Chapter Twenty
The barn loomed over the muddy field, large and dark and silent. Lina felt her leg muscles burning as she struggled the last few steps and watched as Alex gripped one of the doors and swung it outwards. Almost crying with relief, Lina allowed Alex to pull her into the barn, collapsing to the ground as he slammed the door closed behind them.
The silence that followed was eerie and unexpected after what felt like hours of howling winds and groaning trees. Even better than the silence was the lack of driving rain beating down on their bodies, adding weight to their already soaked clothes.
‘We need to get warm and dry,’ Alex said.
Lina knew what he said made sense. If they stayed in their wet clothes, they would at the very least catch a chill, maybe something even worse, but right now she wasn’t sure if she could summon the energy to stand, let alone undress.
‘We have nothing to change into, nothing to dry ourselves with.’
‘Stay here,’ Alex instructed, disappearing into the darkness before Lina could protest.
Rustling and creaking sounds followed as Alex moved around the barn, and Lina wondered what he was looking for. The wooden building was sizeable, with a hayloft above them, and as Lina’s eyes adjusted to the gloom she could just make out the silhouettes of pieces of farm equipment down here on the ground floor.
Triumphantly Alex returned, brandishing two pieces of material.
‘What have you found?’
‘Two blankets. They smell of a farm—I think they’re horse blankets for the winter, but it’s better than nothing. We can bathe tomorrow when we get home.’
Right then a dry, soft horse blanket sounded like heaven.
‘Can you make it up into the hayloft?’ Alex asked.
Lina knew she was the one who should be looking after him, he’d been shot after all, but she was so cold and exhausted she felt as though her body had shut down. Nodding, she gathered her soaking-wet skirts and let Alex direct her to the ladder. She stumbled as she reached for the first rung and immediately Alex’s hands were around her waist, steadying her.
‘Just climb slowly,’ he instructed. ‘I’ll be right behind you.’
The air felt a little warmer as they entered the hayloft, and Lina was surprised to see there was a substantial amount of hay on the small, elevated platform despite there not being any animals kept below. The farmer must have moved his livestock elsewhere for shelter during this storm, or at least Lina hoped so—she didn’t wish anyone, man or beast, to be out unprotected in this weather.
A small amount of light filtered in through a tiny window in the roof of the barn and through it Lina could see the thick clouds still covering the sky. For a moment she wondered about McManus and Kitsworth, the coachman and groom. They had a long ride ahead of them in this foul weather, with no guarantee of shelter at the end. She just hoped some villager or farmer took pity on them and provided them with a fire to warm themselves by.
‘Take your clothes off,’ Alex instructed.
He’d climbed up silently behind her and was now busy moving around some of the hay to make room for them.
‘I’ve got nothing to change into,’ Lina protested weakly. She knew Alex was right—even standing naked was more sensible than remaining in the sodden dress and petticoats she had been wearing. The cold, wet clothes would prevent her skin from warming naturally from within as her core temperature rose now they were under shelter.
‘I promise not to look.’
‘All night?’
Even in the darkness she saw him grin.
‘Well, maybe one peek.’
‘Hand me one of those blankets,’ Lina said, and slowly Alex did.
She wasn’t naturally shy, had never had a problem about stripping down to her underclothes in front of friends and family, but as she tugged at the first of the ties on her dress, a warm and prickly sensation spread right from her toes to the top of her head.
‘You should be undressing, too,’ Lina said.
‘I’ll need help with my shirt, it’s a little difficult to move my arm.’
Lina paused, her dress half-undone, but in no danger of going anywhere; the water had done a good job of ensuring it was firmly stuck to her body. In two steps she was by Alex’s side, lifting up the bottom of his shirt, peeling it off the taut muscles of his abdomen and chest. Slowly she manoeuvred his arm through the ripped sleeve and then allowed her fingers to dart across his skin as she lifted the sodden, bloodstained shirt over his head.
‘Thank you,’ he said and Lina had to force herself to step away.
