money, no identity, and nowhere to go. They told me to go to the women's shelter."

"I know. I was in the hallway."

"You were eavesdropping?"

"Yeah. That's why when I saw you still sitting on that bench when I was going home I couldn't just leave you there.”

"I was so scared, but at the same time, so numb. If you hadn't come around…" I choked back the pain.

He took my hand in his. "I'm here, and Brandt is here. We're going to help you figure out who you are, and we aren't going to leave you. I promise."

"What if you find out I'm some sort of crazy stalker or something?"

"Well, then I'll carry a Taser." He chuckled. He stood up and kissed me lightly on the forehead. "Get some sleep, and we'll talk in the morning. I think you've had enough tonight."

He was right. I could barely move, and talking was becoming a struggle as sleep beckoned for me.

He pulled the blankets out from under me and helped me get tucked in. "Put your hands above your head," he instructed.

I looked at him strangely. "Ummm, okay, but I'm not really into the kinky thing," I joked.

"Just do it." He tilted his head, mildly amused.

I raised my arms, and he inched his hands under the blankets, grabbed my dress, and slid it up and over my head.

"You threw up on it a little bit, so I didn't really think you'd want to sleep in it."

"Eww, gross. That's just lovely. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

He gave me an exhausted smile and started to walk away, but then stopped and turned to me. "For the record, I'm not into that either." He winked.

I managed a little laugh. "Good to know, Mr. Grady. Good to know."

He inched the door closed as my lids fell shut. I wondered why I wasn't attracted to Grady like I was to Brandt. He was obviously amazing. Love was such a strange thing. You couldn't see it, yet you believed in it. You trusted it because you could feel it. You craved it because you needed it. You fell because you wanted it. In my case, I was hoping I deserved it.