Chapter Nineteen
“What the flying fuck was that, Cat?” Killian belted as soon as they pulled out from the store. He forced his foot to tread lightly on the pedal, but what he wanted was to rip across the dirt road and send rocks flying in their wake. He wanted to jump out of the truck and run wild on four paws, howling and growling in spitting anger. Most of all, he wanted to go back and punch the guy in the face for just knowing Cat. Unreasonable, yes. His practiced control was the only thing keeping him in the cab of the truck.
Cat sat forward, her body straining the seat belt as she laid her head in her hands. Despite the dark emotions raging in Killian at that moment, he couldn’t help worrying about the depressed posture of her body. She seemed helpless and tiny, in a world that seemed determined to throw whatever it could her way. Her eyes were wide in shock, and her mouth opened and closed as if she searched for the right words to explain.
“Wow.”
That was it. That was all she said. Killian pulled the truck over to the side of the now muddy road. Rain hammered on the metal, beating to the same angry pace as Killian’s pulse.
“Really? That’s all you’re going to say?” he said incredulously. He tightened his fingers on the leather-wrapped steering wheel. Should he just pull the whole damn thing off? Maybe that would satisfy his need for violence.
“I didn’t think I would run into someone I knew…” Cat whispered, finally latching her gaze with his.
“Dammit, Cat!” Killian gave in to the urge and punched his fist into the steering wheel. “How do you even know someone? You told me you never left the house!”
“I don’t understand why you’re so mad about it, Killian,” she said, her voice soft where his was ragged and rough with emotion.
“You don’t understand why I’m mad?” he cut out. “I just watched a man, someone you weren’t even supposed to know, pull you into his arms right in front of me. You have been cold, distant, the whole damn time we’ve been here. And the first time you speak more than a few words is to some other guy?”
He was overreacting. His gut wrenched, and his face was hot with anger, but he knew he was being a dick. He wanted to rein it in, but at that moment, his emotions took over. He relinquished his beloved control to his jealousy.
“Killian, it’s not like that—”
“Not like what? You haven’t been pushing me away since we got here? Disregarding any comfort I attempt to give you? All to—what? Hug some other guy I didn’t even know you knew?”
“He’s just a friend, Killian.”
“Well maybe you should have called your friend to come on this little escapade with you. Why do you even need me?”
“Will you just let me fucking explain?” she yelled, her previous lack of energy seeming to have dissipated. She reached a tiny hand out and grasped his shoulder, and he struggled not to brush off the tender gesture. Instead of answering, he kept his mouth shut, raising a sarcastic eyebrow to let her know he was listening.
“There used to be this abandoned hunting cabin near where we lived. While I loved my parents, things just got…stifling sometimes. So every now and then I would pack a backpack of clothes, a couple of books, and spend the day at the cabin. Just…being myself, alone, away from my mother’s constant need to hover over me.” Cat bit her lip and looked at her hands in her lap.
“Well, one time I went, and much to my surprise, there was somebody already there. He sat there in my spot on the floor, and he was reading. You can imagine how shocked we both were to see each other.” She laughed, but when she looked back up at Killian there was sadness in her eyes.
“I probably should have run away, but I was so intrigued. A Shifter boy who lived in a world I could only dream of. So I stayed and talked to him, and for some reason it became a habit. Almost every day I made my way out into the woods and spent time with Sully. He told me about the world, taught me how to not be so awkward.” She lifted an eyebrow. “You should have seen how old-fashioned I was back then.
“When I was with him, I was normal, Killian. I wasn’t the girl trapped in her cabin, with only her parents to talk to. I was just like him.”
By the time she was done with her story, the anger had evaporated into nothingness. Killian stared at her glittering, tear-filled eyes, and damned if he knew what to say.
“He was always a friend, Killian. He used to come to me with stories of his girlfriends and how hard he would try to get them in bed. We were never anything more. I didn’t think we’d see him, since he and his mother only usually came in the summer,” she whispered, and her fingers touched his biceps in reassurance. The storm raged around them. Flashes of bright light randomly illuminated her pale form, and shattering thunder shook the vehicle.
