Chapter Seventeen
JEFF STARED at the wreck that was his house. Had been his house. This was a dream, right? A sick, sad dream.
Don held his hand tight, reminding him that he had someone there in his corner.
The insurance agent kept talking, saying words that made no sense. Jillian was taking notes, asking questions. But all he could see was the ruin that was his dream home. He could see the destroyed parts of furniture, of his life. He had been so proud.
“Hey.” Don hugged him from behind. “It’s just stuff.”
“Yeah.” No. No, it was his life. His whole life. His memories.
“It is. The important things are all safe. You, the kids, me.”
He tore his eyes away from the wreckage. “Yeah, I know. I’m just… stunned.”
“It’s a terrible thing. Don’t let him win, though, Jeff. The best revenge is to get on with your life and turn this into a positive.”
“Stop. Please. Right now I need to be pissed, okay?” Don needed to stop Pollyannaing him. This was his fucking house.
“What good is that going to do?”
“It’s not. It’s not going to do any good at all.” His fingers curled into fists. “But I need it right now. I need to be angry.”
Don pursed his lips, but he didn’t say anything.
Jeff shook his head and took off without a word, walking closer to the house. Heat still radiated from it, and the smell was awful. Like Beth. His phone rang, and he checked the number. The restaurant.
He answered. “Hey.”
“Hey, Jeff. Martin. God, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“You guys need anything?”
A new house? Clothes? DVDs? Pots and pans? “Time. I’m going to need some time.” Which he knew was a damn near impossible request. Hell, he’d just taken a month off when he’d gotten the kids.
“Jeff… I can’t give you more than a day or two. You’ve got that nanny, though, right?”
“I do, yeah, but….”
“Man, I’ve been cool. I really have, but, look. There are a lot of guys looking to climb, and….”
He looked at his phone, then turned it off. Enough. He was done. He was going to get a plane ticket to Belize and stay there forever.
“Jeff, the insurance guy needs to talk to you.” Jilly waved him over.
“Okay.” He stood there, took a deep breath. “Okay.”
He could see Robin’s face, Kimberley’s adorable smile. He was never going to be able to desert them. Ever.
“It’s going to take a week to ten days for the insurance to come through, but I can give you a check for five thousand now to get a place to live in the meantime, buy new clothes and stuff.”
“Okay.” He nodded, sighed.
The agent handed over a check. “I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I’m going to stay on top of this one, make sure that final check comes through as quickly as possible.”
“Thank you.” He put the check in his back pocket, then headed away again.
Don caught up with him as he walked. “Where are we going?”
“I don’t know.” He grinned though his heart wasn’t in it.
“We should go have food, figure out what we’re going to tell Robin.”
His grin disappeared. “Yeah. I have one more day off before I don’t have a job anymore.”
DONNY WAITED until they had their lunch in front of them. “What do you mean one more day off before you don’t have a job anymore?”
“Martin says I’m back in tomorrow.”
“Then go back in. I can take care of the kids, Jeff—why would that change?”
Jeff gave him a long, blank look. “I guess it wouldn’t. I’ll take you to Mike and Samantha’s. You can stay there with the kids until I figure something out.”
“I can help you find a place for us to live until you can rebuild. Don’t shut me out, Jeff—we’re a team, right?”
Jeff looked at him, eyes furious. “How the fuck can you be so calm?”
“Because it’s not going to help anyone for me to lose my shit.”
Jeff didn’t answer that, just looked down at the table. Donny sighed. He was more upset about how this was affecting Jeff than the fire. Jeff was what mattered, not the house.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? The fire wasn’t your fault.” And he was tired of Jeff apologizing for something he hadn’t done, couldn’t control.
“I know, but I know you don’t think I’m dealing worth a shit.”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to.” Jeff met his eyes. “This is a big deal to me.”
“I know it is. And I know you’re upset. Of course you are. But if you dwell on the negative….”
“What is the positive? I have to go tell a little boy who lost his mom to a fire that his home is gone, again. Every single thing I owned—my first cookbook, the only pictures of my folks, the only pictures I had left of Beth, of Robin’s birth? My recipes. All those plans? They’re gone!”
“No, they aren’t!” He reached out and touched Jeff’s heart. “They’re all in here. Your parents, Beth, the kids. Your recipes and your plans. He can’t take those away from you.”
“I… I can’t. I can’t breathe.” Jeff pushed back from the table, gagging. “I can’t breathe.” He fell to his knees, grabbed the edge of the table.
