Claire

It wasn’t until later that I really got a full picture of what was going on. I now knew that the engagement had come quickly for a reason. There was an issue with some pictures of me and Rick together and he had gotten the idea from his lawyer. If we were married, then there was nothing that could be done. It really meant that I wouldn’t be able to sue the company anymore for harassment, so we were free to be together. It wasn’t the way that I had wanted the question to be popped, but Rick assured me that if he hadn’t had to right away, it would have just been a while longer until he would have.

I believed him, but it did make our wedding day a little faster than I would have liked. All of the wedding arrangements had been made within the week and now it was the day that I had been waiting for. Everyone was here and I was staring at myself in the mirror, waiting on Amber to get back, as well as Amy. I was full of nerves and I needed someone to tell me that it was all going to be okay. I don’t know if I believed it or not, but I just wanted to hear it.

My twin came in first and I was relieved that she had the veil with her. It was one of the things she had taken upon herself to get together for me and it wasn’t that I didn’t trust her, but Amber was known for being a little flaky from time to time.

“Amber, you are here.”

“Yes, I told you I would be right back. Here I am.”

I settled down in the vanity chair and looked at my sister through the reflection.

“I can’t wait until it is your turn Amber.”

She snorted at me in the most unladylike way and I shook my head. She tried but that was about all I could say about her at the moment.

“I don’t think that is going to happen anytime soon sis. I just don’t think that it is in my cards. Could you imagine me as a mom?”

I smiled at her and told her that she would be a great one. While Amber was the wild one out of the two of us, I know that something was going to change that all around for her one day. A lot of people changed when they had kids or found the person they love. Love made us do things that we never thought was possible and I had faith that she was going to find her own reason soon enough. I hoped for her anyways. Anything to get her out of her current employment and back into something that is good for her. I just want what is best for Amber and I know that one day I was going to love being her maid of honor, as she was for me.

“Why are you getting all misty-eyed Claire? You know that shit is contagious.”

I wiped my eyes and apologized as even more wetness started to fall down. It was hard to not think about the fact that everything was about to change in a big way. This was the moment that I had been waiting for, the man I had been waiting for, so why was I so upset?

“I don’t know Amber. This is just too much. What if I am making a mistake? What if I am not going to be a good wife?”

Amber seemed to know what I was most worried about. It was the physical parts of it that I looked forward to the most, although it was also the cause of most of my anxiety that I was feeling. I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t going to make a huge mistake and I didn’t know how to broach such a subject, not even with my sister.

She had always been so bravado about sex and the like, but I found it all a mystery. I knew that I was too old for that to be the case, but it was the case. I didn’t know what actually happened, even though I did have a clue from going through life through the years. I would think that it was rather impossible to not know anything. But knowing what to do in theory seemed a whole lot different than knowing that you were about to do it.

“Are you talking about sex? Are you really that worried about it?”

I knew that she would know what I was nervous about. She knew me better than almost anyone else did and I was so thankful that she was there for me. I don’t know what I would do without Amber here with me. She was my rock when everything else was a complicated mess.

“Yes I am worried about it.”

Amber waved me off and told me that sex should be the last thing on my mind. “You are about to get married to the man you love. You have already slept in bed with him.”

“Yeah, but that is a lot different than having sex with someone.”

“It is, but I am sure that it is all going to be okay. Rick is a good guy and he loves you. That is really all you need and I know that he is going to be good to you. You have picked a good one sis.”

“What about him going to the club?”

“So what? He was single then and now he isn’t.”

“But I am nothing like that, nothing like you. I couldn’t do what you do Amber. There is no way.”

“You don’t have to be like me Claire. You just have to not be so afraid. Trust me when I say that Rick is going to take care of it for you. He will know what to do.”

I knew that she was telling the truth. He knew enough of that I was sure. I knew that what would happen between us would be perfect, but I was afraid that I would mess it up. He wasn’t going to want me afraid and no one really wanted to talk about it like I did. I wanted details, real actions that I can take to do it right.

“But what am I supposed to do, just lay there?”

Amber smiled at me and shook her head as if I was being silly. Maybe I was, but I didn’t think that just lying there like a bump on a log was going to be good for Rick.

“The first couple of times, all you will have to do is feel Claire. Do you trust Rick?”

I nodded my head that I did and she just smiled back at me. “Then that is all that matters. He will take care of it.”

She was not making me feel any better, even though I knew that it was why she had said it. She was trying to calm my fears, but still I was getting nothing in the way of a real answer.

“Amber, just tell me what to do. I have never done this before, you know that. I don’t want to be a disappointment.”

She touched my cheek and told me that it was going to be fine. “You are about to marry the man of almost every girl’s dreams. That is just going to have to be enough. It will all work out. You will see.”

Amy walked in and I smiled at her. Now everyone was here and I was starting to settle down inside a little more. Amy helped get the last few things that I needed for the tradition. She had to find me something, old, borrowed and blue that came from her great grandmother’s ring. It was perfect addition and I started to get wet-eyed again when I looked at them both.

Amber was getting irritated with me. “Now why are you getting upset? I told you that it is all going to work out.”

“I know, it’s just. I never thought I was ever going to be this happy. I don’t deserve this.”

Amy consoled me while my sister told me that I was being stupid. She was the tough love that I needed, even though it was at times, hard to hear. She was right though. I had no reason to be upset. A wonderful man that was what every woman waited for, wanted to marry me and here I was simpering like a fool.

I straightened up and I heard the music starting in the other room. It was time to get this done and even though I was shaking inside and my eyes were rimmed with red, I still felt like I was the luckiest girl on the planet. When I started to walk down the aisle, my stomach churned, but seeing Rick waiting for me on the other end was just wanted I needed. It was easier to walk to him then to walk into the unknown. I wasn’t sure how it was all going to work out, but I knew for sure that I was with the right man. Rick was the man that I had waited for all of this time and he looked at me like I was the only one in the world.

The preacher started to say his words and I was left smiling like there was nothing better. I said yes when I was supposed to, not even going with the tradition of ‘I do.’

The kiss was not at all what was appropriate at that time, in front of family and friends, but that was okay. It was passionate and before long I was melted into his arms and I never wanted to let go. When he pulled away, I was left trembling from his touch. Now all I could think about was the honeymoon night and what it was going to entail. All I had to do was get through the reception that I was now hoping was going to be a quick affair. How was I supposed to function when I felt like every part of me was going to come unraveled?

“Are you ready to go to the reception wife?”

I really liked the way that it sounded and I wished more than anything that he would understand how much I needed him. How much I was unable to think of anything else. I was now his wife and Rick was now my husband. It all seemed so surreal and I was waiting to wake up from this dream.

Instead of waiting to wake up, I took his offered arm and followed him down the aisle. There were many people there to wish us well and I couldn’t even see an individual face in the sea of faces. It was just too much and I pulled into Rick. He seemed to know what I needed because he pulled me closer to his chest and kissed the top of my head.

“It’s going to be okay Claire. Now that we are married and together, everything is going to be okay.”

I wanted to believe him, I really did, but I was still so unsure of everything. What if I had made the worst mistake of my life? What if I was wrong about everything?