“Okay,” he mumbled, reaching around the steering wheel to start up the truck again.
Smooth one, Stone. Okay? That’s all you have to say? His pride beat against his chest, but so did the hurt in her eyes at his dismissal and lack of apology. Before he could turn over the engine, he heard her say his name and paused.
“I probably could have called him. But I was terrified, and my mom had told me to run. It never even occurred to me to call him once you found me. Even now, I’m just glad you’re here. It hurts, Killian. I feel like I can’t breathe.” Her hand grasped her throat, and those tears finally spilled over her thick lashes. God, she was killing him. Maybe I should have just apologized, dammit.
“I’m here, and they’re gone. It’s so real now. I’ve gone six years focused on just surviving, and now I’ve seen that—that place. The pressure makes me want to stop it all, just end everything. But you’re here, Killian. I’m glad you’re here…telling me to keep breathing.”
“Cat…” What did he say to that? The pain was evident in her voice and eyes. The way her body screamed of agony. How could he be such an ass? They weren’t even official mates yet, so what right did he have to blow up over such a small incident? He reached over to the best of his ability because his large frame could barely turn properly in the truck. He pulled her close, and her shoulders began to shake with controlled sobs.
“God, Cat. I’m sorry…” He buried his nose in her hair, inhaling her sweet springtime scent. He had experienced this pain. The loss was a hole in your soul that couldn’t ever be filled again. It was shattering, life changing, and eternally damaging. He wished he could will it away from someone who didn’t deserve such agony, but instead he held her close, giving her the comfort she needed.
How long they sat there, he didn’t know. The rain had slowed to a dull sprinkle, but the road around them was slick with mud and puddles. When her crying settled, Killian pulled back to look at her face. His large hands enveloped her cheeks as he swiped away the remnants of her tears from her splotchy cheeks. The red around her eyes only intensified their unique color, drawing him in.
“I’m here, Cat. We’ll figure it out, okay?” She nodded jerkily, so he brushed his lips across hers, tender and sweet. A reassurance from somebody who cared for her. Then he turned the engine over, put the car into drive, and headed back down the road to the cabin.
* * * *
When they entered the cabin again, it was completely different from when they left. Four large black trash bags by the door were evidence Brian had been busy while they were gone. Cat stared in wonder at the newly transformed cabin, unable to comprehend how he had managed such a feat in the small amount of time. Debris no longer cluttered the floor, and the hardwood was swept of any leftover dust. The china cabinet wasn’t lying on the ground anymore. There was a carpet that had been dragged from the bedroom into the center of the living room, and Cat was pretty certain she didn’t want to see what was underneath. There was still dust on top of most of the furniture, but the cobwebs were gone.
Thank God. She really hated spiders. Even the thought of those tiny eight-legged creatures sent shivers of uncontrolled fear down her spine.
“Wow.” Killian sighed and walked farther into the house with his hands full of paper bags. “Brian, how the hell’d you do all this?” he said a little louder toward the kitchen.
The familiar, scowling, freckled face popped around the door frame. “A broom,” was all he said before popping his head back. Cat rolled her eyes and headed toward the kitchen, her own fingers heavily laden with paper bags as well.
“We got you some beans, Brian,” she joked, laughing as she set the bags on the dining table in front of him. It was one of the only pieces of furniture still left within the home, although it was missing two chairs. It was simple, but she ran her fingers over the wood covered in knots and lines. It had been handmade by her father. His rough fingers had curved the legs of the table and sanded the oak into a usable piece of furniture. On one of the corners she could just make out where he’d carved her initials: CJM.
“Ha-ha-ha,” he said sarcastically. “Hey, do you know what this is?”
It was then she noticed he was staring intently at something in his hands. Killian moved next to her, setting his own bags on the table and then leaning over to look at the extraordinary piece of jewelry within Brian’s grasp.
It was a pendant of some sort, one Cat had never seen before. The necklace was made of intricately braided black leather that showed absolutely no signs of wear. Yet the actual pendant adorning it was magnificent. It was an olive-green jade circle about the size of a silver dollar. The image of a howling wolf with a crescent moon around it had been deeply carved into the stone and polished to gleam in the dull light of a lantern Killian had brought.
