After the dark alpha wolf left, Tristan found himself staring down at his omega, who was still in his wolf form, pacing slightly, anxiously looking into his eyes. He straightened his shoulders, and then gave Josh a small nod and turned.

He ran. He’d shown himself too much already, and outstayed his welcome long enough. Josh had specifically told him to leave. Tristan shifted back, shoving on his clothes, and climbed into his truck, pulling out of the driveway before Josh could catch up with him, if he’d even followed.

He probably hadn’t, Tristan realized. That was the worst part, how his own mate didn’t even chase after him anymore. They were somehow supposed to raise a child together someday? How?

Josh had been his best friend practically since Tristan had been born, but Josh had told him once that he’d wished they had stayed that way, and Tristan understood why. He was the older man’s alpha, but he was always disappointing him, it seemed. Always struggling to fill his role. Always running. Wasn’t that why he’d joined the military in the first place, and then stayed for so long, even when Josh had begged him not to? He was afraid that when the time came, he wouldn’t be strong enough for Josh. What if, even after all these years, he still wasn’t?

The rural Texas landscape stretched on as he drove, away into the bush where he had a better chance of staying under the radar. Josh was right. It was only a matter of time until he was caught, that was the sad fate of deserters. The longer it went on, the longer he would spend in prison once he was caught.

If it went on long enough, they would start to bother his family, his friends, shake up his hometown for sign of him. That was why it was so dangerous for him to have revealed himself to Josh, and he knew he never should have. He just wouldn’t have been able to forgive himself if that was the last time he saw Josh.

He knew this could end up with him dead, or at least playing dead for several years, until it all blew over. He was wanted. The military didn’t take kindly to deserters.

All he desired was freedom. To be himself. To never kill again. And Josh.

Tristan found a spot in a dense thicket of brush to park his truck, and set up his tent, which fit over the bed of the vehicle and gave him a low, camo-painted shelter from the elements to climb into at night.

He couldn’t afford the risk that a fire would bring, so he sat in the dark and ate dried rations, tasting the army with every breath. After a few bites, he decided to pack the rest away for later. Josh’s face, his human face and his wolf, as if superimposed over each other, haunted him. Things had gone so wrong. Once, he’d been able to imagine a life for himself with Josh, a home for their children, but now, Josh looked at him with so much sorrow and mistrust, Tristan was certain they would never recover. He knew that he would have to leave Texas soon, but it tore at his heart to think of it. The whole reason he’d made his way back to the States, rather than somewhere safer, was to see Josh again, just one last time. To come home, and see if his mate would take him.

It had always been a fool’s hope, but never had he felt he fit the role so well. It wasn’t Josh who had made him a fool, though. He’d done it to himself. His own pride, his own fear, had ruined both of their lives. Even now, rather than do the responsible thing and turn himself in, for both of their sakes, Tristan fell back into his old habits. Josh would never forgive him.

Tristan looked up at the sky when he felt a cold breeze against his skin, and saw clouds cover the country stars. The cold air combined with the the smell of grain and cattle took him back to one fateful Christmas Eve, huddled in a pile of hay inside the Roger Nelson’s barn.

Something rustled in the brush by his truck, and Tristan reached for his weapon.

* * *

It was such a funny thing. Tristan had never planned to run away from home, and certainly never on Christmas Eve. Even in Texas, it was cold that December, and as Tristan ran on all fours through the crops of Roger Nelson’s farm, he was grateful for his thick coat of fur and natural resilience.

It seemed like he had been running for so long. Even though he was a strong, powerful alpha wolf, his muscles ached, and the sky had grown so dark that Tristan thought it must be past midnight.

Surely, he’d gone far enough to make his point? He wouldn’t be controlled by his parents anymore. He was an alpha. What right did they have to tell him how and when and where to live his life?

His mother’s comment was the final straw.

“You’ve ruined Christmas!” she had cried, storming into the kitchen in tears.

Well, if he was going to ruin Christmas, then he may as well really ruin it. He couldn’t breathe in that house a moment longer.

His parents weren’t like Josh’s, Tristan couldn’t imagine they would ever divorce. Instead, they fought with him, taking out all of their frustration and unfulfilled expectations on him. He just didn’t have the personality to sit there and take it. He was done, Christmas be damned.

Yeah. That felt good. Suddenly, with the realization that he finally was free, Tristan dropped to the field and rolled in the snow, which crunched with last year’s grass. Even through the burning cold of winter snow, Tristan smelled grain and manure as he buried his snout into the snow, snuffling at it playfully.

His parents had been the ones who had pushed him so hard to grow up in the first place, and now they were upset with him for it? That didn’t seem fair at all. He was old enough to take care of himself.

Tristan had never hated high school so much as he did that year. Josh had turned twenty-one, and was working down at the family bar now, and Tristan rarely saw him, but when he did, he felt childish and stupid. What use did a bartender have for a high school kid? His alpha instincts made him want to grab his mate and run off somewhere, somewhere far away where they could be together, and start a family.

