CHAPTER 22
~Kenzie~
The next forty-five minutes were a blur of emotion and activity. Myles, Jimmy, and I gave our interviews. The press asked Jimmy how it felt to have second place ripped out from under him at the last moment, and they asked me how it felt to make such a triumphant return. It was glorious, and, for once, I didn’t mind answering their questions. I even had a few insightful, heart-felt answers for them, since having my dream yanked away had given me a lot of time to think about things.
“Mackenzie, would you mind explaining for us just what happened earlier this season? You weren’t able to get on a team, and with your record and background, that seems unfathomable to me.”
I smiled at the female reporter before me. The look on her face was pure disbelief, like she really didn’t get it. I instantly liked her. Knowing that I no longer had to hide anything from anyone, I told her the truth. “My father disapproved of a fellow racer I was dating at the time. He made sure no team would take me, to try to get me to change my mind about my boyfriend.”
The reporter’s eyes widened in shock. There had been speculation and rumor surrounding my departure, but no confirmed facts. “Your father, Jordan Cox, had you blacklisted…because of a boy?”
As I nodded, I felt my cheeks heating in residual anger. It was going to take a long time to get over that betrayal. “Essentially, yes.”
She still seemed baffled, and I was sure the remainder of our conversation would be about this topic. “But when you reopened Cox Racing, you hired him as a consultant, correct?”
Again, I nodded. “Yes. His poor parenting skills don’t have anything to do with his knowledge about racing. But, trust me, it has been well-established that he has no say on my personal life anymore.”
She smiled, like she was happy to hear that. Yeah, I’d give this reporter an exclusive anytime. “And the boy? Are you still together? Can you tell us which lucky rider sparked the War of the Coxes?”
With a sigh, my smile finally left me. “Actually, we’re not. He betrayed my trust too. Guess that’s a theme in my life.”
The reporter’s smile shifted into sympathy. “I’m sorry to hear that, but at least your career is back on track. You’re doing better than ever, and I can’t wait to see what happens next season. Congratulations, Mackenzie.”
She reached out for my hand, and I gladly shook hers. “Thank you. It’s great to be back.”
It was better than great to be back, but I was a little worried that if I started gushing about racing, I might never stop. And I might cry, and I didn’t want to break down on camera.
After the interviews were done, points were officially tallied, and the winner of the championship was declared. It didn’t surprise me at all who had clenched it. “The winner of this year’s ARRC Championship is…Myles Kelley!”
Myles was standing next to me when his name was announced. He thrust both of his fists into the air, his grin a mile wide. Nikki was on the other side of me, sobbing. As Myles climbed the steps to the winner’s podium, I looked over at her with concern and confusion on my face. Nikki wasn’t a crier, but today alone she’d already had a couple of breakdowns. Myles’s victory was great news, but it wasn’t all that shocking; he’d been the points leader for a while now.
“You okay?” I asked, my voice nearly drowned out in the crowd of cheering spectators.
She nodded, then shook her head, then nodded again. “Yes, no, not really.” She started crying again, but not in a happy way this time.
Really concerned now, I pulled her to the edge of the boisterous crowd. “What’s going on?” I asked. “Ever since you and Myles…” I couldn’t even say what they’d done without cringing. “Ever since you guys…you know…you’ve been a basketcase. I thought you two patched things up? I thought the weirdness was gone?” Or at least at a manageable level. Nikki crying at the drop of a hat didn’t seem very manageable to me.
Sniffing, Nikki wiped her nose on her dirty sleeve. “We did. We talked it out, and totally fixed us. Then my body had to go and betray me.”
If she was saying she was still sexually attracted to Myles, I didn’t think I could get through the conversation. “What…do you mean?”
With large, red, watery eyes, Nikki sullenly said, “I’m pregnant.”
Nothing short of Nikki quitting would have shocked me more. My eyes dropped to her stomach, then her face, then back to her stomach. “You’re…what?” I started putting my hand on her belly, looking for some sort of physical confirmation, but Nikki smacked my fingers away. Returning my eyes to hers, I asked, “Is it Myles’s?”
