Chapter Nineteen

 

 

“YOU HAVE got to stop this shit, man.”

Jeff blinked at his sister, trying to figure out what the fuck she was talking about. “Huh?”

“This whole depressed-avoidance-self-centered bullshit thing. It’s old. You lost the house. Tough. You’re getting shit at work because you’re fucking up. Big deal. You had the bad taste to date a psycho house-burning fucker. Cope.”

He looked at her. “You’re helping so much.”

Jillian plopped down on his lap. “Yep. I am. Mitch is an ass. He’s also disappeared, and the cops can only do so much. What do you want?” She poked him right in the nose. “And you can’t say ‘My house back’ because one, you can’t have it, and two, that’s a pussy answer.”

“I want you to leave me alone.”

She swacked him. “Try harder.”

“I want out.”

Her head tilted. “From your thing with Donny? From the responsibility of the kids? Because now’s the time to do that.”

“No.” No, on that he was sure. He didn’t want to fucking try to deal with Don and the house and all the plans, but that wasn’t Don. That was his shit.

“Then what? Focus, Jeff. What do you want out of?”

“The city. The hours at Dejeuner. I want….” He sighed and Jillian poked him in the ribs.

“Keep going.”

“I want the kids with me. I want to see Don. I want to be closer to Mike and Samantha so that I can have some adult time with my lover. I want a little restaurant of my own so the kids could come see me. I want a house without fancy expensive marble bathtubs that I never liked anyway. I want a goddamn dog!”

“Then why don’t you?”

“What?” She wasn’t making sense.

“Why don’t you go get your family and get those things, you idiot? You have money, you’re young and healthy and whole.” Jillian wasn’t laughing now. “Go take your life back and quit wallowing in your own crapulence.”

“Oh fuck you, you bitch!”

Jillian chuckled at his little outburst. “Does that feel better, man?”

He looked at her, started laughing, feeling lighter in his chest. “Yes.”

She hugged him. “You should listen to me more often, you know.”

“I….” She was right. “I hate you.”

“I know. It sucks, dude, but it is what it is. You can’t mourn forever—you have babies to raise.”

“Yeah. I need to see them.”

“Go tonight. They need you too.”

Jeff nodded, plans he’d had in the back of his mind for months but hadn’t had the courage to pursue. He reached for his phone; he needed to make some calls.

He barely noticed Jillian’s muttered “Save me a guest room for when I visit, Jeff.”

 

 

JEFF GOT to Mike’s house about two 2:00 a.m. and let himself in with the key hidden in the pot of cannas. He’d called earlier, warned them he was coming. He needed to see his kids. He needed to see Don. They needed to talk. It wasn’t fair to make Don drive into the city with two little kids in a rented car when Jeff could drive here after work.

He headed down the hall past the guest room where Don was. First he wanted to see Robin and Kimberley. They were both there, and so was Don, his lover in the middle of the pile, Robin snugged up on one side of him, Kimberley on top of him.

He chuckled softly. God, they were beautiful. His babies. He gently picked up his daughter, murmuring softly to keep her asleep. One tiny fist stretched out, and she turned her head but didn’t wake. He settled in the little rocking chair beside the bed, setting it into motion as he held her.

Don opened his eyes and smiled slowly. “Oh, you’re a sight for sore eyes.”

“Hey, babe.” Jeff smiled back. How could he not?

“You look good like that. Welcome home.”

“I couldn’t wait until tomorrow.” Don deserved to know that. Jeff needed his family now. He was so tired.

“I’m glad. We didn’t want to wait either.” Don slipped out of bed, managing not to wake Robin. “Come to bed?”

He nodded and put Kimberley in the little travel crib, then kissed Robin’s cheek. “I need a shower.”

“Sure. I’ll get a couple of fresh towels.”

He grabbed Don’s hand, squeezed. “Thank you.”

Don moved in and kissed him quickly. “Thank you for coming home to us.”

“I needed to.” That was the cold truth. It had been too long.

“I know. Come on.” Don tugged on his hand, leading him from the kids’ room. “Didn’t feel right doing this in front of them.” This was another kiss, a deeper kiss, a longer kiss.

He kissed Don back, letting himself feel it, letting himself relax for the first time in days. Don cupped his cheeks, tenderness and care in the way Don’s fingers stroked his skin. Their lips parted slowly and they stood there, foreheads together.

Don breathed in deeply. “Missed you so much, Jeff. It isn’t right, us not all being together.”

“I know. I…. Look, we need to talk—together. About what we’re going to do.”

Don nodded. “A part of me says that it’s your money, so it’s your decision, but a bigger part of me wants to believe that we really are partners and what I think matters.”

