Chapter Sixteen

Instead of sitting in the car outside Oscar’s, Monica threw open the door. She held her head high, even if there were smudges of paint smeared on her cheek and soot in her hair. Nikolai was speaking with his Pack, so she decided to use the moment. This was the end of one thing and the beginning of another. She only hoped she had the courage.

Red and Jorge watched her from the front yard like vultures watching future carrion. She wouldn’t be their prey anymore. While this Pack had been what she needed when she’d first changed, when the panther was a wild and untamable voice in her mind, it was no longer the home she needed. This was a Pack of structure and obedience. Any warmth she might have felt was only superficial. It’d never been meant to make her feel like part of a family, only to keep her alive as part of an army.

The way Oscar formed his Pack would be something he would have to deal with someday, perhaps even someday soon, but it would no longer be Monica’s problem. The army he’d formed would crack sometime soon. She’d shouldered a new problem when she realized where her heart was.

Outside Oscar’s front door, she laughed at herself. She’d put so much effort into sneaking Oscar’s file onto Nessa’s desk and, in the end, it hadn’t mattered. She’d found a mate, the right guy, in the end. Now, she just needed to pay the price for leaving Oscar’s Pack.

Oscar looked vaguely surprised to see her again. In the years she’d been a part of his Pack, she hadn’t visited him as much as she had in the past few weeks. He invited her inside. There were new windows and a few new lamps. In the corners of the living room, she caught glimpses of glass.

It reminded her of Nikolai’s living room. She wanted to be back on that couch, basking in her mate’s presence. She wished he could have been there, to hold her hand while she dealt with whatever punishment Oscar thought to drop on her. Nikolai wouldn’t have been able to handle it, though. She knew he would fight against whatever she had to face, and it would not end well to have two Alphas fighting.

“You’re looking a lot better these days,” Oscar noted.

His words caught her off guard. Her head cocked to the side and Oscar laughed.

“I know why you’re here. I’m your Alpha, remember?”

Her lips formed a question, but Oscar jerked his head toward the lawn where two grown shifters worked on the hedges.

“Spies,” she said, finally. “They were spies all along.”

Oscar nodded. “It’s good to know what your Pack is doing at all times. If I hadn’t had them watching you, then I would have been at fault should Nikolai have decided to hurt you.”

“He would never,” she growled.

Oscar held up a finger to silence her. “How could I have known that when he decided to show an interest in you? His family has been after territory for decades. I wouldn’t put it past him to break my Pack one shifter at a time.”

She shook her head, fighting against the command of silence. “You clearly don’t trust anyone. I hope that bites you in the ass.”

Monica surprised herself with her words. She’d never spoken against Oscar in her life. Now, she could see him for what he was. He hid behind the threat of violence, weaving it like a binding around his Pack. He was a spider at heart, even if his animal form was a bear. She no longer felt the need to make him happy, to make sure he noticed her.

Now, Monica gave it to him straight. His clever machinations could only get him so far. If he constantly relied on his Pack to foster the fear that gave him control, it would fall apart.

Monica sighed. Nothing was permanent, it seemed. No dreams lasted, no packs thrived for too long. Life would always go through cycles of turmoil. All they could do was hold their head high and fight for the best. She wished Oscar the best, no longer thinking of herself as what he needed.

“What did you come here for?” Oscar snapped.

Monica smiled. “I want out of the Pack.”

Oscar’s eyes widened. Then, his jaw tightened, and he spun away from her. A low growl rumbled through the air. She thought he might lash out at the nearest window, release the tension that gripped his shoulders, but he didn’t move.

“You’re not the first.”

His words struck her. She’d thought she was making a bold move, the kind no one else would even consider. Surely, there was a punishment waiting for her. Why would anyone else want to brave such a thing? Who would?

“Am I so awful that everyone wants to run away from me? I thought using fear would keep the peace among my shifters, but all it has done is push you away.”

“Do you know how long I thought I loved you?” Monica blurted out.

Oscar twisted to look at her, eyes wide and lips parted. It was obvious he hadn’t expected her words.

Monica drew in a breath through her nose and prepared herself to finish the story. “It means nothing now that I’ve found my mate. I wish I could say I still loved you, like I did from the first day I met you, but I’ve found what love really feels like.

“You would think love would feel like the support we show each other, but this Pack does it out of duty. We see everything we do as a duty. Protect our Alpha. Do as he says. Make sure the others stay alive. It’s all one command after another. None of that translates to love. We gather together, but we don’t connect.”

Monica knew her words were brazen. She should have swallowed them down the moment they touched her tongue. Part of her was proud for having spoken them. The truth was harsh, but so often necessary. The realization that she didn’t love Oscar allowed her to fall in love with her mate.

“I’ve lost shifters to dreams of traveling the world, to family across the country, and a plain feeling of unrest. Am I to lose you to Nikolai?”

She nodded. “It sounds, to me, like everyone who has left did it because that was what their heart needed.”

Oscar turned away, but not before nodding. His gaze lingered on the floor. The smoky tattoos on his arms no longer swirled and danced as if they were magic. They were simply tattoos, ink in the skin.