Chapter Ten

· hilary ·

The door slammed, and keys jingled and were thrown on the table near the door. Zach turned a corner and spotted me on the couch, Evan’s script in my hands as music droned in the background. His forest green eyes drifted over my bare legs. I wore my large, button-down shirt and had my hair piled up on my head. He flashed me that yearning expression, the one that I often admired. The one I wanted to see while he came inside me.

“It’s hot in here.” He pushed up the cuffs of his rolled-up sleeves and walked to the thermostat. The buzz of the air conditioner hummed and drowned out the sounds of the crickets outside.

“I didn’t cause trouble, did I?” Guilt ate at me for leaving game night early, but I hadn’t wanted Zach knowing I was spending time with Ben. I wasn’t sure why. Then Evan had brought up Graham, and not only did it stir up hurt feelings all over again, but it dawned on me why Zach was determined to keep me away. He didn’t want to lose Evan’s friendship the way Graham had.

“Everyone hates you now.” He winked as he served two glasses of scotch. I rolled my eyes at him. “They understand, Hil. Although, Evan’s not happy about Graham contacting you.”

I lowered my legs from the table and sat up as he handed me a glass. I took a sip and let the sting settle into my stomach. “Evan’s despised everyone I’ve dated.”

“I have, too.” He got comfortable at the other end of the couch. “You’re too good for all of them.”

“Except you?” I joked.

“Especially me. I’m the worst.”

He meant what he said. I disagreed. “You wouldn’t cheat on a woman you were exclusive with. You’re a good man.”

“I wouldn’t know, actually. I’ve never been exclusive.” He downed his drink as if the weight of the world were on his shoulders, then set the empty glass on the table. “Don’t put me on a pedestal, kid. Expectations usually lead to disappointments.”

I frowned at his self-assessment. He was more than what he perceived. This beautiful, guarded man’s grip on me was stronger than I cared to admit. He was quick to pretend nothing had happened between us, but I wasn’t. “Well, you exceeded my expectations in the bedroom. God, that tongue of yours can do things I still fantasize about.”

He looked at me with surprise, shock, and wonder. I quickly added, “And you can’t tell me that you aren’t a good man because I’ve lived with you for years. I know better than anyone else.”

Zach cleared his throat, reaching for his glass. He set it down again, realizing it was empty. I handed him my barely touched scotch, and he downed it. “You haven’t seen the way I am with women, Hilary.” A hint of sadness played over his features as if he believed he was the biggest jerk. I didn’t buy it.

“Don’t give me that shit.” I tossed the half-read script on the table. “I recall Nelly Larkin and how heartbroken she was after Evan dumped her. I saw you talking to her after school one day. You told her that, someday, she would find someone who truly cared for her.”

He sat frozen, his eyes wide. “You heard that?”

“When she asked why you were being nice to her, you said you knew what it felt like to be rejected.” He seemed to be stunned silent. “I’ll also never forget what you told me that night you stayed with me after Graham left.”

He swallowed, looking down at the now empty crystal. “Hil—”

“You told me, ‘it’s better that it ended now instead of him giving you a fake promise and regretting it later.’ It’s true.”

“That doesn’t make me a good partner. I love and leave, remember?” He lay back, letting his long legs spread out in front of him. I wanted to straddle him, have his large, callused hands all over my bare skin, tug on his hair, feel his stubble scratch me. “Besides, I slept with Nelly.”

“What?” Blood rushed to my head as I sat up. “How did I not know this? When? Does Evan know?”

A hint of a smile crept onto his face, and he pointed his chin to the script. “Why are you reading Evan’s scripts?”

“I was bored,” I answered automatically.

“I’m behind. Is it any good?”

“Don’t change the subject!” I slapped his leg with the back of my hand, intrigued to know more. “I knew you had the biggest crush on her, but I had no idea you fucked her.”

“Don’t say fuck, it sounds vulgar.”

“You’re one to talk,” I rolled my eyes. “So, when did this happen?” How many women had he slept with? How did I compare to them? Had I pleased him enough? God, I was a moron for thinking all of this when he didn’t give a shit. Sex was probably just sex, and it all blended together for him.

He moved to the bottle in the kitchen and brought it with him. “Prom night. She was my first.”

“So cliché.” I held both glasses in my hands as he poured scotch into each. I needed a drink after hearing the new information. “Wasn’t Evan her first?”

“They never slept together. She really wanted to, but he wasn’t into her.” He chugged back what he served and set the glass back down.

“I thought they dated, and she was heartbroken over him.” He shook his head. It baffled me that I’d had my facts wrong for years. “So, were you her first?” I couldn’t help but ask. I wanted to know more about him. Everything, even if the itch of jealousy lurked.