“Jeff!” Donny jumped up. “Someone call 9-1-1!” Donny went to Jeff, crouched next to him. “Jeff? What is it?”
Jeff gasped for air, grabbed him, and then his eyes rolled back into his head. Oh God. Oh God.
Donny got Jeff down on his back and listened for a breath, for anything that said Jeff was still alive. Jeff’s heart was beating hard, steady. Strong.
“The ambulance is coming, sir.” The restaurant manager was right there, putting a folded-up emergency blanket under Jeff’s head.
“Thank you.” He kept his hand over Jeff’s heart, needing to feel that beating, to know Jeff was alive.
Jeff started moving, shifting underneath him, about the time the EMTs came and started talking, taking vitals, getting information. Donny found himself pushed aside as they worked on Jeff. He took one deep breath after another, telling himself over and over that Jeff was going to be okay.
He had to be. Donny needed him. Those kiddies needed him. They all did. In such a short time, Jeff had become the center of everything Donny loved.
A PANIC attack.
Jeff sat in the bed at the ER, waiting for his release papers, so embarrassed he could just die.
The doctor had been dear, explaining that panic attacks could be completely overwhelming, that there were drugs for the next few weeks. Maybe he should see a shrink.
A stupid fucking panic attack.
Jeff blinked at Don. “I’m sorry.”
“Shh.” Don hugged him hard. “Stop apologizing. I know how hard this is for you—it’s no surprise your body shorted out.”
He wasn’t sure what they had given him, but he could breathe, he could think. Sort of. “I need to talk to Mike and Samantha and see if you can stay there with the kids for a few days.”
“I’m betting I can, but we should go there together now so the kids can see you. Robin especially is going to need the physical you to understand that you aren’t leaving him too.”
“Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. I’m not sure what I’ll do. Just work the week out, then plan.”
“Sounds good. It should be easier after, with a little time to ease things.”
“Yeah.” Or more of these drugs. Whichever. Jeff found he really didn’t care.
“Come on, then. We’ve got a plan. Go to Mike and Samantha’s. It’s a start.” Don held out his hand.
“As soon as the doctor signs the paper. You’ll have to drive.” He’d spend the night there, sleep, then drive back into town tomorrow.
“I can do that. This is going to work out in the end. We’ll make sure of that.”
He nodded. Whatever. He needed to find a condo or something; an apartment, maybe. He didn’t want to build another house.
“Don’t let Mitch steal your dreams, Jeff.”
“I want them to prove it was him.”
“Yeah. Let’s hope they can do that.” Don squeezed his hand. “We have to put him and this behind us.”
“How?” He didn’t want to snap, but he didn’t know how.
“By focusing on the good, by continuing to live your dream. There’s a saying—that living well is the best revenge.” Don was going to Pollyanna him to death.
The doctor came in with prescriptions and instructions not to drive or drink, plus a suggestion to see a shrink, and he signed and signed and nodded and paid. “Let’s go.”
Don grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together as they left. He handed Don the keys, keeping his head down and….
“Jeffy!” Jillian came running like an avenging angel. “What happened?”
Don answered for him. “He’s okay. It was a panic attack. It’s under control now, though.”
“A panic attack. Oh God. Are you okay? What do you need?”
Really, he just needed a little time alone. In quiet.
“We’re going to go hug the kids.” Don kept them moving toward the car.
“Okay. Do you want to stay with me?”
God no. “Yeah, I probably will, if that’s okay. During the work week.”
Don sighed. “We’ll get something figured out soon, though. So the kids get to see you every day.”
“Soon.” He kissed Jillian. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You still have a key?”
She winced. “I’ll drop it by the restaurant tomorrow.”
“Thanks.”
Don gave her a hug and then opened the passenger door for him. He dropped into the car and closed his eyes. He just needed to hold his shit together for a few hours, then he would go to work where things were normal. Right?
Don got them moving. “Are you ready to talk to the kids?”
“No.” But he would. He’d told Robin his mom had died, hadn’t he?
“You need to reassure him that you’re not going anywhere.”
“I will. I will do everything right. I will lie and tell that little boy that it’s going to be an adventure, that we’re going to find somewhere amazing.”
“That’s not a lie, Jeff.”
He reached over, not even able to really feel angry, and took Don’s hand. “I love you.” There. That was not a lie.
Don glanced over to give him a beam. “I love you too.”
“Okay.”
That was going to have to be enough for right now.