Roy

 

I was warm and the air smelled of wood smoke. As I moved, burrowing deeper into the pillows, I became aware my left shoulder and arm were oddly stiff.

Even though I knew I had to get up, I wasn’t going anywhere. I was too tired and comfortable. Someone else could handle the Cantina today.

Another scent tickled my nose. Warm and sweet. I savored it, breathing it in. Blossomy.

The light was bright and the scent of the room became stronger as I woke up more, slitting open an eye and wincing at the pain in my head. And the odd position I was sleeping in. Half on my back, with a pillow, tucked under my right back side, with a woman on my left.

I stared down at the dark head and the hand gripping my shirt.

Kesari.

Staring around, I realized we were in her room and I let out a hiss of air as I tried to move. Now everything hurt. It was then yesterday crashed over me, a veritable deluge of images.

The vault in the basement. Flashes of silver fire. Kesari’s bloodied cheek and frantic eyes.

Burning pain in my shoulder and side as I sank into darkness and delirium.

Shit, I almost died, I realized with a grim amusement.

Whatever had happened after – it’d been serious. I knew a healer-induced slumber when I woke from one. But while I was in pain, I knew I would be alright in a few days.

However, I was still baffled as to why Kesari was here and why I was in her room. I almost woke her, then decided not to question it. Instead, I carefully tugged her closer with my right arm and let my hand press against her warm back.

And even though I didn’t want to, I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face.

 

The next time I woke, I instantly knew Kesari was awake and upset. Her breathing sounded ragged and she was trying to carefully wriggle free, but I was pleased to see I had her in an iron grip. I patted her head and she rose up, staring at me.

“Roy?” she asked in a low, shaking voice.

“Hey, Kes,” I said. “Find another centipede?”

At that, her face crumpled and I stared in bewilderment as she tried to wriggle away. Without even thinking I tightened my arm around her waist and she curled up on my chest, sobbing. Triumph mingled with an ache of guilt. She’d been that worried?

“Kesari, what – ow,” I grunted as I tried to move my left arm. Damn, this was going to take a few days to recover, wasn’t it? “Damn.”

“What is it?” she asked, looking at me and wiping her face. “What’s wrong?”

“Funny, I could ask you the same question,” I growled without meaning to.

“I’m sorry, Roy,” Kesari said miserably, looking down and swallowing a hiccup.

“For what?” I asked, baffled. “Putting me in here? Slept like a bear, I am good.”

“For yesterday, for not paying attention like you told me to – I, you-you got hurt because of me. And then you…” Kesari’s eyes overflowed again and alarm leaped through me.

After everything that had happened yesterday, it was a bit much asking a man to wake up to this and handle it with the finesse it required. But she cared and I had to try.

Gamely, I shook my head and said, “You did nothing wrong. I was doing my job.” Pausing, I asked her slowly and with interest, “What happened? I remember the bolts and passing out…”

“Nothing else?” she asked, a little too quickly.

“No,” I said, eyeing her. “I’m guessing after that you were put to hard work.” Kesari was trying to wriggle away, but I had her pinned. “What was it? Poison? It was burning like hell.”

She nodded, clearly struggling to get a grip. “We almost… You were in bad shape.”

“Explains the hell of a healer hangover,” I muttered. “Well, you’ve gotta go sometime.”

I’d said it as a joke, but Kesari went white and she said in a low voice, “Not funny, Roy.”

Clearing my throat, I tried to smile at her, “Good thing I have you,” I said, feeling like words were idiotically inadequate at the moment. “At least now I know you care what happens to me.”

Now she looked like she wanted to strangle me. That was a look I knew.

“Of course I do,” she said mulishly. “Though maybe not right now.”

I laughed and Kesari gave me a reluctant smile. As I relaxed, she took that moment to slip away before I could catch her again and the bed felt oddly empty.

“I’ll make breakfast,” she said, stopping at the door and looking back. “What do you want?”

You, back here with me, I thought unreasonably. “Anything,” I said.

“Stay there,” Kesari ordered.

“Hey wait, you still haven’t told me everything that happened,” I called out. “Kes, hey!” When I didn’t get a response, I scowled and muttered, “Weird.”