“No,” he said, his body tightening. “It was Graham.”

My cheeks heated, and I knocked back the alcohol. “Wow, Nelly got around.”

“She dumped me after that night to go back to him.” He took a swig directly from the bottle and handed it to me. I followed suit.

“No wonder I never liked that bitch.”

He laughed, moving his hand under my chin to tip up my head. My eyes met his. “That jerk played with her emotions for a long time. That’s one of the many reasons Evan and I didn’t like the asshole.”

“I thought you guys didn’t like him when he started dating me.”

“He had a tendency to go after—” He stopped himself. I waited.

“After?”

He blinked and turned away, running his hand over his shadowed jaw. “Nothing, never mind.”

“The girls you wanted?”

Was I a part of that equation? He side-eyed me and snatched the bottle from my hands. “We shouldn’t be drinking. I think we need to make that a rule when we hang out.”

“We always drink.” I watched as he ambled to the kitchen, putting the bottle into the cabinet above the fridge. “How the hell am I supposed to reach that?”

“You’re not.” He opened the fridge, searching for something to eat. “And don’t take that fuckwad’s calls anymore, got it? He needs to back off and leave you alone.”

“Fine, I won’t.”

“Good.” He smiled, then closed the fridge. “I should’ve brought back some pizza.”

I didn’t say anything. Instead, my eyes roamed his body as he approached. His jeans and shirt were perfectly snug. He sat beside me and grabbed the remote. I was hyper-aware of his proximity. He smelled like fabric softener and aftershave. It was familiar and comfortable.

“Hilary.” His voice was soft as his eyes met mine. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” I blinked at him with innocence.

“Like you want me to make love to you,” he said breathlessly.

My heart skipped a beat. I fumbled with my hands. Make love. I hadn’t thought of him making love to me that night. He’d fucked me damn well, and I wanted that again. I also knew what his dilemma was, and I refused to pressure him.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Collins.” His phone trilled in his pocket. He reached in to retrieve it, looked at the screen, and hit the end button. “Who’s Isabella?”

He hesitated. “Uh, my chef.”

I rolled my eyes. “Bullshit. You know I can tell when you’re lying.”

“I’m not lying.” He laughed. “She’s my chef.”

“And your fuck buddy?” His eyes closed. Yup, he’d slept with her. His whole body tensed. “Do you like her?”

His eyes shot to mine. “No. I mean, yes, but…not in that way.”

The pang of possessiveness that swept through me was similar to when Graham had said he was working late, and that his co-worker was just that. “Is she pretty?” I asked quietly.

He nodded. “Very.”

“Oh.” Ouch, that stung more than I expected. I snapped out of my pity party and stood. “Well, then? Why aren’t you answering her call? You could be with her now.”

His bewilderment was obvious as I rushed to the window. It was hot, and I needed a draft. And he was right. Drinking around each other wasn’t a good idea. He watched as I yanked on the edges of the glass, trying to pry the window open.

“I told you, I don’t care for her in that way.”

“So? You don’t have to care for her in that way in order to fuck. You did it already, didn’t you?” I struggled, but the pane wouldn’t budge. “Dammit, the window won’t open, and it’s so hot in here.”

“Only once,” he mumbled reluctantly.

“Spare me the details, Zachary.” I tugged, becoming breathless as I fought against the window. My voice pitched higher as I tried hitting the edges with my palms. "Fucking stupid window.”

He drew up behind me, placing his hands over mine. I froze as his body pressed against me. We lingered, my back against his chest. Fast-paced huffs escaped him. His mouth was near my ear, the humidity of his breaths caused me to tremble.

“Gently.” He spoke affectionately, drawing up the window. The crisp air didn’t make a difference when his warm body was near mine. His hands wrapped around my waist, and he squeezed for only a second as his lips descended to the spot between my neck and shoulder. He gave the skin there a sweet kiss. His lips lingered longer than they should’ve. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered. His nose grazed my neck as he pulled away. “Graham will regret letting you go for the rest of his life.”

Chills ran down my spine, all thoughts of Graham long vanished. My body turned, needing more of Zach’s touch. His warm palms cupped my cheeks. I wanted more of him. All of him. He looked amazing tonight. I loved the way his emerald green eyes locked on mine, promising me that my darkest desires were a mere whisper away. His thick, dark hair swirled in waves I couldn’t wait to run my hands through. His strong touch had me reeling, and when he’d denied that he was a good man, instead of pushing me away, it only made feelings trickle in through the cracks of my heart.

He backed off and headed to the stairs, escaping me. Leaving me in complete need. Bitterness toward my brother crept over me. Zach wouldn’t lose his friend, his boss. I was a risk he wasn’t willing to take. I had to remember what Zach had said when he left me that day, naked and alone. Hilary, this can’t ever happen again. I was sure he’d stick by what he said. He was a good man, after all, and a good man didn’t break his promises. But maybe, just maybe, some promises were meant to be broken.

