Tristan stood in front of him, as he had many times before, and each time, he looked different. Josh still remembered the shock of seeing the man without his long, golden brown hair, the very first time he’d come back on leave. Although Josh took in all the details of Tristan’s changed appearance, his hair growing out, the extra wrinkles around his eyes, what he noticed most was the man’s expression. He looked pale, his eyes wide, mouth worried. Tristan was terrified.

“It’s me,” the younger man said, playing with the strap of his backpack, which was flung over one shoulder. Behind him was a pick up truck, and Josh realized that must have been the engine he’d heard. So where was Hank? Had he left yet?

Josh’s heart was doing flips in his chest, and just seeing Josh made him feel like he might weep. He took a deep breath.

“I thought I told you not to come back,” he said, looking the tall Alpha over with the saddest, most serious expression he could muster.

Part of him was overjoyed. Part of him would always be overjoyed, when Tristan came home. His stomach buzzed with excitement, and thoughts that he had to dismiss raced through his head. Would this be it? Was Tristan really home? Could he stay?

Tristan St. John was no saint, nickname aside. Josh knew, his logical mind, the part of him that could see patterns and wasn’t a fool, that Tristan would never be home for good. Josh, his omega, had never been important enough to him to stay.

“I know you did,” Tristan agreed. “You said I should never come back unless I planned to stay.”

Josh shook his head. “Don’t tease me, I know what I said.”

Tristan’s bright blue eyes looked at him, a mixture of hope and yes, that fear, that anxiety that Josh hadn’t quite placed, warring in his gaze.

“I think we both know what’s been said. We both have pretty good memories.”

Josh was silent, crossing his arms over his chest. He wasn’t going to fall for this. How long would he have Tristan for this time? A week? A month? Just long enough to get used to having him around?

Tristan paused, looking for a response, but when he got nothing but a glare from Josh, he went on.

“I’m not here to try to earn my way back into your heart, Josh,” the alpha said, and Josh felt his heart sink. He hated hearing Tristan so hopeless, even if it were true. “I just wanted to see you one last time.”

“One last time?” Josh asked, suspicious suddenly. “What’s going on, Tristan? What sort of trouble did you get yourself into this time?”

Tristan stepped closer, ignoring his questions. He was acting very strange.

“I was in the area. It’s just...it’s good to see you.” Tristan reached out and touched Josh’s cheek, and Josh shut his eyes.

He tried not to sigh in pleasure. Tristan’s fingers were rough, but the electric connection he had to his alpha was undeniable. Even when Josh had hated Tristan, he had felt it, and hate had faded into something else over the years. Mourning. Longing, maybe, although he tried to deny that, even to himself.

“Don’t do this to me,” Josh said softly, his eyes still shut, refusing to look into Tristan’s handsome face. It wasn’t fair.

Tristan’s fingers lifted away from his cheek, and Josh winced with regret. He should have let him touch for just a moment longer, as painful as it was. Tristan cleared his throat.

“How are you doing?” the soldier asked Josh. “Have you found anyone? Any...any hopes for a family?”

Josh shook his head in disgust. That wasn’t fair, either, Tristan had no right to ask him questions like that, when he knew that the only person Josh had ever wanted to mate and have a family with was Tristan himself.

“How dare you? Just go, Tristan. I told you to stay gone. I told you I’d shoot you if you came near again.”

“And I told you,” Tristan said, with a slightly playful smile, “That regular old bullets can’t hurt me.”

Josh rolled his eyes and turned away from that gorgeous smile. Just as he was considering going to get his gun anyway, he heard a scream from around the other side of the bar.

“Goddamn it,” he growled, and ran around the back.

The scene he came across wasn’t pretty. Hank had some poor girl cornered, his hand on her throat. Her chest heaved and she looked at Josh with wide, desperate eyes. Hank was an alpha, and not many challenged him, but Josh had before, and would again.

Josh shifted then and there. His clothes tore as he turned into a short, compact brown wolf with a thick coat, his hairs on end. He growled at Hank with snarling sharp teeth, and then flew at him, knocking him away from the girl.

Beneath him, Josh heard the sound of clothes tearing and his body was lifted by the large black wolf that appeared beneath him, jaws snapping. Hank threw him off. He was older, and definitely not the strongest alpha in town, but Josh was still afraid of him. He backed away, luring the angry black wolf away from the woman, who ran away from the conflict, terrified.

Josh was an omega. He had no business squaring off with Hank, facing him down, his green eyes glowing with eagerness for a fight. He was going to get torn apart, and he’d be surprised if his father weren’t out there soon to break them up.

He was so used to Tristan being gone that he’d forgotten he was there. The young alpha had shifted before he even got around the building, and as his paw steps were heard against the pavement, Hank’s head rose to look at the wolf behind Josh.

