Chapter 19 – Going Back and Moving Forward

I was actually nervous as the plane touched down at Melbourne airport. I was back home, yet it didn’t feel like home anymore. So much had changed since I left, most of all - me.

Alex and I had taken a late flight, landing just after midnight local time to ensure our arrival would be as low key as possible. DarNell had accompanied us. Even though the need for security was minimal I decided to appease Alex and Chris and allow him to tag along. I did however not relent on the stipulation that his “company” would be non-intrusive and as much as I liked DarNell, he would not be sharing our accommodation, instead he would stay in a nearby hotel. I had arranged a town car to pick us up at the airport and I decided we would spend, at the very least, the first night in my old apartment. The last time Alex and I had been there together, we had ended our relationship and I thought it would be cathartic to exercise those demons and build some better memories for us.

Emma had gone above and beyond in keeping an eye on my old apartment and of all the people I was looking forward to seeing, I was most excited to be reconnecting with her. We had spoken constantly though phone and email but there was a certain aura that Emma radiated that could only be felt by her presence, it recharged my soul.

The car pulled into my old street. Everything looked the same. It was as if time had stood still, untouched by my absence. One thing I noticed was how quiet it was, nothing like the craziness of my new home. It was the first time in a long time I missed my old place. Its tranquillity, its sanctity.

“You look nervous.” Alex wrapped his arms around me as the car came to a stop.

“I regret not inviting you here. Not letting you be with me in my home, holding you at arms length.” I took a deep breath, hesitating before opening the door.

“I’m here now. With you. Let’s not waste any of our time thinking about the past. What matters is our future.” Alex opened the door and took my hand, “I want to lay with you in your bed. Are you going to invite me in?” His eyes gleamed with mischief.

“Alex, would you like to come upstairs to my apartment?” I smiled, intending the double meaning.

“Hmmmm, I would like that.” He laughed as he let me lead him up my stairs to my front door.

The lock creaked slightly as I turned the key, its inner workings protesting as if it had almost forgotten its required activity.  The entrance was dark, lit only by the security lighting from the outer hallway corridor. A very slight musky odour mixed with disinfectant permeated the air as we walked through to the main living area. It was evident Emma had visited earlier in the week, cleaning and preparing the apartment for our arrival. I hadn’t asked her to of course, but Emma’s generosity was deeply ingrained. She was one of the few people I knew whose motives were truly altruistic.

DarNell followed closely behind us with our luggage. I turned on the lights as Alex helped DarNell carry our bags to the bedroom. I stood, silently absorbing the spotless yet sober room, the sparsity of the furniture reminding me that this was no longer anyone’s home.

“Lexi, Alex. Anything you need before I head to my hotel?” DarNell re-entered the room, Alex a couple of steps behind him.

“No thank you DarNell, we’re fine.” I smiled as Alex’s arms found their home around my waist.

“Thanks Man, I’ll give you a call in the morning.” Alex released me to shake DarNell’s hand and see him out.

“No problem. I really think you both should consider a hotel though, where I can coordinate with their security team. I don’t feel comfortable with leaving you here.” DarNell hesitated at the door, surveying the surroundings.

“Hardly anyone knows we’re even here DarNell, trust me, I want to keep this trip as under the radar as possible. I think checking into a hotel would pretty much ensure that our arrival is not only announced but flagged to every media agency in the city. You worry too much.” I winked, appreciating his concern despite believing it was unfounded.

“Well Lexi, I believe that it’s in my job description. Let me know if you change your mind.” DarNell nodded as he closed the door behind him.

“You really do make his job harder than it has to be,” Alex laughed, as his lips gently traced a line along my jaw.

“It’s not intentional Alex, I just don’t see there is any eminent danger of us staying in my old apartment.” I wasn’t trying to be difficult, but by the same token, the heavy security I now endured due to my change in marital status was taking some getting used to.

“I know Baby, but there are some whack jobs out there. Being with me is going to make you a target for that. In time you will get used to the intrusion of having security and realize it is a small price to pay for your safety.” Alex’s hands trailed down my back.