Nikki frowned at me. “He’s the only one I’ve been with, so yeah, it’s his.”
“Does he know?” I asked, glancing up at the stage. Myles was shaking up a bottle of champagne, getting ready to spray it over the crowd. He sure seemed clueless.
When I looked back at Nikki, she confirmed my suspicion. “No, he doesn’t know. And I don’t want him to know. I don’t want any of this.” She raised her head and firmed her jaw, like she could will away the situation and replace it with one of her own choosing. I completely understood the desire to do that, but I also understood just how impossible it was. You couldn’t wish away reality.
I wrapped my arms around her in an all-encompassing hug. Twisting us so I could look up at Myles showering the crowd with alcohol, I told her, “It will be okay, Nik. I promise.”
She started blubbering again in my arms, and I silently prayed that it really would be all right.
Myles started heading our way, so I pushed back from Nikki and hurriedly helped her clean her face. She still looked a little weepy, with tearstained cheeks and puffy eyes, but Myles was riding high right now, so I doubted he’d notice. He ran right up to Nikki and scooped her into a playful hug. She started laughing as he swung her around, and I couldn’t help but think that even if they only ever remained friends, the two of them would make great parents.
I was just about to give Myles my own congratulatory hug when I felt a tiny tap on my arm. Turning around, I saw Antonia standing there with Hookup and Hayden. Hayden was beaming as he stared at me, and the love on his face was almost unbearable. He shouldn’t look at me that way anymore. Surprisingly enough, Hookup was shooting big, happy grins at me too. Had he bet on me or something? No, he’d seemed convincing when he’d said he’d given all that up. Maybe he was just…happy for me. Wow, that was a foreign concept. Getting used to this new reality would take some time.
Antonia had a wide-eyed, dreamy expression on her face as she looked up at me. “That was amazing, Aunt Kenzie! The way you weaved around people…” She paused to mimic racing with her hands. “It was like they weren’t moving at all!”
I was sure it wasn’t quite that dramatic, but I appreciated her enthusiasm.
“Yeah, not bad, Kenzinator. I always knew you had mad skills.” Hookup nodded his head in approval, still smiling like he’d just won big.
After thanking them both, I tried to return my attention to Myles; I just didn’t have it in me to handle another heart to heart with Hayden. He didn’t let me ignore him though. Cupping my elbow, he quietly said, “I knew you could do it, Kenzie. No doubt in my mind.” The feel of him touching me, the look in his eyes…it made it very hard to forget the fact that we were over. God, how the hell was I going to work with him next year?
To put some sort of distance between us, I asked him a question I never thought I would. “Why didn’t Felicia race today? Is she even here?” Maybe I should have lifted Nikki’s promise to be silent about all things Hayden and Felicia; I had no doubt Nikki knew what was going on. Although her plate was a little full right now...
A bit of Hayden’s smile fell as he absorbed my question. I wasn’t sure what that meant. Was he missing his lover? God, I hated the thought of the two of them together. “She…quit,” he told me, his voice subdued. “Same day as me.”
“She quit the team? Why the hell would she do that?” She was Keith’s golden child, his secret weapon, his media darling. Why the hell would she walk away from all that? Immediately after I thought of the question, the answer struck me like a hammer. “She quit because of you.”
Hayden flinched, then shrugged. “I don’t know if she…” With a sigh, he shook his head. “Yeah…I think she quit because of me.”
Of course she did. She’d follow Hayden to the ends of the Earth, and if he jumped off the Benneti cliff, then she’d plummet to the ground right along with him. Well, if she thought I’d hire her, too, she was sorely mistaken.
Instantly outraged by their tight-knit bond, I spun on my booted heel, and left. I felt bad walking away from Antonia, but I couldn’t handle another second in Hayden’s presence. He shouted my name, asking me to stay, but I ignored him. Now if only I could do that every day for the rest of my life. Goddamn it.
