My plan to wait until after the wedding has sucked ass. I’ve run into her several times, some because I knew that’s where she would be and others just by coincidence. It’s so damn hard to not spill my guts, tell her everything. Tell her I love her just as much today as I did the day I destroyed us.
Today is finally the rehearsal dinner. Three long weeks of watching, waiting, and wondering if I’ll ever be able to make her mine again.
“Dylan, Avery, your turn,” Harley’s mom calls to us. I step in line as instructed and so does Avery. I can smell the coconut lotion that she’s always worn. I’ve not been this close to her since that day in the diner. I was afraid that my little confession would start an argument, that she would seek me out. Part of me hoped it would. Instead, I heard nothing from her. I’m glad she knows, but the question is does she believe me?
“Okay, everyone, link arms,” Brad’s mom instructs.
I hold my arm out for Avery without looking at her. Staring straight ahead, she does as asked and slips her arm through mine. I close my eyes at the feel of her skin. That’s always been my thing with her.
We stand here side by side, arms linked, both staring straight ahead. No longer able to fight the pull, I lean down and whisper in her ear, “You look beautiful, Aves.”
She doesn’t acknowledge me. She doesn’t need to; I can see the rapid rise and fall of her chest. I’m watching her as she bites her bottom lip. She wants me to think she’s not affected, but I know better. This is my Avery, after all.
Deciding not to push my luck, I turn back to the front of the venue. I keep my gaze straight ahead and wait for our turn to walk down the aisle. Before the day I broke her heart, I always thought this would be us. To be honest, that’s my end game. I want all of her. Forever.
“You’re up, you two,” Harley’s mom whispers to us.
I take a hesitant step forward and Avery follows my lead. I stand up tall while trying not to take “giant steps,” as she used to call them. I’m all about taking my time considering the beautiful woman on my arm. Once we reach the altar, I have to let her go. She releases my arm and takes her spot. I take mine as well, right behind a grinning Brad.
“Careful, man, or your face might crack,” I goad him.
“Fuck off,” he says under his breath.
I chuckle. When the wedding march plays, we all turn our attention to the back of the room. Harley appears with her dad, wearing the same damn smile as Brad. I’m happy as hell for the two of them even though I am a little jealous. I’ve gone over that night more times than I can count. Was I being selfish? Should I have let her make the decision? Everyone has assured me that I did the right thing, but right now, with this pain in my chest, the one laced with heartbreak, love, and envy that this could be our wedding, I’m not so sure.
Glancing at Avery, I see a soft smile on her lips as she watches our best friends. Her eyes mist with tears, and even though I know they’re happy ones, I still fight the urge to pull her into my arms and hold her. I don’t take my eyes off her during the entire trial run. I want to tell her that I’ll give her this, all of it. She just has to let me.
The run-through is quick and before I know it, I’m stepping next to her and offering her my arm yet again. She takes it, still keeping her gaze straight ahead. When we reach the end of the aisle, we’re directed to stand in line beside the bride and groom to greet the guests as they move into the formal dining room. I make a mental note to give Harley a big-ass hug when this is all over. Without knowing it, she’s putting me with Avery more than I thought I would be. Then again, maybe she did know. She’s been one of my biggest supporters, pushing me to come clean to Avery that I kept tabs on her.
Avery unlinks her arm from mine and lets it fall to her side. When the rest of the wedding party joins us, she has to scoot closer to me. Instinctively I place my hand on the small of her back, standing a little behind her, giving her the space she needs to not feel crowded—well, by anyone except me.
The guests tonight consist of the parents and the venue staff, but tomorrow we’ll be standing here a lot longer. I don’t hate the idea. Tonight she pulled away from me, but she won’t make it obvious at the wedding.
“All right, wedding party, make your entrance into the formal dining room first, and then the bride and groom will be announced. Link arms,” the lady who’s been directing the night informs us.
I hold my arm out for Avery and she takes it, still not looking my way. I wait our turn and then lead her, at her pace, into the formal dining room. There’s a long table set up in front of the room, a banner stating “bride’s crew” on one side and “groom’s crew” on the other. I take notice that all the other guys are leading their partner to their seat and pulling out their chair for them. I do the same with Aves and she whispers a soft “Thank you,” which in my eyes is progress.
Taking our seats, we wait for the happy couple to enter. “Okay, once the bride and groom are seated, dinner will be served. After dinner, they will have their first dance. The second song will be just the wedding party before the floor is opened up to everyone. The next step will be speeches and then cutting the cake. The bride and groom will dance with their parents and new in-laws, and then it’s party time,” the planner explains.
Much to my disappointment, we’re then released from further duties for the night.
“Just one more thing,” Harley says, getting our attention. “Thank you all so much for being here for us.” She leans in to Brad and he kisses her on the top of her head. “We have a little something for each of you. Bride’s crew come with me. Groom’s, follow my future husband.” She grins.
I and the other guys follow Brad up to his room. “Hey, guys,” he says. “Thanks for being here.” He hands each of us a small black box. “Go ahead.” He gestures for us to open them.
Inside are leather money clips engraved with our initials. “Thanks, brother.” I lean in and give him a quick hug and tap on the shoulder. The rest of the guys follow my lead.
“Now, you all have your own rooms as you know. All I ask is that you stay sober until all the important parts are over. I want this to be everything Harley imagined it would be. After that’s all over, there’s an open bar.”
“Shots!” Anthony, a fellow groomsman Brad met at college, calls out.
We all agree with him, and as best man I figure it’s my job to toast. I wait until Anthony has the glasses passed out. “To Brad and Harley.” I raise my glass and the others follow my lead before we throw back our shots.
“Well, since I can’t see my girl tonight, it’s up to you jokers to entertain me,” Brad says.
“I’m thinking the bar for some pool,” I suggest.
“Sounds good. Harls and the girls are in for the night, so no chance of running into them.”
Although I’m disappointed, I’m also relieved. I don’t think I could handle seeing any of the guys at the bar hitting on my Avery.