Josh turned his head, too, and there was Tristan, a proud, strong alpha wolf that towered over them both in height. He was golden white, like a polar bear, his ear tips especially gilded. A sight to behold, and not a sight that Hank was familiar with. He backed away, obviously uncertain about the identity of this strange new alpha.

For an alpha, Hank was a coward, and Tristan barely had to growl for the drunk man to run away. Josh stared at Tristan, and in his wolf form, it was a lot harder to deny his attraction to the alpha. This was his mate, whom he belonged to, whom he was destined for. How had it all gone so wrong? He stepped closer to the alpha, looking up into his golden face. He still remembered the very first time he’d recognized Tristan as his alpha.

* * *

The summer before he started high school, Tristan had gone on a trip with his parents to Yellowstone. Josh had spent the whole summer bored, alone, dying for Tristan to come back.

It had been bad enough, being in a different school than Tristan, having people tease him for being best friends with a little kid. But to not even get to spend their summer together?

Josh was worried that Tristan might find another friend he liked better. Or maybe he would just forget about him. Either way, he had a terrible feeling that his best friend would come back very changed from the innocent boy he had been when he left.

Josh sat on Tristan’s doorstep, playing with a hole in the knee of his jeans. He could smell freshly cut grass, his father had cut both their lawn and the St. John family’s lawn just that morning. Tristan had promised he would be home, but Josh was still relieved when it didn’t take long for the family’s blue SUV to pull into the driveway.

He stood, ready to greet Tristan, but when a tall, handsome teenager got out and smiled at him with daring dimples, Josh’s heart stopped. It seemed to flip over itself, and then, as Tristan approached, and Josh realized that yes, it was really him, it thumped against the inside of his chest, pounding almost painfully.

Josh stepped back, swallowing hard.

“Tristan, you…”

Tristan shrugged, and for just a second, he looked like the goofy kid that Josh had grown up with, watched out for… but then his expression straightened, and Josh realized that Tristan was actually, remarkably, taller than him. That wasn’t fair. Who was nearly six foot at Tristan’s age?

“I know. Growth spurt,” Tristan admitted, shrugging his shoulders a bit.

It wasn’t just the height. That, Josh probably could have dealt with. He knew kids who were tall and gangly when they got into high school, and he was pretty confident with his own dense, muscular body. The thing was, everything familiar about Tristan, any uncertainty or immaturity, seemed to have disappeared overnight. Instead of being a little brother, Tristan was...handsome. Josh knew it hadn’t actually been overnight, but he hadn’t seen him the whole summer. He hadn’t seen his voice crack or that awkward stage between growth spurts. All he knew now was that Tristan towered over him, his shoulders were nearly twice as broad, his voice just as deep, his hair twice as long, and he was...dreamy.

Josh shrugged, too, and tried to remind himself that Tristan was a freshman, and he was a senior, and he probably shouldn’t be checking him out, anyway. He also realized that Tristan could probably buy beer. It was bizarre.

“Hello, Josh,” Tristan’s father, Bill, said to him, carrying a suitcase past.

“Hello, sir,” Josh said, and then in a daze, he went to help Tristan’s mother Linda unload.

He felt Tristan following him, but he avoided his gaze. All his life he’d been the taller, stronger one. That was the benefit to being older. Now, with Tristan looking down on him, Josh wondered what their friendship would even be. And what about when Tristan was still in high school, and Josh graduated? Tristan would be a cool sophomore while Josh would be the loser that hung out with high school kids.

What if this was the end? What if last spring had been the end, and he hadn’t even known it?

He carried suitcases in to the foyer, and Linda smiled at him gratefully.

“Thank you, Josh. You’ve grown quite a bit this summer.”

He shook his head, swallowing quietly. Not compared to Tristan.

“I’ve gotta go,” he managed to get out.

Tristan looked at Josh in confusion, but Josh headed for the door.

“Wait, Josh! We’re all exhausted, dear, but you should come over this evening for supper. I’m sure you and Tristan have a lot to catch up on.”

Tristan gave him a look that was so hopeful, Josh remembered he was the older one. He nodded, clearing his throat.

“Uh, sure, Mrs. St. John.”

“How many times, Josh? Aunt Linda, please. Mrs. Makes me feel just so old.”

Josh gave her a bit of a smile, trying not to wince. Calling Tristan’s mom ‘aunt’ felt weird now. He definitely didn’t have brotherly feelings toward the other boy.

“Aunt Linda. I’ll see you for supper. See ya, Tristan.”

He slipped out the door, trying to ignore Tristan’s confused, uncertain frown as he left.

The rest of that morning passed by too slowly for words. Josh spent hours staring at the clock, remembering Tristan’s face, trying to convince himself he hadn’t really been that tall or handsome.

Around four o’clock, his father came down the stairs, and Josh lifted his head from the couch. His father usually went off to work around that time, and later that night, after dinner, his mother would join him at the bar until they both stumbled home late.