Tristan was just seventeen, as he had been reminded by his mother that night, but his mate was finished growing up, and he wanted it to be over with, too.

Tristan saw headlights on the road and froze. Someone might be out looking for him, and he wasn’t ready to go back. He darted through the fields toward the farm, and hunched down in the shadows of the barn, watching as a truck parked. The headlights shut off, but were quickly replaced by a flashlight, and Tristan’s heart raced as he heard footsteps grow closer to him.

Suddenly, Tristan dove into the barn and curled up in the hay, hiding himself as best as he could.

It was no use. The flashlight caught him, and Tristan caught Josh’s scent on the breeze as the young man made his way into the barn.

“Tristan,” Josh sighed. “Tristan, you stupid, son of a…”

Tristan snarled. “If you’re just here to lecture me, you can go.”

He wasn’t in the mood for it, even from his best friend. He did frown thoughtfully when he realized that Josh was there looking for him.

“Your parents called me,” Josh explained, settling down next to him in the hay.

It wasn’t fair. Josh smelled like home, and resisting him seemed impossible. Tristan crossed his arms over his chest, giving Josh a look.

“Surprised you came.”

Josh reached around with quiet ease and wrapped one strong arm around Tristan’s shoulders, pulling him in close. Rather than offering any sort of rebuttal to that ridiculous remark, he slid his fingers over Tristan’s scalp, through his soft hair, and smiled down at him in the darkness.

“I almost ran away a few times, too.”

Tristan was surprised by that. Josh seemed to be fairly attached to their small town, he had roots there.

“You did?”

Josh nodded, his short nails scraping gently along the nape of Tristan’s neck, sending shivers down his spine. Tristan moaned softly and shut his eyes, finally giving in to the embrace. It was a little cold, and he curled up with Josh, burying his face in the man’s solid chest.

“When my parents got divorced, I nearly did this exact thing. Would you have come running after me?”

Tristan nodded into his chest.

“‘Course.”

“Well, I wasn’t sure you would,” Josh admitted. “And you were so young, I… I didn’t want to leave you. So don’t leave me, okay?”

Tristan sighed.

“It isn’t that simple, Josh. I’m not trying to leave you, I’m trying to leave them. All of this. I’m just done with it, I need...something new. Greener pastures, I guess.”

Josh shook his head.

“There’s time for that. This won’t last forever. You’re gonna graduate soon, and then you can go places. See the world.”

Tristan smiled, and that was a little bit comforting, but the more he thought about it, the less he was certain.

“But you...Josh, you’re gonna be here, aren’t you? I’m not even really your alpha yet, am I? Your father still is. You still work with him, you still can’t leave him.”

Josh tensed up at that accusation, but didn’t let go of Tristan.

“My dad is the alpha of our pack, Tristan, so yeah, until we’re married…”

Tristan growled. “And then when we’re married, we’re gonna have kids, and settle here, right? Where they can know their grandparents? Where you can take over the family business?”

“I have responsibilities, Tristan,” Josh snapped, and Tristan suddenly tugged away from him, rising to his feet.

“Well I have dreams!”

Even in the dark, shadowed barn, Tristan could see the heartbreak in Josh’s eyes.

“I have dreams, too, Tristan. They all involve you,” he admitted softly. “I thought we were going to wait for each other.”

Tristan shook his head, warring with himself. How much of his life could he live for Josh? He had so much to figure out, he wasn’t ready for this. Maybe when he was older, and had seen more. He couldn’t find the sort of trials he felt he had to complete to become a man, a real alpha, in this small town.

“When I graduate, Josh, I’m gonna leave.”

Josh sighed. “I guess I can’t stop you,” he admitted. “I have to trust that you’ll come back to me once you’ve seen enough of the world.”

Tristan nodded. “Yeah. But I don’t expect you to wait for me, Josh.” He might regret saying that, later, but it seemed like the right thing to say.

Josh shook his head. “I don’t have much choice, do I? You’re my mate.”

With a shrug, Tristan kicked at the hay on the cold ground.

“Everyone’s got a choice,” he said softly.

Suddenly, they heard a rustling outside of the barn.

“Shit,” Josh said, and stood, grabbing Tristan’s hand. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

“WHO’S THERE?!” Old man Nelson hollered across the dark farm as they ran back to Josh’s truck.

They both leapt in, and Josh started it up and pulled away before they ended up shot. Heart pounding, Tristan rested his head against the window, a smile on his lips.

“See? Adventure. I need that.”

Josh shook his head in amusement. “At least let me take you home for Christmas morning.”

Tristan shut his eyes, feeling the cool glass against his forehead. Yeah. At least for now, he should go home.

“You know, maybe I’ll join the military,” Tristan mused.

“Don’t you dare.”