Chapter Twelve
Still reeling from the day’s events, Cat looked in the mirror one last time. Both Jessica and Killian’s reactions to her stance on where she was—nonexistent in the pack—had left her questioning what she really had planned. The whole time she showered, got dressed, and fixed up her hair, she reprimanded herself for treating Jessica the way she had. Nobody deserved to be yelled at for their good intentions.
Cat brushed a hand down her side, taking in the baggy white sweater she wore over the same light-colored skinny jeans from earlier—no use creating more laundry, right? The dark-brown cowboy boots she’d bought from Aurelia’s store were accented with a pair of shire-green chunky socks peeking slightly over the top of the boots. Her hair crowned her head in a braided half-up do. It used to be her mother’s favorite style on her.
Sighing—she seemed to be doing that a lot lately—she closed her eyes and counted to ten. It isn’t a real date, Cat, she thought for the thirtieth time since her shower, where she’d taken particular care in shaving and scrubbed her skin twice with scentless body wash.
The mantra had been her only way to calm the jitters causing her to bounce on the soles of her feet. At twenty-three, the idea of going on a date was a new one.
A memory flashed of days spent in an abandoned hunting cabin in Alaska, gentle brown eyes, and laughter. She shook her head. He didn’t exist in her world anymore. A childhood secret didn’t count as a date, especially at an age where romance was nothing but a fairy tale. And romance couldn’t be a part of her life now.
She wanted it to, though, and that was the problem. Although she’d been there a remarkably small amount of time, it had changed her in ways she couldn’t even have imagined. Killian had been patient yet merciless in her training. He had encouraged her in ways that made it seem like anything was possible. Although he would knock her down, he always helped her back up with his mouthwatering crooked grin that caused shivers to race down her spine. The morning in the office had been an awakening to her wolf—and the woman—that she needed him physically and emotionally. Leaning on him seemed a ridiculous thing to do, but how she longed to just lay her head on his shoulder and close her eyes to the troubles of her life.
Jessica was another story completely. She reminded Cat of the sister she should have had. Despite Cat’s attempts to stay away from her and hide in the library of the house, Jessica was remarkably stubborn and would drag Cat away. They would have lunch together and watch as Mia played. Jessica tried to rip away the wall Cat erected around herself, and succeeded. Cat just wasn’t ready to admit she needed the pack. She didn’t even know what she was walking into. She was lost on the lonely road of vengeance.
It wasn’t just the two of them Cat was going to miss when she left. Kelly, with her mothering instincts and calming presence, touched Cat’s heart. Those wrinkled brown eyes and warm embraces had brought a comfortable sensation Cat hadn’t been prepared for and yet longed to have. Jamie and his constant chatter in the training room, teasing and taunting her into attacking, all while trying to cop a feel. He had gotten many a bloody nose for that, from both Cat and Killian. Brian usually answered in a series of grunts, but when Jessica was around, he practically glowed and became a completely different person. Plus, Cat understood his lack of control with his wolf, so that gave them some sort of a connection. Finn had become one of Cat’s favorite people. Although he wasn’t around often, he was warm, loving, and absolutely adored Kelly.
When had they become such a large part of her life? She saw hope in every one of them, and meaning. She saw family, love, dreams. Her purpose for the date was to tell Killian she was leaving, yet the thought of walking out the door forever left a bitter taste in her mouth.
Cat touched her reflection in the mirror with her hand. Stop it, Catrina Macintyre, she commanded. A quick glance at the clock told her it was two minutes to five, so Cat grabbed her jacket and scarf off the bed and walked out of the room.
Usually when she walked down the stairs she had a habit of watching her feet to make sure she didn’t trip and fall on her face. The contact of her feet within shoes on the floor was still foreign after her time as a wolf. This time, however, she couldn’t take her eyes off Killian at the foot of the stairs. He faced the kitchen—probably counting down the minutes before she was late.
When she was young, her mama would put movies on, and they’d giggle, sigh, and swoon over the romance. One common moment in the movies was when the woman would see the man (or vice versa) and everything would go slow motion. In reality, there was no slow motion, no Rewind button to take in all the details. You had to stop, soak it in, and hope it stayed engrained within your memory. So Cat stopped at the bottom step to admire the view before he could face her.