“Funny thing is that despite my apparent exposure to danger by being with you, this is the safest I’ve ever felt.” I interlocked my hands around Alex’s neck, “It’s by far the happiest I’ve been too.”

“You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that.” Alex removed my hands from his neck and kissed my fingers. My recent confession about my past was clearly a trigger for Alex’s need to reassure me.  “I don’t want you to ever hold things back from me. To ever be afraid. I will never hurt you Lexi.”

Alex’s firm gaze focused on me, his amazing eyes displaying his intent. It astounded me that eyes that could look so clear and carefree could also command such authority.  Alex was no push-over and while he loved and encouraged my independence and strength, he was far from a submissive. He challenged me when he disagreed with me and was not intimated nor emasculated by my attitude. He had made it clear early on that he would call “bullshit” if warranted. It was a partnership where power swayed to and fro and neither of us held all the cards. I love it, I loved being with him, being myself and not having to apologize.

As we walked through the sparse rooms, I remembered the last time I had been in my apartment. It had been here that I had told Alex I didn’t want him, it had been here I was willing to forgo happiness because of fear, it had been here I had mourned his loss. The nights consumed by sadness which preceded my departure came rushing back to me, they lingered in the walls, like ghosts.

I led Alex to my old room and while a smile curved on my lips, it wasn’t sex I had in mind. My confessions of my past still fresh in our minds, it was closeness I craved. We shucked our clothes and crawled under my pillowy quilt, our bodies resuming their usual sleeping positions; intertwined, a mess of arms and legs. The comfort of knowing Alex was there instantly putting me at ease.

“You giving me a reprieve tonight?” Alex laughed as I snuggled against his chest.

“Don’t make it sound like you aren’t a willing participant, Stone!” I smirked as I kissed his firm smooth skin.

“Always willing, but I love holding you just as much. I’m glad I finally got to lay here with you, in your old bed. The last time I was here I thought that chance had disappeared and yet here we are. I will never take this for granted Lexi.” Alex’s eyes engaged me.

I ran my fingers along the strong angles of his face, his eyes closing under the gentle sweepings of my touch. I could tell the past few days were weighing on him and he felt the need to reassure me. I felt that need too, only to reassure him that I was ok, that I was still the same Lexi.

“I love you Alex and whatever I had to go through in the past to ensure that you came into my life, I would happily do it again. No matter how difficult it was.”

Alex swallowed hard as he looked into my eyes, “I’m too selfish to say I don’t deserve you and I’ll thank whatever force brought us together.”