My father and my sisters took me out to celebrate that night, and I was grateful for the distraction. It was a little odd to be with that circle of people again, but I knew I was going to have to try if any of us were going to move forward. And I really didn’t want to be stuck in the past, so I sucked it up and got through it. And by the third round of drinks, I was actually beginning to enjoy myself.
But when the festivities ended, and I was once again alone in my hotel room, my thoughts turned to Hayden. Hayden, the charming, seductive rogue. And Felicia, his childhood sweetheart. Reunited again, after all this time. It was so damn sweet, almost like a fairytale romance. But I was the girl in the middle. The obstacle that had to be removed. The two of them getting their happily ever after, ruined my chances for one. And as bitter as I was about that, something else was bothering me even more.
Felicia was giving up an obvious, God-given talent, and a legitimate, legal way to exploit that talent…for a man. A fact I was all-too familiar with. Regardless of how much I disliked her, I hated seeing something special like that go to waste. And realizing that gave me a sudden, new-found appreciation for what my family must have felt when I quit racing. If nothing else, I could appreciate the sentiment behind their horrible actions.
Staring at the hotel room ceiling, I debated how to get Felicia and her career out of my head. Thinking about Hayden’s new fling was about the last thing I wanted to do. I’d rather call up Nikki and have her describe in detail everything she’d done with Myles in Monterey. God, I couldn’t believe she was pregnant.
Just when I was about to text Nikki and ask her when she was going to tell Myles, my phone chirped with a message. Grabbing it out of my bag, I glanced at the screen, then frowned. It was from Major Asshat…Hayden. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say—especially since I’d asked him not to text me anymore—but curiosity compelled me, and I unlocked my phone so I could read what he’d sent.
‘I’m sorry if I upset you today, that wasn’t my intention. I’m so proud of you, Kenzie. I hope you are enjoying the moment. You earned it.’
The simplicity of his message touched me, and I could clearly see him, hunched over his phone, hand running through his hair, anxious expression on his face as he waited for me to respond. If he was exploring his old relationship with Felicia, why was he still trying to engage me? It made no sense. You can’t have it both ways, Hayden. Even still, I texted back. ‘Thank you.’
His reply was almost instant. ‘Can I come over? Just to talk?’
There was nothing to talk about. I shouldn’t haven’t encouraged him into thinking there was. We were over. Turning off my phone, I tucked it into my bag, crawled into bed, and hoped that sleep came quickly.
Maybe it was delirium. Maybe it was because I’d tossed and turned all night long, but an idea implanted itself into my brain, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t shake it. So, the next day, when my plane touched down in California, there was only one course of action left for me, and I couldn’t believe what I was about to do.
Turning on my phone, I called Izzy. “Kenzie! Hey, congratulations! I watched the race on TV. You were amazing!”
“Thanks, Izzy,” I said, walking to my truck. “Hey…I have a huge favor to ask, and it’s going to sound strange, but I’m really hoping you’ll help me.”
She was quiet for a moment, then she softly said, “Okay, what is it?”
Inhaling deeply, I held my breath for a few seconds before releasing it. “I need Felicia’s address. Do you know where she lives?”
I could hear her trepidation coming through the phone. “Kenzie, I don’t think… Whatever you’re planning, it’s not a good idea.”
A soft, humorless laugh escaped me. “I can guarantee you, it’s not what you think. I just need to talk to her. Please, Izzy.”
Izzy let out a long sigh. “Okay, but don’t make me regret this, Kenzie.” She rattled off the address so fast, it was like she was trying to get it all out before she changed her mind. Once she was done, she said, “Don’t do anything stupid, okay? Hayden is amazing, sure, but he’s not worth going to jail for.”
Getting arrested was about the last thing I planned on happening today, but I supposed stranger things had occurred recently. Thanking Izzy—and ignoring her comment about incarceration—I hung up the phone and hurried to my waiting vehicle. Best get this over with before I changed my mind.