ZACH WAS GONE when I woke. Having him in the next room had me tossing and turning. I wished I could forget all about the night we spent together—the way his body moved against mine, the taste of his lips, the way his hips stilled as he came. In all my years with Graham, he had never sexually pleased me the way Zach had. It was like he was the oasis in my desert, giving me relief from a long drought.

He still wanted me. I craved him. There was nothing wrong with making an agreement to keep things purely physical. We’d proven that we could go months without seeing one another. We were now in the same living space and made it work. Then again, the whole Isabella subject had an unanticipated effect.

Working on my blog today was out of the question. My mind needed an escape of a different kind, and the movies were my drug of choice. I accepted an invite to a press screener for a rom-com with none other than Ben Taylor. He wasn’t the lead. His cameo would be short, but after talking with him about working with veteran actress and two-time Academy Award Nominee Madison Strahan, I couldn’t resist. I told him of my plan to attend the early viewing, and he asked me to go easy on him in my critique. Lucky for him, I mainly paid attention to the film, not the acting.

The smell of fresh popcorn revived my spirits as I strolled inside the theatre. A cluster of people stood waiting where a portly man set up paperwork on a table. I approached and waited for instructions, as was the norm for most press screenings. He checked everyone’s credentials and passed out the necessary forms for us to fill out.

A woman around my age with a chin-length haircut and round, crystal blue eyes glanced at me and smiled. I returned it and gave a shy nod of hello.

“I haven’t seen you at the screeners before. Are you with one of the local papers?” Her voice was light and airy, and she resembled a comic-book character. Her jet-black hair brought out the sprinkle of freckles across her nose. She stood with poise, and although she was petite, her presence was distinct.

“No, I got invited by the movie company. I run a lifestyle blog.”

She perked up with enthusiasm. “I have a blog, too. It’s called Fangirl, Film, and Fun.” We both chuckled as she shrugged. “I’m a bit of a film geek.”

“Me, too,” I said. My hand reached out to clasp hers. “I’m Hilary with Life, Books, and Loves.”

Her smile was genial. “Renee Hayes. Nice to meet you.”

“You, too. I just moved from Boston, so I don’t know many people yet.” After Graham and I had split, it dawned on me that most of my friends from school had gone their separate ways. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I was living with Zach now, and Grace was next door, but I couldn’t talk to them about…well, Zach. I needed to step out and make friends. Perhaps this was a start.

“Welcome to the city that rhymes with yours. How are you liking it?”

Her relaxed manner made it effortless to chat. “I’ve only been here a few days. I’m taking over a friend’s job for a while. I haven’t seen much, honestly, but it’s much hotter here than back home.”

She groaned. “Oh, yeah, the Texas summers are brutal, and you’re just at the beginning. Wait until July and August. You’ll want to spend a lot of time at Barton Springs. I’d say try Hamilton Pool Preserve in Dripping Springs, but there’s always a line there, and it gets booked up quickly.”

I had no idea what she was rambling about, but I’d ask Zach about it. Perhaps he’d want to join me. He would be too busy for sightseeing, though, and I had to push him out of my mind. “Have you heard much about the movie?” I asked.

Renee lit up. “I have! I heard Madison Strahan is amazing, but when isn’t she, ya know? And I’m looking forward to seeing Benjamin Taylor in it.”

I hid a smile. “Oh? You’re a fan?”

“I’ve been following his career ever since he was in The Priority.” I nodded as she continued. “I also heard he’s in Austin filming the last Ending Series movie. I love those movies. I’ve had secret daydreams of running into him or Evan Matthews, but I’m such a homebody, it’ll probably never happen. Although, my friend ran into Kara Jones at Target. I don’t know if I believe her, though.”

I chuckled. Before I could say anything in response, we were given instructions to turn off and check in our mobile devices and head inside for the screening. Renee and I sat down, making ourselves comfortable.

“Please tell me you’re getting popcorn or a snack or something. I don’t want to be the only one.”

“Definitely,” I said, pulling out cash from my wallet.

Renee put out her hand. “I got it. Just keep our seats warm. You want butter? I like butter.”

“What kind of question is that? Of course.”

She took my drink request, and it wasn’t long before she came back with a tray full of treats. The people around us stared, but she rolled her eyes and whispered my way, “Some of these people take the whole review process very seriously. They don’t eat during the film.”

“That’s absurd. What’s a movie without popcorn?” I asked, stuffing my mouth.

“Exactly.” She paused, studying me for a moment. “I think you and I may become great friends.”

“Agreed.”