 

~~~~~~~

 

The buzzing of my phone woke me. My arms and legs stiff from our awkward sleeping position.

“Don’t answer it.” Alex warned as his eyes slid open, his body still intertwined with mine.

“It might be important Alex, I can’t just stop answering my phone!” I protested as I stretched an arm out to my nightstand to retrieve it. Pins and needles travelled through my hand to my fingers.

I didn’t even bother checking the phone number but noticed it was 8 a.m. “Lexi Reed” I answered my voice still croaky from being asleep.

“Hi Sweetie. It’s Mum” My mother’s cheery “phone voice” filled my ear.

“Hey Mum, it’s a little early. I was going to call you later.” I was not in the mood for fake pleasantries this early in the morning.

“Well Lexi, you had said you want to get together while you were visiting. I’m just trying to find out when. Your father and I are both busy people. I just can’t drop everything because you decide to come home.” Yep that didn’t take long, what was that 30 seconds before my mother threw a little dig in there? Why was I doing this again?

I looked over at Alex, his beautiful messed up “morning” hair making him even more attractive. I ran my fingers along his amazing angled jaw allowing the rough stubble to prickle my fingers and I smiled. I was doing this for him.

“Well Mum, seeing as you are so busy. When would be good for you? I really don’t have any plans I can’t move around.” I tried not to sound as acrimonious as I felt.

“Well Lexi, would tonight suit you? Are you coming alone or is your husband coming with you?” My mother’s tone sharpened, she knew his name, this was just her way of getting under my skin.

“Yes Mum, tonight is fine and yes, Alex will be joining me.” I refused to be baited, if I was going to get through dinner with my family I was going to have to let this shit slide. It was one night, I could put up with their unpleasantness for one night.

“Good.” My mother relaxed once she’d gotten her own way, “We’ll see you around seven. Bye Sweetie.”

Ughhhhh I never understood how a term of endearment could make your skin crawl but hearing those words, devoid of sincerity made me want to puke.

“Hmmm maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all?” Alex’s brow scrunched with concern.

“I’m not calling her back and cancelling. We are doing this, trust me - it will be like a bandaid...you just got rip it off real quick.” I smiled as I smoothed his frown lines with my fingers.

“God, I love your smile.” Alex ran his fingers across my lips, “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to keep you smiling.”

“Well I can think of a few things you could do...” I smirked.

Alex raised an eyebrow, “Just a few? Wow I must be slipping.”

My phone again vibrated noisy on the bed.

“Answer it and then I’m confiscating it for the rest of the morning,” Alex teased as he handed it to me.

“Fine, one more call!” I conceded, accepting the phone. “Lexi Reed.”

“Lexi!” Emma gasped, “I wasn’t expecting you to pick up, I was going to leave a message! And what’s with the Reed business?! I thought you were changing your name to Stone?”

“Hey Emz.” I couldn’t help but smile, “My mother already woke me and I’m keeping Reed professionally, so relax.... you can still address my Christmas cards to Lexi Stone.”  I winked as Alex nodded approvingly.

I had no issue taking his last name, but no one knew Lexi Stone except that she was Alex Stone’s wife and I didn’t want that to define me, so I opted to keep Reed for work. This also meant that I didn’t have to go around and change everything as well. I wasn’t really into the whole hyphenating thing so I was just going to juggle the two names.

“Well seeing as you are awake, I was wondering if I could stop by? I’m desperate to see you. I’ll bring breakfast. I could be there in an hour?” I could hear Emma was hopeful I would say yes.

“Of course, I’d love to see you. Just give me some time to get decent,” I joked, wondering if I could squeeze in a little time to be indecent as well.

Emma laughed loudly, “Yes please. I’m still not used to seeing Alex as your husband, let alone half naked in your apartment. It still sounds unbelievable saying it. He’s beautiful Lexi and no one less than perfect would have been good enough to be your husband.”

Despite Emma knowing me for many years, she refused to see my flaws or imperfections. She had been unperturbed by my questionable I history, accepting my life choices regardless of how they differed from her own. Emma never judged me; she was one of my oldest and dearest friends. She was one of things I missed most about living over the other side of the world.

“That’s such a nice thing to say Em. I’ve missed you! See you soon.” I ended the call, with an amused Alex holding out his hand for my phone.

“Ok, Ok! Here!” I handed over my iPhone despite hesitations.

“So. What did Emma have to say? Other than I assume it’s going to mean I have to put clothes on sooner than I had intended.” Alex’s mouth twitched into a grin.

“She is bringing breakfast, but I have no objection to you remaining naked. She also said you were beautiful and the perfect husband for me,” I paraphrased.

Alex shook his head and let out a throaty laugh, “Beautiful? That’s not really what a guy wants to hear. But, the husband part... she couldn’t be more right.”

“So we have around fifty minutes… You up for a challenge?” I traced his impeccably defined abdominal muscles with my fingertips.

Alex laughed again, “Baby I was UP half an hour ago. Challenge accepted.”

 

~~~~~~

 

The knock at the door came punctually on the hour, I hadn’t expected Emma to be late, it wasn’t her style.

My hair was still wet from the shower as I slipped on a long sleeve top with my jeans. Even though it was early July in Melbourne and winter, our “version” of the season was not what Alex classed as cold. So while scoffing at my decision to turn on the heater, Alex was happily sporting a t-shirt over his well-worn jeans.

“I do admire how you multi-task, especially in the shower,” Alex strode passed me as he went to answer the door.

“It’s a talent,” I winked as I swept my hair into a ponytail.

“Alex!” Emma squealed as he opened the door, throwing her arms around him. I guess it was still weird adjusting to the fact that he wasn’t just the hot guitarist in Power Station, but someone she actually knew and had married her friend.

