Varick
“It's only in experiencing the absence of something do we truly appreciate it when it arrives.” My father told me that once.
Selena was a gift. Of a magnitude I couldn't quite fathom. Nearly two hundred years as the Helsings' captive, believing my human life was entirely over, that I'd never see the sun again, and that I'd never truly feel anything worthwhile so long as I remained on earth, had all been proved entirely wrong. But the speed at which I'd experienced every one of those impossible things wasn't quite fair.
More. I needed more. But perhaps an entire lifetime spent with Selena would never have been enough. Perhaps the brevity of our love only made it burn brighter than it could have if we'd had more time. But what did I know about love? This was the first time I'd felt it. And I didn't truly know what the future could hold for us. But Christ, I longed to. I yearned for it with all my heart, doubting the decision we'd made, over and over.
Always, I came back to the same conclusion. The one we had both made in our hearts.
It had to be us.
I waited for Selena whilst she fetched Thames to say goodbye – we'd be leaving early in the morning and might not have another chance. Kodiak appeared from the west wing, pushing something in front him. I managed a smile at the sight of the wheelchair. It looked like he'd built it himself, the seat made from one of the common room chairs with a criss-cross blue pattern on it. The wheels were heavy-set like he'd pinched them off of a couple of mountain bikes.
“Impressive,” I remarked and he shrugged. Never said much, but the guy had certainly grown on me. “She'll be grateful, I'm sure.”
Kodiak inclined his head, his expression dour. “You're leaving, I hear?”
“Yes.”
He looked like he was struggling to say something, and one of the wheels squeaked as he rocked the chair back and forth. Sounding a decisive breath, he released the chair and moved toward me in a rather awkward, hunched-shouldered way. He gave me a one-armed hug and my brows raised in surprise before I hugged him back.
“You've given me life again.” He stepped away, nodding stiffly, not quite meeting my eye. “You and the others.”
Gazing at him, it hit me that this mission wasn't just about stopping the games, it was about freeing the Vampires, the contestants. Offering to them what Kodiak now had. What I had.
“Don't waste it,” I ordered and Kodiak nodded, his mouth pulling up at one corner.
The door opened at the top of the stairs and Selena appeared, carrying Thames on her back.
“What's this?” Thames gasped as Selena placed her down in the chair. She looked up at Kodiak with the kind of open-mouthed smile that kids give their parents when they gift them a new toy.
“So you can get around easier,” Kodiak said stiffly, his hands balling and un-balling at his sides.
“I love it!” Thames scooted the chair along, rolling the wheels between her hands. She crashed immediately into the stairs and started laughing her manic laughter, turning to Kodiak. “Might need some help at first.”
Kodiak took hold of the handles made from bent metal poles and pushed her in the direction of the canteen.
“We'll catch you up!” Selena called after them, but as she took my hand, I could see she had no intention of following.
Now it was time for us.
“Dusk's fallen,” she said quietly and I knew what she was implying. We could slip away to the ruin, our haven. Though I didn't want to entertain the idea, I couldn't help but fear what might happen once we left The Sanctuary. What if we failed? Was this decision a coffin lid closing on our future?
“Yes.” I bent my head to kiss her, pushing the worries from my mind. “But the day was very fine indeed.”
◐ ☼ ◐
The morning dripped into existence, like a leaky tap, slowly filling a sink until it overflowed. Selena and I returned to the manor an hour before dawn. She hadn't slept and I'd only suggested once that she should. But it hadn't been possible for her to do so with everything on her mind, even if I'd actually wanted her to.
Brendan greeted us at the door, looking tired. “It's time. Mercy and Kite left late last night and the others left an hour ago.”
“What will Mercy tell her parents?” I asked.
“That her yacht was blown up, that she and Kite were picked up by fishermen and taken to shore.”
Selena nodded. “So everyone's gone?”
It hit me that we had been so absorbed in each other that we hadn't offered any time to our friends to discuss our plans. To say our goodbyes if we were caught out before we made it to the new game.
Brendan nodded.
I scraped a hand through my hair, forgetting how short it was now as my fingertips reached for more than was there.
Selena pressed back her shoulders, facing her father. “When do we leave?”
“I have clothes for you to change into in my office. Then a boat will take you up north.” Brendan's thick brows drew together, looking like he wanted to reach out and touch his daughter.
I realised with a powerful certainty that I should give them a moment to say goodbye. They may not have known each other well, but they could have grown to love each other in time. And hopefully they still would one day.
I parted from Selena. “I'll get changed.”
