Nine

Paislee

I couldn’t tell you what time I finally fell asleep last night, but I was hoping that I’d wake up and everything would’ve been a dream. I felt like the biggest idiot when I cried alone in my bed last night, and the morning sunlight didn’t take that feeling away. I should’ve never told him. 

Every single time I played out that night in my head, I saw it going a different way. I thought he’d kiss me, and that he’d tell me he loved me too. 

What an idiot?

He actually said –Can we forget this ever happened? 

I agreed. I flipping agreed, like the puppet that I was. 

Picking up my phone off the nightstand I saw three missed calls, two from Josh, and one from my Mom. 

Delete.

Delete.

Delete.

All I wanted was peace and quiet for the day. I wanted to finish arranging my room, and I wanted to forget that there was a world outside those four walls. I turned my phone off and placed it back on my stand. 

As I padded across the cold floor to the restroom, I screamed out when something furry ran across the room. 

What the hell was that?

I ran quickly back to my bed and jumped up on it. 

“Letty!” I yelled out when I noticed she was still sound asleep in her bed. “Ewww. Letty!” I yelled again.

“What?” She grumbled. 

“There’s something furry, and I don’t know where it went.” I bounced uncontrollably on my bed. “I didn’t see it, but it’s a rodent or something.”

She peered at me through one squinted eye, which I noticed was smeared with black mascara. She growled and threw her head back against her pillow. “Shadow,” she called out and something jumped onto her bed. 

It was a black cat. She had a cat in our dorm room. Jesus. I almost crapped my pants over a cat. 

“You have a cat?”

“Guilty,” she replied as the cat settled next to her head. 

My hand was still over my chest as I was trying to slow down the rapid beating. I seriously thought we had a gigantic rat or possum. But no, it was just a cat.

“How can you have a cat in a dorm room?” I asked suspiciously. We weren’t allowed pets that I knew of, unless it was for a handicap of some sort. 

“Shadow here is an illegal immigrant.”

I laughed.

“I’m not supposed to have her, but she’s been with me for three years. I couldn’t give her up.”

I climbed off the bed and tiptoed slowly across the floor to where she and Shadow laid. I was going to pet it, but the damn thing hissed at me. 

Great. 

“Is he going to bite me?” I asked.

“No.”

“Will he shit in my bed?”

“No.”

“Fine,” I rolled my eyes. 

“So you don’t mind?” Letty asked me. Not that it mattered. I don’t think she’d get rid of it if I did.

“No. The little immigrant can stay.”

The two of them snuggled under her blanket, while I went to get a shower. All I could do was shake my head at the thought. 

A cat. I was sharing my space with a girl I knew nothing about and her cat. Wonderful.

After a long hot shower, I settled on a pair of leggings and a long sweatshirt. There was no need to dress up because I had no plans of leaving the room. With Netflix, I had no reason to.

Letty was already fast asleep when I came back out, so I tried to remain quiet as I finished my unpacking. There wasn’t a lot left to do, but I wouldn’t have felt completely settled until it was done. 

It took me about forty-five minutes to finish, and the clock felt like it had barely moved. There was still a gut wrenching feeling inside. I still felt lost, and alone. I still wanted to cry at the drop of a hat. It was going to take more than forty-five minutes to cure what ailed me. 

Letty stirred in her bed before waking up, and I was glad. A few more minutes alone, and I wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears. Call me a cry baby or whatever, but my heart was hurting. Or maybe it was my pride; I couldn’t differentiate between the two. 

There was a light knock on our door, and I flinched. 

“Lee,” Josh called lightly through the door. 

Shit. No.

“Letty,” I whispered. “Please tell him I’m not here.”

I could see the aggravation on her face, but I couldn’t see him. I couldn’t, not today.

“Please.”

Another knock sounded on the door. 

“I’m letting you keep the immigrant.”

She sighed before tossing the covers off of her. I raced to the bathroom and shut the door most of the way, leaving a small crack so that I could hear what was being said. 

Her tone was clipped when answered the door. She must’ve thrown it open because I heard the thud when it connected with the wall. 

She told him twice that I wasn’t there, and then let him in so that he could see for herself. Of course he wouldn’t take her word for it. You’d think I was a missing person or something. Forgive me for not taking his calls after he clearly broke my heart. 

“Now get out,” she yelled and for the first time, I knew that I was really going to like that girl. So what if I had to force her to help me. She did it, and with vengeance. Letty would have my back. Thank goodness. I was in serious need of a girl friend. 