“Come to the kitchen. We’ll shower after. Let’s talk first.” If Don didn’t know they were partners, Jeff needed to deal with that first.

“Okay.” Don led him back to Samantha and Mike’s kitchen. “There’s leftover spaghetti if you’re hungry.”

“I grabbed a sandwich on my way out.” He pulled two beers from the fridge.

Don took one and sat next to him, took his hand again. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.” That was the most honest answer he had.

“You need your family with you, Jeff. The joy of those kids—that will give you a better answer to that question.”

He nodded. “And you. I just… I gave notice at the restaurant, Don. I… I don’t know what we’re going to do, but I can’t do it there anymore, in the city. If you need to stay there, I understand, but… I can’t. It’s full of bad memories for me.” He wasn’t sure what he wanted, but he knew it wasn’t that.

Don reached out and took his hand. “I want to be with you and the kids, Jeff. I love you. I love them. We’re a family together—where doesn’t matter.”

“I’m tired of missing everything. I’m tired of not seeing them.” Shit, he was just tired, bone deep.

Don nodded and stood, moving behind him to rub his shoulders. “We’re right here.”

He groaned, head falling forward. “Missed you. All of you.”

“I believe you made the right decision. You’re an amazing chef. You’ll be able to find work anywhere. Or we can find a small apartment somewhere and you can use the insurance money to build your dream restaurant. As long as we’re all together, the details are just that, details.”

“We can build.” He’d thought about this shit a lot. More than he ought, probably, but dammit, if Don and he were… a them, then, they had to work at this.

“We’ll make all your dreams come true, Jeff.”

“You don’t understand, babe. I want us to have dreams.” Together.

“It’s your money, though, Jeff. It was your house, your kids….”

He nodded. “It was. Before that, they were Bethy’s kids. I…. If we’re going to make this work, we have to make it work.”

Don moved around and knelt between his legs. “I love you, and if you’re sure….”

“I’m not talking about just a few years, Don. I’m not talking about short-term. I’m talking about forever. I’m talking about first days of school and teenagers and grandchildren.”

A smile grew across Don’s face, lovely and bright. “Jeff…. Yes, please.”

“I know we didn’t get to date, and I know that I got overwhelmed and shorted out and….” He sighed softly. Great, was he trying to talk Don out of this?

“Hush.” Don leaned up and brought their mouths together, cutting off anything else he might have said.

Jeff sobbed once, softly, tongue pushing into Don’s lips. This was what he’d dreamed about, that silent dream a man never shared. This was his family. Don wrapped his arms around him, opening for him, welcoming him in. Jeff let himself relax, let himself believe in it, and he tugged Don close.

Don pressed against him, moaning into the kiss before drawing back. “Maybe we should go to our room, huh?”

“Yeah. I think so.” He touched Don’s bottom lip. “We’ve got so much to do.” But there was something else they needed to do first.

“It won’t seem like as much with two of us working on it.” Don nibbled on his fingertip before standing, holding out his hands. “Come on. Mike and Samantha have been so nice, I’d hate to have them come down for a midnight snack and find me sucking you off.”

Jeff’s cock jerked, loving that idea. “That would be awkward.”

“Uh-huh.” Don tugged on his hands, encouraging him up, and began to walk backward toward the guest room.

He followed, his face hurting with his smile.

Don didn’t stop to kiss him or feel him up or anything on the way but kept leading him to the bedroom, eyes making all sorts of promises.

Jeff thought he’d take Don up on each and every one of them.

 

 

DONNY WOKE up warm and happy, Jeff’s body curled around his. He’d missed Jeff, but it was only now that he realized how much. He made a happy little noise, pushing back against Jeff. His lover was warm and cozy and had morning wood.

He was just deciding what to do about that when the patter of little feet came toward the guest room, and Don grinned, knowing he had about two seconds to shift before Robin bounded onto the bed. “Daddy home! Daddy home!”

“Robbie!” Jeff’s eyes popped open, and he grabbed the little boy, grinning hugely. “I missed you so much!”

“Me too!” Robin flung his arms around Jeff’s neck.

God, they were cute together.

“Oh man. It’s so good to see you.” Jeff held on tight. “I missed making you pancakes and oatmeal, singing songs with you, and going to the park!”

Robin laughed and bounced on Jeff. “Pancakes! Pancakes!”

“Pancakes!” Jeff’s laughter rang out. “Is your sister awake?”

Right on cue, Kimberley started crying.

“I’ll get her.” Don gave Robin a kiss on the cheek and reached over for his jeans, slipping into them quickly.

“She doesn’t eat pancakes, Daddy. I do.”

“He’s got a point. I’ll let Robin tell you about our adventures in sweet potatoes.” He gave Jeff and Robin a fond smile and went to get Kimberley. She was going to need a change and a bottle.

