Chapter Six

Monica didn’t understand what Regina’s problem was. Every time Regina looked in her direction, she smirked and smothered a laugh. Monica was ready to challenge her to figure out what was so funny. She’d lost count of how many times she’d checked her reflection in the sliding glass door at Miles and Lia’s beach house.

The air was filled with the scent of charcoal smoke and fish. Monica hadn’t wanted to come, hadn’t felt like she was part of the group, but after the day she’d had, being surrounded by the packless shifters and Regina felt more like home than anything else.

Eventually, Regina stopped laughing. Instead, she lay in the sun, wearing nothing more than a little bikini top and a pair of cut-off shorts. Regina was classically beautiful, all porcelain skin and freckles over her upturned nose. She was also part of Nikolai’s pack. Monica found herself jealous.

Not only was Regina beautiful, she was closer to Nikolai than Monica would ever be. The barrier of their packs separated them. Monica knew she shouldn’t see Nikolai anymore, not if she wanted to regain the trust of her own pack. Yet, the thought of Regina hanging off Nikolai turned her stomach.

Monica told herself, repeatedly, that it didn’t matter. She would get her place by Oscar’s side, but each time she tried to imagine such a future, Nikolai took Oscar’s place. She shook her head to expel the image, but it popped up time and time again against her will.

“Do cats even like the ocean?” Regina asked as she sat across from Monica and Nessa. She raised a fish taco to her mouth, not once breaking eye contact.

Nessa pulled her lips back in a silent hiss while Monica shrugged. The thought of Nessa’s tiny cat form in the waves was an alarming image while Monica’s much larger panther loved to play in the crashing waters.

“What brings either of you to the Californian coast, then?”

“Stray cats are everywhere,” Nessa said. “It’s not that strange to see cat-shifters on the coast. There’s enough mice and fish for everyone.”

Monica gagged at the thought of eating a mouse. Regina caught her reaction and laughed, spraying out little bits of cabbage. Both Monica and Nessa laughed at Regina.

Even though Regina had spent the day laughing at something, Monica still felt safer among these people she barely knew than among her own pack. Her betrayal, a cause she thought right, had severed whatever familiarity they’d had. Family turned to enemies in the blink of an eye, and she wasn’t sure what it would take to get back in their good graces.

Even Oscar doubted her, that much was apparent. In the morning, she should stop by Oscar’s again and see if there was anything that needed repairing. Little by little, she would show them that she hadn’t given up on her family. She was still one of them.

Right?

Doubt crept in, raking at her mind like her panther’s unsheathed claws. Each step further felt like a step away from what she’d known. Monica couldn’t tell if it was her, growing as a person, or if it was her Pack pushing her away. The thought made her chest tight, her lungs useless.

Beside her, Nessa and Regina chatted away about books and business. All the while, Monica was struggling with her own mind. It tormented her over and over, unrelenting in its fears and worries.

The panther purred and presented her with an image, a thought—Nikolai laying on his side with his head in his hand and a smirk on the corner of his mouth, his shirt fallen open to reveal the tattoos that stretched across his chest and the nest of golden hair between his pecs. Her mouth went dry, and she cursed the panther.

Horny beast, she chastised it.

It purred with delight and offered a few more images, visions of her dark-skinned hand sliding across Nikolai’s pale gold skin, fingers threading through the nest of chest hair. Monica bit her lip while fighting back the beast’s obvious desire for the Alpha of another Pack. Not once had she ever acted like this with Oscar. Sure, she admired him, wanted to protect him, but she’d never thought of him as…visually as this.

“You okay over there, Alvarado?” Regina watched Monica with a spark in her eyes. If Monica didn’t know better, she’d almost say it was a knowing look.

What did Regina know that Monica didn’t? It’d been like that all night. Lia called everyone to the deck before Monica had the chance to ask. Monica glared at the back of Regina’s head, wishing she could pry answers out of her perfect hair.

Regina looked back and mouthed something.

Later. Okay?

Monica had no other choice but to nod before they climbed the short steps onto the deck and gathered for Lia’s announcement. They all knew what was coming, from the glow on Lia’s cheeks and the loose t-shirt dress she wore. If she and Miles thought they were being subtle, their friends could pretend to be surprised.

Lia could barely contain her smile as they gathered around. She shifted from foot to foot, looking to Miles as if for the go-ahead. The look of patience on his face was admirable, Monica thought. This was the most emotional Monica had seen Lia since the day they retrieved her sealskin.

“I’m pregnant!” Lia blurted. No ceremony, no pretenses. The words simply fell from her lips.

Nessa jumped and clapped her hands before lunging to wrap her arms around her sister. It was clear they shared no blood, Lia looking like an Amazon and Nessa so small and nimble she might be mistaken for a twelve-year-old, but their love for one another was the bond of siblings nonetheless. And, Monica felt sucked into it.

She felt as though she’d been a part of this tiny pack all along. They pulled her into the hug, Miles stumbling back and laughing at the girl pile of happiness. While they shared their joy with Monica, another thought hit her.

To her, children had always been something she wanted to give her mate. They weren’t something she wanted for herself, but a thing she felt she had to give. When she pulled back and watched Lia gravitate back to Miles, when she watched him look down at Lia as if she were the sun itself, Monica realized she’d been wrong. These two cherished the small life that had been granted to them, even before it took its first breath.

The emotion was foreign to Monica. Her head spun, and she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d ever been living at all. This life she thought she’d planned for herself, what good was it? Turning it over, she realized there was no happiness in it. Pride, sure, but happiness was a thing she’d never accounted for.

Exhaustion crept in on her. The day had already been long, starting with a commission she hated all the while staring at her phone as if someone might call and release her from the hell she’d cursed herself to. Each moment on the deck, watching people smile and cheer with joy, drained her bit by bit.

At the first chance, Monica said her goodbyes to the group and snuck off toward her car. While letting her head rest against the roof of her car, she heard footsteps behind her. The scent of Regina, mostly moss, caught up to her.

“Hey, I promised you a word.”

“I’d hope you have more than just one word. One doesn’t quite offer much.”

Regina groaned at Monica’s sarcasm. “You’re insufferable. I found your artwork at Nikolai’s today.”

Monica straightened. “Is that why you’ve been laughing at me all day? Do you find the idea of him and me funny or is it my art that’s so laughable?” She couldn’t help the bitterness. The day had chipped her away until there was nothing left but a raw girl.

“Fuck no! I fully support both. The laughter… I’m sorry. It’s a secret that you’ll find out when you get home. Don’t worry about that.”

Regina’s words made no sense. They did nothing to help Monica’s muddled mind.

“There’s something else I wanted to discuss. It’s about my Pack, Nikolai’s Pack.” Regina paused, looking away as if weighing her words. Monica wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake the knowledge out of her. The night had been maddening, exhausting, between Regina’s laughter and the beast’s obvious desire for sex.

Monica was done with it. She wanted answers.

“You know what?” Regina shook her head. “Just… have fun. Be safe, wear a condom, and have fun with Nikolai. Okay? You both deserve it.”

Before Monica could scream and pull her hair out, Regina had already turned on her heel and made it halfway back to the beach house. Monica didn’t even know what she meant. Of course, Regina had been talking about sex, but everything she’d led with felt as though it belonged to a different conversation.

The urge to beat her head against something only grew stronger. Perhaps, she would go home and lose herself in some sort of abstract painting, something she could sell online for big bucks and buy herself a regular dildo. Clearly, relationships were a strange and confusing thing to manage, and she wasn’t even in a relationship.