Josh moved through the brush, in the early morning dew, skulking low to the ground in his wolf form. His paw pads dug into the dry Texas dirt as he followed the scent of his alpha, tracing Tristan back to wherever he was hiding. He had driven out this far, and then the trail had ended, and he knew that Tristan would have hidden somewhere off the beaten path. He caught sight of a pair of tire tracks and followed them, the scent of Tristan getting stronger and stronger.

Tristan was bloodied, which made it even easier to sniff him out. The first thing Josh saw was Tristan’s truck, buried in brush and trees, but more than visible once he got close enough. He hid in the bushes and watched, listening closely to see if he could hear any movement.

When Josh was sure that Tristan wasn’t with his truck, he crept up and sniffed around it. He saw that Tristan had a tent set up in the bed of the vehicle, and his things were still there, including the remnants of a fire. He hadn’t gone far.

Josh followed his nose toward a creek, and stopped behind a shrub to watch Tristan as the former soldier knelt by the water, washing his hands in the cool stream.

“I know you’re there,” Tristan said, splashing water onto his face and rubbing it clean. “You may as well come out.”

Josh gave a soft growl of annoyance, but he knew Tristan could smell his omega just as much as Josh could smell his alpha. He walked out, still a wolf, and sat next to Tristan by the creek, refusing to look at him. He found it was even easier to give the silent treatment as a wolf.

Tristan found a rock to perch on next to Josh, and glanced down at him. He reached over and stroked over his head and between his ears, petting him as if he were a dog. Josh gave a soft growl of warning.

“Oh, no touching? All right. Then what are you doing here, Josh? Why did you come? I told you it was dangerous for you to be around me.”

Josh gave him a look, and then focused his gaze on the creek once more, refusing to dignify that with a response. Of course he had come after Tristan. He always went after Tristan, and the younger man should remember that, alpha or not, Tristan had almost always been the one to run, forcing Josh to follow.

Tristan sighed and glanced off into the distance.

“You’re right,” he said, and Josh perked his ears, interested in hearing more along those lines. “I’ve really screwed up this time. I don’t know what I’m doing. I just don’t see what other option I have. If I stop running, I could end up killed, or worse, jailed.”

Josh had sympathy for Tristan, but only so much. What did he think Josh had been through, waiting around, wondering if Tristan was dead? It had been worse than a prison. He had waited, and played Tristan’s game of tug-o-war, push-and-pull, but he still didn’t have anything to show for it. Tristan was out here in the dirt, Josh slept alone. Neither of them had gotten what they wanted.

He looked at Tristan for a long time, trying to see if he were truly sorry.

“Look, just talk to me? Please? Anything you wanna say, I can take it, but I can’t take the silence.”

Josh gave in, shifting into a naked human so that they could speak.

“It’s only a matter of time before you get caught,” Josh said softly. “And I won’t even know when you do.”

Tristan smiled. “You’ll know. You’ll be my first phone call.”

Josh shook his head. “You should use that to call a lawyer, Tristan. What were you thinking? Couldn’t you have found a way to be discharged?”

Tristan looked at him with something haunting his blue eyes, something unspeakable.

“I just had to go, Josh. Please, you have to understand. I had to go.”

Josh frowned, and reached out, wrapping Tristan in his arms. Whatever had happened to his alpha overseas, it had scarred him, and the man he held now wasn’t the same as the boy he’d once known.

“How can we have a family when you’re a wanted man?” Josh whispered, and he felt Tristan shake his head against his chest.

“I’m so sorry, Josh. I had to.”

Josh nodded, stroking his fingers through Tristan’s hair and kissing the top of his head.

“I understand,” he sighed. He didn’t know why, but he did understand that something had been terrible enough Tristan had felt he had no other choice. This wasn’t the first time Tristan had come home haunted.

* * *

“Tristan,

Senior and I have been brewing a new batch of lager that I think you’d really like, if you were here. I still haven’t forgiven you for leaving. I know it probably isn’t fair to say that, when it isn’t up to you anymore, but we agreed that at least in our letters to each other, we would be honest.