Selena gave me a small nod of thanks as I walked away, but their words still found me as I moved, my hearing picking up everything in the quiet house.
“I'm sorry it has to be this way,” Brendan said. “I wish I could have convinced you to stay. But it would have been wrong of me.”
“Thank you,” Selena said quietly. “For all you've done for us. And for believing in me.”
“I never stopped,” he said softly. “I want you to know... I thought of you every day since we parted. And you've grown into such a strong woman. I couldn't be prouder.”
The crush of their bodies made me sigh, embracing each other like no time had been lost between them. Lost memories, a lost life. It struck me that if he hadn't left home, Selena would never have found her way to me. I supposed I wasn't the only one responsible for her situation. Then again, I imagined she'd disagree entirely about who was to blame for her being here.
I headed into Brendan's office, finding fine travel clothes laid out for me. Smart trousers and a black shirt with a thick overcoat to be worn over a blazer. I left my jeans and shirt folded on the desk, my hand straying to the black velvet dress laid out for Selena next to a long red coat and a handful of jewels. She may have had to dress up to suit Hunters again, but this time the cards were in our hands. And I wasn't going to walk out of that game until every single one of them paid for their sins.
I let out a breath of laughter.
Odd. A Vampire turned vigilante. Guess I really was the same old pirate I once was.
◐ ☼ ◐
We travelled north until we entered the arctic circle, leaving the sun far behind.
Selena had remained below deck with me, curled up on a small sofa. “You must miss the sunshine.”
“You gave it back to me.” I kissed her.
“For thirty seconds,” she groaned. “Not nearly enough.”
“Maybe we'll figure it out one day.”
She sighed tiredly, clutching onto my shirt as she leaned back, giving me a firm stare. “No more maybes okay? Let's do this like we're going to survive it.”
“Like you did in the V Games?” I kissed the tip of her nose.
Her eyes brightened. “I was fairly sure I was going to die every round, but sure.” She shrugged. “If you wanna imagine I was that brave, go for it.” She laughed and I crushed her against me.
“Alright, so we go in, we kill the bastards and we get out,” I said, feeling better just for saying it.
Selena straddled me, cupping my cheeks in her palms, gazing down at me with a wide smile. “Exactly.”
I liked the pretence. It reminded me of the way Jameson and I had always charged fearlessly into fights, looting ships and battling Kingsmen. We'd always emerged alive, so there was no reason why we couldn't keep up the trend.
I gripped Selena's waist, sure I was going to get carried away if she didn't detach herself from me soon. The velvet dress she was wearing rode up over her dark stockings, making my pulse reach near-human levels. But something else was bothering me. Hunger. We'd promised Brendan I'd feed during the journey to be sure I was as human as possible when we arrived at the venue. Ironic, considering I'd only recently sworn not to feed from her directly anymore.
Selena wordlessly slid her hair over one shoulder, exposing her throat to me. Her pulse was my favourite song, thrumming in my ears, calling to me.
For the sake of keeping us all undetected, I'd have to feed from her as regularly as she'd allow.
I gently sank my teeth into her neck until she let out a small gasp. Not of pain, but enjoyment, only encouraging my bite deeper.
The hardest part was the internal battle. The monster in me was dormant, but when I fed it rose its head from slumber, making me question my self-control. Planting thoughts in my mind of pinning her down, drinking and sating my desire entirely. But I never listened. I battled it away, quietly hating myself for that part of me which would forever haunt my moves. It was a stark reminder that, no matter how much blood Selena offered me, I could never truly be human.
I extracted my teeth, finding Selena's pupils dilating as she gazed at me. She wiped her thumb across the corner of my lips, catching a drop of blood and placing it in my mouth.
“No spills, or they'll notice,” she whispered.
I grinned before splitting the skin of my thumb with my teeth, offering it to her. “And especially no bite marks.”
She smiled back, taking the offering of my blood. The monster in me drifted back asleep and calm descended over me like a gentle sea mist.
The captain of our small vessel was a quiet man. Human and overly keen on rather explicit audiobooks. Every time I turned my ear to him I heard a sex scene described in graphic detail.
I shook my head, fighting a laugh as Selena gave me a questioning look, shuffling down into the space beside me. I didn't answer her probing stare, instead tucking her under my arm and resting my head atop hers.
The cabin was small, but comfortable enough to endure a day's trip in. I relished the lap of the waves, the warm presence curled up beside me, the fleeting calm.
“Courage Varick.” My father's words during my first raid of a King's ship. “Your heart will deliver you to the doorstep of all your desires. But only courage will have you step through the door.”