Eleven

Paislee

The first day of college had finally arrived, and I didn’t feel nervous about it all. Surprisingly, I was ready. The only real problem on my mind was Josh. When I woke up yesterday morning, I texted him so that he’d know that I was okay. In other words, I lied. That was becoming easier for me to do with him, especially when it came to my feelings. 

The text I sent him was short and sweet. I told him that I just wanted to be alone for a couple of days, but that I was fine. His texted back to ask me if I was sure. I told him yes. There was no need for him to worry. I told him we’d meet for coffee before my first class today. 

Now that I was dressed and ready to go, I wish I’d never agreed to it. 

He was pissed at me for not talking to him, and I had a feeling he was going to let me know about it. 

I slid on my black boots and zipped them up over my skinny jeans. Then I checked my bun once more before leaving. It was after lunch but my first class wasn’t until 1:30. Letty must’ve gone out early. Her bed was neatly made and the devil spawn cat was perched up on her pillow. We had this sort of unspoken bond, the cat and me. I didn’t bother him and he didn’t bother me. 

Outside Ivy Hall, Josh was leaning up against the step railing. I could see him through the stained glass of the door. A girl shoved past me while I stood there lurking, too afraid to face him. 

Now or never, Paislee.

I pushed open the heavy wooden door, and his eyes immediately shot up. He looked rough with his hair strewn about, and his week-old scruff. Yet, he was still the sexiest guy in the world. How was that possible? 

With my hands wrapped tightly around the strap of my bag, I walked slowly over to him. 

“Hey,” I spoke first. This was even more awkward than the encounter after the blowjob incident. 

It’s not easy looking someone in the face and pretending to be unaffected when they so clearly turned you down. 

His eyes squinted as they stared into mine. “You could’ve texted me you know. You didn’t have to avoid me altogether.”

Here we go…

He kept rattling. “I thought everything was good, and then you take off and I can’t find you. You turned off your phone, and worried the hell out of me.” His hands were flying all over the place, and I think I saw smoke come out of his ears.

“You finished?” I probed.

He growled in response. “Why? That’s all I want to know?”

“I was upset okay? It was harder to be rejected than I ever thought it would be. You may as well have crumpled up my heart. So excuse me for not being a martyr.”

His body relaxed, and his face softened. “You could’ve just told me. It wasn’t like I planned on hurting you, and I didn’t reject you.”

“What do you call it then, when you tell someone you love them but find out that they don’t love you back?”

“That’s not what it was.” I could hear the deep regret in his voice.

“Explain it to me then, Boss.”

He raked his fingers through his hair, saying something under his breath. I couldn’t make out the words though. He was probably wishing he never started this whole conversation. But Mister-Let’s-Work-Things-Out always showed his face. 

He took my hand and led me to the side of the building so that we were alone. I hadn’t even realized the show we’d been putting on for the innocent bystanders. 

“Listen,” he started. “I didn’t realize that you were hurting so badly. I never meant for that. I just didn’t want to lose my best friend.” He paused, “And I do love you. I love you so much. There has to be a way that we can get past this. I don’t want you hating me forever.”

Ouch. I felt like his words just smacked me across the face. I didn’t realize you were hurting so badly... What a load of fucking crap. 

I knew that he loved me. He’s always loved me. But to act so innocent in all of this mess, was bullshit. I was flat out rejected and he acts like it should’ve been no big deal. Letty was right. It was time for me to move on and if he never saw the light, then it was his loss. I didn’t want to be someone’s pity choice. I wanted to keep my best friend even though I was ready to kick him in the nuts. He’d soon realize what he’s missing. 

“I love you too, Josh, but don’t take my feelings for granted anymore. Got it?”

He nodded.

“And when a girl needs time, give her time. There are some things even best friends can’t fix. Now,” I took a deep breath. “We are going to coffee shop where you are going to buy me the biggest size coffee they have. I’m going to get over this whole situation, and the two of us are still going to be best friends.”

His smile grew wide. “Deal,” he said. 

“Good.”

“Come on Lee,” he threw his arm around me and kissed my cheek. I should’ve said don’t kiss me anymore, but I couldn’t. No matter how sweet and innocent they were, they still made my knees weak. 

It was going to take some mega strength to find myself in someone else’s arms.

***

My first class of the day was fairly easy. The class size was small or at least it seemed that way to me. Not sure what I was expecting but I’d say that there were maybe twenty students in attendance. That was fine by me, though. The professor was middle-aged and very upfront with what it would take to pass the class. Basically, just do the work. Seemed easy enough. 

I hadn’t recognized anyone in class but the girl that sat in the chair next to me seemed nice, from what I could tell anyway. She didn’t say much, but she was friendly when she did. 

There was only a fifteen-minute break between my first and second-class, so I didn’t have much time to waste. It was on the opposite end of the same building, and with a crowded hallway, it nearly took me that long to get there. 

The size of this room was much larger compared to my first class. It was like walking into an auditorium or movie theatre. The seats were arranged in a “U” shape and you walked down stairs to take your seat. 

It was already starting to fill up when I walked in. Searching through the rows I was trying to find a good seat, that didn’t involve climbing over people’s laps to get there. 

I scanned a few rows, and that’s when I spotted him. The cowboy hat gave it away. You’d think for class he’d take it off. I rolled my eyes at him, albeit he couldn’t see me. 