Slowly and painstakingly, I got up and out of bed. Glancing down, I wondered who’d changed me, but then I shook my head and went out to the kitchen. Lev and Rurik were both hovering around Kesari’s ankles and she shot me an incredulous look.

“Go back to bed!” she said, pointing.

“I have to use the bathroom, calm down, Doc. I’m not an invalid,” I said, hobbling off.

When I came back, Kesari was on the phone and she once again pointed at the room. With a sigh, I climbed back into bed and within five minutes, she was handing me a breakfast tray. But before I could ask her, there was a knock at the door and she flew out to get it.

The SOA healer assigned to us, Alvar Tomich, had heavy eyebrows and a patient, no-nonsense way about him. As he checked me out, I couldn’t help but watch Kesari hang onto every word and nod. There were shadows under her eyes and I found myself getting irritated at her.

“Give me and Alvie, a second, will you, Kesari?” I asked once he told me I needed another day or so of rest and then I’d be back on my feet. Alvie raised an eyebrow as Kesari gave me a funny look, then stalked out of the room and closed the door behind her. “What the hell happened yesterday?” I asked in a low voice, speaking in Russian. I’d never been so grateful Alvie did too.

If Alvie thought it was weird I’d switched to Russian, he didn’t say so, merely answered bluntly, “You almost died. If not for some extraordinary quick thinking and computing on her part.”

Nodding, I asked, “Anything else?”

"Well, you were hallucinating for a good while there – almost the entire time. The poison and venom were slow, we had you breathing normally again in about twenty-three minutes or so."

“Wait, hallucinations?” I asked. “Kesari didn’t tell me about those.”

Was it my imagination or was Alvie looking amused? “You called for her,” he said simply and my ears began to buzz. “You were lost in some hell where you couldn’t find her and kept calling her name.” Now heat was burning across my skin. Goddamn Alvie. I forgot he had a romantic streak. “But Kesari did not waver – she kept working tirelessly and without pause. However, I think now…" He shrugged his bony shoulders. "I think now it is catching up to her. She looks weary."

“Thanks, Alvie,” I said in English and he gave me a clap on the shoulder.

“Rest, boss. That was a scare none of us were ready for,” he said and swept from the room.

When Kesari reappeared, with a tray of tea, water, juice, and coffee, I stayed silent as she put it down on the bedside table. Picking up a book, a sudden inspiration struck me.

“I’m gonna read for a while and relax. Why don’t you let me keep an eye on you while you sleep?” I asked lightly, patting the bed next to me. “I know you don’t want to sleep, but you need to.”

Kesari made a face, then walked around to the other side of the bed and crawled in. With her back to me, she curled around a pillow and pressed her face into it.

Following that same instinct, I laid a hand on her shoulder and whispered, “I’m okay, Kesari. You can rest now.”

Some of the tension eased out of her shoulders and she nodded.

 

“Hold still,” Kesari ordered, as she bandaged my torso. “Roy!”

“I’m holding still,” I shot back.

“Yeah and I’m ten feet tall,” she muttered.

“Acting like you are, yes,” I said.

It was the following day and Kesari was applying fresh bandages as I stood half-dressed in the kitchen. It turned out Alvie hadn’t been able to heal the wounds completely and it would take time for them to close on their own. Even the best of healers were sometimes stymied by injuries.

But Kesari was being too meticulous about the bandages and it was driving me crazy. I’d been standing here with my hands on my head for almost twenty minutes.

“Kesari, I am going to lose my mind if you do not finish soon,” I gritted out.

“Listen, it’s not like you have anywhere to be,” she said. “Chill.”

“You are being too perfect. They are bandages, not an endpoint titration,” I said, putting my hands on my head. My shoulder was aching like hell.

“Done,” she said, moving away and flipping her hair. She was wearing yoga pants and a hoodie, her hair in a glorious mess around her face. I couldn’t help but remember what it was like to wake up with her next to me, two days in a row.

Although last night became a hazy blur after I took the meds Alvie left, I’d woken today to Kesari curled up peacefully on the pillow next to me. And now her high spirits had returned.

