Roy

 

Kesari was getting dressed and I was trying to think of a way to convince her not to go to the Cantina today. To rest and recuperate. But she was her typical smiling self again and I sensed that she’d started to move on from Greece. And as much as I wanted to lock her up safely and throw away the key, I knew that wasn’t what she needed.

I also wanted to tell her not to worry, but I couldn’t lie. Right now, this job was dangerous and I didn’t want to make her any promises I couldn’t keep. Nor did I want to hurt her – but…

“Kes,” I said and she looked over at me as she picked up a shirt, standing there only in bra and panties. For a moment, I forgot what I was going to say and she shook her head, pulling on the shirt. “Right, uh…”

Walking over to where I was sitting on the bed, she put her hands on my shoulders and leaned down, smiling at me. “You’re cute.”

It was hard to keep from throwing her down on the bed and forgetting about the rest of the day. But then I remembered the sound of her scream, the way she’d tossed on the pillows, caught in that nightmare and my heart squeezed in agony.

“Kesari, I am good at what I do in Shifters of Anubis,” I said, gripping her elbows. “This is an uncertain world, but trust me when I tell you this – I will never take a stupid risk.”

She stepped back as I stood up and instead of relief coming into her eyes, I saw stark guilt. “Unlike me,” she said, sounding unsteady. “Here I am and… I won’t either. But Roy–”

“What?” I asked urgently, moving closer.

“I want you to promise me you will never sacrifice yourself for me. I think that’s why I had that nightmare. It brought back what happened before in the basement… It was all my fault.

“What?” I asked, more harshly than I meant to.

“You almost died before and it was my fault. If you died trying to save me–” Kesari let out a shuddering breath. “I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

“That wasn’t your fault,” I said slowly, my hands at my sides. I wanted to hold onto her, but I couldn’t lie, couldn’t believe she’d ask me something like this. She knew who I was, what I did…

“Roy, please,” Kesari said, staring at me. “Promise me.”

“No,” I said, drawing away. “I can’t believe you’d ask me something like that.” When I looked back at her, she was holding her hands at her heart and glassy-eyed. “My body moved on instinct. Not only was it my job, it still is, in fact. I won’t lie to you and make a promise I can’t keep.” I was getting angry and I couldn’t understand why. “You know how much I care about you, Kes. You know, and you ask me something like that?” I shook my head as she stepped closer.

“Roy, I didn’t mean it like that – but I – I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

“I’m still your bodyguard,” I snapped at her.

Kesari drew back, hurt and her eyes flashed. “We’re a team, now. No more of this bodyguard and I know what’s best, I mean it. You and I are equals.”

“Of course we are, but that’s not what this is about.” I stared at her. “You’re trying to piss me off because you had a bad dream and are feeling guilty. It’s not going to work.”

She shot me a look and folded her arms. “You sure about that? Because you sound pretty pissed off and I’m not sure what I did except ask my boyfriend to be careful.”

“That’s not what you asked,” I said coldly.

“It is!” Kesari clenched her hands. “Can you imagine how it would feel if I got hurt or worse trying to save you, Roy?”

“Save me?” I let out a sarcastic laugh, hating myself for indulging in this petty fight.

“I am not weak, Roy,” Kesari said in a low, cold voice.

“I’m not having this discussion and I’m not agreeing to that – ever.”

“Roy, please, this isn’t some comment on your manhood or anything–”

“Why do you do this, Kesari?” I asked, raking my hands through my hair. “We’re in a good place and together, then you start to get cold feet and pull shit like this. I-I can’t. I can’t deal with this right now on top of everything else.”

“I’m not getting cold feet,” Kesari said softly, reaching for me.

“No, I need some space right now.” I stepped back and let out a long breath. “Maybe you should stay here today.”

She let out a hurt sound, but I didn’t look at her. I finished getting dressed and left the room.

With that, I left the house alone.

 

By the time I got to the Cantina, I was already regretting my hasty temper and realizing why I’d snapped at Kesari’s request. I was scared of the implications of it.

The thought of her, in pain, because of me.

Rubbing my chest, I wasn’t watching where I was going and I almost ran right into Isla.

“Sorry,” I said, steadying her and she gave me a small smile.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “Hey, you alright?”

I shrugged. “Sure.”

“Get in a fight with Kesari?” she asked gently. I stared at her and she shrugged. “You and Kai are related. You get the same look on your face when you’re stewing and feeling guilty.”

“What a horrifying thought,” I muttered. “Similar to Kai.”

Isla laughed and put a hand on her face, then said sweetly, “You’ll make up.”

“She’s asking for the impossible,” I blurted out, without meaning to, then I eyed this girl.

What kind of quiet power did she wield to get people to open up like this? Kesari had mentioned something about it last night. I could see how Kai had fallen hard for her.

“Oh?” Isla asked, raising an eyebrow. In a low voice, I told her everything and felt a sense of relief at the end. Her teal eyes were filled with empathy. “She is, isn’t she? Have you told her why you can’t make that promise or only that you can’t?”

I opened my mouth but no words came out.

“Weslarks,” she muttered. “Or is it the Zimas in your case? Either way, you need to tell her, Roy. And, I might add, you both need to stop obsessing over what could happen.” Her eyes became sad. “I used to think I’d always be alone – I’d never have a family. And now I do. But instead of worrying I’m going to lose them, I celebrate every moment I do have them. Especially Kai.” Now her voice was fierce. “All we ever have is right now.”

“You sound like Kai,” I feebly joked.

“I learned that from Kai and from my own life,” Isla said. “Just as he learned things from me. That’s what happens in a relationship. But yes, he’s a wise man. A Weslark.” Her eyes searched my face and I felt as though my soul was being read. “Aren’t you?”

