Chapter Sixteen

 

 

IT HAD been the longest drive of his life, and he’d floored it the entire way. Jeff hadn’t said a word the whole time; if he opened his mouth, he’d start screaming, and he wouldn’t stop. Ever.

Cursed. He was cursed.

“It’ll be okay,” Don said quietly. “Nobody was at home.”

“Don’t. Just don’t.” It wasn’t going to be okay. He’d seen Beth’s house. He’d smelled it. Now his kids were homeless again. Nothing was going to be okay again.

“You have to focus on the good stuff, Jeff. Nobody was in the house.”

They rounded the corner onto a disaster.

There were fire trucks and police, the entire road blocked off, and he pulled to the side, slid out of the car, and ran past the barricades. His home. Goddammit.

“Oh God.” Don was on his heels. “Oh God.”

Someone stepped in front of him, hand on his chest. “I’m sorry, sir. You can’t be here.”

“That’s my fucking house.” He was going to hit someone. That was his fucking dream, right there.

“I’m sorry sir, but until the fire is contained and the area is cleared, you have to stay behind the line.”

Don took his arm, tugged. “There’s nothing you can do.”

“That’s my home!” He pulled out of Don’s arm, wild.

“Don’t you mean our home?” The voice was sharp, mean, and totally unwelcome. “Guess you won’t have to share now, you selfish bastard.”

He spun around, hit Mitch square in the mouth. “You fucker. You did this.” Jeff hit the man again, and then again.

“Jeff!” Don grabbed him around the waist and started pulling him back.

“Help! Police! Did you see that? He assaulted me!” Mitch was shrieking.

“He set the fire. You know he did.”

The fireman looked at Mitch, looked at Jeff. “I didn’t see a thing, man. You need to call your insurance company. Let us do our jobs.” The fireman looked at Don. “Were there any pets we should… search for?”

Don shook his head. “The house was empty.” He wrapped his fingers around Jeff’s arm again. “Come on. If he set the fire, the investigators will find out, and they’ll put him in jail.”

“Where the fuck am I supposed to go? What am I supposed to tell my kids?” Enough. He’d had enough.

“We’ll figure it out, Jeff. They’re safe at Samantha and Mike’s right now. It’s going to be okay. I swear.”

“Jeffy!” Jillian’s voice could cut glass. “Jeffy!”

“Jellybean.” He looked at her, her arms opened, and he collapsed, dissolving into tears.

“We’ll get him, Jeffy. We’ll tear his heart out and feed it to him.” She squeezed him tight.

“What am I going to do?” He couldn’t do this, not again. He couldn’t function.

“First, where are the kids? Donny?”

Don chimed in with the answer to that. “I’m right here. And the kids are at Samantha and Mike’s. I tried to tell him we were going to be okay, but I’m not sure he even knows I’m here.”

“Okay. Okay.” Jillian looked over at Don. “Thank God you were with him.”

Jeff looked over at Don, heart sinking. “All your stuff too. Yours. The babies’.”

“It’s just stuff, Jeff. It can all be replaced.” Don touched his arm, smiled at him. “The rest is just details.”

“Okay,” Jillian said. “I’m going to get on the phone to the insurance agent and get everyone coffees. Don, take Jeff to the car?” She handed Don a little box from her purse. “One of these for him now, one in an hour.”

“Okay.” Don looped their arms together and pulled him back toward the car.

He heard Jillian’s voice as she screamed at Mitch, but Don didn’t slow. He pushed Jeff into the passenger seat and leaned against him to grab the water bottle from the slot. “Take this.”

“What is it?” He took it, knowing full well it was Valium.

“I’m guessing Valium. She’s probably right—you need this one.”

He blinked at Don. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this again.” He could still smell the smoke of Bethy’s house. His babies’ clothes were burned.

“No, it’s different this time. Nobody was hurt, and you’re not in this alone.”

“I….” He grabbed Don’s hands, holding on tight, the world spinning. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t see.

Oh God.

Oh God.

Somebody help him.

 

 

DONNY COULDN’T believe it.

He couldn’t think of anything crueler than to burn down Jeff’s home. Thank God nobody had been in the house. Had Mitch known that? He shuddered at the thought that maybe Mitch hadn’t known that, maybe Mitch had expected him and the kids to be there while Jeff was at work. He shook his head, trying to clear it. He needed to be strong for Jeff.

Jeff was simply hysterical, not even able to make sense.