She announced she was eating popcorn and binge-watching her favorite show from the beginning and to leave her in peace. I knew I had reports to go through, but looking at the pile had made my head hurt. So, instead, I ambled into the living room after her, and Kesari gave me a surprised look as I sat down.

“What?” I asked.

“You’re going to watch Scandal with me?” Kesari asked.

“Sure,” I said. “What’s it about?” She’d been searching for the remote and she turned back to me, incredulous and indignant. “What? I’ve never heard of it.”

“You’ve never heard of Scandal? It's a cultural phenom and it's by Shonda Rhimes. Hello?”

“Sorry,” I said, holding up my hands.

“Oh, boy, what rock have you been living under for the past five years?” Kesari muttered.

“More like eight,” I admitted, chuckling. “I can’t believe you’re giving me a hard time about this. I told you about being a Runner – I honestly don’t have time to keep up.”

Kesari made a horrified face. “I don’t know how you did it for so long.”

Sitting on that couch, the simple comforts and warmth surrounding me – the smell of popcorn, the crackle of a fire, and a soft flannel blanket. And then the rare and refined one, the one that was slowly thawing out my soul it seemed – Kesari. Her smile, her laugh, and her voice.

That’s how I did it as a Runner, I thought.

I’d sank into a state of immobility. Numbed myself to the world. Forgot old dreams. I was good at denying myself what I wanted, but now I couldn’t for the life of me remember why.

But at the same time, anxiety was creeping in at this warmth, buffeting me from side to side. I couldn’t do this to myself – I knew I had to go back to being a Runner at the end of this.

Maybe, though, I could enjoy this brief respite. The memories would suffice for the cold and lonely years ahead. I’d remember how for a brief time, I’d found the best of friends.

All of this went through my mind in the span of a breath, but I suddenly found myself unable to speak. A strange and reluctant feeling was filling me. I do not want to leave.

Kesari rolled her eyes and declared, “Don’t blame me when you get addicted.”

“I’m sure I will be okay,” I said with a grin, even though I felt my anxiety spike higher. Watching her, a thought rose up involuntarily. It might already be too late.

“That’s what everybody says and then you’re ten episodes deep,” Kesari retorted. “I mean, Netflix changed the game. Why do you think Netflix and chill is a thing, now?”

“What the hell is Netflix and chill?” I asked.

Kesari went pink and shook her head. “Forget it, it’s too hard to explain.”

Watching the show, it was clear how invested Kesari was. Her eyes grew bigger as she watched the screen. It was almost like having two shows on at once and it was hard to say the one I liked more. She gasped, laughed, or muttered under her breath at certain scenes.

And she was right, I found myself getting swept up in the dramatic plot, even muttering “Damn,” out loud at one point and Kesari grinned over at me triumphantly.

Later, too, she paused it after an episode and I protested, “Hey!”

“I need a drink,” she said. “Popcorn making me thirsty.”

Nodding at the screen, I said, “I see you’re copying Olivia.”

“She’s my favorite character,” Kesari gushed. “Her brains, her poise, her style!” As she walked around the kitchen, she said, “You know this show actually affected the wine industry? It became a thing to make popcorn and drink red while watching the show.” She sighed. “I wish we had wine.”

“I got wine the other day,” I said, stretching my neck and adjusting on the couch. “When you abandoned me and I had to go to the store by myself. Hal sends his regards by the way,” I said, naming the cashier we always wound up checking out with.

“Oh, poor baby,” Kesari said and then she gasped. “Roy, this is too expensive.”

“It’s not your dime,” I replied.

“True,” she said, coming back with the bottle and two glasses.

“I probably can’t drink on those meds,” I said, raising an eyebrow as she handed me a glass.

“I checked, you can. Geesh, what kind of a doctor do you think I am?” Kesari asked.

“Still trying to figure that out,” I said, grinning as she poured the wine.

“Ha! I’m an open book,” Kesari said, leaning back and picking up the remote. “Sometimes I wish I was less of one.”

“Maybe that’s just what you want people to think,” I couldn’t help but tease.

Her lips pursed as she hid a smile and said, “Maybe.”

As the show started again, I let myself sink into this moment for all it was worth. It was nice. I could enjoy it. I should.

After all, it was only for now.