Before I could answer, Isla turned and walked away, sending me a smile over her shoulder.

“Roy,” said a tired voice, jolting me out of my daydream and I turned to see Alvie. He was shaking his head, incredulous. “I don’t know – I only left for fifteen minutes…”

“What’s wrong Alvie?” I asked sharply.

“The body – it’s gone.”

 

Every inch of the Cantina, down to the prisons had been scoured and there wasn’t a sign of it. I couldn’t understand it – the perimeter was crawling with guards. How had someone made off with a corpse without any of us knowing? And why had they taken it?

At least some of the blood samples were still intact, I thought, as I stared around the room. I had the feeling I was missing something obvious, but my mind was going in a thousand different directions and I couldn’t quite form the thought.

“Ivan and Herrod just pulled up,” Dara said from the doorway and Obi and I turned.

“Of course,” I sighed.

“Kesari also just got here,” Dara said. “Talori told me – she’s in the office.”

For a moment, I hesitated, then I nodded. “Let’s go say hello to Herrod.”

Outside, Herrod was unpacking and looking around with absolute smugness. “Heard you misplaced a body, ZW,” he said as I approached. “Good thing we’re here.”

“Why, did you take it?” asked a sly voice and I turned to see Faye Knight standing in the snow just beyond us, with Enele Lafi and about ten others belonging to Piper’s top crew. I smiled at her and she gave me a warm smile back, winking at me. “Lo, Snowy,” she said.

“Knight,” Herrod said, nodding his head and his mustache bristling. I’d heard he’d taken her leaving hard and as she was one of the best Special Ops I knew, I could see why.

“Excuse me, Herrod,” I said, going over to Faye and Enele. “What are you guys doing here?”

“I missed my little mentee,” Faye said, ruffling my hair. “You took off too fast in Greece – no time to catch up, you jerk. Don’t pull that again with me, Roysey.”

I glared at her. “Don’t go saying that nickname in front of Kai or Kesari.”

“Kesari?” Faye asked in a delighted voice. “The doctor? Why would you care? Oh, Roy…”

“Stop gossiping and get over here, ZW!” Herrod boomed.

“Piper didn’t want to leave the Cantina unguarded,” Enele whispered as I turned back. “We’re the reserve for when he makes off with everyone else. That way you don’t have to worry.”

“Thank you, Piper,” I murmured. “Alright, head in. Talk to Obi if you need anything.”

“Where are they going?” Herrod barked as I walked back over.

“They’re here to help Dr. Iyer,” I lied easily. “Sorry, guess you’ll have to make do with everyone else, Director.”

Herrod looked incensed, but Ivan had sidled up to him and snorted. “We don’t need them.”

“Right, right,” Herrod grumbled, then began barking out orders and soon I was running around, coordinating the teams, smoothing out issues and trying to keep my team from outright disobeying Herrod.

“You’re in charge,” Hopper snarled as Herrod marched around. “We were doing fine!”

“Remember, Heads’ orders, Hopper. I’m not questioning it and neither should you.” I glanced back at him. “You know the drill – keep your head down and ears open.”

“ZW!” Herrod barked and I flinched.

Walking over, I saw him frowning at me. “You’re not coming with us? These are your men.”

I stared him, nonplussed. “Yes, but–”

“You’re not going to lead them while we chase down these monsters?” Herrod demanded. “We’ve got about twenty-four hours before the locals start getting suspicious. We need you, Roy.”

“Of course, sir,” I said politely. “I didn’t want to abandon the Can-the TLO lab back there but Obi and Dara are more than capable of doing that.”

“Manzul and Seng are coming with us,” Herrod growled.

“But–” I started to protest, horrified.

“Lafi and Knight are here to watch over this building and the little scientist lady, even though I don’t know why Piper insisted on going to all that trouble,” Herrod said dismissively. “It’s a building, ZW. There’s nothing in there that indicates it’s of any importance.”

Kesari is in there! I wanted to scream at him, but I carefully and casually said, “Sir, that only leaves about fifteen Shifters of Anubis agents watching the place and hybrids have attacked more than once–” Looking for Kesari. Do you understand that? They are after her and I don’t know why!

As Herrod blathered on at me about knowing what was best, I suddenly realized that was part of the reason I’d been so upset with her.

I still hadn’t told her why Piper had assigned me to be her bodyguard. My cousin had explained the whole thing when I was about to cave and accept the position in Bear Valley.

Frost wants Kesari out of the way, Roy. Piper had said it so bluntly, it’d made me sick.

Why? I’d asked roughly, really wishing I didn’t have to accept the job.

If I had to guess, she’s the better scientist. The one who can unravel Frost’s work and solve things that we couldn’t. And fast, too. You have to keep her safe, Roy.

I will.

Oh, and you should know – I don’t think Kesari has dealt with Greece. I think that night still haunts her and eats at her. You were there, too. That’s also why I picked you, Roy.

I hadn’t replied, but I knew then I had to take this job. That I should have never stormed out of Piper’s office. I should have just said yes in the first place.

You can help her.

“Boy, are you listening to me?” Herrod barked and I snapped awake.

“Yes, I just have to run inside and–”

"Hell no, we're moving out now. One of my boys already picked up a trail. How's that – been here a few hours and already making progress." He let out a sharp whistle and around me, agents began to shift. "Get in formation, Roy, or I'll have you kicked out."

Gritting my teeth, I did so, even as my entire body seemed to scream at me to go to Kesari. To apologize and tell her everything. Explain why I was so angry.

I would do anything for you. Yes, die for you, Kesari.

I love you, dammit.

I love you.