Twenty-Three

Paislee

The thick cloud of black and gray smoke could be seen from so far away. We’d just turned onto the long driveway and already I could spot the smoke from above a long line of trees in the distance. 

“I’m sure everyone is fine,” Josh said reassuringly as if he could read my thoughts. Normally he could. 

I didn’t reply, I just tightened my hands together and waited for the house to come into view. 

“Oh, Josh.” My hands flew up to my face and covered my nose and mouth. The sight was ghastly. The large farmhouse had two and a half walls standing. The entire top and center were gone. “Stop the car!” I yelled and threw open the door as we came to a screeching halt. 

Everything inside my stomach was coming up. Not that it was much, but I couldn’t hold it in. That beautiful house and everything in it was gone. 

I heaved several times until nothing more was inside me. My ears were ringing so loud that I couldn’t hear anything around me. 

I felt Josh’s hand rubbing small circles on my back, and it was comforting to me. In that moment I felt like the weakest person alive, so I was more than happy to have him close. There was no way I could explain what seeing that house meant to me. Maybe I was crazy for letting it affect me the way that it did, but I couldn’t help it. It gutted me. I had to know if Jude was okay. 

“You ready?” Josh asked as he slipped a napkin over my right shoulder. 

I wiped my face and blew my nose. “Yeah. I think so.”

We walked together up to the row of cars that lined the fence, Josh spotted Garrett right away. 

“Hey, Man. How you holding up? Is there any news?” Josh asked Garrett who gave him that one arm guy hug that they always do. You could tell that Garrett had been upset by the look on his face. 

“Nothing. The firefighters have combed the place over and they’ve found nothing except for Zeus, but he didn’t make it.”

“Oh no,” I said. Jude loved that dog.

“Who is Zeus?” Josh asked.

“Jude’s dog, “ I answered quickly. 

Garrett gave me a sad pouty face, and I wanted to squeeze him but I didn’t. Otherwise, I’d be an even bigger mess. 

“His truck is in the barn, and so his Dad’s old car, but we haven’t seen or heard from them,” Garrett explained. 

It wasn’t adding up. The truck was there, but there was no sign of them. “Garrett,” I said getting his attention. “How much land do they have here? Could they be out somewhere, maybe on horseback or something?”

“I checked the stalls already. The horses are still there.”

I kicked the rocks beneath my feet. 

“Shit!” Garrett said, and he took off running.

Josh and I didn’t waste time. We followed right on his heels. We ran through the loose gate of the white picket fence, and through the yard towards the big barn. Instead of stopping at the front where the doors met, we ran around to the backside. There were a couple of big machines parked behind the barn covered in with tarps. I could see some metal pieces poking out. 

Garrett stopped quickly just a few feet beyond that. He leaned over to catch his breath, and I looked to Josh for some kind of clarification. His face was as blank as mine. 

“The jeep,” Garrett spoke through his hard breaths. Big Bear was worn out, and me too for that matter. My heart was pounding in my throat instead of my chest. “The jeep is gone. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it.”

“So he drove the jeep. Is that what you’re saying?” Josh asked, and thankfully he did. Garrett was all over the place. His arms were flailing around like he was a monkey begging for food. He was back and forth, and he looked down at the ground and then up toward us. I was about to see if he needed to sit down. All of his crazy movements were upsetting me, and I thought I might need to vomit again soon.

“The jeep is missing. They have to be in the jeep. There are two cabins on the property. Maybe they are at one of them, but I don’t know why they would be. He hasn’t been to either of the cabins in years. I don’t even know if they’re still standing, and I don’t know if I remember how to get there.” He was doing it again, that madman pacing. 

I turned away and placed my hands on my knees, leaning over towards the ground. My stomach was like the center of all my feelings. Nervous, I vomit. Sick, I vomit. Worried, I vomit. You get the picture.

“Go tell someone, and we will start searching.” I heard Josh tell Garrett. “Lee,” he said to me as his footsteps grew closer. 

“I’m fine.” I held up my hand. “I’ll be right behind you.”

Slowly, I made my way around to the front of the barn. The guys had already made it back to where the police officer and the few fighters stood. I needed a minute to myself. I needed to think about the whole situation once my stomach was done flipping up and down. 

He wasn’t in the house.

He wasn’t in the house.

He wasn’t in the house.

The more I repeated those words in my head, the more I believed them. It had to be true. It just had to be.

We may not have been together, but I still had feelings for him. They were deep, imbedded feelings that wouldn’t go away just because he broke my heart. I still wanted so much for him, and his poor parents. 

Please let them be okay.

I needed my big girl panties. I needed to suck it up and get on the move.

We’d search until we found them, and the moment we did…

I was going back home.