Chapter Seven

· hilary ·

New Year’s Eve 1999

The ruckus in the basement was still going on as I sat on the couch and watched the New Year’s Rockin’ Eve special. Billy Joel was on, and I really liked his songs. It took my mind off of the party downstairs, and the fact that I was too young to hang around with the older kids.

Most of the time, the boys were good about letting me party with them each year, especially since we would celebrate Zach’s birthday. He was a New Year’s baby. This party was different, though, because they had their high school friends over, and I wasn’t allowed. Mom told me to stop being a bother and let them have their time with the silly girls they invited. That dumb one, Nelly Larkin, was hanging all over my brother, and Zach liked her. It had been years of him pining for this girl who wasn’t even cool. I had told her a bad joke about the Yankees winning the World Series, and she’d said she didn’t like basketball. How could she not know the Yankees were a baseball team? It was like a rule in Boston to love the Red Sox and hate the Yankees. She was a cheerleader, she should know this stuff. It didn’t matter anyway. The end of the world was around the corner. Y2K would kill us all. At least, that’s what one of the girls from school told me.

I held onto Clemens, my stuffed elephant, and gazed at the door that led downstairs. My mom was in the shower, and it was my chance. I wanted to see what they were laughing about down there, all of them having fun with their friends. It was hard for me to make friends. Girls didn’t like playing basketball during recess, they always wanted to play Chinese jump rope.

I quietly entered the basement and crouched on the stairs. Everyone sat on the floor in a circle, an empty bottle in the middle. It twirled and landed on Evan. Nelly giggled and got up from the floor, reaching for Evan’s hand. He took it, and they entered the closet in the back that held all of our Christmas decorations.

“Seven minutes, Evan! See if you can last, buddy!” Pete yelled. He was sort of annoying and always tried to get rid of me.

Their other friend, Sarah, chuckled. “It’s about time. Nelly’s been waiting for this since the sixth grade.”

Zach got up and headed toward the stairs. I scrambled back upstairs and dropped onto the couch, pretending to watch Billy Joel sing and play the piano.

“Hey, kid.” Zach sat beside me as I stared ahead. “It’s late, isn’t it?”

I nodded. “Mom’s letting me stay up. End of the world and all.”

He chuckled, and I stared up at him. His green eyes reminded me of fresh grass as they focused on me. “I don’t think anything’s gonna happen, Hil.”

“These girls at school told me so. Do you think we’ll have flying cars someday?”

“I hope so. They made it happen in Back to the Future, right?” He nudged me, and everything seemed wonderful when he was near. Except, I could see that he was sad.

“I don’t like that girl. Nelly.”

He shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“No, you’re too handsome for her.” He smiled at me, and I dreamed that one day he would look at me the way he looked at her. “Are you going to kiss somebody at midnight?”

“I dunno.”

“What about Sarah? She likes you.”

He chuckled. “And how do you know that?”

“I heard her talking to Graham the other day. He told her she was crazy and that you’d never get over Nelly.” Zach getting a girlfriend made me sick to my stomach, but I wanted him to be happy.

“I didn’t know that.”

“Consider it your birthday present.” I didn’t have enough allowance to buy him a real present, but I would remember to save up for next year. If I still got to see him. He’d gotten a scholarship to Harvard and planned to live in the dorms. I was sad that both he and my brother would leave. I’d be left alone here. The countdown had begun on TV. “I wish someone would kiss me for New Year’s. We’re going to die in five minutes, and I’ll never know what it’s like to be kissed.”

“We’re not dying, Hil.” He laughed and put his arm around me. I snuggled in closer, smelling the laundry detergent from his shirt.

“The lights are going to turn off, we won’t have phones, and then we’ll run out of food. We’re all gonna die.”

“You have some crazy friends. I’m seriously going to kick them in the ass.”

I huffed. “They aren’t my real friends. They don’t like playing with me. They want to do all these stupid girly things that I don’t like to do. Then Patty and Debbie got into a fight, and they broke off into two groups, and now they’re making me choose which side to be on, and I don’t want to choose sides.”

Zach shook his head. “Who knew young kids had so much drama?” He sat up and faced me as the clock struck midnight. “Listen, kid. You have friends. You can hang out with Evan and me, all right?”

“Pete never wants me hanging around you guys,” I said. “I’m too young.”

