Chapter Seventeen
Lina tapped lightly on the door, listening for the invitation to enter before she turned the doorknob and slipped into the room.
Far from the dark and stuffy sickroom she had imagined, Lady Grenville’s bedchamber was light and airy, with the windows thrown open and a cool breeze blowing through, making the curtains billow.
‘Come, come,’ Lady Grenville gushed. ‘Don’t be shy. Come and sit beside me.’ She patted a spot on the bed that wasn’t covered with piles of books and writing materials.
‘I don’t wish to disturb you, Lady Grenville,’ Lina said, feeling a little nervous. ‘I just wanted to enquire how you were.’
‘In agony, darling girl, but I’m told that’s perfectly natural when one has a broken ankle.’
‘Did the doctor say how long it will take to heal?’
Lina had never broken a bone. Despite her often-reckless antics, she always seemed to land on her feet relatively unscathed.
‘I’ll be in bed for at least six weeks, possibly eight. Then it all depends how well the bone has knitted together. It’s ghastly, I’ve been laid up for less than a day and I’m going out of my mind with boredom already.’ Lady Grenville’s speech was accompanied by wild and animated hand gestures and Lina found herself warming to the overly dramatic middle-aged woman. ‘You must promise to keep me company, dear girl.’
‘Of course. Although I’m sure Lord Whitemore will not let you get bored.’
‘But he is a man and men have the most peculiar ideas as to what constitutes entertainment.’
‘Does this mean you will not make the Season in London?’ Lina asked.
Lady Grenville grimaced and shook her head sadly. ‘Alas, probably not. I’ve been looking forward to donning my finest dress and dancing the night away all year, but I think I may have to wait until next year to grace the ballrooms of London with my presence.’
Both women were silent for some moments, lost in their own thoughts.
‘What is it like? A London ball?’ This was a question she’d been eager to ask someone for a while, but when she had put it to Alex, he’d just shrugged and said it was a house full of people who danced and talked. Hardly enlightening.
‘It’s divine, Lina. I may call you Lina?’
Lina nodded.
‘And you must call me Aunt Lucy. Everyone does.’ She paused, adjusting her position on the pillows, leaning back with a dreamy, faraway look in her eyes. ‘The women are dressed in the finest of silks and satins, their hair coiffed, their necks and arms and ears dripping with jewels. The men, oh!’ Aunt Lucy gave a deep groan. ‘They look so handsome in their evening dress.’
Already Lina could begin to picture the scene. It was enticing, but she knew she did not belong there.
‘The ballroom is decorated with candles and flowers. And as people arrive, they will gather in groups, conversing, with the musicians playing in the background. Then the dancing begins. Waltzes and cotillions, glorious dances executed with precision—at least at the beginning of the evening.’
‘It sounds wonderful.’
‘It is, my dear. The London Season is where young women go to find a husband, so everyone is immaculately presented.’
‘And immaculately behaved,’ Lina murmured.
There was a mischievous twinkle in Aunt Lucy’s eyes. ‘Not so much. Plenty of marriages have started with an illicit kiss stolen at a London ball. You will have a fantastic time.’
Lina shook her head absent-mindedly. She wasn’t sure she would still be around then. A London ball would be a wonderful thing to experience, and this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but she still hadn’t decided if she was staying another night, let alone continuing with Alex’s wager.
‘Are you worried you won’t fit in?’ Aunt Lucy asked.
‘I won’t, but that’s the whole point. Someone like me shouldn’t be in attendance somewhere like that. The whole idea is to appear to belong,’ Lina said, her voice a little melancholy.
‘Think of it as an adventure,’ Aunt Lucy said, patting Lina’s hand. ‘How wonderful to be someone else, just for one night. To live another life, without any repercussions.’
That was what Lina had hoped for when she’d agreed to this crazy wager of Alex’s—the chance to live a different life for a few weeks, to experience something new with the knowledge that once the ball was over and the six weeks were up, she could happily slip back into her old life with no lasting consequences. The problem was, as time went by Lina didn’t know if she would be able to go back. These past few weeks had changed her, made her want more from life, made her see the endless possibilities in the world. How could she return to dancing and telling fortunes at country fairs in the summer months and finding odd jobs to bring in money in the winter?
More important, how could she return to a life without Alex?
As soon as the question hit her, Lina tried to suppress it, afraid Aunt Lucy might read her mind if she allowed her doubts to stay on the surface for too long. She didn’t have a life with Alex now, so there was nothing to lose, nothing to mourn. They had shared some moments of laughter and fun, some moments of closeness and compassion, but there was no relationship there and never would be. The idea of becoming his mistress was not one Lina would entertain and, even with her very basic knowledge of marriage etiquette, she knew a marquess never married a gypsy.
Even with this knowledge, Lina couldn’t stop her heart from pounding whenever Alex came close. She found herself laughing when he laughed, hurting when he hurt...
‘I thought I might find you here,’ Alex said, strolling into the room and giving his aunt a peck on the cheek.
