Roy

 

Walking outside with Rurik, I sniffed the air as he ran around, stretching his legs and snapping at the snow. It was nearing sunset and the woods were becoming full of shadows.

Everything was quiet and peaceful, but I couldn’t shake this feeling that something was closing in. Whatever Frost was playing at with these hybrids, she’d have planned for extra SOA agents. Which was why Piper and I had a secret fail-safe plan, I reassured myself.

Snowmobiles were coming and I watched the path entrance for them. A second later two leaped across the snow, Dara and Dez on one, Kesari on the other. I grinned at her as she climbed down and shook out her hair free from the snow.

“Obi’s been teaching me,” she explained as Rurik loped over.

“Dez is going to cook for us,” Dara explained. “Sorry, I’m crashing. I can’t say no to trying new food.”

“That’s fine,” I said with a shrug and Dara’s grin became mischievous.

Kesari and Dez were heading into the house with Rurik, but Dara stopped and stood with me. As soon as they were inside, she remarked innocently, “Of course it is. Because you’re smitten.”

“Dara,” I growled.

“You’re calling me Dara, not Seng, see?” she teased. “Like Kesari does. By the way, Finni has a message for you – I told him all about it and he said, and I quote, ‘go for it.’”

Before I could respond, Dara had gone laughing into the house.

The rest of the evening passed in a pleasant round of banter and stories, with Dara in high spirits. As it ended and we sat at the table, I couldn’t help but compare it to the life I’d been living a few months ago. And how much happier I was now.

Dara was regaling Dez and Kesari about adventures she, Obi and Finni had gotten into, then mentioned offhand how they’d been rookies together along with me.

“Oh, is that how you all met?” Kesari asked. “I’ve only heard hints.”

“You didn’t tell her, Roy?” Dara asked, shooting me a look across the table and I shook my head. “Nothing about Patagonia and how you saved all our asses?”

“Saved?” Kesari echoed.

“No, Seng, that’s not a story they want to hear,” I said quickly.

Giving me a sassy look, Dara desisted, sipping her wine. But Kesari was looking between us, eyes wide and curious. “Actually, I want to hear it.”

“Me too.” Dez sat forward. “Sounds like a good one.”

Dara let out a bark of laughter. “It taught me to be humble real quick.”

Hunching my shoulders, I tried to think of a way to direct the conversation elsewhere, but I couldn’t. And I couldn’t resist that look in Kesari’s eyes.

Giving in, I nodded. “Fine. But none of your usual embellishments, Dara.”

Her lips twisted wryly. “Needs no embellishment. So, as rookies, you’re split into a lot of teams with a lot of people. And depending on how well you work together, along with necessary skillsets and shifting abilities, you get put into certain groups for certain things.

“Roy was always one of the top rookies, but you’d never know it. He kept it quiet, unlike the other top dogs. And he spent a lot of time helping the people who were struggling. Finni was one of them, so he was loyal to Roy from day one. Obi and Roy just always got along. But Roy and I worked well on paper and that was about it, yet they stuck the four of us together a lot. And I admit, when I wasn’t being impossible, we did work well together. But I still thought he was secretly full of himself. And I couldn’t have been more wrong. I would soon be eating crow.”

I rubbed my forehead. “Dara, we were young, stop it.”

“Oh no, I deserved to,” Dara continued, grinning now. “In our last year – to be initiated into SOA, you have to pass a series of trials and you never know when they are coming. One day we were abruptly sent to Patagonia, in the deep and stark snowy mountains. Ostensibly there on a rescue mission, but it turned out to be a survival one. Four of us and one older agent.”

“Patagonia?” Dez asked. “At the bottom of South America? Some of those mountains are supposed to be impenetrable.”

“And beautiful,” Kesari added.

“It was both,” I said slowly. “A dangerous and beautiful place, far away from the world.”

"Anyhow, our ‘babysitter' as he informed us was there to judge our capabilities. Decision making, teamwork, and Shifters of Anubis merit. Whatever that was." Dara paused. "He was also there to make Roy's life a living hell, apparently.” She shook her head. “Ivan Zima. What a tool.”