Donny had gotten him to a hotel, made sure the kids were okay to stay at least until tomorrow with their grandparents. He’d made a few calls too, made sure the cops and firefighters knew where to find them to update.

Now he just…. He didn’t know what to do.

Luckily, Jillian kept calling. The insurance adjuster was there. A five-thousand-dollar check would be there in the morning for immediate needs. She had threatened to hit Mitch with a car. She’d called the restaurant. She’d said to give Jeff another Valium.

Jeff sat on the edge of the bed, eyes blank, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Donny knelt between Jeff’s legs, cupped the loved face. “This isn’t the end of the world.”

“I….” Jeff stared at him. “I don’t know…. Fuck.”

“The kids are good, Jeff. They’re just fine. And they don’t care where we live.” He pressed his forehead against Jeff’s.

“But… all your things. I’m so sorry. What if you’d been there? What if I’d lost you guys? What if he goes to Mike’s?”

“Stop that. My stuff is replaceable. I wasn’t there. The kids weren’t there. He doesn’t know where Mike lives. You have to stop torturing yourself.”

“I….” Jeff sucked in a hitching breath. “I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think we have to decide tonight.”

“I need to see the kids. I don’t…. What do I do with the kids?” Jeff stood, pacing. “What if Mitch tries to hurt them? God. Why did Beth leave them with me? I’m dangerous.”

“Whoa, stop that!” He got up and got into Jeff’s space. “Come on, Jeff. You are not dangerous, and you love those kids. You’re a good father.”

God, Jeff was losing it.

“Don.” Jeff grabbed him, held on. “Help me. Fuck. Please help me.”

“Anything, Jeff. Whatever you need.”

Jeff’s knees gave out, and Donny walked them to the bed, put Jeff in it, pulled off his lover’s shoes. “You need to sleep, okay?”

Jeff needed to get it together before they went and saw the kids; it would freak them out, especially Robin, to see Jeff like this.

“I can’t. I have to….” Jeff started sobbing again, and Donny covered him up, hand on Jeff’s shoulder.

He toed off his own shoes and slipped into the bed, wrapping Jeff up. “Let it all out. Let it all out now.” He could only imagine the memories of Beth’s death that this fire had brought up.

Jeff’s phone rang about the time Jeff fell into a restless sleep.

Donny grabbed it, answering it before it could wake Jeff up. “Hello?”

“Donny? How’s he doing? I’m worried.” Jillian. Again.

“He’s finally asleep, but he’s pretty wigged out.” He got up and went into the bathroom, hoping Jeff would keep sleeping.

“Yeah, I bet. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just worried.” About Jeff, about how the kids were going to take being uprooted again. Replacing everything was going to be a bitch, and where would they stay until they had a new house?

“Well, we have an appointment with the insurance adjuster at 9:00 a.m. at the house. I mean, you guys do, but I can be there to take notes, help.” Jeff was lucky to have a sister like her, really.

“That would be great if you could come, Jillian. I’m not sure how much he’s going to take in, and seeing the place again….”

“Yeah. It was his dream home, you know? He’d been planning it since our first foster home.”

“I know.” Donny sighed. “He can rebuild, though. And now he can make it his new dream home, the one that includes kiddies.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Jillian sighed too, the sound so sad. “I don’t know. Maybe he’ll just get an apartment closer to the restaurant.”

“No, the kids need a house. He’ll do what’s right for them. We don’t need to decide right this minute, though.” They had time. They’d figure it out.

“Yeah, I guess. I…. What do you need from me, Donny? Food? Booze? A hug?”

“You’re doing it. I wouldn’t know where to start with the insurance and stuff.”

“That I can do. Do you know how long Beth’s parents can keep the kids?”

“They said as long as we need them to.”

“That’s nice of them.” He heard a lighter, a long inhalation. “Did you call his boss?”

“No. He’s got tomorrow off already, so I didn’t think to.”

“I’ll call. It’s going to be crazy. He may want to go in tomorrow. I don’t know.”

Donny heard a noise from the bedroom. “We’ll figure it all out tomorrow. I have to go now.”

“Okay. Call if you need me. I’ll have the phone close.”

“Thanks, Jillian.”

He hung up the phone, had half a glass of water, and went back into the bedroom. Jeff had thrown the covers off, was muttering and flailing, still asleep.

He got back into bed and stroked Jeff’s belly. “Shh. It’s okay. Just sleep.”

“Don…. Don, the house. You need to get the babies….”

