Dylan and I argued again this morning and I hate it. I wish he could see how this is all going to work out. We’re going to be together all the time. All the things he talked about last night can still happen. I can even work part-time and help save for that house he was talking about or to put toward my loans. We can make it happen.
He just called me again and wanted to know if we could go somewhere and talk. I hope he’s seen this is the best option. I pull in behind the shop and park next to his truck. He’s sitting inside with his head resting on the steering wheel. He doesn’t move to greet me, which is not like him. Slowly I climb out of the car and walk to his door, knocking softly. He still doesn’t make a move and now I’m worried. What happened to make him act this way?
“Dylan,” I say through the window. Slowly he lifts his head and looks over at me. He doesn’t smile or give me any indication that he’s okay—he’s just staring. Finally, after what seems like hours but in reality is mere seconds, he reaches for the handle. I back away, giving him room to climb out of the truck.
“Hey,” I say hesitantly as I wrap my arms around his waist.
Leaning down, he buries his face in my neck. “Hey.” His voice is barely a whisper. Breaking away, he grabs my hands and leads me inside. Just like always, he locks the door behind us. Silently, we climb the stairs to the rooftop.
“You ready to tell me what’s wrong?” I ask, keeping my voice calm. I’m trying not to freak out on him, but he’s really starting to scare me.
“Avery, you can’t give up your scholarship.”
Seriously? This is what has him looking like someone kicked his puppy? “Dylan, there is no discussion here. This is my choice. I choose to attend the local university. I choose to be close to you. It’s not your decision or anyone else’s.”
“Avery, try and see this from my side. I’ve watched you work so hard this year to maintain your grades for this scholarship. Going away and being roommates with Harley has been your plan long before me.”
“Plans change.” I shrug. I really don’t see the issue.
“I came across our freshman yearbook. Even then you wanted this plan. You’ve worked your ass off to make it happen. This is your dream.”
“Dylan, it’s college. I’m still going to be a teacher—that’s not going to change.”
“It is. Can’t you see that? You’re giving up something you planned for years, just to be closer to me. You’re giving up a full ride, Avery. A full fucking ride. Do you know how many students in our graduating class alone would give anything to be in your shoes right now? Full-ride academic scholarships are almost unheard of and you did that. All you, Aves.”
“I’ll give you that, but they didn’t put in the work I did.”
“Exactly!” he screams. “Avery, I want that for you. I want you to have every experience you’ve ever dreamed of. Please, you can’t give up this opportunity for me.”
He’s really pushing for this but I can’t give in. I won’t. This is my decision and I want to stay here. Like I said, plans change. “My mind is made up. I already told Mom and Dad that I needed to talk to them this weekend. I sent back the acceptance letter. It’s done.”
“Have you told Western that you won’t be there?”
“Not yet. All I have to do is make a phone call. There’s plenty of time for them to replace me.”
“What about Harley? What does she think about all of this?”
“She gets it. She’s going to miss me, and the plans we made, but she gets it. Brad is going to be at the same college. They don’t have the same obstacle to face that we do.”
He drops his elbows to his knees and buries his face in his hands. I give him time to work through this. I hate that he’s so upset, but it’s not his decision to make. I refuse to be in a relationship where what I want doesn’t count. I still don’t even really understand why this is such a big concern for him.
“I love you, Avery.” He lifts his head and his eyes are watery. “You are the air I breathe. I would give you anything, but I can’t give you this. I can’t let you give up your plan for the future because of me. I’m a small-town guy who isn’t smart enough for college.”
I try to protest but he holds his hand up to stop me.
“I knew that first night… hell, I’ve always known that I’m not good enough for you. I would never forgive myself if I let you give up this opportunity for me. Five, maybe ten years down the road, you might grow to resent me for everything you missed out on. I don’t want that for you. I don’t want that for us.” Reaching over, he grabs my hands and pulls them to his lips. “There is never going to be another you, Avery. For as long as I live I will never love anyone the way I love you.” He takes a deep breath. “Do you hear me? You are it for me. There will never be anyone who even comes close to my heart. Just you.”
“Dylan.” I’ve never seen him like this.
“Baby, we can’t do this anymore. We can’t stay together. If staying together means you give up your dream for me, then we’re over.” He chokes on the words.
I stand still, frozen in time as I try to process what’s happening. “W-what?”
“Don’t make me say it again,” he says, his voice low. He’s barely hanging on.
“Why are you doing this? You don’t get to choose.” I hit his chest and he stands to move away from me. I follow him and hit him a little harder this time. “You just told me you loved me.” I’m sobbing now that the words have sunk in. This can’t be happening.
“I do, Aves. I do, more than you will ever know. That’s why I can’t let you do this.” He tries to pull me into his arms but I take a step back.
“No! No! No! You don’t get to rip my heart open and then attempt to soothe the pain. This is what you want?”
He stares down at his feet. “Honestly, no. There is nothing I want less, but this is how it has to be. I can’t let you do this for me. I’m here. I only have eyes for you. We can do long distance.”
“No. That’s not what I want. I won’t make it without you.”
“How do you know, Avery? We’ve never tried. Just try it for me.”
I shake my head. “No. You’ve made your decision. It’s done.” I’m crying so hard I can barely see as I turn to leave. I don’t hear footsteps behind me; he’s not coming after me. I literally feel like my heart is cracked wide open in my chest. How can he say he loves me but end us? I fumble with the lock and finally make it outside. Falling to my knees, I let the sobs break free from my chest. I feel two strong arms wrap around me and my heart flutters with hope. He came after me.
“I got you, Av,” Alan’s says.
My brother. “W-w-what are you doing here?”
“Dylan.”
One word and my heart breaks all over again. He knew this was going to happen. He planned to break my heart and end what we have. Did he ever really love me? Yeah, he says he does, but if he did how can he let me go like this?
“Let’s get you home.”
“No. I don’t want to go home.”
“Okay.” He pulls me to my feet and wraps his arms around me. “We can go to my place.”
I don’t say anything as I let him lead me to his truck.