“Hey Emma, Oh Hey Jackson!” Alex returned Emma’s hug before shaking Jackson’s hand.

Emma and Jackson had been dating since their chance meeting at this very apartment months ago. In an attempt to cheer Jackson up, I had dragged him away from Mike’s bedside after the horrendous accident, which had brought all these men into my life.  I had hoped for them to form a friendship and was delighted that it had developed into something more meaningful.  Emma hadn’t mentioned he’d be joining us for breakfast. Not that I minded, I had a lot of time for Jackson, he made Emma happy and he was a genuinely nice guy.

“Lexi!” Jackson’s smile lit up his face as he embraced me, “It’s been a long time.”

“Sure has! How have you been? Mike told me about his visit here. Sounds like you both made up for lost time!” I released him as he gave me a small peck on the check.

“Yeah, it was great!” Jackson beamed. I was glad to see that the time Mike had spent in Australia after his recovery had healed some of the guilt and concern Jackson had felt for his part in the accident. While none of it was his fault, as the driver of the car he had harboured some guilt, so seeing his friend healed and happy would have gone a long way to make him ease his turmoil.

“Lexi!” Emma smothered me in a massive hug, having handed off the box she walked in with, which I assumed housed breakfast.

“Emz!” I hugged her tightly, wishing I could bottle her inner luminescence and take it back with me. 

“I have Focaccias and Pastries from Brunettis” She declared proudly, “Wasn’t sure if you felt like sweet or savoury.”

“Is that coffee I smell?” Alex poked his head into the box Jackson placed on my kitchen counter.

“Of course, they make an amazing cafe latte!” Emma smiled, Jackson circling his arms around her waist.

“Soooooooo.” I mused, as we sat down at my old round kitchen table, “You two seem pretty cosy?”

“More than that!” Emma blushed, as Jackson bit his lip.

Alex raised an eyebrow as he shot me a sideways glance at their adorable exchange.

“Really? More how?” I pursued knowing clearly there was more information Emma wanted to volunteer.

Emma’s smile almost split across her face as she thrust her hand across the table and displayed a beautiful antique diamond ring on her left hand. “Jackson proposed last night and I said yes!” she gushed, “I didn’t want to tell you over the phone but I had to tell you. Which is the real reason for our early morning visit.”

I leapt out of my seat and hugged Emma. I was so incredibly happy for her. “Emma! Jackson! That is fantastic! Amazing news!” I grabbed Emma’s hand to inspect the ring properly this time.

Alex congratulated Jackson by give giving him a friendly slap on the back, “Outstanding Jacks!” before turning to Emma and offering his best wishes.

“Well we need to celebrate! Have you guys set a date?” I buzzed as I snooped through my kitchen cabinet for anything that could remotely pass as a wine glass.

“No, no date yet.” Emma beamed as Jackson tenderly kissed her hand, “We want to take it slow, there is no rush.”

“Not like us,” I laughed, pulling out four plastic Ikea tumblers, guessing that it was the best we were going to get given anything of value had been packed and put into storage months ago.

“Yeah, you guys were engaged for what? 5 minutes?” Jackson grinned.

“I couldn’t have waited a second longer. It was perfect for us.” Alex put his arms around me and kissed my neck.

“It was amazing,” I agreed, fishing into my refrigerator for the bottle of Chandon I knew Matt had left behind.

“Although we have promised Hannah we are having a re-run in a few months so we can share it with our friends and family and I hope you guys will be able to free up some time to join us.”

“Of course!” Emma exclaimed, “We will be there. Just tell us when. I would love to see where you are living now.”

I pealed off the foil covering from the wine bottle, wiggling the cork until we heard the unmistakable POP.

I poured the sparkling wine into the four comical, colourful tumblers, as we prepared to toast Emma and Jackson. “To good friends, love and laughter.” I toasted, raising my pink plastic filled vessel.

“To friends,” toasted Emma as she tapped her cup against mine before sipping her wine.

Jackson watched Emma adoringly as she took her seat beside him. I could tell how much he loved her purely by the way he looked at her. I knew that he would cherish her as I did, he would make her laugh and share in her hardships, but most importantly he would never take her for granted.