“Shh. They’re fine. Everyone’s okay.” He kept stroking, kissed Jeff’s shoulder. “Everyone’s safe.”

“The babies. Oh God.”

“No, they’re fine, Jeff. Kimberley and Robin are safe.”

God, Jeff was breaking his heart.

Jeff pushed close to him, rocking. He wrapped his arms around Jeff, and encouraged the motion.

“My head hurts.”

He bet it did. “We could take a shower. That will help.”

“Yeah? I’m so sorry, Don.” Jeff held him tight.

“You didn’t do anything to apologize for.” He got up and tugged, encouraging Jeff to stand. Jeff came with him, swaying, eyes looking bruised.

Donny got the shower going, then started working on Jeff’s clothes, pulling them off. Jeff didn’t fight him, didn’t help either. Just stood there like a child. It made him want to cry, but he didn’t. Jeff needed him. So he tugged Jeff into the shower, under the spray of water.

Jeff kept apologizing to him, over and over.

“Hush. Hush.” He finally pushed their lips together, stopping the words.

Jeff sobbed into his lips but kissed him back, hands around Donny’s hips. Donny held Jeff’s face between his hands, letting the kiss go on and on. Jeff held on, the tension slowly, slowly easing.

Donny didn’t give up on Jeff. He took another kiss, ran his hands down to cover Jeff’s nipples. They could survive this. They had to, right? They would. Those kids needed them, and they had lots of love between them. They’d come out of this together. He’d keep telling himself that until someone else could say it to him.

He slid his tongue into Jeff’s mouth, deepening the kiss but keeping it gentle. Jeff rested their foreheads together, both of them breathing slow. Donny stroked up and down Jeff’s chest, along his sides, and around to his back, helping the water sluice over Jeff’s skin.

“I’ll make it up to you, Don. I promise.”

“Hush. There isn’t anything to make up.” They just needed to get through it. Together. Like a family.

Jeff nodded, but those eyes dropped.

“I love you,” Donny told Jeff, breathing the words into Jeff’s mouth.

Jeff’s breath hiccupped, the hands on Donny’s hips tightening.

“I do. And this doesn’t change that. I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere. We can tackle anything together.”

“What if you’d been in the house?”

“Stop that right now.” He shook Jeff a little. “No what ifs. What happened, happened. Nobody was in the house.”

“But….”

No. No more buts. He shook his head and brought their lips back together again, shutting Jeff up. Jeff needed to relax, breathe for a little while. He pressed Jeff up against the tile and kissed his way down toward Jeff’s cock.

Jeff shook his head. “I can’t. Please, just come here. Hold me a minute.”

“Only if you relax and stop making yourself crazy with what ifs and buts.”

“I’m trying, babe. I swear. I just…. It hurts.”

“I know, but you’ve got two beautiful kids and a lover, and the house was covered by insurance, and now you can make something that doesn’t have any associations with that asshole….”

Jeff nodded, took one breath after another.

Donny held him, arms wrapped tight around Jeff. “At least you have a suitcase of clothes.”

“I…. It takes months to build a house.”

“So we live in someone else’s for a while.” He was sure they could find someplace to rent.

“I-I can’t think right this second. I can’t be reasonable.”

“Then you can’t think about the negatives either.” He kissed Jeff hard. “You don’t have to be reasonable.”

Their lips parted with a pop. “Okay.”

“Okay.” He leaned their foreheads together and breathed. “Okay.”

“I… I need something to eat. Maybe a cup of coffee. Or a Sprite.”

“We can see what’s in the minibar to tide us over until room service can get up here.” He turned the shower off and grabbed a towel, started drying Jeff off.

“Okay.” Jeff let him dry, then took the towel and dried him off too. “I need to… no thinking.”

“That’s right. No thinking.” He drew Jeff back into the room.

Donny handed Jeff a Sprite and found the room service menu. Something quick and simple, right? Something yummy.

“How does chicken parm sound?”

“Is there a BLT?”

“Yeah, you want the fries with that?” Jeff was being choosy; that was a good sign, right?

“Please, yes. Mustard. And something sweet.”

“You got it.”

He ordered two BLTs with fries and two different cakes for dessert, along with more Sprite.

Jeff rested on the pillows and watched him, not speaking, not moving. He didn’t know what to do, so he just sat with Jeff and rubbed his hands, his shoulders. The tears came and went, and his poor, overwhelmed lover was asleep again before the food ever came.

Donny sighed and rubbed his face. It was going to be a long, long night.