The drive from the airport to Felicia’s house was far too long, and I had too much time to think. I talked myself out of my plan every other minute, but then I talked myself right back into it. I’d never feel completely at peace if I didn’t speak my mind. About a few different things. When I finally got to the address Izzy had given me, I was shocked at how similar Felicia’s house was to mine. Did she plan that on purpose? So Hayden’s transition from me to her would be as seamless as possible?
Annoyance bubbled up inside me, but I pushed it back; she couldn’t possibly have known what my house looked like when she’d rented this. It was pure, stupid coincidence. Shutting off my truck, I mustered all my confidence before stepping outside. Don’t show fear was my mantra as I strutted to her front door. Along with, Just breathe.
I rapped on the door a few times, then waited. Doubt crept back in as I stared at the white wood separating me from the person Hayden was sleeping with. Don’t hit her, don’t start something. Say your piece and leave.
The door cracked open, and Felicia’s face filled the void. For the first time that I’d ever seen, she looked awful. Her hair was a tangled mess, her eyes were red and bloodshot, and she was wearing I-don’t-give-a-fuck sweats. What the hell?
She seemed to be thinking the same thing as she stared at me. “Kenzie? What are you doing here?”
Coming back to the task at hand, I indicated her house. “Can I come inside?”
She blinked in surprise, then stepped back and opened the door wider. “I guess so.”
With a calming breath, I stepped into her home; it even smelled like mine. Felicia shut the door behind me, then, like she’d just realized what she must look like, she began smoothing her hair. “Why are you here?” she asked again.
“I just…” Her red, irritated eyes were a dead giveaway that she’d been crying. Were her and Hayden already done? Did that matter? I couldn’t take him back. I wouldn’t.
Annoyed at that thought, I changed what I’d been going to say. “Are you okay?”
Felicia flashed me a small grin. “Are you really concerned about me?”
No. Then why was I here?
Before I could answer her complicated question, she shook her head. “I’m fine. This weekend was just difficult for me.” She sat down on the edge of her couch, and grabbed a tissue from a box nearby. “I never imagined just how much I’d miss racing. I never even thought I cared, until it was gone…” She dropped her head back and groaned. “Jesus, isn’t that the story of my life.” Readjusting her head to look at me, she lifted a questioning eyebrow. “Have you ever felt like you’re your own worst enemy?”
A scoff escaped me. “All the time.” Clearing my throat, I decided to get to the heart of why I was here. “Did you quit because of Hayden? Because he quit too?”
Felicia looked surprised at that. “Hayden quit?”
Her answer was extremely confusing. How could she not know Hayden had quit? “Yeah…he said he quit the same day you did. I just assumed you quit because of him.”
She gave me a half-smile. “I suppose I did. I quit that morning, before he got in. I just couldn’t be around him anymore.”
Now I was extremely confused. “You couldn’t be around Hayden? But…aren’t you guys…?” Screwing like rabbits? He’d hinted that something had happened between them. He had all but confessed to me that they were lovers.
Felicia sighed and dabbed at her eyes. “It’s no secret that I want him. Hell, I came back for him. But…the truth is, I lost him ages ago. I was holding onto a dream, and that dream is over. It’s time for me to wake up.”
This wasn’t how I was expecting this conversation to go. I thought she’d admit they were in love, and then I’d chew her out for how they got together. But what if they’d never gotten together? “Did you…have sex with him…the night he and I broke up?” My throat closed as I waited for her answer. God, please say no.
Felicia stared me down, her dark eyes intense. Then she shook her head. “No. He wouldn’t…” She bit her lip, her face pained, then she sighed. “He was loyal to you, even when he didn’t have a reason to be.”
As my mind spun at hearing confirmation that my worst fears were totally unfounded, Felicia walked over to her purse. With a resigned expression on her face, she rummaged through her bag until she found something; I watched in stunned silence when she pulled out a gigantic diamond ring. “I think maybe this rightfully belongs to you,” she said, handing the ring to me.
“What is this?” I finally whispered, fingering the sparkling gem on top of the silver band.