He dismissed that with a wave of his hand. “That idiot? Who even cares? Besides, Sarah, Nikki, Jessie, and Graham were asking why you weren’t there when we played charades earlier. I know you’re way younger than we are, but you’re just as cool. And, tomorrow, we’re going sledding, so you have to be there. I need you to ride with me, okay?”

“You need me?” I asked in excitement.

He nodded. “Yeah, I need you to sit in front of me so all the snow lands on your face instead of mine.”

I giggled as he pinched my nose. Auld Lang Syne blared as the clock struck. We both looked at the TV and then each other. “See? Electricity is still on. We’re gonna live.” He leaned over and gave me a kiss on my cheek. My heart soared as I covered the spot with my hand.

“Now you’ve been kissed.” He winked at me. “Happy New Year, kid.”

Present Day

HE’S GETTING MARRIED. Those words rolled around in my head as I unpacked the rest of my suitcase and set up my laptop on the desk in the new room I occupied. Zach had gone above and beyond making me comfortable in this new place. When Evan told me that Grace needed to hire someone for the property manager job, it seemed natural to offer. School was ending, and I needed a break from studies and tests. I needed a change.

My books were a great hiding place, but I had to move on. I wanted to escape him. Graham. He’d blown that out of the water the moment he called to tell me that he was getting engaged to the girl he left me for.

The whole thing was a colossal cluster of catastrophe. Our group had dwindled. Evan left, made a name for himself. Zach went with him. Graham was familiar, he was handsome and smart. He’d moved back to Boston after college, and we hung out from time to time. He had someone for a while, and then, a little over five years ago, it all clicked into place. We fit. Everything was great. The crew was together. Until Edie Hamill and her perfect tits whisked him away.

Every turn I took in the city, every place I went, reminded me of him. After more than a year, he still plagued my mind. Whenever I found myself getting over him, he reappeared. But when his phone call came through, shock had coursed through my veins.

Tears welled up again as the hurt and betrayal flooded me. A knock on my door shook me out of my troubling memories. The door cracked open a tiny fraction. A hand holding a glass popped through.

“To numb the pain,” Zach said as he set a full glass on the shelf nearby and closed the door, never popping his head in to look at me.

I got my ass up, grabbed the drink, and gulped. I coughed and gasped. The brandy burned, but it would help ease my wounded ego. I opened my door and strolled into the deserted hallway. Zach’s lamp was on in his room, so I peeked in and scanned the tidy space that was empty of his presence. My eyes landed on two framed photos sitting on his dresser, along with his wallet and spare change. My heart lightened as I approached and picked up each frame, studying them. One photograph was of our family making silly faces at the camera, the other was a picture I had taken years ago of a Tuscan sunset. I couldn’t believe he had that picture with him.

I left his room, peered down the stairs, and called his name, but my voice echoed in the empty house. No lights were on, so he couldn’t be in the living room or kitchen. At the other end of the second floor was a door with open vertical blinds. There, I saw him, standing with his wide back to me, looking like a modern-day James Dean with his stretched, one-size-too-small cotton shirt. He was on the balcony, leaning against the railing, sipping a drink.

Zach was complicated. He wasn’t a man who commited. He’d told me as much, and his actions proved it. Yet, he was so damn sexy, I couldn’t help but want him. He eased my mind and helped me forget Graham. He was talented in bed, too. Extremely gifted. Thoughts of his tongue between my legs had me hot and bothered…in a great way. God, I needed sex. With him.

I opened the door, and he turned, his big green eyes catching mine. A crinkle appeared above his brow as he gave me a careful grin. “Hi,” he whispered gently.

“Hi.” My stomach dipped, and my core ached when I looked at him.

He motioned for me to sit. The space wasn’t large, but it was enough to hold two wooden chairs and a small table. The Austin skyline was beautiful as the sun set over it, casting hues of yellow, pink and blue across the sky. Zach loved a great sunset, hence the photo I took being in his room. The humidity was more than I was used to, but the breeze helped.

We sat in silence and sipped our drinks. My sniffle had him turning. His hand reached over, and his thumb rubbed my dry cheek. First, it was tender, then the pressure deepened until I swatted his hand away. “What the hell?” I laughed.

He chuckled. “You have mascara everywhere. You look like a raccoon.”