“Coast is clear,” she called out after he left. 

“Thank you. I owe you one.”

She picked Shadow up off the bed and placed him in her lap. “You’ve been here one day and you already have guy troubles?” She pushed a piece of her black hair away from her face. 

I sighed, and without even asking I took a seat on the edge of her bed. “Yeah, I guess. That was my best friend Josh.”

“Best friend huh? Why are you avoiding him?” Shadow purred under her touch. That little beast would’ve already bitten my finger off.

“It’s complicated, but I just told him last night that I loved him. And not the best friend kind of love.”

She looked up at me and pinched her lips tightly together. 

I continued. “Let’s just say that he doesn’t share the same feelings. I mean he loves me, but it’s not the same kind of love. You know?” I swallowed the golf ball size lump in my throat. “We’ve been best friends for more than nine years. He said that it would ruin our friendship.”

“And you don’t think it would?” She questioned.

“Honestly, I wasn’t sure. But it was a risk that I was willing to take. I’ve loved him since I was ten years old.”

She shifted in her seat. “Care for some advice from someone you barely know?”

“Sure,” I spoke hesitantly. My Mom always said, careful what you wish for.

“I don’t doubt how you feel about him. Not one single bit. Only you know what your true feelings are. But if he is the only boy that you’ve ever loved, then I say keep looking. I don’t mean that you should give up on how you feel or what you feel. I just mean that you should allow yourself the chance to see what else is out there. You’re young. You’re in college. These are supposed to be the best years of your life. A lady that I once knew told me that if it were meant to be, then it would be. Don’t force feelings from someone, because it might backfire.”

Whoa. My eyes filled with unshed tears. 

“Give yourself a chance to live. Go date. Maybe you’ll find someone new or maybe you’ll make him jealous enough that he’ll come running to you.”

“Damn girl,” I let out a pent up breath. “How old are you?”

“Nineteen,” she smiled. I think it might’ve been the first smile I’d ever seen on her face. “I had to grow up a little faster than most.”

I offered her a reassuring smile but didn’t question her.

“You give great advice. My heart will probably be hurting for a while, but maybe moving on is best. I’ll think about it. But for now, I’d like to drown my sorrows in a large pizza and a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. What do you say? My treat.”

“I’m starving.” She replied. “Deal.”

***

I set up my Netflix on my laptop and the two of us ate our pizza on my bed while watching Gilmore Girls. We started from season one because she’d never seen it before. That was fine by me. I loved that show. The two of us easily scarfed down a large pepperoni and ham pizza, and I offered the delivery driver extra cash to stop and get us ice cream. It’s amazing what money will buy.

“It feels so good to have a night off,” Letty said through a yawn. 

“You work?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she groaned. “I’ve got two jobs.”

What? “Two jobs? How the hell do you work two jobs and go to school?”

“It’s not easy, but I make it work. You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.”

“Where do you work at?” I tried not to pry too much. This was the first bit of information she’d offered me, and I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. She didn’t seem like the type who liked to discuss her personal life. It was just a vibe she put off.

“I’m a waitress at Susie’s Diner on Lincoln Street most of the time, but I also work at the old bus station on Main. They turned it into a welcome center type place, and it’s open twenty-four hours. I’m only part time there.”

“That sounds exhausting.”

“It can be, but it pays all my bills.”

“Do you have any family?” As soon as I asked the question I almost took it back. I was being a nosey ass. If she wanted me to know then she would tell me, right?

“I’ve got a step brother that lives somewhere outside of Houston. My Mom and Stepdad are both in prison.” She didn’t look at me when she said the words, and I didn’t dare ask why.

“So it’s just you and Shadow.” I tried to sound lighthearted, though truthfully I wanted to cry for her or hug the shit out of her. 

That wouldn’t scare her at all, I thought. 

“Yep, just Shadow and me. And we’re doing just fine.”

I smiled at her. “Good. But now you’re stuck with me too, and I eat way more than Shadow.”

She laughed. “I don’t have a lot of friends, so one couldn’t hurt right?”

“Right.”

I reached for my phone and realized I hadn’t turned it on all day. I could only imagine the frenzy that Josh was in. He had probably already called the cops. 

“Hey,” Letty said. “Don’t even look at that thing girl. It’ll make you feel like crap, and we have another episode of Gilmore Girls to watch. Besides, It’ll do him some good to worry.” She winked.

She was right. I set the phone back on my nightstand and did my best not to give it another thought. Out of sight, out of mind.