Felicia’s voice was subdued when she spoke. “Once upon a time, Hayden was going to marry me with this ring, but he never got the chance to propose. I left before he could.” She looked up at me and sadness transformed her face. “He gave it to me recently…as closure. Said he and I would never work, because his heart belongs to you now, and it always would.” Smiling through the tears in her eyes, she said, “I was his first love, but you…I think you’re his last.”
The world started hazing, and I had to sit down on the couch before I fell. “I just assumed… He made it seem like the two of you…” They didn’t sleep together? He was…faithful? Shaking my head, I told her, “Even if you two didn’t do anything, he lies so much, how can I ever…?”
I couldn’t even form complete sentences, but Felicia seemed to understand what I was saying. “I’ve known Hayden a long time. He’s always been fearless, a little reckless, and utterly devoted to those he loves. It was that insane commitment that ended up pushing me away. It was too much, too intense, and I was too young, too scared of what would happen to me if I lost him…so stupidly enough, I let him go. And it was the biggest mistake of my life.” As a tear dropped down her cheek, she held my gaze. “Don’t make my mistake, Kenzie.”
Stunned, I blurted out, “And don’t make mine.”
Now Felicia was the one who was confused. With a half-smile, I explained. “I gave up everything I loved for a boy. I gave up my dream.” Swallowing a painful lump in my throat, I tried to control the swirling emotions within me. My voice was passionate when I could speak again. “Don’t stop racing because of Hayden. If being on a bike is where you’re meant to be, then don’t let him stop you from doing that. Get your ass on a bike.”
A small smile cracked her lips. “I’m surprised to hear that, coming from you. If I do what you say, then we’ll be competitors again.”
“I welcome competition.” So long as it has nothing to do with my boyfriend. But…since Hayden and I weren’t together anymore, that was no longer an issue.
Felicia’s expression turned thoughtful, and I knew she was considering my comment…just as I was considering hers. My eyes drifted back down to the ring in my fingers. Hayden had held onto this for so long, maybe as a reminder of his pain, a reminder to never love that fully again. Or maybe it was hope that had made him cling to the piece. Hope that Felicia would return, and they could resume what they’d had when she did. But then, when she had returned, and they’d been free to be together—no guilt, no worries—he’d rejected her, and let go of that last physical tie between them. He’d let go of his past, because of me. Because he loved me too much to be with someone else. Because he wanted to be with me. Only me.
My heart began surging in my chest as that realization washed over me. Everything had been for me—the good, the bad—all of it. I had his heart, wholly and truly, and he would never let me go. Not without a fight. And now that he knew, now that he fully understood just how deeply I detested him lying to me, I had a feeling that would never come between us again. He’d be honest to a fault now, which might cause very different problems, but I welcomed that challenge.
I felt dizzy, and I knew I was breathing harder than I should be. He loves me. Just me. “I should go,” I whispered to Felicia.
She nodded, like she understood. As I stood on shaky legs, I handed her back the ring. “I think you should keep this,” I told her. “Keep it as a reminder, to not run away from the things that scare you.” That might be something else that we had in common; I’d fled from Hayden just as surely as she had.
With a sigh, Felicia wrapped her fingers around it. “Maybe I’ll give it to Keith. Get him to take it as payment for rehiring me.”
That made a genuine laugh escape me. “I don’t think you’ll have any problems getting Keith to take you back.” He’d put her on the team just to spite me. Although…I didn’t really feel jealous or spiteful of her anymore. As a rider, she was fine. She was an equal I could test myself against. As a person, though, well, I still wasn’t sure about that.
I turned around to leave, then stopped myself. I’d come here for a reason. I couldn’t do that without saying all of it. Twisting back to her, I said, “If I do take Hayden back…” and that was a very large if… “then the two of you can’t be—”
She cut me off with a raise of her hand. “I already deleted his number, Kenzie. I’m well aware that the two of us can’t be friends. Not anymore.”
Relief coursed through me at hearing that. Maybe I wouldn’t have to fight her every step of the way. I still wasn’t sure if I was going to take Hayden back, but it was nice to know she wouldn’t be interfering if I did. And that begged the question…was I going to?
***