This time was different. His father had an exhausted, angry expression on his face, and Josh quickly ducked back down onto the couch before the man caught sight of him.

Sometimes, when Senior was angry, that meant he’d been drinking, and Josh didn’t want to get caught in range of his ire, especially after a whole day of sitting around doing absolutely nothing.

To his surprise, Josh’s mom came storming down the stairs, and she didn’t seem drunk, either. In fact, they both seemed stone cold sober. Josh watched them silently, as she pushed past him to get her purse, and he pulled away from her, glaring at her with disgust, and his heart sank. This wasn’t just a fight. His parents, he realized, weren’t in love anymore.

Suddenly, he couldn’t take the silence anymore. He got up off the couch.

“What’s going on?” He demanded.

Both of his parents turned to look at him for a moment, and then looked at each other, and Josh stood bravely, at seventeen, facing them both. He was about to insist that they tell him what was going on, when his mother finally spoke.

“Son, sweetheart, your father and I are...we’re going to see a lawyer today.”

Josh shook his head as a few possibilities went through his mind.

“Are you in trouble? Or…”

Senior cleared his throat. “We’re getting a divorce.”

Josh’s world seemed to wobble around him, for a moment, or maybe he was just wobbly on his own feet. He sat down. His parents had loved each other for as long as he’d known what love was. They were an alpha and an omega, fated mates, or so he’d thought. He shook his head.

“Who am I going to live with?”

“Me, sweetheart.”

He looked up at his mother, and imagined her controlling his life as he started his senior year of highschool, as he went on to college, her pampering him and smothering him, and shook his head.

“No way. I wanna live with Dad.”

Senior might have a temper, but Josh understood that. He could yell back. He would also get a lot of freedom, with his dad being at the bar all the time, and being generally supportive of Josh turning into a man.

Josh knew he’d misspoke when he saw his mother’s heartbreak. He watched her face drop, her eyes well up, and she turned and stormed out the door.

“I…”

Senior shook his head. “We’ll talk about this later,” he said, and followed his wife out the door.

Wife. Not for long, Josh realized. His parents weren’t the type to joke about this. Part of him wanted to believe this was just an argument, and they’d be back together in no time, but they had never worked like that. They were both straight forward people, who meant what they said. This was the end. He had seen the love go out of their eyes. He wasn’t sure when it had happened, but Josh was certain it was gone.

He showed up for dinner that night at the St. John house clean, and wearing a button down shirt, which was pretty impressive for a bartender’s son. Linda, at least, seemed impressed as she invited him in, and he forced a smile just for her. She’d always liked him, which he figured had let him get away with a lot over the years. He had always tended to get her little boy into trouble.

“Thank you, Aunt Linda.”

He truly was grateful to get out of his own house for a bit. Even with both of his parents out, the atmosphere left behind was too tense to breathe.

“Dinner won’t be served for another half hour or so,” she told him. “You can go up to Tristan’s room until then.”

Josh felt grateful to not be stuck making awkward small talk, but also terrified to see his best friend again after their awkward reunion that morning, and fighting back the sadness and confusion he felt around his parents’ looming divorce. He slipped off his shoes and left them neatly by the door, and then walked up the stairs slowly, his fingers brushing over the white wooden banister as he tried to avoid actually arriving outside Tristan’s door.

He counted his steps down the hallway, watched his grey socks press into the beige carpet, but finally he was there. Tristan’s bedroom was the second on the left, not so far from the stairwell. Josh’s procrastination was short lived.

He waited outside the door for a few moments longer, worrying his full lower lip with his teeth, until Tristan opened the door, staring at him in confusion.

“Josh? I thought I heard someone in the hall. Hey. Is dinner ready?”

Josh looked up into Tristan’s bright blue eyes nervously. He thought he might never get used to that, looking up at his best friend instead of down to him. And he was fairly certain it would always be that way. Josh turned eighteen in the winter. He wasn’t likely to get that much taller, but Tristan had several years of growth yet to come, most likely.

He’d have to get used to it, and he’d have to get used to treating Tristan like another teenager instead of a little kid, or he’d lose him.

“Josh?” Tristan asked, and Josh realized he’d been so lost in thought he’d gone quiet.

“What?”

“I said, is dinner ready?”

“Oh, no,” Josh answered, and Tristan stepped back to let him into his room. Josh walked in, feeling strange as he pushed past Tristan’s strong chest. Dizzy, almost, when he caught the scent of him. Alpha, something deep inside of him whispered, and Josh paused, turning to look at Tristan.

He stood in the middle of Tristan’s bedroom, which was still full of Star Wars toys and Call of Duty posters. Tristan looked like a man, and smelled like a man, but he was only a freshman. It was confusing, and Josh sat down.

