PROLOGUE
FIFTEEN YEARS AGO: MANDY
I couldn’t believe what I’d just found out. It was not at all what I was expecting when I took the test. Things like that don’t happen to girls like me. I was just out of high school and I had my whole life ahead of me. Greg had his whole life ahead of him and I knew what he would say if I told him.
It occurred to me then that I couldn’t tell Greg. He would try to fix it, do things that he didn’t want to do because of it. I couldn’t let him do that. I didn’t want him to be with me because he had to or because he felt trapped. There was nothing that I could do but get away. I had to get away from Watertown for a while. I wasn’t sure where I was going to go, but I needed space and time to think.
Packing up my bags, all I could think about was Greg and what he was going to think when he found out that I had left. I knew that I couldn’t see him again and the thought made my heart hurt. It was something that I had to do, that much I knew, but it didn’t mean that it wasn’t going to hurt more than anything else I had ever felt before.
Looking back one last time in the room that I had lived in since I was a small girl it wasn’t my childhood home that I was going to miss the most. It was Greg and I knew I was always going to wonder what would have happened if I had stayed.
MANDY
“Come on Mandy. I don’t know why you are being like this. It is a nice night and you have nothing else going on. Let’s go have some fun for a few hours.”
I tried to look excited, I really did. It was hard to feel like doing anything after I had worked twelve hours at the animal sanctuary. It had been a long day with two animals put into quarantine and another couple being released. All I really wanted to do was find a movie that I hadn’t seen in a while and have a glass of wine. I was tired, but it wasn’t going to matter to Alise. I had made her a promise and she was going to hold me to it. That much I knew, so there was no point in fighting it.
“I said I was going, what more do you want?”
“A little enthusiasm would be nice Mandy. Stop acting like you are on death row.”
I smiled, but I knew that it didn’t reach my eyes. I was leafing through the closet, trying to find something to wear while Alise played with my hair and the curling iron.
“I’m not. I just haven’t gone out in a while.”
She sighed and pulled another hot strand of curl off the iron that fell to my shoulder. I looked into the mirror and I liked the change. I hadn’t done much to my hair in a while besides braid the blonde mess up for work. Now I was looking like I didn’t deserve a lab coat on me, but I still couldn’t find anything that I really wanted to wear. Nothing looked good and I knew that it was because I wasn’t that into going out to a bar to drink and dance.
“I know you haven’t. Ever since you and Jeff broke up, I haven’t been able to get you out of the house after dark.”
Shooting her a look, I couldn’t believe that she was bringing him up. He was the last person that I wanted to think about, but if I was honest he was a lot like all of my exes and I didn’t want to talk about any of them either.
“I just had to take a little break.”
“Well time is up Mandy. It is time to get back out there and you aren’t going to do it with that.”
She took the little red dress out of my hands and I protested a little. “What is wrong with that?”
“It isn’t near short enough. I thought you wanted to have some fun?”
Groaning inwardly, I waited for her to pull out a skirt and tank top combo that made me blush. It was not the kind of outfit that I would wear but to keep the peace and get it over with, I slide the clothes on and watched them cling to my curves. “I look like a slut.”
Alise shook her head. “No, you look a little cheap, but not a slut.”
I smiled and laughed that she thought there was a difference. All I could think about was how much attention the clothes were going to bring me. Straightening up the skirt and pulling it down as far down my leg as I could, I gave up and realized that it was going to have to be okay. I had agreed to it after all.
“Do you want me to put your makeup on?”
Looking at the woman staring back at me in the reflection, there was no part of it that I recognized. My red hair was a mass of loose curls that fell around my waist and the outfit was tight and revealing. I looked good, a few years younger than my thirty two years, but I felt like an imposter.
“No I think I am good on that Alise. I look enough like you.”
She took it as a compliment and told me that my boobs looked good in the shirt. “If I had a body like yours Mandy, I wouldn’t be so shy to show it off.”
I didn’t want to hear that. Alise was beautiful and petite, something that I had always wanted to be. Where everyone else saw curves and features that they liked, I always wanted to be doll-like, like her.
“Whatever, Mandy. I know that you don’t get it, but I can’t even pull off half of the clothes that you have.”
Waving her off, I swiped a little lip gloss on my lips, as well as some eye liner and called it a day. “Are you ready?”
She looked at me as if she had been ready for a year and I had to giggle at her. Alise had a way of dragging me into things that I wasn’t necessarily into, but she at least made it fun on the way. Locking the door behind me, I moved out into the chilly night. Alise was right behind me and I was hopeful that I could get her back home before it got too late.
“What about Alfie?”
“He is with Rita for the night.”
“Good, so that means that you can stay out all night.”
“No, I still have work tomorrow.”
Alise gave me a look and I ignored it as we got in the car. I was still hoping to be in bed before midnight. My overnight partying days were behind me.
***
When we got to Dante’s, I was still a little reluctant, but as soon as I got a drink in my hand I was feeling a little bit better about the situation. The White Russian had an extra shot of rum in it and before long I was feeling the music more than I was feeling my nerves. Alise was right of course, she always was it seemed. Maybe a night out was just what I had needed the whole time.
I could feel the smile spread across my face as I looked out at the dance floor. It was only when I caught the side profile of someone that I used to know that everything in me stopped. The people, the music, it was all in the background as Greg came into view.
Memories flooded my system and I was finding it increasingly difficult to breathe in the packed room. He didn’t see me yet and I was split between standing still and running away so that he didn’t. It had been too long since I had seen him and the last time I had, my heart had broken into a thousand pieces. There was a part of me that knew that he was never going to forgive me for what I had done. I had made some decisions that I knew was going to be hard for him to deal with. They were hard for me to live with as well, but it was what had to be done.
Greg was a bad boy or he had been when we were in school together. He was the love of my life and I would have sworn that I was going to marry him. That is what I had expected and when things had changed, it had taken me a long time to get over Greg, if I ever really did.
He turned my way and I stopped in my tracks. I had been staring and though I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see him or not, if I wanted him to know that I was even there. When he saw me though, I saw the recognition on his face and I was left speechless. He remembered me and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. One way or another, Greg started to walk towards me and I was left there to stand. The drink in my hand was gone and I felt betrayed a little bit by that.
“Mandy Cossin, as I live and breathe.”
I smiled up at him and I could feel my body’s age old response. All of me remembered Greg quite well.