She continued with the ties of her dress, eventually loosening it enough to be able to push it down over her hips and step out of the heavy material. The chemise and petticoats she wore, normally a brilliant white, were now almost transparent and stuck to her skin scandalously.
Quickly Lina glanced up. Alex was in the process of unfastening his trousers, something that made her pause herself. He looked at her, unable to stop his eyes falling to her body, and even in the darkness Lina knew it was as if he were looking at her naked.
Five seconds passed, and then ten, before eventually, with what must have taken iron-strong self-control, Alex turned around, leaving her to take off her underclothes in private. At the same time he took off his trousers and Lina had to resist the very primal urge to go and wrap her body around his.
Trying to remember all the reasons why dallying with Alex was a bad idea, Lina quickly peeled off her chemise and petticoats and wrapped herself in the blanket Alex had given her.
You’re from different worlds, she told herself. Once he gets bored of you, he’ll move on and you’ll be heartbroken. Mistresses are disposable. It’s not an equal relationship. You’ll be ruined and all for a few weeks of pleasure.
Right now a few weeks of pleasure sounded like heaven, but Lina had to acknowledge that she was developing deeper feelings for Alex and so the pain when he moved on to another women would be too much to bear.
‘Let me look at your arm,’ Lina said. Stepping closer to Alex was probably not the best idea, but she couldn’t let him bleed to death just because she didn’t trust herself to keep her hands off him.
He held out the injured arm and carefully Lina peeled the makeshift bandage off, noticing how Alex gritted his teeth to stop from wincing. The wound had stopped bleeding, but still looked red and raw, a half-inch-deep gash across his biceps.
‘Can you move it?’
Slowly Alex flexed the biceps, his face contorting with pain, but he managed to complete the movement.
‘I think you’ll heal just fine. We can get the doctor to look at it when we get home.’
Within a few minutes Lina had bound the wound again, knowing it was important to keep it fully covered to try to prevent infection.
‘You’re icy cold,’ Alex said, his fingers gripping her own.
It was an effort to keep her teeth from chattering and her feet felt like blocks of ice, but it was hardly surprising seeing as they’d spent the past hour drenched to the bone with dirty ditchwater and rain.
‘We need to get you warm.’
Lina had visions of thick, luxurious blankets and a crackling fire to warm her toes by.
Instead she watched as Alex rearranged the hay in the loft.
‘We need to share body heat.’
‘How?’
‘I’ll lay the blanket I’m wrapped in on top of the hay and we will both lie on top of it, covering ourselves with your blanket. We can pull some of the loose hay on the blanket as well to give us extra insulation.’
‘We’re both naked.’
‘I think we can both be adults about this. It’s for survival, not any amorous purpose.’
Lina nodded, her eyes widening as Alex dropped his blanket from around his waist and laid it on the hay. It was dark in the barn and she couldn’t make out much, but her eyes sought out the contours of his body all the same.
‘Lie down,’ he instructed.
Loosening the blanket wrapped around her body, Lina lay down, feeling Alex’s fingers pulling at the material as she did so. By the time she was comfortable and supine, the blanket had been spread to cover her with a space left directly next to her for Alex.
Lina realised she was holding her breath as he slipped under the blanket. For a moment he busied himself pulling clumps of hay on top of them to add another layer of insulation, but after a short while he stilled, and there was just the sound of their breathing and the hammering of the rain on the roof of the barn.
‘Your teeth are chattering,’ Alex observed.
‘I’m still cold.’
‘Come here.’
Gently he turned her so she was facing away from him, looped an arm around her waist and pressed his body against hers. Lina stiffened. She could feel all of him and she wanted nothing more than to roll over and welcome him into her body.
‘Just relax,’ Alex said, his voice a little hoarser than usual. Lina felt anything but relaxed. A strange heat was building just below her abdomen and spreading through her body. She had to physically suppress the urge to wriggle and writhe against Alex, subconsciously wanting more skin-to-skin contact, more sublime sensations as Alex’s fingers grazed her arm.