“Thank you,” I said, running my hands over my face. “Ass.”

He paused, looking out at the sky. “He’s not worth it, you know.”

“I know.” I gave a bullshit grin.

His body shifted toward me. “I don’t think you do. What the hell is he doing, huh? Why’s he calling you? Why are you letting him?” My mouth parted, trying to say something. “Hilary, you’re better than that.”

“Excuse you. How do you even know it was him?”

He huffed. “The last time I saw that look on your face was when Evan and I flew home to comfort you. I know when it’s him.” He downed the rest of his drink and played with the glass in his hands. I took a sip of mine and felt the sting down my throat and to my chest. “Are you two friends?”

“He calls me from time to time.”

“Do you see him?”

“No,” I quickly replied. “Absolutely not. Not…on purpose.”

He studied me, wanting answers. Answers I couldn’t give. It was difficult for me to move on from the rejection, the pain, the heartache. Despite the ways I tried to ease that distress, it seemed to crop up again.

“That’s why you came to Austin? To get away from him?”

“We live near each other. Run-ins are frequent.” Tears crept up again. “How can someone do that to another person? How can they say things and not mean them?”

“They think they mean them,” he said quietly. “Words don’t mean anything without actions behind them. You know that.”

“Broken hearts, broken promises…”

He ran his hand over his scruffy chin and nodded. “Happens more often than not.” Our eyes caught and remained on one another. His breath shallowed as he stared at my lips and licked his own. He stood up abruptly, and I followed. He seemed to be fighting off our growing attraction. I sensed his desire. He cleared his throat. “Evan said he’d see you tomorrow once he gets home from filming. Grace wanted you to head over in the morning so she can go over paperwork with you. I think you’ll also meet with her boss.”

“Okay,” I whispered, defeated. He headed for the door. I trailed behind him. He stopped when I spoke again. “Zach?” My voice trembled. His body turned to face mine. “He’s getting married…” I choked on a sob. “He’s marrying her…”

Zach grabbed my glass, set both his and mine down on the table, and wrapped me in his arms. I snuggled against his warm body, reminded of how safe I was. It was where I was meant to be. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

His lips pressed to my forehead as I rocked against him, finding solace, comfort, and a sense of home. “Over four years. I bored him for that long until he found someone better.”

“Stop it, don’t say that.” He cupped my face in his hands. “Don’t think that. He was always a dick, all right? Evan and I knew from the beginning of that relationship that it wouldn’t end well. We told you that.”

“This all sucks.” I hugged him tightly and buried my face against his warm chest.

“I know. Picking up the shattered pieces of an old life is never easy, kid. It usually takes half the time you guys were together to get over it. You’re almost there, and it’ll get better.”

“It feels like forever,” I mumbled against his shirt. “I haven’t been the same.”

“You’re not supposed to be.”

I looked up at him. The pads of his thumbs brushed off my tears. His touch was gentle, soothing. I inhaled, my hands held onto his wrists. I wanted the anguish gone, the aching pushed aside. I wanted to feel good. My eyes locked with his. I leaned forward, our foreheads pressed against one another. His hands tangled in my hair the way they had that night. The night I replayed many times. He had given me pleasure. He’d made me feel beautiful and cherished. I wanted to feel that again, even if it was purely carnal.

Our breathing labored, I could smell the brandy on his lips, sense the heat of his body. Our noses grazed against one another, mouths hovered. All day it had been there—the desire surrounding us, the sexual tension sharp. Despite the fact that we hadn’t seen each other in months, our attraction was still present. I moved closer, my lips only centimeters from his. A harsh breath came from him.

“Hilary…” He stepped back. His hands rubbed over his face and through his hair. “God, this can’t happen. It can’t. Shit. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t have any expectations, Zach.” I grabbed his arm, stopping him from opening the door. “I’m not looking for anything but fun.”

He closed his eyes, his head bowed. “It’s not as simple as you want it to be.”

“It can be if you’ll let it.” I paused. “Evan won’t find out.”

His voice grew agitated. “I can’t do it.” Before he stepped inside, he looked at me once more, his expression pained. “We can’t.” Before I could argue, he went into the house, while I stood rejected. My first night in Austin, and I’d already pushed too hard, fucking up our relationship. With both of us under one roof, it was going to be a long, hot summer ahead.