I said nothing as Kesari made an angry noise in her throat and said, “Him? How?”

“I assume some Zima pulled some strings, right Roy?” Dara asked and I shrugged. “Ivan was supposed to be a quiet observer – there to prevent anything from going catastrophically wrong. Instead, he bullied and harangued us the whole time, but especially Roy.

“And I don’t know how Roy did it, but he ignored it and carried on without so much as flinching. Now I was starting to see Roy wasn’t cold, he was stoic and calm. A capable Shifters of Anubis agent through and through.” She raised her glass to me.

“Dara, enough. I told you guys, it was years of experience,” I said, uncomfortable and wishing this damn story was over already.

“So, all of this goes on for about a week. I’m ready to kill Ivan, Finni is ready to kill Ivan, and even Obi is at his breaking point. Obi, our lovely Obi, who gets along with everyone.” Dara shook her head. “It’s a two-week survival mission and I’m wondering if I can survive Ivan, never mind the freezing conditions and low food supplies. And that was when Roy found Annie.”

My ears burned as Kesari and Dez looked at me. “I did not know you were going to bring that up,” I hissed at her. “How is that relevant?”

“Annie was an Andean Condor, barely out of her egg and with a broken wing. The cutest fluffy gray bay bird you’ve ever seen. Ivan wanted to leave her, but Roy refused. They got into a huge argument about it and Ivan all but threatened to ensure Roy would never be SOA if he didn’t leave the baby bird behind. It was an ugly fight. Even I was a little scared for Roy.”

At that, I looked down at the table, remembering the shivering bird in the snow, its black eyes full of terror and then slowly filling with trust as I tried to clumsily reassure it. I hadn’t cared about SOA at that point, only saving that little life.

"Eventually Ivan had no choice because we all sided with Roy. However, when we woke up the next day, Ivan was gone and he'd left a note that said, stay put. This would have been fine, except a bad storm was rolling in. Me, Finni and Obi argued about whether to listen. We were scared Ivan was going to go out of his way to prolong or stop our SOA initiation.

“Roy is the one who snapped us out of it. He said if we were going to be SOA, why were we acting like rookies? On a mission like this, we were Shifters of Anubis and we needed to act like it. He also was super intense, staring around and shaking his head, going ‘We need to get out of here. Now.’ That shut me up. And we got out of there fast.

“Right when were just leaving the area, all of the sudden the side of the hill collapsed. Gone. It was the scariest thing I’d ever seen. A landslide. We would have died if we stayed there, bickering and waiting for Ivan. Roy had sensed it was going to happen and saved us all.”

“I don’t know about sense, any fool could have looked around and seen the place was unstable,” I argued faintly, thinking about that sick fear in my stomach as the three of them argued.

I’d snapped on the three of them and had felt terrible about it. But they’d all later thanked and praised me for it – praise and thanks, I wasn't sure I deserved. 

“And that was where Ivan chose to leave you?” Kesari asked, her eyes bright and incredulous. “In a dangerous place like that?”

I blinked and shook my head. “He had no idea.”

“Or he’s more of a bastard than we thought,” she muttered and Dara looked hugely amused.

Dez ran a hand over his face. “That’s intense. You guys were what? Twenty? You’re still kids at that point. I don’t think I would have had the gravitas to keep my head on.”

“Sure you would have,” I said and Dez grinned.

“Yeah, no, Roy is an old soul. He kept us together and safe. But that’s also why we have a more experienced agent. Technically, they’re our mentor in that situation. Asking questions and inspiring us if need be. SOA isn’t cruel and militaristic in all aspects, even though Ivan would probably prefer it that way.” Dara’s grin became evil. “However, old Ivan got in a lot of trouble for leaving us. He came back and the campsite was buried under a mile of mud and snow. So, SOA agents spent days combing the countryside, looking for our bodies in the landslide. And they had no idea we were alive until we strolled into the rendezvous point a day early.”

Dara and I now exchanged a look, remembering the exact look of shock, relief, and annoyance on my cousin's face when we showed up.

“Then it turned out Annie was our blessing in disguise. The Director down there was like Roy and could communicate with all animals. He got the whole story from our baby condor, who were endangered by the way and everyone had been looking for him for weeks. We were heroes."