She could feel his manhood, hard and solid against her buttocks, and knew this was just as difficult for him as it was her.
Desperately she searched for some distraction, anything to quell this building sensation of inevitability between them.
‘You thought Victoria was the woman you were destined to spend your life with,’ Lina blurted—and regretted it immediately.
* * *
Alex stiffened. With Lina’s body pressed up against his, every curve, every inch of exposed skin teasing and tantalising, he was finding it difficult to concentrate on anything except maintaining control of himself, but Lina’s words registered after a few seconds.
‘Victoria?’ he asked, unsure where the topic had come from.
‘Earlier this afternoon when you were arguing with your sister, you said Victoria was the woman you’d been destined to spend your life with, or something along those lines.’
The argument was still fresh in his mind. Georgina couldn’t help but meddle in affairs that didn’t concern her, but this time he had to admit she had been right. It had been careless and wrong to kiss Lina in public, even just a little peck on the cheek. Throughout his life he’d been taught to adhere to the rules of society. Some men didn’t see a problem with parading their mistresses in public, snatching a kiss in the shadows of the opera house or letting a hand stray somewhere it shouldn’t whilst dancing a waltz. Alex wasn’t that kind of man—or at least he hadn’t thought he was. Kissing Lina on the cheek hadn’t been a conscious decision, it had just happened, and Alex knew he’d been as powerless to stop it as he had the storm raging overhead.
‘I’m not sure—’ he began.
‘Don’t try to deny you said the words.’
Alex sighed, Lina seemed to have rallied a little, recovered some of her normal tenacious nature.
‘You might tell the world you’re over Victoria, but you’re not.’
He started to speak, but Lina rushed on.
‘It is perfectly natural to still care about someone even if they hurt you. I think it is just a shame you won’t admit to yourself that your affection for Victoria and the heartbreak you suffered is holding you back from moving on in matters of the heart.’
‘I don’t love Victoria,’ Alex said firmly. Lina remained silent and he considered the words he’d just uttered. Even when being completely honest with himself he believed he was speaking the truth. ‘I think it is hard to move on, to stop caring about someone when they’ve spent a long time in your heart. No matter how much someone hurts you it is difficult to forget all the good times, all the happiness.’
‘I’m sorry it worked out this way,’ Lina said quietly.
‘I’m not. If Victoria could hurt me as she did, then it is a blessing she left my life before she could do any more damage.’
‘Do you truly believe that?’
‘Yes.’
Alex remembered the empty feeling he’d had when he’d first encountered Victoria in the dressmakers after three years apart. Perhaps if he was honest with himself, he hadn’t felt as little as he admitted. Certainly he’d felt empty and emotionless, but that in itself was significant—it was his mind’s way of protecting him from further heartbreak.
‘Did you believe you were destined to spend your lives together?’
‘I was very young...’ Alex started.
‘It was three years ago, not fifteen.’
‘I was naive. Victoria was the first woman I’d ever loved and I suppose I assumed she felt the same about me.’
Lina shifted against him, her body starting to warm as they shared their heat, her buttocks pressed up against him in a way that made it difficult for him to concentrate.
‘And because she hurt you, you’ve decided never to risk opening your heart to love again.’
‘You’re starting to sound like my sister.’
‘I want to understand, Alex.’
He sighed. He didn’t know how he felt, didn’t know why he rejected all the eligible young women he came across at first glance. Perhaps if he was honest, he might admit he was trying to prevent himself from getting hurt again.
‘I don’t ever want to be out of control like that again. To give anyone that power over me.’
Lina was quiet for a few moments, her body still against his. ‘That, I can understand.’
As the silence stretched out, only broken by the pounding of the rain on the roof of the barn, Alex felt as though he needed to say something more, to explain his reasoning, but the truth was he didn’t know that he understood it himself.