“No, I’ve never seen it before,” she whispered, entranced by the glitter of the stone. It hummed with a weird energy that seemed to make her feel comforted. “Where did you find it?” She looked up at Brian’s eyes, and he stared back.
“Weather damage eroded some of the wood flooring. When I was sweeping, that board fell apart, and this was underneath it.” He nodded toward a hole in the floor of the kitchen.
“And what’s this?” Cat jumped at the sound of Killian’s voice. She had almost forgotten he was standing there. He held a dirty envelope with a look of deep concern on his face.
“That was with the necklace,” Brian answered, setting the jewelry on the table in front of him.
Killian slowly turned the envelope toward Cat’s face, and she swallowed down the nausea that came back full force. Catrina. She knew that elegant scrawl. The way the loops of the C crossed into the T. She could see her mother’s gentle hand barely pressing on the ballpoint pen as she wrote the name.
What the hell was going on? Why all the mystery?
Cat reached a shaking hand toward the envelope and carefully opened the seal. The old paper crinkled beneath her hands, damaged from moisture and age.
Catrina, my dearest. Our little kitten.
I’m so sorry you have found this. If you have, that means your father and I are gone, and that is something I never wanted you to go through. It is why we lived so far away from everything. It was why you were never allowed to go beyond the borders of our home. Just know we accepted what could happen, and we loved you very much.
This necklace has gone through generations and generations. It’s a very powerful artifact, and can’t ever be in the hands of the wrong person. One thing you should know: keep it safe, keep yourself safe. There are those that would harm you to take it. If you—
The words cut off, destroyed and unreadable. Tiny wet splotches covered the aged paper in front of her. The tears rolled freely down Cat’s cheeks as the emptiness of her heart continued to grow.
Mama.
God, how she missed the woman’s gleaming smile and her loving embrace. What she would do just to see their faces again. Killian’s tanned fingers took the paper from her hands, and he scanned it hastily.
“What the fuck?” he whispered, his golden eyes wide as they traveled over Cat’s face.
“I don’t know.” She looked back and forth between Brian and Killian, both of them staring at her in wonder. “They never mentioned anything to me about something like this.”
A heavy weight sat on her chest, threatening to cut off any air. How could they not tell her of any of this? She knew there was a reason for their isolation, but something so extreme? Cat had just assumed they didn’t want any news of their Shifter status to get out in the world.
Killian grabbed the necklace from the table and hung it closer to the lantern, staring intently at the engraving.
“It doesn’t seem like anything that spectacular,” Killian murmured.
He doesn’t feel the humming? Cat stared at it, thinking she must be going crazy if nobody else could feel it.
His other hand stroked at his chin, covered in barely overgrown facial hair. “We’ll have to take it with us.”
Cat jolted. “What do you mean?”
He straightened, folding the leather rope and pendant into his fist. “Back to California. I’m sure Finn can help us research into it. He’s great at that kind of stuff.”
“Killian, I’m not sure—she said to keep it safe.”
Anger sparked within his eyes, glinting in the dim light. “Are you saying my home isn’t safe?”
“I’m saying that whoever wants this necklace went so far as to ki—” She choked on the word. “Kill my parents for it.”
He nodded. “Yes. But they don’t know who has it or where it is. So it’ll be fine with us.”
“But—”
Killian sighed and shut his eyes tightly. His head tilted toward the ceiling as a growl came ripping from his chest. “Catrina, could you not argue with me? Just this once?”
Brian’s cool touch made Cat look up at him, and he shook his head sharply. Just stop, he mouthed.
This was why she hadn’t wanted to get the pack involved. This was why she’d wanted to do it all on her own. How was she to know what danger they were in? And now it seemed it was only getting worse. Her mouth opened to continue just as a loud knock sounded on the door.
Killian remained in his position, as if praying for some mercy from the one above, so Cat moved to open the door.
“It’s probably Sullivan,” she said before she opened the door.
There he stood, her childhood friend and crush, his hair still soaked and his arms full of firewood. A fabric tote with the face of a candy skull on it hung on one arm, colorful against the dark background. He shot her a lopsided grin, showing off his sexy dimples.