“Are you okay?” Tristan asked, sitting next to him. He reached out and placed a strong, large hand on Josh’s shoulder.

Josh closed his eyes and felt comfort go through him. Tristan must still be his best friend, because when the boy touched him, it felt good, like home. He relaxed, resting his head on Tristan’s newly broadened shoulder. This wasn’t so bad, but it did seem like Tristan was a new person.

“I guess. Not really.”

Tristan awkwardly patted Josh’s short brown hair, and Josh chuckled and sat up. That was probably awkward, leaning on Tristan like that, even if in that moment, Josh really did need someone to lean on.

“What’s going on? I know I look different. My mom started crying the other night looking at me. It’s just a growth spurt, dude. I wasn’t that small before, was I?”

Josh shook his head. It wasn’t just that, and he suspected that was why Aunt Linda had started crying when she’d seen her son, and, as an omega herself, recognized an alpha when she saw one.

“I dunno. I’m not upset ‘cause you’re tall,” he tried to explain. Besides, there was more than that going on with him. “Let’s just play some Halo or something, okay?”

Tristan frowned, looking at him with narrow eyes.

“What happened this summer. Something’s going on with you. Did you get a girlfriend?”

“What? No! Did you?”

“No,” Tristan said quickly, and shook his head. “Something else happened, though. I’m not just tall.”

Josh looked over at him with interest.

“What do you mean?”

“Well...it’s kind of embarrassing, but...I’m huge.”

Josh blinked as his mind went some fairly filthy places with that.

“I...dude, what?” he asked.

Tristan made his face, showing his age once more. It was sort of comforting.

“Ew. Not like that. Just...watch.”

Tristan got up, suddenly, and turning away from Josh, he began to strip. Josh’s jaw dropped open as he tugged his t-shirt over his head, showing off a newly muscular back and broad shoulders, his lean waist heading down to… woah. Tristan was taking off his pants.

“Uh, Tristan, I…” Josh didn’t know what to do, or say. Part of him was deeply curious about Tristan’s naked body, his own young body responding, but it really wasn’t appropriate, and he knew that, and he felt strange about his best friend’s behavior.

Just as Tristan tugged off his underwear, and Josh got an eyeful of his best friend’s ass, he shifted into the biggest wolf Josh had ever seen.

Tristan was white, but not purely white, each strand of his fur was tipped with gold, especially around his face and ears. Josh had seen Tristan as a wolf before, when they’d been cubs. Tristan had been a fluffy, pale brown puppy with a dark snout, but Josh had never imagined him becoming so white, and he hadn’t seen him in this form for years and years, because, well… being a wolf meant being naked.

Still, Josh’s thoughts had gone away from sex, as he looked at the enormous alpha wolf in front of him. Josh knew that Tristan was his alpha, with every fiber of his being, just looking at how he stood proud in front of him. The wolf’s eyes, Josh noticed, were gold, not blue. How curious.

Josh’s heart sung. He felt enveloped by Tristan’s presence, comforted by him all at once. He reached out, wrapping his arms around his furry neck, and hugged his alpha close. It didn’t seem fair, that he had to wait so long while Tristan grew up, that he’d been the older one. Was it supposed to work like that?

It was true. Just as much as Josh knew he was a wolf, he knew that Tristan was his.

Overwhelmed, he buried his face in Tristan’s fur and began to cry. Tristan nuzzled against him with concern. He shifted back, and scrambled to pull his boxers and jeans back on. Still shirtless, he hugged Josh close into his strong arms, and Josh cleared his throat and wiped at his face. He wasn’t used to Tristan taking care of him.

“Seriously. What’s wrong, Josh? I know it isn’t me making you cry.”

Josh almost smiled, and he almost told Tristan that actually, it was him, partially. Instead, he shook his head.

“No, it’s not you,” he agreed. He looked up into those eyes, so blue again, and saw the flecks of gold in them that hadn’t been there before. Everything was changing, too fast.

“Then tell me,” Tristan insisted in a deep, confident voice that Josh found very attractive.

He straightened his shoulders, trying to impress the younger boy by being strong.

“It’s nothing. My parents are getting divorced,” he said sadly, and admitting it like that, out loud, it hurt even more. It was really happening. “I told my mom that I want to live with Senior, so I guess...we’ll see.”

Tristan’s bright blue eyes widened. “How is that possible?” he asked. “Aren’t they...I thought they were mates.”

Josh looked up at Tristan and for a second he wasn’t certain. Did Tristan know, like Josh now knew, that they were mates, fated to be together? What did that even mean, when he had seen with his own eyes that his parents didn’t love each other anymore? Clearly fate had no idea what the hell it was doing.

“I don’t think that means anything,” he admitted softly, pulling away from the other boy and gripping the edge of the bed. His voice sounded hollow in his own chest, it echoed emptily against his ear drums. “I don’t think it matters at all.”