His hair hung loosely, curling slightly at his shoulders. She wanted to reach a hand out and run it through her fingers, knowing exactly how softly it brushed across her skin. The knitted black turtleneck he wore had thick cable designs swirling up it, but it clung to his body. Did the guy have anything in his closet that didn’t accentuate his muscular form? His steel-colored jeans were tucked into a pair of black combat boots.
When he finally turned to face her, he dragged his fierce gaze slowly up her body, sending tendrils of fire to lick at the already sensitive spot between her legs. “I thought you were going to be late. Or not come at all.”
Cat harrumphed and pulled her thick leather jacket over her sweater as she took the last step down. “I thought about it.”
He pulled his own jacket out of the closet by the front door and put it on.
“Did you now?” At her sound of agreement, he nodded. “I thought as much. Well, I’m glad you didn’t, because you would have missed out on what I want to show you.”
Curiosity was a fickle emotion, so Cat tried unsuccessfully to push it down. He seemed to have everything planned out in his own mind and had left Cat out of the loop.
Ten minutes later they were driving away from Wolf Creek, and Cat turned around in her seat to watch the last house fade into the distance.
“We’re leaving Wolf Creek?” She couldn’t hide the excitement in her voice, and she gripped the handle of the door tightly to prevent herself from bouncing like a child. In the time she’d been there, they’d never left the confines of the small town, because she had been terrified of her wolf attacking someone. Even as the last building disappeared behind a small hill, worry tugged within Cat. Was she really ready for this?
“How did you ever guess?” Killian joked, one dark eyebrow rising as he continued to watch the road. “You didn’t notice there were no restaurants in Wolf Creek?”
Right. Of course.
Cat turned back toward the front of the truck and clenched her hands together, fingers entwined in her own version of support. Killian’s darker hand pulled one to the center divider between the two seats of the truck. The warmth was expected, as was the shot of desire that pummeled into her at the contact, but what wasn’t expected was the comfort he presented to her in the simple act. His calloused hand rubbed against her soft palm, and his thumb drew lazy circles over her knuckles.
“You’re going to be fine. I wouldn’t be bringing you out here if I didn’t think you could handle it. Plus, we’re not going out to eat in public or anything.”
As if his words triggered her senses, Cat caught the appetizing smell of garlic and marinara sauce within the truck. She glanced to the backseat, where a small soft-sided cooler and a red hard cooler sat on top of a folded blanket. Chills rolled down Cat’s back.
“Are we going on a picnic?” she questioned, dreading the answer.
Killian nodded, and when she remained silent he turned his head toward her. “Is that not okay? We can do something else.”
Cat closed her eyes and swallowed back the unwelcome tears. “No,” she croaked out and cleared her throat. “No, Killian. It sounds wonderful.”
Concern racked Killian’s brows together, and he looked back at the road, his mouth drawn into a tight line.
Memories bombarded her of picnics with her father, specially prepared by her mother. It was their time to bond, to fish in the lake, take in the never-ending Alaskan scenery. She remembered his hushed words and his attempts at silencing her as animals sneaked over for a lap of delectable water.
What were the chances?
Cat stared at the wonderful scenery passing by the window. Homes in various sizes had begun to spring up sporadically as they got closer to what looked like a town. It took fifteen minutes before she saw a sign that said WELCOME TO BIG BEAR in shades of green and brown, and another fifteen before Killian pulled onto a side road. The pavement turned into a rugged dirt path barely large enough for the massive truck. Killian slowed as they bounced over tree roots and random potholes littered across the ground. How he could see through the dense trees, Cat wasn’t certain. It was as if he had the path memorized and knew exactly when it would turn.
The truck broke through the tree line, and Cat’s vision filled with various shades of crimson, orange, and the most vivid cerulean blue she had ever seen. Killian pulled to a stop right where the trees ended, and Cat jumped out to see the area without the restriction of the windshield. Grass covered the ground, and miscellaneous lake plants lined the beach of a clear blue lake. She didn’t know if it was because of the cold weather or the time of day, but the lake was still and calm. Barely the slightest ripple broke its surface as a fish jumped to catch a bug in its gulping mouth.