He heard Jeff chatting, and he was smiling when he went to grab his daughter. The thought made him stop. His daughter. She was his. This was his family. Not the family he looked after as the nanny, but his family.

Samantha came out, rumpled and blinking. “Donny? Everything okay, honey?”

“Yeah, we’re good. Jeff came home last night.” He was aware his smile was more than a little goofy.

Oh, I know. He called to let us know yesterday. Did you want me to get her?”

“No, I’ve got her. Jeff’s going to make pancakes. But thanks.” He went in and rescued his girl, moved to the changing table to deal with her diaper.

She hushed when he stripped her, gnawing happily on her fist.

“Hey, pretty girl. Your daddy’s home.”

She gurgled, and he got her cleaned up, redressed, and headed into the bedroom, where Jeff was listening to Robin tell him about his day.

She held her arms out to Jeff. “Dadadadada.”

Donny nearly dropped her.

Jeff looked over. “Kimmie?”

“Da!”

“Oh my God. Her first word!” Don laughed. She’d said her first word.

Robin stared, wide-eyed. “She knows your name, Daddy.”

“Isn’t she smart, Robin?” Donny thought if he smiled any harder, he’d hurt something.

“Uh-huh.” Jeff opened his arms and Kimberley crowed. “Da!”

Donny passed her over and tugged Robin into his lap. “Your baby sister said her first word!”

“Uh-huh.” Robin snuggled with him. “Donny, Daddy’s going to make pancakes.”

“I know. Aren’t we lucky?” He smiled at Jeff, so in love. So very, very much in love.

“Uh-huh.”

Jeff was playing with Kimberley, tickling her and making her laugh. Donny dragged Robin closer and started tickling him too. They all laughed together, all four of them.

He’d known this was what Jeff needed—to be with his family. To be with them.

Jeff slid one of his legs over, nudged Donny’s. He nudged back. “We should go get breakfast. Someone promised us pancakes.”

“Someone did? Whoever would do that?” Jeff’s eyes went wide.

“It was you!” Robin clapped his hands together. “You said!”

“Did I? Are you sure?”

Robin nodded. “Daddy, can we go home now?”

“We kind of already are home, Robin.” Donny gave Robin a warm smile. “As long as the four of us are together, we’re home, no matter where we are.”

“No. No, Daddy. I want my room.”

Jeff stopped, then smiled at Robin. “I think we should look for a new house.”

“A new house?”

Jeff nodded. “A house with a big yard, a swing set.”

“That sounds great.” Donny smiled at the two of them. “You could help choose the decorations for your room, Robin. The furniture.”

Robin frowned. “My big-boy bed?”

Jeff nodded. “Yes. A big-boy bed, maybe one that looks like a car.”

“Oh man, do they make grown-up beds that look like a car?” Donny asked. Actually, he wanted a king-sized four poster so there would always be room for the kids to crawl in with them.

“I don’t think so, love, but we can check.”

“Can Kimberley have a dinosaur room?” Robin looked so earnest.

Donny considered it. He didn’t see why not—she could always change it when she was old enough to care. “If you think that’s what she’d like, sure.” He looked up at Jeff, smiled; these were the type of decisions he was a part of now. Not just in a consult-the-nanny kind of way.

“You don’t want her to have a zebra room? Or an elephant room?”

Robin’s eyes went wide. “Daddy…. Daddy, can I have a zoo room?”

Jeff shrugged casually. “Ask your Daddy Don.”

Man, if he got any more happy and full of love, he was going to explode. Donny nodded. “Robin, you can have any kind of room you want.”

“Oh… a zoo room.” Robin bounced. “With helephants and zebras and cows and sharks!”

“Planning zoo rooms is hungry work, though. I think we need to make Daddy make good on his promise of pancakes.”

Jeff chuckled. “I think Daddy Don is hungry, son.”

“Me too!”

“Okay. Okay, let me get some socks on, and we’ll go mess up Gran’s kitchen.”

Grinning, Donny grabbed Kimberley out of Jeff’s arms. “We’ll meet you downstairs.” He held out his hand for Robin.

Robin went to him easily. “We’re going to make a zoo room with bugs and snakes and lions. Rawr.”

“Yeah, it’s going to be awesome. You think we can find a zoo big-boy bed?”

“Uh-huh. And a monkey.”

“Oh, I think we already have a monkey for the room.” He reached down and tickled Robin’s ribs.

“Ooo-ooo-ooo!”

That sound made him happy. Almost as happy as the sound of Jeff’s soft whistling as he slipped on some socks. They were a family, a real family. And he belonged.

He was still grinning like a fool as he got to the kitchen with the kids. With his kids.