I noticed that there was an empty seat next to him, but I don’t know how he’d feel about me taking it. It seemed weird actually. It wasn’t like we were friends. The only two times the guy saw me was when I was crying or running away. I couldn’t begin to know what he thought about me. There was a couple of seats left in the row in front of him, so I decided to take one of those. 

They were in the middle. Just great!

I was almost there. Only a few more steps until my seat, but I was stopped short. Tex spotted me. 

“Hey Pumpkin, I saved you a seat. Didn’t you see me?” He teased, and loudly I might add. I could feel my cheeks flaming.

I tightened my mouth and peered in his direction. His lips were turned up in the widest grin I’d ever seen. He was lucky he was cute.

“No Sugar, I didn’t see ya there,” I replied with my best southern accent. “So sweet of ya to save me a seat darlin’.” I was taking this one all the way to the bank. “Excuse me, so sorry,” I said politely with that sweet southern drawl, as I made my way out of the aisle. People were snickering at us, but I didn’t care. My cheeks might’ve shown embarrassment, but my voice didn’t.

Sliding easily into the seat next to him, I whispered, “Don’t do that again.”

“I couldn’t resist. I’m sorry.” His pouty, puppy dog lips made it easy for me to forgive him. “Would it help if I told you how pretty you look today?”

“A little,” I admitted, and shoved my shoulder against him. 

Once the professor walked in, Tex slid off his cowboy hat resting it on his lap. He rubbed his closely shaven head a couple of times before glancing over at me. 

Biting my bottom lip, I offered him a sweet smile. He was very cute with that hat on, but just as adorable without it. There was something about him. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was, but he was different. 

The class flew by once the professor started his lecture. I was back into intellectual student mode, and free of the Texan charms. 

We were told by Professor Markham that it would be wise of us to find a study partner. He said to make sure to exchange emails with someone in the class before we left for the day. Of course, I traded mine with Tex. He was the first to initiate, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt. If he could pull off grades like he could sing, then I’d say it was smart to have him on my side.

I maneuvered my bag over my shoulder after gathering my things and stood up to make my way out of the class. 

“Wait up,” Tex called after me. 

I moved to the side of the stairs and waited for him to catch up. Several people gave me weird looks as they passed by.

“Where are you headed?” He asked.

“Probably going to stop by the library for a little bit. I have about an hour before my last class.”

“Dang. You have another class?” He asked.

“Yeah,”

“Not a morning person huh?”

“Not really,” I shrugged. 

“Well, if you ever saw the sunrise over a field of wheat, you’d change your mind.” His dimple was more noticeable with his wide smile.

“I don’t think so. The sun and I aren’t friends.”

He laughed. The two of us made our way down the hall side by side. A tall guy with a black leather jacket spotted Tex from just ahead and called out his name.

“Fox,” Tex called back.

So that was Fox, suitable name for a guy with rugged good looks and a bad boy demeanor. He was built like a quarterback, but looked like he belonged on the back of a motorcycle. 

I gave Tex a simple wave and tried to continue down the hall, but he reached for my hand. “One second,” he held up a finger. He said a few quick words to Fox, before bringing his attention back to me. 

“Sorry about that,” he said. 

I waved it off. It was no big deal to me. 

“I thought I’d ask and see if you want to have dinner tonight?”

Whoa. Ugh. 

He couldn’t have been further out of left field with his question. I didn’t see it coming at all. Did he not remember the other night at the restaurant? He clearly has to know how I feel about Josh.

Shit Josh.

“We don’t have to make this a big thing,” he said, and it was like he was reading my mind. “I just thought we could get to know each other better.”

His sweet eyes were very convincing. “How about you bring food, and hang out with me at my dorm?” I propositioned, but didn’t really think about what I said before I said it. His eyebrows rose. “Just friends dammit.”

“I know.” He laughed. “I knew what you meant. I was just giving you a hard time.”

Giving me a hard time was something he was very good at.

“I just don’t feel up for going out.”

“That’s fine. I can come over around seven-thirty?”

“Okay.” 

“Let me get your cell number, and I’ll call when I’m on my way.” He reached into his pocket, fishing out his cell phone. After a few seconds of him fiddling, I took matters into my own hands.

“Give me that thing.” I was a technical wizard when it came to iPhones. I didn’t know a girl who wasn’t. It wasn’t unusual for me to do things for Josh all the time, and I was so impatient. I quickly typed in my number and saved it under “Darlin.” He’d get a kick out of that. “There you go.”

“Are you always so assertive?” 

I cocked my head to the side. “It comes from ten years of having a guy as your best friend. I can’t help it.”

He looked away for a second and I wondered what I’d said. He knew my feelings about Josh, and yet he still asked to hang out. 

“So, I’ll see you tonight?” I asked.

“Yeah. I’ll give you call.”

I waved before I walked away.

“Hey, Paislee!” He yelled. “What do you want to eat?”

“I’m not picky,” I called back before walking away.

There was a smile plastered on my face, until I realized what I’d just agreed to. I didn’t date. I never dated. I mean, not college guys. I invited him to my room. What the hell was I thinking?

Breathe, you idiot!

“This was not a date,” I repeated over and over in my head. It was just a guy coming over to my room to hang out, who was also bringing dinner.

SHIT HELL, it was a date.