The sun dropped between a natural crevice created by two mountains. Red and orange covered the expanse of the sky, and the colors mirrored onto the lake. If it weren’t for the homes littered on the edge of the lake, Cat would have believed this place was meant just for her—a reminder of the lake by her home.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Killian questioned from next to her, his voice husky.
Cat had heard him walk from the truck, his heavy footsteps cracking the dead twigs on the ground.
“It’s amazing!” Cat whispered. She was overwhelmed with awe at what she was seeing. It had been so long since she had been able to take in the beauty of the wilderness. The art of Mother Nature was always a sight to behold.
At his silence, Cat glanced at Killian in question. He was inspecting her, his eyes rich with emotions she wished she understood. He shook his head, as if denying himself some simple pleasure, and raised one of his arms. The blanket was tucked beneath the other arm, and he had a cooler in each hand.
“Ready for some dinner?” he asked, then motioned toward a dock she hadn’t noticed. It seemed out of place, like something a previous person had left behind. It was surrounded by orange-and-green weeds, and a small gate at the end seemed utterly useless as it tilted on its hinges. A small black sign with red lettering commanded NO TRESPASSING. Cat cleared her throat and pointed at it.
“Rule breaker, are we?”
Killian chuckled and shoved the gate out of the way so they could climb on top of the floating contraption.
“Baby, I always enjoy a good rule breaking now and then.” He gave her a small wink and set the coolers down on the creaking wood.
She tried to ignore the way his calling her “baby” made her feel and the nervous tension in her belly that had stirred at his teasing. The dock tilted beneath them as it buoyed above the water, and Cat peered into the depths warily. “Is this thing going to hold us up?”
“If not, it’s a good thing we can’t feel the cold.” He shrugged and brushed off her comment as he fanned the blanket out for her to sit on. She slowly lowered herself to the red blanket and looked around.
The sun made its slow descent over the peaks, barely visible except a small sliver of scarlet. The lake turned darker, now an ebony pit of mystery.
“How did you find this place?”
Killian pulled out containers from the coolers and set them so each person had their own individual servings and silverware.
Killian paused for a second. “When we were initially looking for a place to build Wolf Creek, I wanted it to be closer to Big Bear. This was one of my top contenders because it has the beach and it’s relatively private.”
He opened up the lids and showed Cat the generous servings of lasagna within. “Unfortunately, Big Bear officials were not willing to have the wolves so close to civilization and wanted us much farther away. They are a danger to society,” he mocked.
Obviously it was a touchy subject to him, but Cat wasn’t very surprised. Even in Alaska her family had to be far from the public eye because wolves that came too close to towns tended to be taken or shot.
“So you just come here to hang out or what?” Cat scooped her fork in and took a large bite. The marinara melted on her taste buds, an explosion of excellent seasoning and love. She closed her eyes and gave a small moan at the delicious taste. Kelly made the best lasagna.
When she opened her eyes, Killian was staring again, his pupils dilated with the same desire she had seen inside the office. He forced a swallow down his throat, and Cat dropped her gaze. Her wolf growled at the unrelenting human side of her. Her instinct was to want this man, and damned if Cat was going to get in the way!
“Actually,” he started. His voice was rough, and he clenched the metal fork, “I own the property.”
Shocked, Cat motioned to the ground. “The dock?”
He smiled, amused with her, but a shutter had gone over his eyes after her apparent denial of any affection. “And the dock.”
She laughed. “And here I thought you were being daring.”
Killian’s eyes contradicted the expression on his face. The smile, the quiet chuckle as he awkwardly poked at his lasagna, told her he’d heard her. But his stare bored into hers, swirling with confusing emotions. Cat wanted to take each one out, decipher it, and learn about the man in front of her. But one stood at the forefront, one that she could understand because she felt it too. Need. Deep-seated, uncontrollable longing.
Cat nibbled on her lip and poked at her food. She had been starving for the comfort food, but now she just wanted to taste the mouthwatering delicacy across from her.
A finger touched below her chin and lifted her head up to face him.