‘I was considering a brisk walk around the estate followed by a ride on one of those fabulous beasts of yours, but thought I’d better save some energy for healing my poor broken ankle,’ Aunt Lucy said, pulling her nephew in for a short embrace.
Alex sat down on the bed, positioning himself so he was directly next to Lina. Their thighs were almost touching, just the layers of clothing separating them, and already Lina could feel the heat beginning to rise in her body. This morning at breakfast she’d managed to time her appearance to coincide with the arrival of one of Alex’s horse trainers, and as such they hadn’t spoken about their kiss and the proposal that had followed afterwards.
‘Good morning, Lina,’ Alex said softly, leaning in as if they were the only two in the room.
‘Lord Whitemore,’ Lina greeted him coolly and stood abruptly, crossing over to the window and pretending something had caught her eye in the gardens.
‘What a beautiful day,’ Alex observed, coming up behind her, standing so close she could feel his breath on her neck. For an instant Lina wanted to lean back, to allow him to envelop her in his arms and feel his body pressed against hers. ‘The perfect day for a swim.’
‘I wouldn’t want to spoil this day with a dip in a cold lake,’ Lina said, turning and facing Alex, trying to pretend his proximity wasn’t affecting her.
‘I don’t think it would spoil it at all. In fact, I would wager it would improve it tenfold.’
‘Have you ever considered that you accept wagers too quickly?’ Lina asked, knowing she was hardly the person to judge, but luckily Alex did not know about her catastrophic bet with Uncle Tom.
‘What a wonderful idea,’ Aunt Lucy interrupted, clapping her hands. ‘You two should go and enjoy the day together. I may be stuck in my sickbed, but there’s no reason you two young things shouldn’t go and have fun.’
Lina peered at the older woman, trying to work out if Alex had primed her to suggest an outing.
‘Take a trip to that lovely big lake and dip your toes in the water. I’ll want to hear all about it later.’
‘I would feel too guilty, leaving you here alone,’ Lina said quickly.
‘Nonsense, Aunt Lucy doesn’t mind. The doctor said she needs to rest.’
‘Perhaps I will rest today, as well,’ Lina suggested, already knowing deep inside that she would not win this argument. ‘Yesterday was a particularly eventful day.’ She’d been thinking about the carriage accident and all the drama that had ensued after she’d discovered Aunt Lucy trapped and injured on the Pottersdown Road, but saw Alex’s grin out of the corner of her eye, no matter how much she tried to avoid looking at him.
‘It was an eventful day,’ he murmured. ‘Sometimes it is best to discuss what has occurred, so any wrongs can be put right and any misunderstandings cleared up.’
Lina eyed him suspiciously. She doubted he was going to apologise—he didn’t think he had done anything wrong—but maybe this was his way of telling her they could move past his proposition and return to their easy companionship whilst they prepared for the London ball where Lina would make her debut.
‘A stroll through the gardens would be lovely,’ she conceded.
‘Don’t do anything naughty,’ Aunt Lucy said as they headed towards the door. ‘I might be laid up, but I still am your designated chaperone.’
‘We won’t do anything you wouldn’t do, Aunt Lucy,’ Alex promised.
‘You wicked boy,’ Aunt Lucy called, her laughter following them out through the door.
‘Aunt Lucy has been married three times.’ Alex bent low to whisper in Lina’s ear. ‘And she’s had a multitude of lovers.’
‘And you thought she’d make a suitable chaperone?’
‘The perfect chaperone.’
* * *
Alex hummed to himself as he leaned against the wall, waiting for Lina to emerge from the house. She’d returned inside to fetch a parasol to give her skin some protection from the sun. Although Lina had a naturally caramel skin tone, the hours she spent in the sun every day made her face and arms freckle. Over the past couple of weeks Georgina had encouraged her to stay in the shade as much as possible and carry a parasol when walking in the sun. As expected, Lina had grumbled, but soon she’d become accustomed to avoiding the sunlight and Alex thought her freckles were fading a little.
‘I think this is about Victoria.’ Lina burst out through the doors on to the terrace, already halfway through the sentence before she met Alex’s eye.
‘Victoria couldn’t be further from my mind right now.’
‘Nonsense. You saw her for the first time in three years less than a week ago and again a few days later. Of course she’s preoccupying you.’
Alex picked up Lina’s hand and placed it in the crook of his arm, taking his time and ensuring Lina didn’t pull away before he replied.
‘Victoria is married. Victoria eloped with my closest friend. Victoria inspires nothing but bad memories. I could go on with the reasons I am not thinking about Victoria. But I am thinking about you.’
‘Please stop,’ Lina said quietly.
‘If only it were that simple,’ Alex said with a theatrical sigh. ‘You have awoken something deep inside me, Lina—something that I fear will not be put to sleep easily.’
‘Lust.’
‘Desire,’ Alex corrected her. ‘There is a world of difference.’
