Chapter Eight
“Look, I know you don’t like me right now, and if I were you, I wouldn’t like me either—” Jack was saying before Jack interrupted him.
“You’re damn right, I don’t.” Jack crossed his arms over his chest and gave him a stern look.
“I know, and as I said, you have every right, but you have to let me in, so I can talk to her.”
“I actually don’t have to do that.”
“You’re right, you don’t, but I would really appreciate it if you do. I know I messed up, man. I need a chance to make it right.”
“Jack, just let him in,” Cara said, softly.
Jack wheeled around, surprise written all over his face as he scowled. “What is she doing here?”
Lily held up her hands helplessly. “Hey, don’t look at me, I didn’t know who was at the door, or I might’ve been able to stop her.”
“She has a name you know, and a say in things,” Cara informed him, annoyance seeping her into tone.
She understood that he was trying to protect her. God knows she did, but he wasn’t her babysitter or some kind of sworn guardian. He was her friend, and he needed to accept that a lot of times, she was going to mess up, and she would have to fix it.
And, sometimes when someone she loved screwed up then she had to deal with that mess. Again as a person who can handle her own messes.
Jack ran his hands through his hair. “I know, and I’m sorry, Cara, but I really don’t think it’s a good idea to let him in.”
Jack tried to meet her eyes from atop Jack’s shoulders.
Cara wasn’t sure how she felt. On the one hand, she did want to understand why he was sending her these things, and perhaps the best way to do that is face to face.
Nevertheless, what if his reason was nothing more nor less than that? What if it his reason was just, well a reason?
What then?
Could Cara live with not knowing it? She didn’t really believe she was the type who could.
“Let him in, Jack. It’s freezing outside,” Cara said as a draft bellowed past them all causing them to shiver and pull their hoodies down closer.
Jack glanced back at Jack. “Fine, but just remember the story of the boy who cried wolf.”
Jack smiled gratefully as he stepped in. “No, what happened?”
“This little boy cried wolf so many times, and people believed him every time. Eventually, they got tired of the charade, so they ignored the boy’s pleas for help, and when they did, it turned out that the boy was drowning, and nobody was around to save him.”
“So essentially, what you’re saying is if I call for help repeatedly, you won’t save me?”
“We might not even try to save you in the first place, who knows?”
Jack’s face paled, “Those are very strong convictions, I believe.”
“Remember that. We are wolves in sheep’s clothing, and a wolf is all about the pack,” Lily warned as they both glanced between Jack and Cara who were standing too far apart.
“We’ll be inside if you need us.” Jack announced as he and Lily walked backwards to the game room.
Silence descended upon the room, and Cara awkwardly fidgeted from one leg to another, unsure of what to say.
She’d dreamt of this moment so many times before, but it was never quite like this. In the dream, she wore the perfect outfit, and she swayed like a Latina.
That’s what dreams are for though.
“So.” Jack cleared his throat as he used the edge of his shoe to toy with the carpet.
“So?” Cara wondered. “What are you doing here, Jack?”
“I should think it was kind of obvious. Have you not been getting the stuff I sent you?”
Jack’s face fell for a moment.
Cara shook her head. “I have been getting it, but you need to understand something by now, Jack. I’m not the type of woman who’s interested in money. It’s just a means to an end as far as I’m concerned.”
“I remember that.”
“Then all the gifts? Highly unnecessary pomp.”
“I have no idea how else to begin to get you to consider forgiving me. I figured this might be a good place to start.”
Cara sighed as she beckoned Jack forward to the couch. They sat on opposite ends, Jack staring at her, and Cara barely glancing his way.
She wasn’t sure that she was ready to look at him just yet.
She needed the will power to resist him just a little bit longer.
Her heart said give him a chance, her mind said give yourself time to prove it’s different this time.
Cara heaved a sigh. “I know the sentiment is there, Jack, but it’s not translating well. You’re just making it seem like I would let everything go if you shower me with gifts?”
Jack grimaced. “I was afraid of that. Nonetheless, I am hoping that you’ll understand that they are not just pointless gifts. They are things you love, or things you admire, and the point is to show you that I do listen, Cara.”
Cara pursed her lips. “I guess so.”
They lapsed into silence, and Jack shifted, so he was sitting on the edge of the couch looking very uncomfortable.
The last time he was here, and they were cuddling next to each other, talking about baby names, and jokingly arguing about whether or not they were going to get a dog.
Jack looked good.
Cara had to admit that.
His dark brown hair had gotten slightly longer, so that it curled around his ears, giving him a more youthful look. He was wearing a form fitting black sweater and a pair of washed out jeans. His ice cap was hanging low over his head, but he had removed his gloves, and his scarf was dangling around his neck.
The snow fell softly outside.
His hazel eyes were glancing forward at something Cara couldn’t see. She wished she knew what he was thinking at that moment.
There were many times over the course of their relationship where Cara wished she could, but his face was always an open book. She had never been able to read him when they were friends, and it was worse when they were together.
He kept his secrets fiercely guarded, and the wall around his heart was constantly erect, manned by the fiercest of guards.
Still, there were rare moments when she glimpsed something in his eyes, a silent plea, a wordless request for understanding.
In those moments, she backed off, and simply absorbed his pain. Hoping and praying that someday, against all odds, he would unfurl like a flower, and his front door would be wide open.