“For a moment, yeah,” I muttered, thinking about what happened next.

“Oh yeah,” Dara said, her face falling.

“Why, what happened?” Dez asked.

“Ivan was in serious trouble and Roy basically got him out of it,” Dara said in a low voice. “We three tried to talk Roy out of it, but it was no use. Next thing we know, two years later, instead of getting a job as an Op lead or something, Roy’s leaving school and becoming a Runner.”

I shrugged when Dez and Kesari looked at me. “It was a long time ago, Dara. Time to let it go. I know I have.”

“It was still unbelievable,” Dara muttered. “He should’ve been banished from SOA. Anyone but a Zima would have been. Piper, Balt or Faye pulling that? Gone.”

I waved her off and the conversation moved away from our rookie days, to my great relief.

But I noticed Kesari giving me a funny look from time to time. After about another hour, Dez and Dara took their leave, then Kesari and I began to clean up.

As I finished loading the dishwasher, Kesari suddenly confronted me, hands on her hips. “Why did you take the fall for your moronic cousin?” she demanded.

“It wasn’t like that,” I said patiently. “Don’t listen to Dara.”

“Roy,” she said, eyes narrowing.

I let out a long sigh. “Listen, it was a long time ago. I may have been persuaded by my family to help him out, but there’s nothing that can change that now. I don’t regret it.” I gave her a crooked grin. “Life has a funny way of working out, I think.”

Reaching out, she squeezed both of my arms and shook her head. “I am so sorry I ever called you a jackass, Roy Zima-Weslark. I jumped to all kinds of conclusions about you.”

As her hands fell, I shrugged and put my own in my pockets. I’d been doing that to quell the urge to reach out for Kesari. To play with her hair, tickle her sides or pull her in close.

We were going to be partners and friends, I had to watch myself.

Taking a deep breath, I decided to ask her now. I honestly hoped she didn't think I was trying to muscle in on her future or anything but would think of this as an opportunity to advance her career. And work with me. We were great partners, that’s all.

If she said no, it would be fine.

She wouldn’t say no, right? whispered an anxious voice in my head.

“Hey, Kesari, I have to ask you something,” I blurted out and she glanced up at me. “I’m not going back to being a Runner, I’m going to keep working for Piper doing jobs like this, probably with more research and maybe going back to school. See, everything works out.”

“Roy, that’s so wonderful,” Kesari said, clasping her hands together under her chin.

"Well, yeah," I said, rubbing my neck and trying to steady myself. "But I'll need a team. A partner actually. And I don't want you to think you have to do this, but I thought maybe you'd want to since we work so well together and I like working with you, that is…" I let out a huge breath. "Do you want to stay with me?" Her eyes went huge. "I mean working with Shifters of Anubis, in this capacity. Maybe not this intense, though. But, no promises.” I let out an awkward laugh.

“Oh,” she said in a small voice, her body pulling in on itself. “Um, I’m not sure.” I went completely still. Each of those words had hit me in the chest like an iron fist. “I was thinking about going back home to Berlin, actually. But I’m sure you’ll find somebody – somebody even better.” She waved a hand, looking away. “I’m not that great – not like you are.”

“You are, though,” I said blankly, dazed at my pain. “You’re the best partner I could ask for.”

“I’m – I can’t say yes, Roy,” she said, still not looking at me.

Now my chest was splitting with the deepest and starkest disappointment I’d ever felt.

I forced myself to smile. “You’re a genius and so you know you’re the best, Kesari.” Swallowing, I said, in a calm and kind voice, one that gave no indication of the hellish hurt I was in, “But you do whatever you want. I only wanted to let you know the offer was on the table.”

“Thank you,” she said in that same small voice.

I stepped back, feeling slapped awake. I’d been all wrong. I had to let her go. My hand found the counter and gripped it, knuckles going white. Somehow, I had to let Kesari go.

“Alright, I’m going to bed,” I got out and managed to walk away.

Once in my room, I shut the door and slid down to the floor, leaning my head back against it.

“Dammit,” I muttered. “Why do I do this to myself?”