CHAPTER 9
THERESA

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

The door slammed behind Ike, and I did my best not to jump.

“You really think spreading your legs for some guy is going to erase all the bullshit you put me through, Theresa? That you could somehow start fresh a whole day after we broke up?”

“Ike, take a breath,” I said.

“Take a breath? I come into an apartment I’m still technically renting to find you fucking some other guy less than a day after we break up, and I’m supposed to be calm?”

“What did you expect me to do? I told you it was over between us and I meant it. Was I supposed to go into mourning for our shitty relationship?” I asked.

“Shitty relationship? I gave you eight fucking years of my life Theresa! I gave you everything I had.”

“What you gave me was a damn headache. Do you know how exhausting it was to fight with you all the damn time these past few years? I am done with it, Ike. And I’m done with you,” I said.

He stood, looking incredulous in front of me. “And what about me? What about how I feel about all of this?” he asked.

“It doesn’t matter what you think, Ike. What matters is that we’re done.”

“Done? You think it’s that easy to get rid of me, Theresa?” he hollered.

“It worked yesterday, didn’t it?” I spat. “I told you to get out, and you left. I’d like to try that again.”

Ike’s face turned bright red with anger, and I suddenly found myself wishing I hadn’t told Grant to leave.

“You are selfish, you know that? And stupid. And I can’t believe I wasted the last eight years of my life on you. Did you have no respect for our relationship at all? A day and a half and—by the smell of it—a bit of booze was all it took for you to dumb your standards down to the first guy who offered his cock to you? I supported you through school, I helped you through your mom’s death, I’ve paid your fucking rent for years, and this is how you treat me?”

I blocked his voice out of my mind and let him go on his tirade. If I let him get it out of his system, maybe he wouldn’t come back. But I knew my first priority had to be getting out of this place and finding something I could afford, even if it meant moving back in with my father or taking Hollis up on his offer. It wasn’t ideal, but it was better than this. It was better than Ike feeling like he had a right to the place because he paid two hundred dollars of the nine-hundred-dollar rent.

I allowed myself to relive my night with Grant. It had been amazing. And mind-blowing. And eye-opening. I’d never been handled like that. I’d never experienced those kinds of sensations with someone before. The way he commanded me then promptly settled me with the soft touch of his lips. The way his legs kicked my body open before pressing into my back. The way he had picked me up effortlessly into his arms after we were done shivering against one another.

The way our fingers intertwined and our bodies joined like they were made to fit together.

It had been wonderful, and I wished I could take my comment back. Being with Grant hadn’t been a mistake. Listening to Ike yell at me only served as proof. I’d gladly deal with Ike yelling at me every morning after for the rest of my life if it meant I could be with Grant.

But Grant wasn’t for me.

He never had been.

And I couldn't travel down that path again. My heartache for what my father did to Grant was what drove me into the arms of Ike. And I couldn’t allow myself to be weakened by a man like him any longer. I had to stand on my own two feet and figure out my life for myself, not rely on yet another guy, good as he may be, to get through life. I knew I could do it, and imagining a life with Grant would only disrupt what I knew I had to do.

But he wasn’t a mistake.

He could never be a mistake.

And I cursed myself for calling it that.

Either way, I didn’t deserve what Ike was doing to me. I didn’t deserve the yelling and the berating and him constantly holding things over my head. We both had our faults. But we were done.

“Ike?”

“What?”

“Are you done?” I asked.

“Seriously? Didn’t you hear a word I said?” he asked.

“If I tell you I did, will you shut up?” I asked.

“Excuse me?”

“Why are you here, Ike? I made myself perfectly clear yesterday and again a few minutes ago.”

“I was going to give you a chance to change your mind. To take back what you said yesterday after you realized what a big mistake it was to let me go. And I’m here because a friend of mine said he saw you out with some guy last night. And I told him it couldn't be true. Not my Theresa. She wasn’t that kind of girl. She wouldn't get drunk and go home with the first asshole that felt her up in a fucking bar!”

“He wasn’t just some guy, he was the one I’ve really wanted all these years,” I said plainly.

His jaw hit the floor, and I pushed myself off the wall.

“You made me look like a fool, Theresa! Like a goddamn fool!” Ike seethed.

“No, Ike, you did that to yourself. Did you ever stop to think that if you had treated me the way I deserved to be treated, that I wouldn’t have had to seek out a real man? A man who knows what it means to treat a woman right?”

Ike’s face was growing alarmingly red, but I didn’t care anymore. I was tired of him and his bullshit attitude.

“The only thing I see when I look at you now, Ike, is an abusive, manipulating bastard who has had his grasp on me for too long. I let you bully me for far too long, and I’m not going to do it anymore. Do you know why? Because I deserve better. I deserve better than you, and I’m going to find better than you. So, kiss my ass, Ike.”

“Your mother would’ve been so disappointed in you,” he said, lobbing the only insult he knew could hurt me anymore.

I felt myself snap. How dare this little cockroach tell me what my mother would’ve thought of me? I swore a blue streak at him as my hands and fists battered against his head, chest, and shoulders. I growled and dug my heels in, and I found the leverage I needed to push him toward the door.

“You are the sorriest excuse for a man I’ve ever encountered!”

I yanked the front door open as his eyes widened in shock.

“I didn’t want you in high school, and I don’t want you now!”

I grabbed his arm and slung him out the door, watching him stumble.

“And if you ever come back here again, Hollis will have you in handcuffs so fast your fucking head will spin!”

Then I slammed the door in his face, locked it up tight, and pressed my back against it.

I heard Ike’s steps stomping down the stairs as I heaved. I fell to all fours and thought I was going to vomit on the floor. My body was shaking, and adrenaline was coursing through my veins. I swallowed thickly and allowed myself to lie on the floor in front of the door with my cheek pressed against the cool hardwood flooring.

I felt simultaneously alive and empty. Soaring through the clouds with a weight still tied around my neck. Tears filled my eyes, but I refused to shed them. I’d cried enough tears to fill The Nile throughout the past few years, and I wasn't going to cry anymore.

My eyes fluttered over to the clock, and I groaned. I was about to be late for work. I didn’t have time to shower, and I knew I’d have to deal with my father’s looks when I got there. I pulled myself up off the floor and went to my room so I could try to clean myself up as best as I could. I twisted my hair up and pinned it to my head, then found fresh underwear to put on. I pulled on a new sundress and slid a cardigan over my shoulders. I slapped on a bit of makeup to try and cover up the redness of my face, then I grabbed an iced coffee from my fridge and chugged it down quickly.

I had to keep myself together through work. I didn’t need my father asking questions. He couldn’t know about any of this, not about Ike or our fight or what sparked it. Because if he knew I had been with Grant—if he or my brother found out—Grant would be chased out again.

And I knew if that happened I would never get another chance to see him.

Ever.