“I didn’t bring you out here to make you uncomfortable, Cat.” He gently cupped the side of her face. Cat fought her hesitation and leaned into the warmth of his touch.
“Then what did you bring me out here for, Killian?” Her voice came out huskier, desire making it thick.
She hated how he affected her so much. This wasn’t what she wanted, but it was definitely what her body needed. Their little risqué moment in the office had clarified that. The longing, once simple embers, had burst into a small flame, threatening to erupt into an inferno if he kept stoking the fire.
“To show you that I want you for more than just a packmate. To make you see that I’m in it for more than just pity. To make you feel that you want me just as much as I want you.” He paused and motioned to the blanket of dark sky speckled with a billion stars. The moon, full and luminescent, encouraged Cat’s need to stroke her fingers through his silky hair. “To show you that Wolf Creek can be your home too.”
Cat’s breath caught in her throat at the sincerity in his eyes. He practically screamed need me, and Cat desperately wanted to. She did need him. How was she going to walk away from these sensations when the time came?
Cat reached up a hand tentatively to the back of his and turned her head in his hand to give him a kiss to the palm. The roughness against her smooth lips sent tendrils of desire from her heart to her core. She wanted those rough hands to stroke her skin, even if it was just once. To give in to her wolf, who obviously understood the chemistry between her and Killian.
She closed her eyes and relished the earthy scent of his skin with a deep breath. Taking it into her memory where she was sure never to forget.
Emotions warred within her, and she knew she had to choose one. Give in to the man and take what she wanted, or continue pushing him away, torturing herself and Killian.
“Just give me tonight, Cat,” he whispered hoarsely. “Just tonight. Let me show you what we can be together.”
The pregnant silence between them was nerve-racking, the sound of insects and the brush of wild animals in the trees the only sounds besides their quiet breathing. Killian sat tense as he waited for her answer. Knowing this man wanted her just as desperately as she did him was enticing all in itself. The sort of thing that seemed so unheard of but Cat had always wanted.
“Killian—” Her voice broke, and she sighed as she looked back up into his eyes. She could already see the wall coming up within him again at the sound of his name.
She reached out to touch the ends of his hair when his hand dropped to the blanket in resignation. The smooth lock twisted between her two fingers as she rolled it, envious of the thickness and texture. Needing to feel more, she brushed through to the back of his head and pulled him closer. Confusion marred his beautiful face, and she could tell he was unsure of how to react.
She knew she was sending out mixed signals. This must be the game Jessica talked about, the push and pull that seemed to be the only way Cat could cope lately. Her insides twisted and turned, pulled in a tug-of-war between common sense and natural desire. She hardly knew this man, but knew he was rare. A gift from the Goddess herself to give Cat strength and feel the way a woman should feel. To feel desired, needed.
He kept his eyes open to watch her warily until their lips were scant inches apart. She had practically dragged him across the blanket for the close contact and breathed him in.
She squeezed her eyes shut, knowing she was going to regret everything but not having the willpower to say no.
“Killian.” She exhaled his name on a whisper. “I can only promise tonight. So give me that, and let’s not think about tomorrow. Please—” She couldn’t finish before he crashed his lips to hers on a groan.
Food now forgotten, he pulled himself up to his knees above Cat, fisting his hands into her hair. That morning’s kiss had all the hesitancy of a person unsure, but now Killian declared his intentions with force. Cat gasped in surprise and wrapped her arms around his back, using his sweater as an anchor to reality. He was her freedom, a sweet escape from a life of turmoil.
All common sense fled from her, and she moaned loudly when he nibbled at her lips, like she was a dessert he couldn’t get enough of. The kiss ended too soon as he pulled away and looked at her with fire in his eyes. Not speaking, he took her hand and pulled her back to the truck.
“Killian…what about the—” she gasped out.
“I’ll come back for it.” He barked as he opened her door and lifted her into the seat. He reached across the seat to buckle her in. Cat watched, bemused at the tic in his jaw as he fought for control.
He hadn’t even finished buckling his seat belt before he whipped out of the field. She watched wistfully in the rearview mirror as the beautiful lake disappeared behind the tree line and the abandoned picnic blanket along with it.