“Bad timing?”
“Like there’s ever a good time with an overprotective Alpha,” she muttered as she moved aside, and he walked straight to the fireplace to throw the wood in.
“I brought wood. It’ll probably cut down the dampness in the air, and I figured there was no electricity going on here. I also brought our extra generator, if you want to try it out.”
“What happened to our old one?”
He looked at her in surprise. “You haven’t noticed? Everything was taken from here. Once they cleared out the crime scene, people came from all over to loot the house.”
Now he mentioned it, Cat looked around. Everything was gone. All the pictures, valuable figurines, and she bet there would be no dishes in the kitchen. That meant everything she had from before was gone. He handed her the fabric tote with a grimace.
“It’s not much, but I sneaked in here without my mom knowing. I didn’t want everything to be taken, just in case you came back.”
Cat took the tote and sat on the old couch. Dust flew into the air from the sudden weight, and she coughed hysterically as she fanned it all away. When she could finally breathe again, she glimpsed the hidden gems.
A shaking hand covered her mouth when she pulled out the old silver frame. It was a picture she had taken of her parents. They were in the kitchen, and her father had picked up her mother to set her up on the countertop. He leaned between her legs, his forehead touched to hers, as they laughed at something he had said. It was one of her mother’s favorites.
Next she pulled out a simple wooden jewelry box her father had made. Several pieces of jewelry were missing, and she glanced at Sullivan, still crouching in front of the fireplace as he worked on lighting it.
“I had to fight an elderly woman for that. In the end I handed over some of the jewelry for her to leave it alone.”
Cat was just glad to have it at all.
More pictures, some in frames and others not, were in the bag. Most were of her as a child. Her father throwing her up in the air. Her mother and her, smiling at each other in the kitchen with aprons wrapped around their waists. Small bits of flour clung to their cheeks where they had smeared it. A picture of Cat with red eyes and a slight smile, holding a bandage-wrapped hand up like a trophy. She looked down where the small scar from the tree still remained. As a child a Shifter had no quick healing, so any childhood scars remained.
Somehow she didn’t cry. Maybe it was because she was so overwhelmed from the whole ordeal, or the way Killian was watching from the doorway with Brian staring angrily toward Sullivan, or even that she had just cried enough.
The fire sparked but didn’t take, and Sullivan groaned. Cat stifled a laugh, because Sullivan had probably never lit a real fire in his life. He always told her about the hired help his mother had floating around the house that did everything for him short of wiping his butt.
Brian walked up to him, touched his shoulder, and tilted his head to the side. Sullivan held his hands up in surrender and walked away. It was even more humiliating when it only took Brian a total of two minutes to get a steady flame burning beneath the logs.
Sullivan rolled his eyes and walked toward the front door. “Fine, well, I at least know how to hook up the generator. I’ll just go get that going.”
Killian nodded toward Brian but kept his eyes on Cat. He seemed so unsure, like he didn’t know what to make of his own emotions. His stance remained confident, ever the Alpha male, but his expression flickered between anger and concern. Cat could get lost in the creature that was Killian. He was like her own personal storm wavering between raging fury and calm.
Before Sullivan could walk past her, she reached a hand out to his. He paused and looked down at her, still smiling. Only Sullivan could remain blasé within a small cabin around two Shifters who wanted to rip him up. She smiled at him and let herself feel the joy and relief from the pictures.
“You have no idea what those pictures mean to me, Sully.”
He flipped his hand over and tenderly rubbed his thumb across her knuckles. “No, I don’t. But I can guess. I know how much you loved them, kitten.” And then he let go, walking out the door with Brian, who gave Killian a nod before shutting the door behind them.
Silence. Only the pop of embers within the fire broke the silence between them. Killian’s heavy form sank into the small couch, sending up more dust that caused her to have another coughing fit. Her small body leaned into his when the cushions sank toward his obviously larger one.
“You smiled,” he said gruffly. “I haven’t seen you smile since we got here.” His arm wrapped around her shoulder to pull her farther into him.
