If any part of Josh had known that his alpha was lying on the ground in the desert, bleeding out into the sand, silver poisoning his body, he wouldn’t have been worried about himself at all. But Josh had gotten so used to his mate being in danger that even their connection didn’t help him sense it.

Instead, he sat at the shifter hospital, clutching his stomach, taken with the worst bout of nausea he’d ever had in his life. It was so bad he thought he might have accidentally been poisoned with silver, but the ER nurses seemed quite calm, and he’d been waiting for several hours, sitting as close to the bathroom as he could get.

Tristan was on his mind, for certain. Josh knew that he could very well be pregnant, that he’d been in heat, but part of him didn’t want to get his hopes up, and part of him was praying it was just a false alarm. He’d always wanted a baby, Tristan’s baby, but it wasn’t a good time at all. Tristan was on the run, the Sheriff was looking for him, their relationship was as rocky as ever. How would Josh raise a baby? On his own?

Finally, he got in to see the doctor, and he sat nervously as the man listened to his chest and back, looked over his charts, and asked him a few routine questions. The nurse had already gotten a urine sample from Josh, and the longer he sat there, looking at the doctor’s face, the more certain he was.

“Doc… I’m pregnant, aren’t I?” he asked suddenly.

The doctor gave him a small smile and nodded. “You are,” he agreed. “Not too far along, I’d say two weeks, but the sickness is hitting you hard, and I’m a little concerned about that. Have you been getting enough rest?”

“No.”

“Eating enough?”

“No.”

“Drinking?”

“Yes,” Josh admitted. He wouldn’t anymore, of course, but he’d been a semi-functional alcoholic up until that point, so of course he’d had a few drinks.

The doctor sighed and nodded. “None of that is good for the development of your baby, of course. You both should be fine, as long as you stop now, while it’s still early, and start taking care of yourself. Eat healthy food, as much as you can get down, and get plenty of rest. No drinking or smoking, and I want you to limit your stress as much as possible. Take some time off work, if you have to. Is the other father in the picture?”

Josh felt dizzy. His baby was only two weeks old, and already he was failing them. Limit stress? How the hell could he do that? Tristan was on the run, and every week there was another brawl at the bar.

“No,” he admitted. “No, he’s...not.” Only he sort of was, but Josh really didn’t feel like he could explain that. Tristan was in no position to be a father at the moment, that much was clear. Josh wasn’t even completely sure he wanted Tristan to help him with the baby, with the immature, selfish way his alpha had acted in the past.

The doctor nodded understandingly. “Do you have anyone else you can stay with for a while? Shifter pregnancies are only three months, but they’re very intense. It would be best if you had someone there for you.”

Josh knew what the doctor meant. It would have been ideal to have his alpha around, his mate’s presence would have calmed him and eased the process, but if he couldn’t, he would still need someone to support him.

“My mom, maybe,” he admitted. “My dad is around, but he’ll have to take over the bar.”

The doctor nodded. “And I’d like you to see another doctor regularly regarding the pregnancy, but you don’t need to come here. Your illness is unpleasant, I’m sure, but it’s just your body telling you to slow down. You have a lot of work ahead of you.”

Josh nodded numbly, trying to process all of that.

“It’s a lot,” the doctor said softly, giving him a small smile. “The nurse will take care of you from here, and set you up with everything you need to know. I’ll refer you to an OB.”

“Thanks,” Josh said, his heart pounding in his chest. He pressed his hands to his still-flat stomach. He was going to be a father.

* * *

“Josh, come in,” Shannon, his mom, invited him into her apartment.

“Thanks,” Josh replied, and he stepped inside, giving his mom a hug. He was glad that she seemed to have forgiven him for choosing his father during their divorce. That had been a long time ago. Although his mother could forgive, it seemed she rarely forgot.

“I’m glad you decided to stay with me for a while, you know I’ve thought you shouldn’t be alone ever since you and Tristan split…”

“Mom, that was over a year ago,” Josh sighed.

It had been, and the man hadn’t come home at all. He’d stopped writing. They both had. Josh knew he should be over Tristan. A year was too long to hold on, but how could he move on when Tristan had been his best friend for so long?

Shannon gave Josh a knowing smile and brought him to the kitchen.

“Sit, I’ll make sandwiches.”