Mike and Samantha were sitting there at the table, drinking coffee. “Good morning, Donny.”

“Good morning.”

Robin went bounding over to Samantha. “I’m gonna have a zoo room!”

“A zoo room? What on earth is that?”

“The design for his bedroom. Why don’t you sit and tell Gran and Pop all about it?”

Robin plopped down and started jabbering, and Jeff appeared seconds later to kiss Samantha’s cheek and nod to Mike. Donny started setting the table as Jeff began to gather the ingredients for the pancakes. Just like they were at home. Donny made Kimberley’s bottle and got her started on that so he could make her some cereal. He hummed happily, brushing by Jeff, barely resisting palming Jeff’s ass.

The pancakes started coming out, one after another. A plate for Robin, one for Samantha, Mike, him.

He put out the maple syrup and the butter. “Do you need help cutting your pancakes, Robin?”

“I do it!”

Mike moaned over a mouthful. “God, you should open a breakfast place, Jeff.”

“I intend to.”

“Yeah?” Donny took his own first bite. God, it was good.

“Yeah.” Jeff looked serious. “I can be up early, be home with the kids in the afternoons and evenings. By the time Robin’s in school, it should be rocking, and I can go to Little League games and Girl Scout things with everyone else.”

“It would be nice to have you around in the evenings.”

Jeff nodded, made more pancakes. “It’s a good idea for us.”

“It is. What else have you thought about?”

Mike and Samantha steadfastly busied themselves with feeding Kimberley, helping Robin.

“I think we should go house-hunting. Somewhere out here. There’s enough people to keep a breakfast-and-lunch place going.”

Donny thought about it, nodded. “If you open a dinner restaurant, we’ll never see you.”

“That doesn’t sound healthy,” Samantha added. “For anyone.”

“Will breakfast and lunch be enough, though? Or are you going to feel like you’ve had to cut back on your dreams?” He didn’t want Jeff to feel for one second like he had to give up on his dreams.

Mike snorted, and Donny looked over, surprised. “Jeff’s always wanted to do that. Hell, he did it all while Beth was in college and loved it.”

“Really?” He looked over at Jeff.

Jeff shrugged. “It’s where I started.”

“And it’s what you really want?”

Jeff met his eyes. “I love the idea of a little place. My place. Somewhere the kids could come. Where you could come.”

“Like that bed and breakfast where we stayed.”

He saw a moment of pure, unadulterated want in Jeff’s eyes. “Yeah. Yeah.”

“Cool….” He nodded, his mind busy turning over a new thought. The guys who ran the place were getting older…. Jeff had fallen in love with it. Completely. Totally. The kids could grow up there, and the community was already used to having a gay couple there.

He didn’t say anything; he didn’t want to get Jeff’s hopes up. He was going to call them, though, feel out their situation.

Jeff looked at the clock. “I have a couple of hours before I have to head back. Two weeks left of the job.”

“Maybe when we’re finished eating, we can go to the park.”

“I’d love that.” Jeff poured another cup of coffee. “Is it okay for them to stay two more weeks, Mom?”

“I think we can manage that.”

“I’m sorry. I just….” Jeff shrugged. “I want to make this as easy as possible.”

“The kids and I could look for a house around here while you’re at work….” Donny suggested.

“We’re not in a hurry to kick you out.” Mike refilled Robin’s cup of milk.

“Thank you, Mike. If you want to, Don, sure.”

“We can see what’s out there, anyway.” He smiled at Jeff; he couldn’t seem to stop smiling today.

Jeff grinned back, winked. “Okay. Park, before I have to go.”

“I’ll do the dishes when we get home,” Donny promised.

“I don’t mind, boys. You go. Play. Enjoy the nice weather.”

“Thanks, Samantha.” He grabbed his and Robin’s dishes and stacked them next to the kitchen sink. “You gonna help me get Kimberley ready for a walk, Robin?”

“Yep-yep!” Robin bounced out of the kitchen, excited, ready.

Mike grinned. “There are going to be tears when you leave, Jeff.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“We have a date when you’re coming home for good, though. And we’ll make a couple of treks into the city between your weekends to spend mornings with you.” Donny wasn’t letting any of his family miss each other for too long.

Jeff nodded. “We’ll manage.”

He caught Jeff’s gaze. “Yeah, we will. Because we have each other.”

“Romantic.”

“Tell me I’m not right—you’ve smiled more in the last twelve hours than you did all week.” Jeff was letting go of that anger and sadness, embracing the joy of his kids, of their love.

“Yeah, yeah.” Jeff squeezed his fingers. “Let’s go.”

“Hurry up! I’m ready.” Robin called from the front hall, and Donny laughed.