When his warm lips brushed against her temple, Cat closed her eyes. His scent always pulled her in. It was intoxicating and dangerous, like the delicious smell of a forest fire.
“I may not like the situation, and I’m sure as hell not happy someone else was able to make you look like that. But the fact that he did… I’m thankful,” he mumbled against her skin. He inhaled and squeezed her tightly, like he could pull her into himself. “I love your smile. It’s light wrapped up into this tiny package, despite the fact that your world has been nothing but darkness.”
Darkness. That was what it seemed like, wasn’t it? Like her whole life revolved around the darkness of her parents’ murder. Every single action, every thought and word, was the reaction to it. Except when it came to Killian. He was her own personal choice. But her gaze caught the glint of a silver frame, and she remembered it hadn’t always been that way.
“That’s not true. Look at these.” She handed him the tote in her lap, sharing her history with the man who seemed to have become so much her present. She wasn’t brave enough to have him for her future, not quite yet.
Killian shuffled silently through the pictures, and the sound of a whirring generator broke through the silence surrounding the cabin, followed by a celebratory shout from Sully. When he and Brian walked in, they flipped the switch by the front door, washing the room in bright fluorescent lighting.
“Let there be light!” Sullivan shouted, laughing. Brian walked in behind him, and Cat could have sworn she saw the smallest tilt of his lips.
They all settled down in the living room, with their own personal space to lie down. Cat was given the couch, despite her protest that Killian should get it because he was so much bigger. Instead, he snuggled into a sleeping bag right below her with his head on a pillow he’d brought from home. He must have been exhausted, because his chest rose and fell with slow, deep breaths. Brian lay to the right of the fireplace and Sullivan to the left of it. They were both still awake, just staring into the flames as they licked over the remains of the firewood.
“You don’t need to stay here, Sully. Why don’t you go home and sleep in a bed?” Cat asked, shifting around in the uncomfortable sleeping bag.
His ebony eyes filled with sadness. “When are you leaving?”
“Probably tomorrow. We only came to see if we could find something in the cabin.”
He nodded, then looked back at the flames. “I’ll stay. It’s not every day your best friend comes back from the dead.”
The hurt in his voice tore at Cat’s heart. She let out a heavy sigh and threaded her fingers through her hair, looking up at the ceiling so he didn’t see the hurt within her own eyes. “I’m sorry, Sully. I should have called.”
“Yeah. You should have,” he agreed sharply but let out an answering sigh. When she looked over at him, he was shaking his head and looking at the floor. “I’m just glad you’re okay now.”
“Yeah, I’m okay now,” she whispered and glanced toward the man on the floor below her.
“Is he a good guy?” Sully asked, his voice full of sincerity as he settled himself down in his own sleeping bag.
Cat sighed. “Yeah, he is.” Too good. He pulled her into a fantasy world, where her parents weren’t dead and revenge didn’t exist.
Sullivan chuckled, bringing her gaze back to him. “He must be. I think in all the summers you and I spent together, you never once looked at me like that.”
Cat snorted, covering her face with the edge of her sleeping bag. “What are you talking about? Of course I never looked at you like anything.”
Sullivan lifted an eyebrow and let out a low laugh. “Do you really think I was that stupid? That I didn’t notice your little tween self, lusting after my sexy body?”
Cat blushed, thankful for the darkness besides the fire’s glow. “Oh God, Sullivan Porter. I did not!”
He muffled his laugh, and a mortified Cat wanted nothing more than to bury herself away from the embarrassing fact that yes, she had totally crushed on him. When silence followed the joking, Sullivan’s expression became serious.
“I’m glad you’re happy, kitten. You deserve to be.” His voice consumed her with its sincerity.
Cat swallowed past the tears in her throat. “I’m so sorry, Sully. You deserved to hear from me. You have no idea how much you saved me from myself back then.”
Sullivan gave her a sad smile. “Yeah, well. As long as you don’t disappear on me again, I think I can forgive you this one time. Especially once you tell me what really happened that night.”
Cat told him, and he listened, the understanding best friend that she hadn’t realized she’d missed.
Later that night she fell into a deep sleep full of dreams with frilly pink aprons, flour on noses, and warm laughter..