That day never came though.
Instead, she was no longer standing outside his door under the shade, no. Somehow, she was thrown across the iron gate, skidded across the ice pond, and ended up on the other side.
Cold, bruised, and utterly alone.
With no clue what she did to end up there.
“Still, the most revealing face I’ve ever seen,” Jack said, softly snapping her out of it.
Cara shook her head to clear away the remnants of that particular memory and gave him a sJackl smile. “Still capable of having the best poker face I’ve ever seen.”
Jack smiled sadly. “Believe me, I’ve been working on that.”
Cara nodded. “It’s okay, Jack.”
Jack turned, so he was facing her, his hazel eyes pleading. “No, it’s not okay. None of what I did to you is okay. I’m surprised you’re ever talking to me right now. After you left my office that day, I thought about what you said, and I realized you were right. I was so fixated on my fear, and how you would hurt me, I never paused to consider that I was doing to you exactly what I was afraid would be done to me.”
Cara shrugged. “We can’t change the past, Jack. We need to move forward.”
“Yes, we can’t change the past, but we sure as hell can change the present.”
Before she knew what he was doing, Jack took her hand in his, and his pad of his thumb began to stroke the edge of her hand in slow circular motions.
She always liked it when he did that.
It was such a calm but simple gesture that spoke volumes.
His touch felt warm and familiar, and she wanted to bask in it.
“Do you remember the last time we were here?”
Cara cracked a smile. “I was just thinking about that. We were laying side by side, or rather I was squished against the back of the couch, and you were practically dangling off the edge.”
Jack laughed. “All because we were too lazy to get up and move.”
“To be fair, we had way too much to eat that day.” Cara chuckled at the memory. “I told you it was a bad idea to eat so much food.”
Jack tweaked her nose. “Nobody was forcing you to eat all of that.”
Cara’s mouth smirked. “You practically dared me, do you expect me to back off from a dare? Come on, you know me better than that.”
Jack smiled. “ I remember how you looked that day. Your stomach was slightly bloated from all the food you ate, your hair was in a messy bun, and you had food stains all over your clothes…”
“I hope there’s a but in there somewhere because you’re really not very good at complimenting if that’s not the case.”
Jack chuckled. “Yes, there is actually. I was staring at you when you had your eyes closed, and your hand over your head. While we were talking, I mean, and you had no idea. You were just being you, and I remember thinking Jack you’re an idiot if you ever let her go. She’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, and she’s the best thing that ever happened to you.”
Cara gulped. “I didn’t know that.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know. A lot I never told you. I held it all back, always thinking that I had time to tell you, and show you.”
Cara smiled sadly. “You didn’t though, Jack. There were times when I felt like you were going to, but they were sparse. You rarely treated me differently than when we were friends, and you only ever kissed me if you had something to drink.”
Jack frowned. “I realized that afterwards, yeah. I think it was because you made me so nervous, I couldn’t do while I was sober.”
Cara clasped his hand in hers. “But do you know how that made me feel, Jack? I tried to tell you so many times, but you didn’t get it. It reminded me of the first time we kissed when we both got drunk, and then afterwards when you tried to pretend like nothing happened.”
Jack looked into her eyes. “It was only because I was afraid that day. Here you were, hiding in plain sight all along, and I didn’t want to risk our friendship. I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s what was going through my mind.”
“I wish you had told me all that.”
“I wish I had too. Do you remember what else we talked about that day?”
Cara blushed. “Baby names. I don’t even know what bought the topic up.”
“We were talking about my niece, and how lovely her name is.”
“I remember now, and you wanted to name our baby Faney.”
The memory was still there, hovering in the back of her mind. How she pinched his arm and told him that she didn’t like the name. How he made a face at her, and kissed the tip of her nose.
“You wanted to name her Arya, what kind of name is that?”
“A strong name like the character in Game of Thrones.”
Jack’s face turned thoughtful for a moment. “Cara, the reason that was the last norJack day we had, and things snowballed after that is because when we were discussing names, all of a sudden I could picture it. I could picture our life together so clearly it was like I could touch it.”
“And it scared you,” Cara realized.
“Of course it did. Here I was, the ultimate commitophobe, suddenly no longer afraid, and I think not being afraid is what scared me.”
They heard a crash behind them, and Jack looked confused as Cara rolled her eyes.
“You’re lucky they aren’t in here right now, hovering like bodyguards.” She was referring to Lily and Jack who were clearly eavesdropping in the next room.
“I thought they wouldn’t let me in to be honest. Jack looked like he was two seconds away from whipping out a body bag.”
“He has entertained the idea multiple times, but I told him that there’s no WiFi in jail.”
“A good argument.”
Jack gently released Cara’s hands and stood up. “Well, I’d better get going.”
Cara glanced outside the window. “Don’t you want to wait for the snow to ease up a bit?”
Jack wound the scarf tightly around his neck and slipped on his gloves. “No, I’m not in a hurry. I can wait as long as needed.”
Jack gave her a look then, letting her know what he was talking about.
Cara smiled as she saw him to the door. They stood at the doorway, and Jack searched her face for a moment before he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her cheeks.
Without a word, he turned around and headed out into the cold night.
Cara briefly touched the spot where his lips were, and smiled.