Desire and a whole lot more. Never before had he yearned for someone’s company as he did Lina’s. They only had to be apart for a few hours and he would find himself searching for an excuse to seek her out. Desire he could deal with; anything deeper was not something he wished to explore.
‘I will not be your mistress.’
‘I understand your reticence, truly I do.’
She looked up at him with hope in her eyes. For a moment Alex felt guilty about pressing her like this, but he knew she desired him just as he desired her. It was obvious in every movement, every look. If he could just get her to see things differently, to understand that a liaison did not have to end in disaster if they both entered into it with their eyes open, then they had a chance of spending a few glorious weeks finding pleasure in each other.
‘If that were true, you would never have asked it of me.’
Alex considered this for a few minutes as they continued their stroll through the gardens. He knew he could be a touch self-centred and found it difficult to compromise on his desires, but that was common amongst men of his class.
‘Your family was ruined by an ill-fated affair between your father and a titled lady. She used him for her pleasure and, when she was done, disposed of him as if he didn’t matter at all. Naturally you are wary about the same thing happening.’
‘There’s so much more to it than that,’ Lina grumbled, although Alex had been quite proud of his little summary.
‘Then tell me. I’m willing to be persuaded this is a bad idea.’
‘I shouldn’t have to persuade you.’
‘And you don’t have to, I’m just asking you to indulge me. Let me get to know you better, understand you better.’
For a while they continued in silence, walking past the rose garden and into the shade of the stumpery. It felt almost mystical with the upturned tree stumps surrounded by luscious ferns all in a cool natural tunnel made from the dense vegetation above and protected from the heat of the sun.
‘A relationship between two people should be based on the principles of equality,’ Lina said slowly. ‘Any relationship—be that friendship, intimacy, marriage—only works if the two people are equal.’
‘Nonsense. I know many happily married couples who were not born equal. Take Georgina and Pentworthy as an example. She is the daughter of a marquess. He is from much more humble origins.’
Lina shook her head. ‘Equality comes in many forms, not just rank and wealth. Georgina may have had a more privileged start, but her husband is intelligent, driven and successful. This elevates him to her equal.’ She paused, looking at him to check he was following her before ploughing on. ‘When Pentworthy came and asked for Georgina’s hand, did you hesitate?’
‘No.’
‘Despite him not holding a title and at the time not being as wealthy as your family.’
It was true; there had been richer suitors, and even an earl interested in claiming Georgina as a wife, but Alex hadn’t tried to persuade her away from her choice.
‘He is her equal and she his. That is why their marriage works so well.’
‘You are my equal as well, Lina. You must know that.’ She hesitated at this and he pressed on. ‘And what has that got to do with you not wanting to be my mistress?’
‘We’re not equals. You have all the advantages, the money, the power, the social contacts, and I have none of that. It means any relationship we would have would be very one-sided, very unbalanced, and when it came time to move on I would be the one left hurt and disadvantaged by our liaison.’
‘Wealthy men keep mistresses all the time,’ Alex protested, wishing he had a better argument to throw at her. Yesterday Lina had been so angry and emotional, but today she was rational and eloquent. It made it difficult to argue with her.
‘And most of the time it is those mistresses that get hurt. A man will move on when the relationship ends. He might gain a little reputation as a rake, but this is laughed off. Men will be men after all. The woman is scorned, cast out from polite society.’
‘I would never let you get hurt, Lina,’ Alex said quietly.
The pain and longing in her eyes was almost enough to prompt him to kiss her right there and then, but he managed to hold back. He wished he could embrace her, fold her in his arms and protect her from everything the world could throw at her.
‘I wish I could believe that.’
‘We’re in our own little world here, Lina. No one would ever know.’ He bent forward and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, letting his fingers linger on her neck. ‘A few weeks of pleasure, of enjoying each other’s company to the full, and when you return home no one would be any the wiser.’
He could see his words were persuasive, not because they were new or revolutionary, but because she wanted him almost as much as he wanted her.
‘Answer me one question, Lina,’ he said, taking her hand in his own and raising her knuckles to his lips. Slowly he kissed them, watching to see if she pulled away. ‘If all the complications and the possible repercussions were taken away, would you want this?’
For the longest moment Lina looked at him, the dappled sunlight dancing across her face. Almost imperceptibly she nodded her head and Alex’s heart soared. Her eyes, her lips, her body, every part of her hinted at her attraction to him, but now he had the confirmation that he craved, now he had the permission to pursue her.
‘I believe we’ve been looking at this all wrong,’ Alex said, invigorated. ‘We’ve been thinking about the negatives. I am going to focus on the positives.’
‘P-positives?’ Lina managed to stutter, looking completely overwhelmed when he plucked a pretty purple flower and handed it to her with a flourish.
‘Positives. Like the time we would spend together, the fun we would have.’
‘We spend time together already.’
‘Not like this.’
Already Alex’s mind was racing. He would bombard Lina with attention, show her exactly what they could be enjoying together. If his predictions were right, he didn’t think it would be more than a week before they were falling into bed together.