Josh obediently sat in his chair, watching his mother with a small smile. He had missed her. She had done a lot for herself since leaving Senior. She was sober, owned her own salon, had a nice place in the city. She had been offering for Josh to live with her for years, but after breaking up with Tristan, and a nasty fight with his father, Josh was finally ready to take her up for it. He could use a change.

“Mom… can I ask you something?”

Shannon tucked her blonde bob behind her ear, laying lettuce onto their sandwiches.

“That’s what I’m here for,” she pointed out.

Josh took a deep breath. “What do you think...what’s the deal with fated mates?” he asked. “I always thought Tristan was my mate, but...does that even mean anything?”

Honestly, he wasn’t sure he believed in the concept anymore.

“Honey...I can’t deny that when your father and I first met, there was something electric. But maybe that’s just because we’re wolves, you know? Everything is...intense. Fate don’t got nothing to do with it. Not in my opinion, anyway. It’s all fairy tales.”

Josh sighed, but he hadn’t really expected anything else from his mom. Not after what she and Senior had gone through.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “Yeah, I’m better off without him, right?”

Shannon put the sandwiches together and sliced them, and then laid his down in front of him and sat at the table with him.

“Sweetheart...you want a baby, is that right?”

Josh had never had someone cut right to it like that before, and he felt a little like he’d been punched in the gut, but she was right. She’d hit the nail on the head. He wanted to be a father, more than anything.

“Yeah,” he admitted.

“Well,” she smiled. “You can still have that. You’ll just have to find your own husband, someone good, someone who’s ready to settle down and have kids the same as you are. You and Tristan grew up together, you had a young romance, but his job was just to teach you lessons. Now you know what you need in a man.”

“Stability. Dedication. Someone who wants kids.”

“That’s right,” she said. “You can’t stay stuck on the same person you fell for when you were young. You’re not that person anymore.”

Josh cleared his throat and nodded.

“You’re right,” he admitted. “I mean, it was one thing for him to be an immature brat when he was so much younger than me, but the age difference isn’t so huge now.”

“He still hasn’t grown up, son.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m glad I stopped coddling him.”

As Josh ate his delicious BLT, though, he felt strange. He missed Tristan. Could he really give up on him?

“You know, now that you’re in the city, maybe you’ll finally find someone new,” Shannon pointed out.

Josh smiled at her, feeling some amount of hope fill him.

“You’re right. It’s a fresh start.”

“I have to go to work, but you make yourself at home. I’ll be back late, dinner with the girls, but we can spend some more time catching up before bed, how does that sound?”

Josh tried to reassure her. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine, I think I’ll just put my stuff in my room and take a nap,” he admitted.

She gave him a kiss on the forehead, and then left for work.

Josh did as he’d said he would, at first. He took his bag to the spare room that would be his for as long as he decided to stay, and he flopped onto the bed, shutting his eyes with the hopes that he might sleep.

His mind kept him awake. It kept racing around Tristan, arguing with itself. He had to get the man off his mind.

Josh had never been with anyone but Tristan, and that meant he’d spent a lot of time alone over the years. Maybe he couldn’t get over Tristan because he was the only person Josh had any experience with.

God, he needed a drink. He had the sinking realization that he wouldn’t be able to find one there at his mom’s house, she’d been sober for so long now. He was proud of her, but Josh was no teetotaller. Like his parents, and his family before him, alcohol was a crutch for him.

He sat up, looking at himself in the mirror door of his new closet. He looked fine, in his jeans and leather jacket. There were bars all through the city. Why not visit one? It might be nice to be on the other side of the bar for once. He wasn’t sure he’d meet anyone he liked, but he knew he’d like a beer.

After figuring out how to hail a cab, Josh found himself at one of those ‘city’ bars he’d only ever heard about and seen in movies. It was packed, and instead of the warm wood of the old saloon and the lazy swing of the jukebox, there was bumping bass over the speakers, and shiny glass and steel everywhere. He settled down and ordered a whiskey sour, and then watched curiously as the bartender put his drink together.

The bartender was handsome, younger than Josh and built in a slender way, not an alpha at all, not even a wolf. Despite not being Josh’s usual type (which was, admittedly, just Tristan), he had a great smile, and he was sweet when he noticed Josh watching.

“You’ve spent some time behind a bar,” he said, sliding him his sour on a coaster.

Josh couldn’t help but smile back.

“A little,” he admitted, sipping his drink. It was decent, and that made the young bartender even more attractive. “How could you tell?”