‘If Victoria was free, not tied to your friend in marriage, would you want to be with her again?’ Lina asked, her voice no more than a whisper.
‘Definitely not. I could never trust her, never enjoy myself with her.’
Not like I do with you, a little voice in his head added. He did trust Lina and he certainly enjoyed spending time with her.
The blanket shifted as Lina rolled over, facing him in the darkness, her delicate hands resting on his chest. Alex had to stifle a groan as her breasts brushed against his arm, but did allow his hand to drape over her waist and rest in the small of her back.
‘I hope one day you are able to love again,’ Lina whispered softly, burying her head into the space between his shoulder and his jaw. ‘I just want you to be happy.’
* * *
The rain had stopped by the time Lina woke up and dawn was just breaking, sending the first rays of sunlight through the small window in the hayloft. For a few moments she felt peculiarly content and she wriggled and stretched with her eyes closed.
‘Good morning.’
Lina froze, noting the warm body next to hers, the soft skin and hard muscle underneath. As she remembered the events that had led to the night in the barn, her eyes shot open and she was on her feet in an instant, pulling the blanket to wrap around her as she rose. She was completely naked, and had spent the entire night with her body pressed against Alex’s for warmth. For a moment she remembered how good it had felt to have his arm draped across her waist, to have her body nestled against his, and she had to physically shake herself to stop from collapsing back on to the blanket and asking Alex to make her his.
Glancing down, her eyes widened. Of course he was completely naked, and she’d just whipped the blanket from him, exposing every inch of his body. She knew she should look away, but her eyes were transfixed, locked on his naked form, and nothing would entice them to move.
Alex grinned, winked at her and then rose slowly, taking his time to brush the stray bits of hay from his body before wrapping the second blanket around himself.
‘We should dress,’ Lina said quickly, picking some hay from her own hair.
‘Or we could just give in to our desires and fall back under the blankets...’
She studiously ignored his last remark, knowing it wouldn’t take much to persuade her to do exactly as he had suggested. Her body was taut with desire. Just one touch, one carefully placed finger, would have her begging and moaning for Alex to ruin her.
Their clothes were still a little damp, but no longer dripping with dirty water. Lina grimaced as she straightened out her chemise and petticoats before putting them on. They were a grimy grey colour with streaks of mud, an unpleasant reminder of the events on the road the night before.
‘We can bathe when we get home,’ Alex said, a half-smile on his face as he watched her expression.
He was clad in trousers now, just his top half-bare, and Lina risked a quick look. With his torso exposed, his body streaked with dirt and the makeshift bandage around his upper arm, he looked like some warrior of old, again reminding her of an illustration in her favourite book, Greek Gods, Heroes and Myths.
The idea of relaxing in one of the gigantic bathtubs at Whitemore House brought a smile to Lina’s face, too. Over the past few weeks she’d enjoyed lying back in the warm water, spending time lathering her hair with fragrant soaps and scrubbing her skin until it glowed. Of course she’d had baths before, but the tin tub filled with cold water her family owned didn’t quite make for the same experience.
‘Could you help me?’ Alex asked, indicating his ripped shirt and the bandage on his arm.
Lina pulled her own dress over her head before approaching Alex. The more layers of clothing between them the safer she felt. If too much of her skin touched his, she wasn’t sure she would be able to keep a clear head.
Carefully, she helped Alex manoeuvre his arm into his shirt, lifting it over his head and down over his chest, her fingers accidently grazing the solid muscles of his abdomen. Lina stepped away as if she’d been burnt, turning to fiddle with the ties on her dress to cover the deep blush she could feel was spreading across her cheeks.
‘McManus and Kitsworth should return for us soon,’ Alex said. ‘If you can make it, I think we should go back to the road, return to the carriage and wait for them there.’
Lina nodded. Despite the few hours of sleep they had managed to get she still felt exhausted, but she would be able to rest once they were safely home. Right now it was most important to get out into the open, where she was less likely to throw herself at the man she desired with every fibre of every muscle in her body.