Harbor

I peel my uniform off and kick off my shoes, moaning at how good it feels to free my feet. It has been a month since Ian shattered my heart. I’ve been throwing myself into work. The more tired I am, the easier it is to fall asleep without lying there thinking about how much I miss him.

Mitch has promised me I won’t have to waitress for long, and from the auditions I’ve been getting, I believe him.

I jump in the shower and wash quickly. I don’t have a lot of time before Colette gets here.

Mitch is convinced I need to keep pursuing TV and movies, and as much as I hate putting my dream of theater on hold, I see his point.

I’ve been to a dozen theater auditions and they want more credits than I’m able to give them. Breaking into the TV and movie business will give me what I need to obtain my dream. And I’ll never admit it to Mitch, but I’m enjoying seeing myself on the television. Every time my friends back home see me on a commercial, I get an excited text message about how I’m famous. Even my parents have seemed to concede that this isn’t a phase and I’m going to make it one way or another. Plus, the commercials and small TV gigs keep me motivated for more.

One of the many things Ian was wrong about was Mitch. Mitch has worked nonstop to get me into every audition he can. When I had nowhere to go after storming out of Ian’s apartment brokenhearted, Mitch moved me into his spare bedroom without saying a word. If it wasn’t for Mitch, I would’ve fallen apart and considered moving back to Kentucky.

When I mentioned moving back, Mitch took me out for a night on the town to clubs and restaurants only a local would know about. By the time we were back in his apartment, I was more in love with New York than I thought possible and I had gone hours not thinking of Ian.

I’m just pulling a dark green sweater over my heather-gray leggings when the doorbell rings. Mitch is on the couch and I motion for him not to get up as I run by him, pulling on my boots.

“Whoa,” I say, grabbing the top bin out of the arms of Collette.

“Thanks,” Collette pants as she carries the other bin into Mitch’s apartment and heads for my room. “Hey, Mitch.”

“Hi, Collette.” Mitch cocks an eyebrow at Collette’s weird entry.

I shrug my shoulders, just as confused as he is, and follow her into my room. “What is all this?”

Collette looks over my shoulder and moves to close the door, blocking Mitch out. “Ian left these at the office this week and asked me if I would deliver them to you.”

My stomach drops down into my boots and I blink rapidly so I don’t ruin my makeup. I take a deep breath before popping the top off the first bin and see the stuff I left at Ian’s neatly packed inside. My breath hitches and Collette runs her hand up and down my back as I peek into the other bin.

“This isn’t mine. He bought it all for me. I don’t own this. You can give it back to him.” My voice is shaky and I hate that I’m about to start crying again.

I was looking forward to going out with Collette tonight and forgetting everything. Leave it to Ian to ruin my night out. “I don’t want any of this,” I say with finality, glad my voice isn’t as shaky as before.

“He’s gone.” Collette continues rubbing my back.

“Where?” This time I let the tears fall. My throat is burning, my stomach clenches so hard I want to double over. I don’t want to know the answer.

“He moved back to California the beginning of this week.”

I spin around and hug Collette, crying into her shoulder. She is the only one who knows the extent of my feelings for Ian. Mitch has tried to get me to open up about Ian since moving in with him, but it felt wrong talking about Ian to him.

“Why did he pretend he wanted to be with me? Was he just waiting for her to come back?” My knees go weak and I land with a thud on the edge of the bed. “Did he move back with her?”

Collette moves the bins next to the closet, taking her time as if gathering her thoughts, then sits next to me. Her arm wraps around my shoulder and I lean into her, taking the comfort she is offering. “Harbor, I’ve been friends with Ian a long time. He’s not a bad guy, he is just messed up.”

I let out a short laugh and move so I can lean against the headboard. “Tell me.” I’ve been asking Collette since I met her to give me insight on why Ian acts the way he does. She has been loyal to him and his past, but now with him living across the country, I wonder if she’ll finally let me in on his secrets.

Collette takes a deep breath and turns until she is facing me. “Ian has always been goal oriented. When he was in college, he was adamant he would have a thriving company by the time he was twenty-five, and he did.”

I laugh, not surprised in the least Ian had called his future in college. “That sounds like Ian.”

“He was so focused on making his company the best it could be that he didn’t have much of a social life. He met Vanessa during a business function. I swear, business gettogethers were the only time I saw Ian socialize. Vanessa’s dad owns a huge firm that Ian had his sights on. Ian and Vanessa just sort of fell into a relationship together.”

Jealousy hits me and I want to stop Collette. I don’t know if I can stand to hear more. “Well, she obviously burrowed into Ian’s heart.”

“I don’t think so. Vanessa was convenient for him. She understood the strain he was under and never bothered him about the time he spent running the company.”

“Then what happened? If they were so perfectly suited for each other why did he leave her and come to New York? Why did he let me fall in love with him when he knew he wasn’t going to stay with me in the long run?”

Collette squeezes my shoulder and I sink into the headboard, letting the wood dig into my back, needing the physical pain to take me away from the emotional pain Ian is still heaping on me.

“They got too comfortable. Like I said, they just fell into a relationship. I honestly don’t think they ever had real feelings for each other. Ian proposed and Vanessa accepted. It was like they were following some business script. On a whim Ian decided to surprise Vanessa and ended up walking in on Vanessa having sex with his brother.”

“What?” My voice is louder than I meant it to be.

There’s a knock on the door and Mitch’s voice filters through. “Is everything all right?”

“Everything’s fine,” I say, staring at Collette. Out of all the things Collette could have told me, I was not expecting that gem of information.

“Ian moved to New York that day. He called me and told me he decided he was going to oversee the East Coast branch. I asked him about the wedding and he told me it was off.”

“Ian must have been heartbroken.” My heart goes out to him, even though I don’t want to feel anything, especially sympathy, for the man who shredded my heart.

“He threw himself even more into work. He never mentioned Vanessa and the only reason I knew what happened was his brother came into the office that day looking for him. I packed my bags and moved to New York as soon as I kicked his brother out of the office.”

“Does Ian know you know?”

“I’ve hinted that I’m aware of what happened that day, but he has never asked me how I know and changes the subject when I mention it.”

“I don’t know what to say. He caught her red-handed cheating on him, yet he takes her back the moment she walks through the door. He accuses me of cheating on him, which I never did, yet he won’t give me the chance to explain what happened.” I swipe the tears, disgusted at the way I allowed Ian to treat me.

“When Ian moved to New York he became even more obsessed with not showing emotions. He was always a control freak, but it magnified after that. I don’t think he was heartbroken, I think he was upset he couldn’t control the situation. Life with Vanessa was easy and when she ruined everything it shook Ian up. I think you scared him because he couldn’t stop himself from developing feelings for you.”

“You could have fooled me,” I tell her, sniffling loudly.

“Harbor, you aren’t safe to Ian. You could hurt him.”

“Well, she isn’t safe. She already hurt him,” I counter.

“But he doesn’t love her and he’s already been hurt by her and survived. As stupid as it sounds, out of the two of you, Vanessa is the safer bet.”

“You’re right, that does sound stupid.”

Collette laughs and pulls me into a hug. “Come on. Let’s fix your makeup and go out and have fun.”

Mitch is sitting on the couch when we come out of the room. He gets up and folds me into his arms, and I go willingly. “Are you going to be okay?” he asks in my ear.

I nod and reluctantly step out of his embrace. Collette grabs my hand and pulls me out of the apartment and I wave to Mitch as he watches us go.