Let me also be honest and admit that I miss sex. I’ve continued to hold on for you, but every day seems longer, and lonelier. I’ve already been in heat once since you left, and I ended up having to hide myself in my apartment for the whole week. Ma was nice enough to bring me food, and there was an awkward moment when Senior came to visit at the same time. I’m not sure they’ve spoken in a good five years. She left like she’d been scared off, and he was shook the whole time he was over.

It feels silly, writing to you about the normal shit going on here, but I guess that’s what happened. I chose the normal shit, and you got the adventure. If we’re going to stay in touch, you’d better prepare to be bored.

I keep dreaming about having your baby. It’s been long enough now I know I’m not pregnant. Never was. But some part of me knows that I should have your kids, and I’m seeing all my friends get hitched and start building families… how long do you expect to keep me waiting, anyway? I keep asking around about the average military career. Are we talking five years? Ten? Twenty?”

Josh paused in the middle of reading the letter, clearing his throat.

“Are you sure you want me to keep reading this aloud?”

Tristan sat across from him on the bed, listening to Josh with the strangest smile on his face. Tristan was on his first leave, and everything about him seemed off, like Josh was viewing his friend through a funhouse mirror. All of his hair was gone, and he had aged too much for one year.

“Yes. It’s so much better in your voice. I missed your voice.”

Josh flushed. “Listen, that’s really sweet, and I missed you too, but I don’t even necessarily feel the same way I did when I wrote those letters anymore. It’s been a while, I mean I stopped even writing three months ago.”

Tristan frowned, and then shook his head.

“I guess you’re right,” he said, snatching the letter out of Josh’s hand. “This is stupid.”

Josh sighed, at a loss. Tristan seemed so different. He’d been back just a day, and Josh felt like he didn’t know how to talk to the man. Not to mention, he’d nearly given up on him. He’d stopped writing him, he’d even been on a date. And then, without even a call, Tristan had shown up at his door in full fatigues, a heavy backpack on his back, telling him he had three months to be his.

“It’s not stupid,” Josh tried to reassure Tristan.

From the moment the man had walked through his door, he had seen that Tristan’s eyes were lit differently, as if they had somehow, in his sorrow, transitioned to a darker blue. He had realized fairly quickly what it meant. His alpha had killed. Probably more than he could bear to tell, and Josh wouldn’t bring himself to ask.

Tristan just shrugged. “I’m pretty tired. Maybe we could lay down?”

Josh nodded, and tried to smile reassuringly. At least, with Tristan back, he had someone to take care of. The omega in him had missed that deeply. He tugged off his sweater and settled on the bed, and watched Tristan strip out of most of his clothes except his boxers, and climb under the blankets. He had several new scars, and Josh felt himself grow pale when he realized how extremely lean his muscular, tall alpha had gotten. He’d been working hard, whatever he’d been doing. Was Josh even allowed to be curious? Somehow, it seemed like Tristan’s letters had been too pure, too clean, for the man that had returned. He wrapped his arm around his alpha, holding him tight against himself.

“Are you going to tell Joanne or the rest of your family that you’re home?”

Tristan shook his head. “Not for at least a week,” he said, as if he’d already thought about it a lot, and had decided before he’d even come home.

Josh smiled and kissed his shoulder. “Okay,” he said, trying to be understanding. But how could he really understand? All he’d seen were a few bar fights. Tristan was a new man. “I’m glad you’re home,” he whispered. “You know that, right?”

Tristan seemed to relax a little in his arms. “So am I,” he said softly.

Josh watched as Tristan drifted off to sleep, smiling adoringly at the younger man. He still loved Tristan, whatever had happened to change him. Everyone changed, right? Josh was sure he wasn’t the same person as he had been when Tristan left. They would figure it out, learn each other again.

Probably just in time for Tristan to be redeployed.

Josh frowned when he felt Tristan start to thrash in his sleep, his breath elevated, his face twisted with worry. He shouted himself awake, and then stared at Josh, panting.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Josh shook his head, his heart pounding, shocked. He’d known that soldiers were prone to nightmares, but to witness one himself… He pulled Tristan close against himself, hugging him and stroking through his hair.

“Shhh. You never have to apologize. I’m sorry, baby.”

Josh didn’t say a word when Tristan began to cry against his chest, he just shut his eyes and held him, feeling the wetness against his skin and thanking God that at least for now, Tristan was home, and safe.