The bartender laughed softly, but kept speaking to him as he poured someone else’s drink, which Josh knew was a good sign.

“You were judging me. Some people watch just out of curiosity, but you were paying attention to every move.”

Josh smirked. “Yeah, you got me there,” he admitted. He finished his drink, and but before he knew it, the handsome bartender was gone, pulled down to the other end of the bar, and Josh didn’t feel like pushing through the crowd just to harass someone doing their job. He knew personally, he’d never slept with someone who had hit on him while he was bartending. So he got a beer from the closest bartender, a woman with flaming red hair, and then turned to look around at the place.

It wasn’t a club, and it wasn’t a pub. More of a sports bar for people who thought they were too sophisticated for sports bars. Almost everyone there looked like they had money, and Josh had noticed his sour cost almost twice what he’d charge a regular at the speakeasy.

Josh couldn’t imagine getting along with any of these people. They were too different. By the time he’d finished his beer, he’d convinced himself to leave. He could find another bar, or maybe just get some fresh air, but he was getting overwhelmed by the dark, crowded atmosphere and pounding music. This place clearly wasn’t built to cater to shifter supersenses.

He leaned against the wall outside the bar, breathing in the city air, which was crisp and cool, but not quite as clean and refreshing as he’d hoped. He smelled smog, and piss and rats from the alley, and missed home more than ever.

“Hey, it’s you.”

Josh turned in the direction of the voice and was surprised to see the handsome bartender from before. He smiled.

“Hey. Josh,” he said, offering his hand.

“Kyle,” the younger man said, and Josh felt himself shift uncomfortably when Kyle looked him up and down, taking in his strong, compact body. “I thought I’d lost you.”

“Likewise,” Josh admitted, feeling himself flush slightly. He wasn’t used to this.

“I’m off now, did you want to… go for a walk, or something?” Kyle asked, and Josh was relieved and grateful to the other man for making the first move.

He nodded, pushing Tristan forcefully out of his mind. He could do this. He could get past his childhood crush.

“Sure, that sounds good. I’m new to the city, actually.”

Kyle seemed so excited, and it was nice for Josh to be around someone who really wanted to spend time with him. Half the time with Tristan, he wasn’t sure if the man wanted to be there, or if he’d rather run back to war.

Damn it. There he went, thinking of Tristan again.

“I’ll show you around a bit. Are you looking for a new bar?”

Josh nodded. “Yeah, actually. My mom is sober, which is great, but since I Ieft my bar, I’m running out of places to drink.”

“Well, you won’t run out here,” Kyle assured him. “Don’t tell my boss I told you this, but we’re not the best bar in town. Too much hype, in my opinion.”

“Wow,” Josh said, surprised by that. “Ain’t real loyal, are ya?”

Kyle shook his head. “Not particularly. This is just where I happen to work, but I don’t drink here,” he admitted. “I drink down the street. I’ll show you.”

Every moment with Kyle was surprising Josh more and more. His mom had been right. He just had to put himself out there more, and love would find him again. Or, at least, in the meantime, he could get laid. It had been way too long.

Kyle took him to a bar with a live band and room to socialize, and Josh felt much more at home there. He got a beer and sat with Kyle, watching the band. After the first song, he let Kyle wrap an arm around his shoulders and move in close. He told himself he didn’t mind, but he was fighting off the urge to run away. Even though everything was right, it felt wrong. His mind still lingered on Tristan, and Josh told himself he just had to persevere, and get the man out of his head and his heart once and for all.

“So, Kyle.... were you born here?”

Kyle nodded, smirking a bit. “Yeah, but look...how about we skip the small talk?” He leaned in closer.

Josh tried to swallow around the lump in his throat, and before he had a chance to answer, Kyle had pushed his lips boldly against his own.

Josh knew that a bold move like that, from Tristan, would have had him melting, kissing him back eagerly. But from Kyle it just felt strange, and he pulled back.

“I’m sorry. This is… it’s not working for me tonight. I think I’m going to go home.”

Kyle frowned, concerned. “Wait, are you all right?”

Josh nodded dumbly.

“Can I at least get your number?”

Desperate to get out of there, Josh agreed, and he put his number in Kyle’s phone and left, hailing a taxi home. Pressing his head to the cool glass of the window, he took deep breaths. This wasn’t going to work. It was either Tristan, or nothing.

He’d just have to be alone.